Sooo, I decided to start an actual fanfiction. Like, with chapters and a story line and stuff. But don't worry, it'll still be lemony goodness later on ;) Haha, let me know what you think? Thanks!
Disclaimer: I do not own this because Stephanie Meyer is clearly 110% more amazing and creative than I am
What happens when Edward comes back and find that Bella has moved on... with his brother?
"You're not good for me, Bella." He turned his earlier words around, and so I had no argument. How well I knew that I wasn't good enough for him.
I opened my mouth to say something, and then closed it again. He waited patiently, his face wiped clean of all emotion. I tried again.
"If… that's what you want." He nodded once.
My whole body went numb. I couldn't feel anything below the neck.
"I would like to ask one favor, though, if that's not too much," he said.
I wonder what he saw on my face, because something flickered across his own face in response. But, before I could identify it, he'd composed his features into the same serene mask.
"Anything," I vowed, my voice faintly stronger.
As I watched, his frozen eyes melted. The gold became liquid again, molten, burning down into mine with an intensity that was overwhelming.
"Don't do anything reckless or stupid," he ordered, no longer detached. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"
I nodded helplessly.
His eyes cooled, the distance returned. "I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself—for him."
I nodded again. "I will," I whispered.
He seemed to relax just a little.
"And I'll make you a promise in return," he said. "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."
BELLA POV
It has been months since he left. Months since his whole family left. I don't hate them, even after the indescribable amount of pain. How could I, when they gave me the best months I will probably ever have? I can't.
After they left, after he left, I thought I was lost. I thought my life was over. I had planned to end my life early anyways, but this was different. I still had to love. I had to eat and drink and shower and go to school, and do the same things as everyone else. After all, he was right. Charlie needs me. That's not what I had planned. I had planned to become a vampire. To spend the rest of my life with Alice, Jasper, Carlisle, Esme, Emmett, Rosalie... and Edward. I planned to spend the rest of my very long existence in his cold, diamond hard arms. Kissing his smooth lips.
But that's not what he planned. You're not good for me. Those first weeks had been the worst. His words replayed in my head over and over and over again until I wished I couldn't think. The pain was like the vampire bite from James, but a thousand times worse and all over my body.
And then I started hanging out with Jacob Black. My best friend, my brother. We had tried dating, and it was fine for a few months. Around the time of his first phase (into a werewolf, of course) we had started drifting apart. Our kisses were awkward, holding hands was awkward, even his hugs had become weird. So after the movies that night, Jacob had walked me to my door, and we had a short, mature conversation about going back to being just friends.
Jacob filled the hole in my chest, without even knowing it was there. And then he disappeared. Those weeks were almost as bad. I had nightmares all the time, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop them. They went away when I guessed Jacob's curse, and he filled me in on the whole story.
Soon after, I introduced him to Angela, my only real friend at Forks High School. He immediately imprinted on her. It was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. Watching two people fall in love was like watching fireworks, and a slow rolling fire, and a thousand blooming flowers all at once. Soon afterwords, he and Sam took her to the side, sat her down, and explained everything to her. At first she laughed, but then Paul came up behind them in the woods, in wolf mode, and she almost had a panic attack. Soon afterwords, though, she accepted it, and her and Jacob started dating. She's been very understanding about my friendship with Jake. She knows that even if we hold hands, or hug longer than friends should, we mean nothing by it.
Now, I'm happy. I have Jake, and the pack, and Angela, and Charlie. I can visit my mom in Jacksonville. I'm friends with Mike Newton, and Tyler Crowly, and even Chess Club Erik. I'm getting good grades in high school, and I have a life. I go out with my friends, and I do fun, reckless things, while still remaining safe. I always know that Jacob will save me if I need it.
Like today. Here I stand, at the very top of the cliff. I stare over the edge, mortified by the distance and the deep water below. I've never jumped off of the top before. I know it will feel amazing. Like freedom, and happiness, and joy. But I also know it will be terrifying. I don't know if I have the nerve to do it. But I know he will be there to save me.
"C'mon, Bells!" I hear Jake yell teasingly from behind me.
"Yeah Bella, let's go!" Sam laughs beside him.
Angela's small voice rises over the booming yells and encouragements of the boys, "Oh, leave her be. Do you remember what your first time was like? I bet you all squealed like like little girls." I grin at her over my shoulder.
