While the back story will be mostly cannon, there are slight differences which diverge more as it goes on. This will eventually be a Bella and Jasper story. I expect there to be character deaths, violence, the Volturi, human blood drinking, swearing, and mature content.

Only saying this once, so pay attention: I do not own twilight. This is fanfiction, meaning the characters and situations are merely borrowed by me (the fan) for my own amusement and not for profit.

(Prologue)

The Cullen family threw a Birthday party for Bella's 18th birthday which resulted in her cutting her finger. Jasper and Edward struggled with their bloodlust, Jasper having to be hauled out of the house by Emmett and Rosalie. Edward flung Bella away from him and into a table full of plates, making the situation even worse. He then fled the room to escape the scent. Even Esme and Alice had to leave the room, leaving Carlisle to tend to her wounds.

Edward made the decision to break up with Bella, fearing that it was too dangerous to allow vampires to be involved in her life any longer. Jasper still hadn't returned to the house, confused and deeply ashamed of his actions, so he was not involved in the conversation that followed. Alice wasn't able to tell what would happen because too many decisions had to be made, so was indecisive. Rosalie had always wanted this outcome so was quick to agree with Edward. Emmett was forced to go along with his mate, even though he hated the thought of leaving Bella behind. Carlisle and Esme agreed to go only because they were under the impression that Edward would be compelled to return for Bella eventually when he had calmed down.

The family believed that Edward would explain the reason for their leaving to Bella and give her letters they had written with their contact information should she need or want to talk to them. Instead, Edward broke her heart and left her with no way to contact her vampire family, burning the letters. She became lost in the woods and was found by a member of the Quileute tribe, Sam, who was also the Alpha of the wolf pack. Bella saw Sam in wolf form that night and made the connection to the legend Jacob had told her when she first moved to Forks.

Because of the almost immediate involvement of the shape shifters, Alice was not able to see very much of Bella in her visions. She never had a vision about Victoria trying to get revenge and Edward stayed with the Cullens instead of going off on his own to attempt to track her himself.

Bella was catatonic for about a week after Sam found her, coming out of it when Renee flew up to try to get her to move to Florida with her and Phil. She snapped out of it and finally started to respond again. She refused to leave, which drove a wedge between her and her mother, whose relationship had already begun to unravel since Bella moved to Forks. Charlie was so worried about leaving Bella home alone while he worked that he insisted she stay at Billy's during the day, often with Jacob spending the night on the Swan's couch keeping Bella under almost constant supervision.

Bella didn't return to school, opting to test out instead and receive her diploma by mail. The school board allowed it due to her high grades in the past. Slowly Bella recovered with the help of Jake who became her best friend. When he began to shift, she was his rock and because of her support he was able to enjoy it instead of resenting it. He realized that the crush he had on her at one point was just a crush. The fact that she wasn't his imprint helped him realize that he couldn't put his best friend through the pain that Sam, Emily, and Leah had to deal with and he accepted it.

(Bella)

Being on the rez helped. There were no reminders here, nothing to force me to face the memories. Nothing could make me forget about the hole in my chest though. The hole inside me when he left. When they left. Even Jacob hadn't been able to get me to talk about it. It just hurt too much still. The jagged edges of it still cracked and bled at the slightest provocation. I wondered if I would ever get to a place where I could deal with it. I knew I'd never be healed, but just being able to deal could be enough, I think.

I watched the sun setting into the ocean from my seat on a large drift-wood log. It was my favorite spot to sit with Jake, but he had to patrol with the pack today. There had been some missing hikers reported lately. The pack said they could smell cold ones, and the bodies... well Jake didn't want to tell me much more, but even with his russet complexion he looked a bit green. I decided not to press him for details. I had enough nightmares of my own to deal with.

Without him here with me, I couldn't enjoy the sunset, I was lonely. I hated how dependent I had become on my friend. Why couldn't I be okay on my own anymore? I felt like less than a person since... Edward...left me behind, discarded and used up. I cringed, even thinking his name was hard. I had only recently been able to achieve that. Jacob kept telling me I should let the pain out, that it was only festering like a puss-filled boil.

I snorted to myself, he had quite the way with words. I felt guilty about hiding so much from my friends in the pack. I don't know why I didn't tell the pack all I knew about vampires, especially now that there was a vampire or vampires attacking people in the forests far to close to Forks. I suppose, even with all that had happened, even with how wronged I felt, I still had some absurd sense of loyalty to the Cullens.

