Okay, a bit 'o exposition: I originally started this fic expecting to have quite a few people writing chapters, (without any communication between them I add, which would lead to something truly insane,) with a combination of all writers working on the last chapter, which would involve the actual party. Unfortunately, due to computer problems, my lack of organization, and certain unnamed persons inability to reply to e-mails, (Not that I'm bitter... grrr^_^) the only other author involved is Bast, and I'm not quite sure about her either. SO, the rest of the fic will be handled thusly: If she gets back to me regarding this relatively soon, and is still in, the fic will hopefully continue as expected. If not, I'll finish the plotline in the next chapter and do the party chapter all by my lonesome. K? K. This'll be fun!
And, if you haven't figured it out by the title, this is a birthday fic, so Ztar's likely to be the only one to really like it. If you still want to read, go nuts, but don't expect much of the cast and such.
Oh! and one more thing! For an additional piece of birthday goodness, go here:
http://www.side7.com/cgi-bin/S7SDB/DisplayImg.pl?INO=218046
Happy Birthday Ztar!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(It is early afternoon in CryingChild's neighborhood. The scene opens outside of a local Hottopic, located deep within the bowels of ...da da dum... Woodfield Mall! One of the largest malls in the world. It's like Mall times ten. So naturally, CryingChild has had a bad morning, and it's about to get worse...)
CryingChild: Whadaya MEAN you don't have any Invader Zim t-shirts?!?
Goth Girl Crystyl Nyght: I mean we don't have any of your stupid little shirts in the store.
CryingChild: But... but what's the point of a Hottopic if it dosen't have Invader Zim or JtHM stuff?! Why does this exist?! What are you hiding, counter-slave!?
Goth Girl Crystyl Nyght: We aren't hiding anything, not EVERY Hottopic has ALL the merchandise Hottopic as a chain sells, idiot. God, why is ever single person in the world except me stupid? I'm so great.
CryingChild: (Eye twitch) This isn't over, foolish cashier mutant! One day, when you least expect it... Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not Guyfawks Day, but someday I shall have *sweet sweet* revenge....
(Exunt CryingChild-- hee, I said 'exunt'.)
Goth Girl Crystyl Nyght: ...Freak.
(And so, CryingChild walks home, dejected. She had been hoping to find a present for her good friend, Ztarlight. Ztarlight had pretty much been the first Invader Zim fan that she felt able to call a friend, and she had always been a really great one. So it was kinda important for her to get her something really nice. Now so many questions bother her. What to do now? What present could possibly be sufficient? If this is a birthday fic for Ztarlight, why does it start with about twenty minutes of CryingChild trying to find a gift? Does she have some sort of deep-rooted insecurity? Who is that freaky little robot that just leapt from behind the bush and began following her? ...Well, at least one question can be answered right away.)
RIR: Hi Master!!!
CryingChild: (Turns to face her fancharacter, not finding anything unusual about seeing her in the real world.) ...Hey RIR.
RIR: Aww, Master is sad! I do my happy dance to cheer her up!
(At that, RIR ran to the nearest tree and began banging her head on it repeatedly.)
CryingChild: Thanks RIR, that really made me feel better, I think.
RIR: Yaaaaaaay! (begins waving her arms in joyful circles until they break apart and fly offscreen. Sounds of screaming and car crashes come from places unknown)(After a pause) Whatca doooooin'?
CryingChild: Trying to find a birthday present for Ztar, but it's going really badly. And I just realized that even if I HAD been able to get her a shirt, I wouldn't exactly be able to shove it through the computer screen.
RIR: I understaaaaand....
CryingChild: (Reaching the front door of her house)(Sigh) That's the problem with online friends, for all you know, they live in another country.
(Meanwhile, three doors down from CryingChild's house.)
Ztar: (Sitting at her computer)(Sigh) That's the problem with online friends, for all you know, they live in another country. (Yawn) I feel restless, I think I'll take a walk.
(Ztar puts on her black trenchcoat, charges up her blaster, -you never know when the Great Chipmunk Rebellion will occur- and exits her house.)