"Thanks, Ang."
"Any time." She smiles warmly, and steps up next to me. Her slender fingers lace through mine. "Together?" she asks, though she already knows the answer. This is her first time, too.
"Of course."
Suddenly a very warm hand pulls mine away from Angela's and replaces it. I look over to see Jake standing between us. I notice he is also holding her hand.
"If I don't go too, you guys are either gonna drown, or not do it at all. So let's go." He pulls us closer to the edge. I feel the end of the rock and dirt in the middle of my big toe.
"On three," he says.
I can hear every drop of the excitement in his voice.
"One."
My heart pound in my ears, and I can barely breath.
"Two."
My palms sweat into Jacobs. I hold tighter as the wind shifts. It presses into my back lightly, encouraging me to plunge to my cold, wet death.
"Three."
I bend my quivering knees, and jump.
For a brief second, I feel suspended in the air. I stare out over the treetops. It's a rare warm day on the reservation, but I can see the clouds creeping over from a few towns over. I see the sun, only half-way visible over the water it makes it's way around the Earth. Suddenly I wish I had the photographic memory of a vampire. The longing in my chest is so intense it hurts.
Then I fall.
A scream rips out of my throat as I plunge through the air. My hand slips out of Jakes as I straighten myself, preparing for the hard surface of the water. The water is cold as it splashes around my body. All three of us dive in at the same time, and I imagine the water rises high into the air, especially around Jacob, who I saw curl into a cannonball as he hit the water.
I stay under for a few seconds, and watch Jake swim back to the top. The muscles in his arms and legs flex as he pushes against the current. I'm reminded again how beautiful my best friend is. I smile, and push my way to the top. I take a deep breath, and laugh shakily, exhilarated.
Angela's head pops up next to mine, and she grins. "That was fucking amazing!" Jake and I stare at her incredulously. Innocent little Angela, swearing? It's a very new thing. All three of us burst out laughing, and start wading our way towards the beach. We hear deep shouts of excitement as the rest of the pack jump down, but we don't turn to look. The three of us have seen them jump enough times to know exactly what we would see.
When we finally step onto the beach, I shiver. The small black bikini doesn't cover enough skin to keep me warm. I only chose it because Angela recommended it. She's a lot like Alice when it comes to the fashion type stuff. My chest hurts with unbearable familiarity at the thought.
I push all thought of vampires and fashion and sisters out of my mind as Emily hold a towel out towards me. I smile and thank her. Sam's wife always waits for us on the beach during days like these. She's always been terrified of highs, so instead she stays on the beach, builds a big bonfire, and sets up a huge picnic. Six werewolves and three girls take a lot of food.
The rest of the night is spent laughing and eating. At one point a few other teenagers from the res show up, and one brings a guitar. Eventually it turns into a small party. I spend most of the evening curled into the side of one werewolf or another, but eventually the music gets to me. I feel the deep, upbeat sound in my chest, and toes, and fingertips. Suddenly I can't sit still.
I move so that I'm on my knees in front of Jacob.
"Come dance with me." I request.
"What?" His eyes grow wide. "You hate dancing. You're afraid of tripping, and embarrassing yourself." He's absolutely sure of himself. It's not a question, it's a statement. His brows are pushed together, showing his confusion plainly.
I shrug. "I know you'll catch me if I fall, and I'll probably never see any of these people again, so why should I care what they think of me?" Jake's expression softens, and his smile widens. The contrast between his white teeth and russet colored skin would be shocking, if I hadn't seen it so many times.
"You've changed so much since-" He stops, frozen. He chew his lower lip, obviously wondering how to not hurt me.
"Since Edward left," I finish in a whisper. Worry is plain on his features. His eyes search mine, though I'm not sure what he expects to find. Eventually he nods, seemingly to himself, and jumps to his feet. He glances back at Angela, and when he sees her nod, smiling warmly, he extends one large hand, and raises an eyebrow expectantly. I laugh, and accept his help. He pulls me over to the crowd of dancing Quileute's. I lift our hands above my head, and spin twice, once to the left, and then again to the right. Jake places his hands lightly on my waist, and I place mine on his shoulders. We dance together, laughing and spinning, until the boy with the guitar puts away the beautiful instrument and heads home. I have no idea how long we've been dancing, but I know it's at least been an hour. My bare feet hurt, and the moon is barely peaking up over the trees, surrounded by beautiful twinkling stars.
