Echo

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QuietClan Challenge — Tortured

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•PikaBolt101•

It was lonely, dreary, cold.

The path I had walked, the familiar road my paws had stepped on so many times, suddenly seemed ever darker. Rain pelted down from the gloomy, grey heavens and struck the hard, dead earth, stinging my dull pelt and flesh like tiny, jagged shards of ice.

It pained me. But not as much as my destination did.

In this part of the usually dense forest, no cat ever walked. No cat ever came here because they never had a need to. It was abandoned, shrouded by darkness like a giant raven's wing. The only light that burned was inside of each and every one of us, guiding the way. When that little, dim, fading light of hope finally vanished, so does your paw-steps. So do you.

I come here every four seasons.

My pelt was scarred, matted and ragged. My muzzle was already lined with silver and grey. My eyes, dull, hopeless, lifeless. My steps were trudged and heavy, I couldn't lift my paws off the ground, as if even the earth wanted to pull me closer toward it so it would have a friend.

I wanted a friend at that moment. More than ever.

But with each breath I took, it was only their last.

Because the world felt so cold, and I felt so alone

When I first opened my eyes, nothing made sense. But everything seemed amazing. The brightness, liveliness of it all. The birds, the trees, the cloudless, sunny skies. And all those cats staring at me like I was a miracle, staring at me with wide, curious, caring eyes.

Maybe it was a miracle. Not me, but this. Everything around me. Because as I slowly grew up, I gradually forgot to name everything that I was thankful forever, everyone that I was glad to have alongside my journey. I was innocent, naive.

I remember how I used to play in the grass when I was forced to stay in the nursery. I never did follow rules. A playful journey here, an exciting adventure there. But I never meant to cause anyone harm. I never wished for anyone to get hurt.

Soon the duties piled on and on, and my dreams of becoming a warrior dimmed and started fading. It was not hard. It was an honor to be able to serve my clan. But everyday, every moment, every time that the sun rose again, it would start over. The exact same thing, the exact routine. I wondered how I never noticed such an obvious thing as a young kitten. A day staring at the sky, another day watching the rain, another feeling the breeze. My days slowly washed away like a newleaf shower and never resurfaced again.

Then one day, I willed my life to change. I wanted something exciting. I wanted something different. I wanted something that no other cat had.

Watching every elder die of old age, or warrior killed in battle, clanmates gone, out of this world because of illness and disease, I was afraid. I would never have admitted it, but I was frightened. I didn't want to die.

"I want to live forever," I said one day to the stars.

But no one ever told me I'd really get it.

But no one also told me to be careful what I wish for

The moons started getting gloomier and darker after that. I didn't know why. I didn't know when exactly, but it just started changing. Everything started to become different. Was it simply the new perspective of a warrior rather than a young, foolish kit or apprentice?

As a kit, each day was exciting and full of adventure. Each dawn brought new beginnings and new things to explore. Each time the stars appeared and twinkled at night, I felt like I was being embraced by a silvery, shimmering night. I looked back at the memories of each day then.

Now, it just wasn't the same.

This isn't what I meant, StarClan. This isn't the change I wanted.

But when I whispered into a chilly, dark night sky, no voice answered back. Maybe they were wrong. Maybe StarClan couldn't do everything after all. They couldn't change me to what I wanted to be. They couldn't change my life to how I needed it to be.

And with everyday that passed, my silent complaints just piled on higher and higher. If only the moon could hear me.

I never knew what I had until it started disappearing

A tasty meal, a home, family, friends, honor. They surrounded me, yet I never noticed.

The prey was eaten hurriedly, without thinking. It was only instinct to walk to the fresh-kill pile and eat. No cat ever thought more about that… right?

A home? Every cat around me had a home. This was our home, our shelter. But everyone had one, didn't they? Or else how have they survived until now?

My friends, parents, my dignity… The ones that were always there, watching me with pride sparked in their eyes. The ones that I never really noticed were padding alongside me all the way.

They were all snatched away in the end, anyway.

I wanted to go back, to run back through every sunrise I forgot about

It was me. It was them. It was that day when everything distorted and lies became truths and fact shifted to fiction.

I knew it was almost the end. All the cats that I knew started dying away. Old age, injuries, sickness… Whatever it was, they were disappearing. I prepared myself too. All I could think about was my last, ragged breath. Everything turning black. My consciousness slipping away, and finally entering another world.

All I thought about was what could happen. I never thought to look back on what did happen. What did happen was over, wasn't it? History already.

It never mattered until now.

And the moment that I prepared myself for never ended up coming. I could only watch helplessly as every cat around me, everyone that I now realize I had loved and cared about so much, started passing on. Dying and rising up to another place I'd never reach. I wanted to fade away too, to join up with my loved ones again.

But it never did happen.

I could only stand there as everything I knew died and swirled away like ashes

"Why?"

It was the question I yowled over and over to the heavens at night. My pelt was scarred and my muzzle was grey, my eyes were dark and my fur was matted and dirty from war and old age.

I should be dead, I thought. Why am I still alive?

"If you're really out there, StarClan, change this!" I shrieked up to the sky, my voice low and cracking. "Change all this! I don't want to be immortal! I don't want to know everything and live forever! I just want to be with them. With everything that I knew." My head was low and tears pricked my eyes. "With everyone that I didn't appreciate…"

And I realized, it was no longer a gift. It was never a gift. It was only a punishment. This knowledge, this immortality, it brought pain and torture upon me. Every time a claw hit my throat, I wished that was it. I wished it would kill me and I would reunite with everyone I knew. But it never does.

I can only trudge the same path now, hanging on to those last words that were ever truly spoken to me. My eyes would stay fixated on the destination, a blurry, unclear destination. My bones would be creaking and my hot, foul breath would send little clouds of fog into the cold, rainy air, but it didn't matter.

"I'm sorry."

I wanted to apologize and I did. But what use was apologizing now? Would it bring back everyone I needed? Would the words go back in time to when I could still fix everything and tell my past self?

No. It was no use. No use at all.

The dark path I walk on ends abruptly. It's filled with whispering spirits, whispering without me. Filled with flitting shadows that run when I turn around. Filled with skeletons and bodies that dissolved long ago underground, washed away by mud and rain, wearing away by time.

But my body, my spirit, could only be so close to those in another world.

I would visit the ones that died. The exact day they died. But again, what use was it? I would never feel their flanks brushing mine. I would never hear my laugh harmonizing with theirs. I would never hear their comforting, encouraging words.

All I hear now is a hollow shatter.

Change everything back. I felt something wet flowing down my cheeks, but perhaps it was only the rain. Change it back, StarClan. Please… I'm begging you…

Once again, there was only the empty pitter-patter of rain.

And that shatter. Maybe it was my soul. Maybe it was the world around me. Maybe it was my memory. But I don't know.

"I'm sorry, alright?" I cried out into the storm. No answer. "I'm sorry for everything! I didn't appreciate what I had, but I do now. I don't know how much I needed them until now." The beads of shimmering droplets kept flowing down my cheeks, and by then I was certain it wasn't only rain. My breaths became hitched and jagged, hoarse and old, from age or the tremendous pain within, I don't know.

"I'm sorry… I'm sorry… Just change everything back…"

But what's different was that there was a voice this time.

"We can't, my dear. We can't…"

Maybe it were the cats who held stars in their fur…

"Only you were able to change your own future."

…But maybe it was only an echo from the past.

E C H O

"Maybe it's not the happy ending.

Maybe it's the story."