Ztar: (Looks at sky) Huh, it's kinda early for a star to be out already... (continues to walk, after a while, she looks at the sky again) Huh, that's odd, the star's plummeting towards me at an alarming rate. Oh well, la-dee-da-dee-da... (Walks a little more, then looks at the sky yet again) Huh, strange, now it's only a few meters away from me and dropping at a-
(But what she was about to say is muffled by the loud crash as the meteor plunges into the pavement near her, leaving her miraculously uninjured.)
Ztar: Ooooh, now this is a new thing...
(She leans in and peers at the glowing rock. The light emanating from it ebbs and pulses outward at regular intervals. Suddenly it brightens, enveloping Ztar, who faints. The meteor dims and stops glowing.)
(Meanwhile, back at CryingChild's, CC is hard at work trying to find a gift. Her dedication to her friend is such that no other thought is on her mind...)
CryingChild: (In front of the TV) Whoo! Go Spock! You put that snobby human doctor in his place!
(Okay, you all saw that coming, right? How come no one ever fills the narrator in on these things? Well, next, the phone rings...)
Phone: Brrrrrrring!
(Told ya.)
CryingChild: (Answers phone) Hello?
Bast: (Over the phone) CC!
CryingChild: Mr. MooMoo! Why haven't you called me until now?
Bast: CC, it's Invader Bast!
CryingChild: All those long, lonely- Wait, who did you say you were?
Bast: Invader Bast!
CryingChild: Bast-chan....? How in the wide, wide world of competitive curling did you get my RL phone number?
Bast: Never mind that, I think Ztar is in trouble!
CryingChild: The Tzar is in trouble? Well, that's his problem, isn't it?
Bast: Not Tzar, Ztar!
CryingChild: What kind of trouble could a star possibly be in? Is it about to go nova?
Bast: Z-t-a-r!
CryingChild: Oooooooh, Ztar! Wow, it's weird saying that out loud. Hey, how do you know what's happening to Ztar?
(Cut to two doors down from CryingChild's house. Bast is leaning over the unconscious Ztarlight, talking into a cell phone.)
Bast: It's the oddest thing, but she's right outside my house! Listen, she's unconscious.
CryingChild: (Over the phone) Well, that dosen't necessarily...
Bast: And she's glowing.
CryingChild: ...Ah.
Bast: She may need medical attention! Meet me in Zimworld in five minutes!
CryingChild: What?! Shouldn't you take her to a hospital or something?
Bast: Nope!
CryingChild: Well, I can't argue that logic. I'll be right there!
(So, CryingChild bids farewell to her robot friend, who was just a plot device anyway, and fires up the Go-Into-Zimworld-Machine, which until now has only been used in fics for causing doom to others, but will now hopefully be used to prevent doom from befalling Ztarlight! Hey, I sounded like the announcer on Speed Racer just then! Wheee! ...Um, so they reach Zimworld. Bast, and the now conscious Ztar are sitting outside of Zim's lair, sipping Brainfreezies.)
Ztar: Hiya! What the heck took you so long?
(Can you say "anticlimax"? I knew you could.)
CryingChild: Ztar! Are you okay?
Ztar: Never better.
CryingChild: You're still glowing.
Ztar: (Looks down) Huh, look at that.
CryingChild: (Slaps her forehead and mutters, then smiles sweetly) I'm so happy you're not dead, I won't kill you! How's that?
Ztar: Sounds good. This is Bast, by the way.
CryingChild: Yeah, we talked on the phone.
Ztar: No, I mean... *this* is Bast.
CryingChild: (Confusion. Pauses, then a look of realization spreads over her face) Ooooooh. Okay. (Clears throat) Squeeley bladderfuck!!! Now my plan comes to fruition!!! Minutes of planning, finally, my toes wiggle!!!
Bast: Bow down!!! Or I will unleash my surly army of zombie crack babies!!! Yaargh, I want tacos, service me, Martha!!!
CryingChild: Fuck yooz, pimp-daddy!! Cook up da weenies filled with cheese!! Dow Jones!?
Bast: Otan jiyou bi o me detou gozaimasu!! Pooh!! Nibbler of damp beaver nuts!!
Both: Ha!! Sonic the Hedgehog!!!