Part of it was procrastination. Once I told my friends everything, I would have to start facing the future again. These past few months I hadn't thought of what to do next, just existing day to day. After being made aware of the world of vampires, there was no going back. Not just because I didn't see the world through the same eyes, but there was the law to think of. There were serious implications to everyone I loved, but for now, it was safe enough to drift. Or it had been safe, until the world of vampires started to intrude once again on my bubble of denial.

The sun finished its journey into the ocean and I got up, deciding to head back to the Black's house before it got too cold on the beach. I rubbed the crescent shaped scar though the sleeve of my shirt as I walked. The skin was a few degrees colder than the skin on the rest of my arm. I had been careful to keep it covered at all times, I wasn't ready to tell that story and I was sure that if the pack got a look at my scar, they wouldn't let me off the hook until I did. Luckily in Forks the weather made it possible to wear long sleeves nearly year round without getting funny looks.

I let myself in the house, the screen door slamming behind me. The Black's house was small like Charlie's, but it was comfortable. The entry opened into a small dining area that had a square table and chairs in it. The kitchen was open, a peninsula separating it from the rest of the room. There was enough space for Billy to maneuver his chair around, but not a whole lot of extra. The appliances were old, but still worked and that was all that mattered in the end. Billy and Jake were quintessential bachelors, and never much for living fancy besides.

The living room held Billy's newest baby, a brand new flat screen TV that everyone pitched in on and got him for Christmas. I think Santa Claus became real again in his eyes when he opened that present. Charlie had been spending a lot more time at Billy's since then to watch sports with his friend. The two men had been friends forever, since before I had been born, but over the last few months had gotten even closer.

There were only two bedrooms, the family had to move to a smaller home after Billy's accident because of medical bills. Billy's room had its own bathroom, which was specially modified for the disabled. The main bathroom off the kitchen which was for company and Jake wasn't fitted for Billy and they couldn't afford to fix up both. The other bedroom was Jake's. Back when his sisters were still living at home, Jake used to sleep on a pull out couch in the living room and had to keep his stuff in boxes. His bedroom walls were still a pinkish peach color, but he was just happy to have privacy finally, not bothered about the decor.

"That you Bella?" called Billy from the living room.

"Yep, just me." I answered back.

"Good, what's for dinner?" he asked, rolling himself into the kitchen with a small smile.

I laughed, picking up a dish towel and smacking him with it. I think part of the reason Billy was so glad to have me around was the food. It had been a long time since the kitchen in the Black household had been used for anything more substantial than TV dinners.

I didn't mind cooking, it kept my mind occupied. Usually I'd make dinner here for the guys, then take home some for Charlie and I to eat when he picked me up at the end of his shift. My truck had finally kicked the bucket and I just didn't care enough anymore about my image to be embarrassed about riding in the cruiser. After all, I was the girl that lost it over a break-up. Doesn't get much more pathetic than that.

Who knew that all it would take to cure me of my blushing was to have my heart ripped out of my chest by my vampire boyfriend? I still did blush on occasion, but it took a lot to force the reaction from me now.

I made a deal when Charlie first started leaving me here during the day with Jacob. The leftovers were his to polish off as long as the dishes were done by the time I came back. He agreed to it quickly after tasting my cooking. The wolves ate like they were starving due to their higher metabolism. It was a wolf thing.

"Don't know yet. How about lasagna?" I asked.

"Garlic bread?" he asked hopefully.

"Of course! How else are we going to keep the vampires away?" I quipped back.

Billy scowled at me. "I wish you wouldn't joke about the cold ones, they are evil."

I pulled a large dish from the cupboard and set it on the counter. I kept my eyes down, feeling his gaze on me as I tapped my fingers along the edges of the pan.

"I know more about them than you think Billy," I said slowly, looking up at his serious face from under my lashes. "I've seen things that make your legends look like sweet dreams, but I've also seen things that were good and selfless." I paused, not sure how to continue. "The world isn't made of black and white, I won't judge anyone or anything based on what they are."

I looked out the window where Jake had just come out of the woods, wearing only cut-offs. He called a goodbye to one of the other wolves, I couldn't tell which because of the darkness.