Almost everyone has left, Angela included. The only people left on the beach are Jake and I, Sam and Emily, and a few of the girls from the reservation. I sigh contently, and stare up at the sky. Watching the moon always makes me feel so small, like everything I've been worried about doesn't matter anymore. My problems are practically non existent when compared to something that big and beautiful.
"Bells?" Jake asks quietly.
"Yeah?"
"Are you..." He hesitates.
"Spit it out, Jake," I say, laughing a little.
"Are you happy? I mean, I know this isn't how you expected things to be at this point in your life. I know I'm not the person you wanted to be spending your time with. I know that nothing is how you wanted it to be. But is this good enough for you? Are you at all happy with the way things are right now?" The more he speaks, the faster his words come, and the faster his words come, the higher my anger rises.
I roll over to face him and hit him in the shoulder. I know it won't hurt him no matter what, so I don't punch him as hard as I can, but it still hurts my fist. "Jacob Black, are you completely stupid?" He stares at me, shocked and confused.
"Of course I'm happy! Look around you, Jake. Take a look at my life right now. For one, I'm alive. I get to eat food. Pie, chocolate, chips, burgers, salads, lasagna, and everything else. And look at all the people I have in my life. You, my amazing best friend; Angela, the best girl friend a person could ask for; the pack, who are all like a second family to me; Charlie and my mom, who I love so much. I don't know why I ever wanted to give all this up. Well, yes I do... Edward. I thought I would love him forever. I thought we would be together forever. I thought he was my life. But he wasn't. He was my death. He would've stolen away everyone I love but his family, and instead he took away only his family. He kept me in a shell. He kept me afraid. He treated me like a child. I didn't see it then, but I do now, and I'm just so angry with him. So, yes, I'm happy. I love that things aren't how I thought they would be." I take a deep breath, and close my eyes. I bite my lower lip hard, holding in a scream of frustration. I hate that he doubts me, after all of the pain I've been through.
"So if they came back for you, you wouldn't change your mind again?" His eyes are guarded. He's hiding something from me. I feel a sharp burst of hope.
NO! My thoughts scream at me. He doesn't want you anymore. They don't want you anymore. They are not your family. The pack is. Angela is. Charlie and Renee are. Not the Cullens. I shove the hope into a very small corner of my mind, and avoid it like the plague.
"No," I say firmly." I wouldn't change my mind. I want to stay human. I want to spend my life actually alive, and healthy, and with you and the pack and Ang. I don't want the same things that I used to." His face relaxes, and he sighs. He's obviously relieved. "Why do you ask? I've told you all of that before." I eye him suspiciously.
Jake sits up, and pulls me with him. I give him a stern look. He knows this is my lie-to-me-and-I'll-injure-you-severely look. I obviously couldn't actually hurt him, but the look always works. He fidgets uncomfortably, and runs his fingers through his shaggy black hair. He won't look at my face. His eyes shift between the beach on his left, and the woods on his right. Finally I can't take it anymore.
"Jake! Tell me." I press one hand on each of his face, and turn it so that he has to look at me. "What is going on?"
When his eyes meet mine, they are full of worry and pain. "Sam caught the scent of a vampire last night on patrols. He told me earlier, when we all met up to go cliff diving. I didn't want to have this conversation in front of everyone, especially Ang. But, Bella, this doesn't change..."
I know he's still speaking, but I can't hear him. My mind spins and twirls, making me so dizzy. I feel like I'm going to throw up. I open my mouth to speak, but I can't make any out come out. So instead, I stand up. I know Jacob is confused, and I know this will hurt him, but I have to think. I have to get away. I turn, and stumble away. I don't know how I don't trip. I should. I should've fallen on my face and injured myself, because I can't see the ground. I can't see anything. I'm just walking on instinct. I somehow make my way back to his house, and into my truck. But I'm not in the drivers seat, I'm in the passenger seat. I know someone's in the seat next to me, driving me home, but I don't know who. I know it's a part of the pack, because I can feel the heat in the truck. I can feel the shaking of the seat behind me. Why is he shaking? It's only a momentary distraction, because once again Edward pushes his way into my mind.
He's back. I don't know if I should be happy, or mad, or nervous, or excited, or sad. I want to see him, but I don't. I want to scream and laugh and cry.