Bast: Ahh... now that THAT'S out of the way... Happy Birthday Ztar!
CryingChild: (Realizing she still hasn't found a gift)(Meekly) Yes... yes... happy birthday!
Ztar: Aww, gee! I-
(But Ztar is suddenly interrupted! Interrupted by this!)
Ztar: ...Ahh ...ahh ...waCHOO! (As she sneezes, fire shoots out of her mouth, incinerating the building across the street from Zim's house)
Max Spoochy: (From inside the house) Oh dear God! My skin! My skin! Aaaaaaaaaah! Please God, let me die!!!!
Ztar: 'Scuse me.
CryingChild: Gosh. Apparently the unconsciousness and the glowing and stuff was some sort of incubation period for some strange radiation from outer space which somehow gave you superpowers instead of just giving you radiation poisoning like it should, which would be bad, but you have superpowers so it's good! Wow, now *I* sound like the announcer from Speed Racer!
Bast: And we find out about it by her SNEEZING?! Do you have any idea how cheesy and contrived that is!?
Ztar: Well, cheesy and contrived or not, it's NIFTY! (Hovers several feet off the ground) Whee!
CryingChild: Oh, FRITO! I gotta show Zim this! (Bangs on the door, lowers her voice and shouts.) Open up! This is the FBI!
(Shouts and explosions come from inside. The door eventually opens to reveal Zim wielding a huge lazer gun)
CryingChild: Hiii!
Zim: Oh. It's just YOU. (Dosen't lower gun) What do you want? Was the show canceled again?
Bast: (Sneaking up behind CC) Not this time! Right now, we're just going to have fun and celebrate Ztar's birthday! You love it, yah?
Zim: (Looks at Bast, then looks CryingChild in the eye for a minute or two.) I hate you. (Slams door)
CryingChild: (Sticking her foot in the door, a sad look on her face) Wait! You haven't seen Ztar's superpowers yet!
Zim: (Looking over their shoulders at Ztarlight, he talks out loud as if no one can hear him) What's this? The cyborg-creature is exhibiting a power I've never seen before ... Hmm ... If I could study this phenomenon, perhaps I could harness her newfound capabilities ... I could rule the world! Bwahahahaha! Ahahaahaha ... ha ... (He stops as he realizes the other three have begun laughing along with him.) Uh, yes.
Ztar: Man, this is cool! I can fly around, burn stuff with my breath, and there might even be other neat stuff involved!
Bast: What are you going to do with your new superpowers?
Ztar: (Holds up finger and inhales, then pauses and slumps down) Of all the times to draw a blank...
(Hours later)
Bast: C'mon Ztar! Think of SOMEthing!
Ztar: Don't rush me...
CryingChild: It's been hours! Just do something, anything! For crying out loud-
Ztar: I said...
CryingChild: -We've been sitting here thinking for-
Ztar: Don't RUSH me!
(At that, lazer beams unexpectedly shoot out of Ztar's eyes and make CryingChild all exploded)
Ztar: (Long pause as the magnitude of what just happened sinks in) 0_0 ...FUN!
Bast: It's like giving a two year old a semi-automatic...
CryingChild: Owchie.
Ztar: Hey, I resent that! I've used my blaster responsibly for years!
CryingChild: The horrible pain...
Bast: What about that busload of senior citizens?
Ztar: Hey, that was self defense!
CryingChild: Severe blood loss...
Bast: Then there was the soccer team...
Ztar: Hey, soccer teams have a huge track record for cannibalism! I was doing what anyone in my position would have done!
CryingChild: Blacking out...
Bast: ...And of course, the noodle incident.
CryingChild: Oooh, pretty colors!
Ztar: Heh heh, hey, who even remembers the noodle incident anymore?
Bast: The cost guard sure as heck does...
(Pan over now to Zim, who stands over the now delirious CryingChild)
Zim: I can see you've forgotten all about me...
CryingChild: Heh, well, it's a birthday fic, you know? You'll have a big part in the party chapter.
Zim: (Eyes narrow) Not good enough. (Walks over to Ztarlight) You! You will come with me, and with you under my command, I will bring the city, and the world, to it's cowering knees!