I felt my eyes misting up, more from frustration than from sadness. Billy never pulled punches when it came to the Cullens. He hated them from the beginning, and unlike his son, he refused to consider that I had loved them.

Billy Black pursed his lips and nodded at me, realizing my words could just as easily apply to his son, a werewolf, as to the Cullens. He considered silently for a moment.

"Sorry, I can see there is much I don't know and you may be wiser than I thought." There was a bit of respect in his tone. "How about we get some pizzas instead and your old man watches the game over here tonight?" he offered.

I coughed a laugh around the lump in my throat.

"Sure, sure." I answered, stealing one of Jake's lines.

"Order some garlic bread too, Bella. For the vampires." he winked at me and rolled back to the living room, leaving me speechless.

Jake walked into the kitchen, looking questioningly at the retreating form of his father.

"Should I even ask?"

"Nope." I replied, stunned by the unexpected peace offering.

He just shook his head.

"So, pizza, huh?" he grinned boyishly. "Hurry up and order chica, I'm starving!"

The night actually turned out quite nice after that. Jacob devoured an entire pizza by himself as well as some garlic bread and a 2-litter of soda. Charlie was impressed, I was slightly nauseated. I had to put my foot down when Jake tried to rub garlic bread on my neck, just incase a vampire tried to bite me.

Charlie just laughed at our antics, not catching the deeper meanings to the jokes. He was just happy to see me horsing around and acting like a normal teen instead of the zombie I had been when Edward first left. I think he was secretly hoping Jake and I would start dating. I tried to dissuade him from the notion several times already, but it had been a fantasy of his since Jake and I had been little.

Dad and Billy ended up over-indulging on Vitamin R, Charlie's brand of beer, and he decided to sleep on the couch instead of driving home. The Chief would never drive intoxicated. It was a Friday night so he didn't have to be up in the morning for work anyhow.

Even though he would have loved to see Jake and I dating, it was pretty funny when I told him I was staying with Jake in his room for the night. Apparently as much as he liked the idea in concept, he was no where near ready for anything close to reality. Or maybe he just wanted to claim Billy as kin and saw no other way besides though Jake.

"You're what?" he asked, his eyes bugging a bit.

"I'll just crash in Jake's room." I repeated, eyeing Charlie carefully, as if he was going to explode at any moment.

"No you aren't. Where is this coming from... I just. No." he sputtered.

I laughed, earning a dirty look.

"Dad. Jake and I are just friends. It's just sleep. Promise." I kissed him on the cheek, something I had been trying to do more often since he'd stuck up for me with Renee.

My mother had pretty much abandoned me when Edward left and I lost it. She acted like I betrayed her by falling in love as a teenager and she seemed almost glad that I was hurt. Charlie got fed up and told her off, saying that his daughter had a lot of heart and there was nothing wrong with that. That he would always be there for me, no matter what, and if she didn't like it, she could just leave. And she did leave.

Not only did she leave, but she blamed Charlie for everything. The worst was when I overheard her telling him that I was just like Charlie and she didn't want anything to do with me anymore. I hadn't received a phone call from her since, although there was an email at Christmas. I suspect that was more accidental, I was just added on to the mass mailing of her yearly Christmas newsletter. I didn't bother to reply.

"Better be." Dad grumped, settling in. He kind of turned to mush whenever I resorted to displays of affection.

"Goodnight." I called, helping Jake with shutting up the house and cleaning up dinner.

Jake had been taking care of his Dad by himself for so long, it was second nature to him now. Having a handicapped father was a lot harder than people realized. I tried to make it easier on them whenever I could, often helping with the cleaning while Jake was at school. I left Jake to it when it came to changing Billy into nightwear and helping him into bed, deciding I needed a shower to get the garlic butter off me before I got pimples.

I went through Jake's drawers, looking for anything that might work. I found an oversized, well oversized to me anyhow, t-shirt that would work and some draw-string shorts that were jammed far back in the bottom drawer of his dresser. I didn't think they would even fit Jake anymore, he must have outgrown them and not gotten rid of them yet.

"Boo!" Jake said, coming up behind me as I was re-stuffing his semi-folded clothes back into the drawer. They had sorta fallen out a bit when I freed the shorts.

I squeaked and fell on my butt, dropping everything I had in my hands.