"Bells? Bella! Isabella Marie Swan, you better answer me!" My head snaps up at the use of my whole name. Charlie. He has the passenger door open and his smooth brown eyes are frantic, his voice panicky.
"I'm ok," I say, but I know he doesn't believe it. My voice shakes, and and tears spill out of my eyes. Surprised, I reach up to touch my cheek. It's already wet. How long have I been crying? It doesn't matter. Charlie is afraid. I wipe my face dry, and smile at him, trying as hard as I can to at least convince him I'm not going back to zombie mode.
I turn to my driver, Paul, and thank him. I laugh a little when he wraps me in a soft and secure hug. I remember being terrified of him, and think it was incredibly silly of me. Paul would never hurt those he loves. He's just a little over-protective.
Soon I find myself sitting criss-cross on one end of Charlies couch while he sat on the chair, staring at me. I can tell he is waiting for the return of the zombie, or a melt down, or something.
"Dad, I'm fine. Well, not fine, but... Okay. I'm okay. So can you stop looking at me like that?" My words come out as a complaint, a little more annoyed then I intend. He smiles.
"Like what?" he asks, faking innocence.
"Like I'm going to explode, or melt, or freeze, or do something equally as freaky." Charlie laughs, and I smile a little along with him. Bad actor my ass,I think, remember the time Edward was in my room at night, and told me I couldn't even act like I was alseep.
"Okay, kid, if you're really okay, I'll let you go. But if you need anything, water, food, a gun, a blanket, don't hesitate to ask."
"What was that one in the middle, Dad?"
"Food?"
"Not that one."
"I don't know what you're referring to, Bells," he says, grinning in that evil way only the chief of police can.
"Good night, Dad." I get up and hug him and kiss his cheek, before turning and walking up the stairs.
The second my door closes, the tears fall again. I lean my back heavily against the door. Suddenly I can't think. It's just terrifying, deafening silence, and never-ending tears. I stumble across the bed in the dark, and, of course, trip onto my bed. Soon after my head hits the pillow, I fall asleep.
My dreams that night are terrifying. I sit on the beach at the res, surrounded by the pack, my brothers. Jacob is right in front of me, and in front of him, right at the edge of the woods, is Edward. He looks so pained. I just want to reach out to him, stroke his smooth face, kiss his perfect lips. But every time I move forwards, someone grabs me from behind, holding me in place.
"Edward," I choke out in a whisper.
He steps towards me, out of the forest and into the cloudy light that belongs in Forks. All at once, my overprotective brothers are replaced by gigantic wolves, and they all ran at Edward. He turns and runs into the forest, moving in a blur. A few seconds later, his screams filled the air.
"NO!" I scream as I sit upright in bed, panting and sweating. I look around me at my dark room. Everything is as it was. Nothing has changed. But suddenly I feel so terrified. I roll over, shoving my face into the pillow, and push the thought away. Hours later, I fall asleep again, haunted my the same nightmare over and over.
He's back, I think. Edward is back. I don't know how I feel about this. I'm very nervous. I want to see him, and at the same time I don't. I'm also so angry. How dare he come back? How dare he put me through that and then just show up unannounced?
And on top of all that, I'm confused. I keep trying to tell myself that I don't love him. That I don't miss him. But every time I picture his beautiful, perfect face, my heart beats faster, and my palms steart so sweat with nervous excitement.
Especially now. Especially here. I lay stretched out uncomfortably in the center of the meadow, his meadow, eyes closed and sleeves rolled up as high as they go. Today is the second warm day in a row, an extreme rarity in Forks.
I groan, frustrated that I can't enjoy the sunlight. My thoughts are spinning, swirling like a whirlpool. I roll over, and open my eyes-
And I scream.
A cold, smooth hand covers my mouth, and golden eyes widen in shock. But they aren't the eyes I was expecting. These eyes are harder, more thoughtful and calculating. They look as though they see everything, good and bad, light and dark, important and insignificant, and take it all consideration when planning even the smallest of things. Wavy blond hair frames his square jaw, and when I look closer, I see small, half-moon shaped scars on his neck.
"Afternoon, darlin'," he says in his thick southern accent as his hand moves away from my lips.
"Jasper?"
Sooo... Yup. There it is. The first chapter. Let me know what you think please! I'm really nervous about this . Thanks if you read it all the way through and didn't want to stab me in the eye because of horrible writing, haha