Ztar: FUN! Okay, on one condition!
Zim: I do not accept 'conditions' from filthy earthanoid cyborgs! You will follow my orders unconditionally or suffer my MIGHTY MIGHTY wrath!
Ztar: (Puppy eyes)
Zim: (Sighs) What is your condition?
Ztar: (Whispers in the side of his head)
Zim: ...Fine. (Enters his base and comes out with a pile of papers and a pair of boots)
Ztar: They aren't wrapped?
Zim: You're testing me...
Ztar: Sorry... SQUEE! (Puts boots on) Oh ... this feels so right! I'll never take them off again! I'll shower and sleep with them on!
Bast: So what are the papers for?
Zim: They are the scripts for what you refer to as the (Exaggerated finger quotations) "lost episodes."
Bast: What? You mean "Invader Poonchy" and "Return of Keef" and all that?!
Zim: Yes.
Bast: And "Day of da Spookies!?" And "Ten Minutes to Doom!?" And "It Feeds on Noodles?!"
Zim: (Sighs wearily) ...Yessss...
Bast: And "GIR's Big Day!?" And "Nubs of Doom!?!" And "Squishy, Hugger of Worlds?!?" And... and...
Zim: (Rolls eyes) Yes, and "Roboparents Gone Wild," "Simon Sez Doom," "Top of the Line," "Mopiness of Doom," "Those!," "Pants," and "The Trial." Anything I've left out?
Bast: What about the made-for-TV-movie, "Invader Dib?"
Zim: (Growls, eyes narrow) Never mention that again...
Bast: Yes'm. Well, let's go seize control of the city and leave our friend here to die. Dum dee dum dum doo...
CryingChild: I'm not dead!
Ztar: Hey, she says she's not dead!
Bast: Yes she is.
CryingChild: I'm not!
Ztar: She isn't?
Zim: (Pushing Ztar along) Well, she will be soon. She's very ill.
CryingChild: I'm getting better!
Bast: You can't be doing well at all if you're falling back on obvious Monty Python references.
Ztar: You just relax and bleed for a while. We'll destroy the world for you, you don't have to worry about a thing.
(And with that, Ztar, Bast and Zim walk off. GIR leaps out of the house and tags along behind them.)
CryingChild: Wait! I still haven't found a present for you yet! Ztarlight! (Crickets chirp) ...Creeping crud... (Is attacked by squirrels)
And, if you haven't figured it out by the title, this is a birthday fic, so Ztar's likely to be the only one to really like it. If you still want to read, go nuts, but don't expect much of the cast and such.
Oh! and one more thing! For an additional piece of birthday goodness, go here:
http://www.side7.com/cgi-bin/S7SDB/DisplayImg.pl?INO=218046
Happy Birthday Ztar!
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(It is early afternoon in CryingChild's neighborhood. The scene opens outside of a local Hottopic, located deep within the bowels of ...da da dum... Woodfield Mall! One of the largest malls in the world. It's like Mall times ten. So naturally, CryingChild has had a bad morning, and it's about to get worse...)
CryingChild: Whadaya MEAN you don't have any Invader Zim t-shirts?!?
Goth Girl Crystyl Nyght: I mean we don't have any of your stupid little shirts in the store.
CryingChild: But... but what's the point of a Hottopic if it dosen't have Invader Zim or JtHM stuff?! Why does this exist?! What are you hiding, counter-slave!?
Goth Girl Crystyl Nyght: We aren't hiding anything, not EVERY Hottopic has ALL the merchandise Hottopic as a chain sells, idiot. God, why is ever single person in the world except me stupid? I'm so great.
CryingChild: (Eye twitch) This isn't over, foolish cashier mutant! One day, when you least expect it... Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not Guyfawks Day, but someday I shall have *sweet sweet* revenge....
(Exunt CryingChild-- hee, I said 'exunt'.)
Goth Girl Crystyl Nyght: ...Freak.