"Damn it, Jacob!" I huffed.

He laughed at me and shushed me.

"Doing my laundry?" he pointed at the pile of clothes.

"No, I was planing to wash your homemade vampire repellant off before I get zits actually." I rolled my eyes at him. "You know, you are surprisingly hard to steal clothes from." I held the shirt I picked out in front of me, completely hiding behind it. "Going to be like wearing a circus tent."

I peeked around the edge at him.

He laughed at me, helping me up and stuffing the last of the clothes into the drawers.

"Not my fault you're so tiny." he retorted.

I snorted. "Whatever, I'll be back in a few minutes."

I grabbed the clothes and retreated to the bathroom to clean up. To my surprise, there were actually clean towels in there, although the soaps were all very guy smelling. I hurried through my shower and put on the borrowed clothes sans underwear feeling a bit ridiculous as I looked at myself in the mirror. I was missing my toiletry bag from home. I settled for using my fingers to brush the worst of the tangles out of my hair. There were no spare toothbrushes in the cabinets, so I just used the mouthwash and promised myself an extra thorough brushing tomorrow.

I was able to get the shorts tight enough to prevent them from falling down, which was a minor miracle. I was glad about that because I really didn't want to have to put on my already worn underwear. That is just nasty. After towel drying as much water as I could out of my hair, I bundled up my dirty clothes and found a grocery bag in the kitchen to put them in.

I stuck my head in the living room to check on Charlie. He was already asleep, snoring away, so I tip-toed down the hall to Jake's room, knocking lightly to let him know I was coming back in. I poked my head in first, seeing Jake sitting on the bed. I slipped in the room shutting it quietly behind me.

"Charlie's already asleep." I told him.

Jake was in pajama pants, no shirt of course. I rolled my eyes at him.

"Look," I said, putting my hands on my waist, trying to look intimidating. "If this is going to work, you are going to sleep with a shirt on." I tapped my foot.

He smirked at me, raising his eyebrow devilishly.

"And no bragging to your friends that you got to sleep with Bella Swan." I teased.

He laughed, holding up his hands.

"No problem."

He grabbed a shirt, pulling it over his head. "How do I look?" He spun around, flexing his muscles.

"Terrifying." I deadpanned.

He pouted at me, but his goofy act had broken the tension.

It was early March and even with the heat on it was chilly, so I ended up snuggling up to Jake for warmth. His body temp ran a toasty 108 degrees, yet another wolf thing. He didn't seem to mind the closeness, and it didn't feel as awkward as I thought it would. Jake took up most of the room on his bed anyhow, so it kept me from falling off.

It was nice to be held, I hadn't been comforted like this since the Cullens left and it felt so secure. It made it easier to think around the hole inside me. Neither of us spoke, even though we were both awake for a long time, just laying there in the darkened room. My mind kept going over and over the same thoughts, keeping me from slipping into unconsciousness. It was like Jake was holding the hole together for me, allowing me to finally examine the things I hadn't been ready to deal with.

The biggest one was Edward. I realized that underneath the hurt, I was angry. Furious even. How dare he treat me the way he did! It wasn't just the way he left, although that was cruel to the extreme, it was the little things. I thought back, examining our entire relationship. He never listened to me or considered my opinion. Everything was on his terms, his way. He always knew better than I about everything.

I allowed him to treat me as less from the start. I didn't value myself as a person, and now I was left with only pieces of myself remaining. I only had myself to blame. No wonder Rosalie had always hated me, I was a doormat. I didn't even like how I was then. I hadn't liked myself very much my entire life, but I felt like I was finally waking up.

I had learned more about myself in the months since they left than I knew in the seventeen years I had lived before. Jacob helped me find myself. He let me just be. While he had a lot of issues with becoming a wolf, he never let me take them on myself. He talked to me about them, but it was always clear that they were his problems and I was not responsible. He was sensitive to my feelings, even refraining from blaming the Cullens when he saw how it hurt me. We cheered each other up when it got to be too much. It was so new to me, having a give-and-take relationship instead of me doing all the giving and getting nothing in return.

Growing up I had been too busy taking care of my mother to take care of myself. I didn't have time to learn how to be a whole person, I had to make sure the bills were paid, that there was food on the table. Renee would spend money as fast as she got it on whatever caught her attention, like a bird flitting from topic to topic. I tried to dissuade her from the more dangerous ideas she landed on, but it was a full time job.