(And so, CryingChild walks home, dejected. She had been hoping to find a present for her good friend, Ztarlight. Ztarlight had pretty much been the first Invader Zim fan that she felt able to call a friend, and she had always been a really great one. So it was kinda important for her to get her something really nice. Now so many questions bother her. What to do now? What present could possibly be sufficient? If this is a birthday fic for Ztarlight, why does it start with about twenty minutes of CryingChild trying to find a gift? Does she have some sort of deep-rooted insecurity? Who is that freaky little robot that just leapt from behind the bush and began following her? ...Well, at least one question can be answered right away.)
RIR: Hi Master!!!
CryingChild: (Turns to face her fancharacter, not finding anything unusual about seeing her in the real world.) ...Hey RIR.
RIR: Aww, Master is sad! I do my happy dance to cheer her up!
(At that, RIR ran to the nearest tree and began banging her head on it repeatedly.)
CryingChild: Thanks RIR, that really made me feel better, I think.
RIR: Yaaaaaaay! (begins waving her arms in joyful circles until they break apart and fly offscreen. Sounds of screaming and car crashes come from places unknown)(After a pause) Whatca doooooin'?
CryingChild: Trying to find a birthday present for Ztar, but it's going really badly. And I just realized that even if I HAD been able to get her a shirt, I wouldn't exactly be able to shove it through the computer screen.
RIR: I understaaaaand....
CryingChild: (Reaching the front door of her house)(Sigh) That's the problem with online friends, for all you know, they live in another country.
(Meanwhile, three doors down from CryingChild's house.)
Ztar: (Sitting at her computer)(Sigh) That's the problem with online friends, for all you know, they live in another country. (Yawn) I feel restless, I think I'll take a walk.
(Ztar puts on her black trenchcoat, charges up her blaster, -you never know when the Great Chipmunk Rebellion will occur- and exits her house.)
Ztar: (Looks at sky) Huh, it's kinda early for a star to be out already... (continues to walk, after a while, she looks at the sky again) Huh, that's odd, the star's plummeting towards me at an alarming rate. Oh well, la-dee-da-dee-da... (Walks a little more, then looks at the sky yet again) Huh, strange, now it's only a few meters away from me and dropping at a-
(But what she was about to say is muffled by the loud crash as the meteor plunges into the pavement near her, leaving her miraculously uninjured.)
Ztar: Ooooh, now this is a new thing...
(She leans in and peers at the glowing rock. The light emanating from it ebbs and pulses outward at regular intervals. Suddenly it brightens, enveloping Ztar, who faints. The meteor dims and stops glowing.)
(Meanwhile, back at CryingChild's, CC is hard at work trying to find a gift. Her dedication to her friend is such that no other thought is on her mind...)
CryingChild: (In front of the TV) Whoo! Go Spock! You put that snobby human doctor in his place!
(Okay, you all saw that coming, right? How come no one ever fills the narrator in on these things? Well, next, the phone rings...)
Phone: Brrrrrrring!
(Told ya.)
CryingChild: (Answers phone) Hello?
Bast: (Over the phone) CC!
CryingChild: Mr. MooMoo! Why haven't you called me until now?
Bast: CC, it's Invader Bast!
CryingChild: All those long, lonely- Wait, who did you say you were?
Bast: Invader Bast!
CryingChild: Bast-chan....? How in the wide, wide world of competitive curling did you get my RL phone number?
Bast: Never mind that, I think Ztar is in trouble!
CryingChild: The Tzar is in trouble? Well, that's his problem, isn't it?
Bast: Not Tzar, Ztar!
CryingChild: What kind of trouble could a star possibly be in? Is it about to go nova?
Bast: Z-t-a-r!
CryingChild: Oooooooh, Ztar! Wow, it's weird saying that out loud. Hey, how do you know what's happening to Ztar?
(Cut to two doors down from CryingChild's house. Bast is leaning over the unconscious Ztarlight, talking into a cell phone.)
Bast: It's the oddest thing, but she's right outside my house! Listen, she's unconscious.
CryingChild: (Over the phone) Well, that dosen't necessarily...
Bast: And she's glowing.
CryingChild: ...Ah.
Bast: She may need medical attention! Meet me in Zimworld in five minutes!
CryingChild: What?! Shouldn't you take her to a hospital or something?
Bast: Nope!
CryingChild: Well, I can't argue that logic. I'll be right there!
(So, CryingChild bids farewell to her robot friend, who was just a plot device anyway, and fires up the Go-Into-Zimworld-Machine, which until now has only been used in fics for causing doom to others, but will now hopefully be used to prevent doom from befalling Ztarlight! Hey, I sounded like the announcer on Speed Racer just then! Wheee! ...Um, so they reach Zimworld. Bast, and the now conscious Ztar are sitting outside of Zim's lair, sipping Brainfreezies.)
Ztar: Hiya! What the heck took you so long?
(Can you say "anticlimax"? I knew you could.)
CryingChild: Ztar! Are you okay?
Ztar: Never better.
CryingChild: You're still glowing.
Ztar: (Looks down) Huh, look at that.
CryingChild: (Slaps her forehead and mutters, then smiles sweetly) I'm so happy you're not dead, I won't kill you! How's that?
Ztar: Sounds good. This is Bast, by the way.
CryingChild: Yeah, we talked on the phone.
Ztar: No, I mean... *this* is Bast.
CryingChild: (Confusion. Pauses, then a look of realization spreads over her face) Ooooooh. Okay. (Clears throat) Squeeley bladderfuck!!! Now my plan comes to fruition!!! Minutes of planning, finally, my toes wiggle!!!
Bast: Bow down!!! Or I will unleash my surly army of zombie crack babies!!! Yaargh, I want tacos, service me, Martha!!!
CryingChild: Fuck yooz, pimp-daddy!! Cook up da weenies filled with cheese!! Dow Jones!?
Bast: Otan jiyou bi o me detou gozaimasu!! Pooh!! Nibbler of damp beaver nuts!!
Both: Ha!! Sonic the Hedgehog!!!
Bast: Ahh... now that THAT'S out of the way... Happy Birthday Ztar!
CryingChild: (Realizing she still hasn't found a gift)(Meekly) Yes... yes... happy birthday!
Ztar: Aww, gee! I-
(But Ztar is suddenly interrupted! Interrupted by this!)
Ztar: ...Ahh ...ahh ...waCHOO! (As she sneezes, fire shoots out of her mouth, incinerating the building across the street from Zim's house)
Max Spoochy: (From inside the house) Oh dear God! My skin! My skin! Aaaaaaaaaah! Please God, let me die!!!!
Ztar: 'Scuse me.
CryingChild: Gosh. Apparently the unconsciousness and the glowing and stuff was some sort of incubation period for some strange radiation from outer space which somehow gave you superpowers instead of just giving you radiation poisoning like it should, which would be bad, but you have superpowers so it's good! Wow, now *I* sound like the announcer from Speed Racer!
Bast: And we find out about it by her SNEEZING?! Do you have any idea how cheesy and contrived that is!?
Ztar: Well, cheesy and contrived or not, it's NIFTY! (Hovers several feet off the ground) Whee!
CryingChild: Oh, FRITO! I gotta show Zim this! (Bangs on the door, lowers her voice and shouts.) Open up! This is the FBI!
(Shouts and explosions come from inside. The door eventually opens to reveal Zim wielding a huge lazer gun)
CryingChild: Hiii!
Zim: Oh. It's just YOU. (Dosen't lower gun) What do you want? Was the show canceled again?
Bast: (Sneaking up behind CC) Not this time! Right now, we're just going to have fun and celebrate Ztar's birthday! You love it, yah?
Zim: (Looks at Bast, then looks CryingChild in the eye for a minute or two.) I hate you. (Slams door)
CryingChild: (Sticking her foot in the door, a sad look on her face) Wait! You haven't seen Ztar's superpowers yet!
Zim: (Looking over their shoulders at Ztarlight, he talks out loud as if no one can hear him) What's this? The cyborg-creature is exhibiting a power I've never seen before ... Hmm ... If I could study this phenomenon, perhaps I could harness her newfound capabilities ... I could rule the world! Bwahahahaha! Ahahaahaha ... ha ... (He stops as he realizes the other three have begun laughing along with him.) Uh, yes.
Ztar: Man, this is cool! I can fly around, burn stuff with my breath, and there might even be other neat stuff involved!