She never once thanked me for anything, instead becoming more dependant on me to keep the house clean and everything in working order. Instead, she would complain and belittle me. I was never good enough or pretty enough. Nothing was quite done to her liking, no matter how hard I tried. Looking back now, I realized that I didn't lack friends because there was something wrong with me, but because I couldn't relate to normal teens. I really was middle aged, thanks to having been a grown up all my life.

I could never understand why Mike, Eric, Tyler, Jacob, and Edward had liked me as a potential girlfriend when I first moved to Forks because I had been told so often that I was worthless. I wore it like a cloak around myself. Edward used to tell me that there were many more, that for him it was torture to hear their thoughts about me. I truly didn't ever see myself clearly.

I decided that even if Edward came back, I wouldn't take him back however. I couldn't do this again. I already lost myself once to him. It was unhealthy from the start. I noticed it seemed to be a theme for the Cullens. None of their relationships were equal. Maybe it was a vampire thing, I pondered. I somehow doubted that, it just seemed wrong.

Rosalie always treated Emmett worse than a dog. She slapped him around all the time and no one batted an eyelash. I recalled the hurt that would flash through his expression when she would hit him, not from physical pain so much as from emotional pain. He loves her so much, worships the ground she walks on, but she barely gives him the time of day. She constantly puts him down and makes fun of his intelligence and he puts up with it.

I imagined if the roles were reversed in my head. If Emmett was the one hitting and talking down to Rosalie. It was difficult, Em was such a gentle giant. When I managed it, it was disgusting. I was sure that no one would allow the situation to continue if Rose was the victim. I resolved that if I ever saw my brother bear again, I would help him stand up to his wife. He shouldn't have to feel like that. I wondered if he missed me as much as I missed him. It hurt that he left, he really seemed to care about me, really treated me like his "little sis" more so than Alice who had treated me like her personal Barbie.

Esme acted like a mannequin, catering to everyone's needs but her own. She was trying so hard to be perfect all the time, but no one seemed to appreciate her. All of the Cullen kids were actually 18 or over, excluding Edward, yet it was only Esme doing all the chores in the house. She told me her story before, how she had an abusive husband and had run away with her infant son, only to have her son die soon after. She tried to kill herself, but was turned instead. The Cullen family was a poor replacement for her lost boy. Carlisle expected her to sit at home all day, completing is vision of the perfect family so that he could play doctor, so that is what she did. The woman was trapped, and underneath that perfect exterior I could imagine her screaming inside.

The worst was Alice and Jasper. Alice manipulated everyone using her visions, but poor Jasper wasn't allowed to do anything without her approval, not even dress himself. No one in the family would even let him talk to me, and I really wished I had been able to get to know him. I didn't know much about his past besides that he wasn't always a vegetarian. I didn't blame him at all for his accident at my birthday. When you hang around vampires, then go and bleed all over the place, mistakes happen. I wondered if bloodlust was an emotion that he could feel with his gift.

Of all of the Cullens, I found myself missing Jasper the most, despite the lack of time I got to spend with him. I was too angry at Edward, for the moment at least, to miss him. Jasper was always in the background, a quiet presence. Overlooked, and under appreciated. Even by me. I felt a bit guilty about it, wishing I could fix that mistake. I wanted to know why he always looked like he was in pain. I needed him to know that I didn't hold him responsible for the accident.

My last memory of him was of him diving toward me, restrained by his siblings. His eyes, unlike Edward's, hadn't been completely black. While he pulled against Emmett and Rose, it had been a half-hearted attempt, his eyes were hungry, but full of fear and anguish. I closed my eyes tighter and remembered his voice from when I was on the run from James. "I can feel what you're feeling now - and you are worth it." If only I had heard that sooner, believed that sooner, maybe I wouldn't have lost so much of myself trying to be enough for Edward.

Jacob wrapped his big arm around me tighter, squeezing me against him.

"Stop thinking so hard, I can't sleep." he whispered.

"I can't help it." I whispered back. "If it makes you feel any better, I'm getting some quality thinking done."

"Good, but I'm tired. Sleep now, think later." he said sighing into my hair.

I was quiet for a while, trying not to think. Eventually I slipped into a dreamless sleep.