Bast: What are you going to do with your new superpowers?
Ztar: (Holds up finger and inhales, then pauses and slumps down) Of all the times to draw a blank...
(Hours later)
Bast: C'mon Ztar! Think of SOMEthing!
Ztar: Don't rush me...
CryingChild: It's been hours! Just do something, anything! For crying out loud-
Ztar: I said...
CryingChild: -We've been sitting here thinking for-
Ztar: Don't RUSH me!
(At that, lazer beams unexpectedly shoot out of Ztar's eyes and make CryingChild all exploded)
Ztar: (Long pause as the magnitude of what just happened sinks in) 0_0 ...FUN!
Bast: It's like giving a two year old a semi-automatic...
CryingChild: Owchie.
Ztar: Hey, I resent that! I've used my blaster responsibly for years!
CryingChild: The horrible pain...
Bast: What about that busload of senior citizens?
Ztar: Hey, that was self defense!
CryingChild: Severe blood loss...
Bast: Then there was the soccer team...
Ztar: Hey, soccer teams have a huge track record for cannibalism! I was doing what anyone in my position would have done!
CryingChild: Blacking out...
Bast: ...And of course, the noodle incident.
CryingChild: Oooh, pretty colors!
Ztar: Heh heh, hey, who even remembers the noodle incident anymore?
Bast: The cost guard sure as heck does...
(Pan over now to Zim, who stands over the now delirious CryingChild)
Zim: I can see you've forgotten all about me...
CryingChild: Heh, well, it's a birthday fic, you know? You'll have a big part in the party chapter.
Zim: (Eyes narrow) Not good enough. (Walks over to Ztarlight) You! You will come with me, and with you under my command, I will bring the city, and the world, to it's cowering knees!
Ztar: FUN! Okay, on one condition!
Zim: I do not accept 'conditions' from filthy earthanoid cyborgs! You will follow my orders unconditionally or suffer my MIGHTY MIGHTY wrath!
Ztar: (Puppy eyes)
Zim: (Sighs) What is your condition?
Ztar: (Whispers in the side of his head)
Zim: ...Fine. (Enters his base and comes out with a pile of papers and a pair of boots)
Ztar: They aren't wrapped?
Zim: You're testing me...
Ztar: Sorry... SQUEE! (Puts boots on) Oh ... this feels so right! I'll never take them off again! I'll shower and sleep with them on!
Bast: So what are the papers for?
Zim: They are the scripts for what you refer to as the (Exaggerated finger quotations) "lost episodes."
Bast: What? You mean "Invader Poonchy" and "Return of Keef" and all that?!
Zim: Yes.
Bast: And "Day of da Spookies!?" And "Ten Minutes to Doom!?" And "It Feeds on Noodles?!"
Zim: (Sighs wearily) ...Yessss...
Bast: And "GIR's Big Day!?" And "Nubs of Doom!?!" And "Squishy, Hugger of Worlds?!?" And... and...
Zim: (Rolls eyes) Yes, and "Roboparents Gone Wild," "Simon Sez Doom," "Top of the Line," "Mopiness of Doom," "Those!," "Pants," and "The Trial." Anything I've left out?
Bast: What about the made-for-TV-movie, "Invader Dib?"
Zim: (Growls, eyes narrow) Never mention that again...
Bast: Yes'm. Well, let's go seize control of the city and leave our friend here to die. Dum dee dum dum doo...
CryingChild: I'm not dead!
Ztar: Hey, she says she's not dead!
Bast: Yes she is.
CryingChild: I'm not!
Ztar: She isn't?
Zim: (Pushing Ztar along) Well, she will be soon. She's very ill.
CryingChild: I'm getting better!
Bast: You can't be doing well at all if you're falling back on obvious Monty Python references.
Ztar: You just relax and bleed for a while. We'll destroy the world for you, you don't have to worry about a thing.
(And with that, Ztar, Bast and Zim walk off. GIR leaps out of the house and tags along behind them.)
CryingChild: Wait! I still haven't found a present for you yet! Ztarlight! (Crickets chirp) ...Creeping crud... (Is attacked by squirrels)