The clock on the wall continued to tick as each second passed. I tapped my finger softly on the desk, my eyesight blurry as I inadvertently stared at a computer screen. I blinked several times, realizing I was sitting at a computer desk in the workroom of the Daimon Square Public Library and remembered that I was supposed to be working.

I'd been working at the Daimon Square Public Library for the past few months to pay off the debt I owed to Joel. I wasn't working out of enjoyment. I was working solely to pay off the money that Joel had given me. In truth, I'd actually paid him back everything I owed a while ago, but I was still contracted to work, and so for some reason or another, I did, probably because it would have been a hassle to get released from my contract early.

While I was working to earn the money for Joel, I had a purpose, albeit an incredibly minute one. I had a distraction to keep my mind off of everything that had happened, everything that I'd done. Now though, with nothing to distract me, I was left to face the cold, hard truth.

The last six months, the last year, Hell, my entire life, meant nothing.

I hadn't spoken to Luna at all since that day on the Ark Cradle, with the last thing she said to me being "stay away from me.", so our relationship was pretty much dead. She'd had the means to contact me and chose not to, and I, to be fair, did the same. My reason for not contacting her was that I'd thought I'd said all I could – what needed to be said, and if she wanted to talk to me she would. She didn't, which proved she didn't want anything more to do with me.

I hadn't heard from anyone else, aside from Sherry, who went back to her home in France soon after the whole Ark Cradle incident. Everyone else, I assumed, had simply moved on with their lives. As for me, I was back to how I was exactly one year ago:

Pathetic.

I must've zoned out for a while, because Paul, an older man of higher authority than I was (as far as Libraries go), slammed his hand down against the book I'd been neglecting to discard. "Hey! Tyler! Don't fucking stop! And don't be so fucking methodical either! Just check on the system, tear out the tags and destroy the barcode! Like this!" he shouted, grabbing the thick black marker from my hand and scribbling on the book's barcode at its front.

One of the other people in the workroom, Lili, who was a Librarian – the same as Paul, looked at him with disgust from another desk. "Paul! You can't just say that to him!"

"No, no. It's quite alright." For some reason or another, I attempted to defend him. "I should be moving at a faster pace."

"Even so, there's no reason for him to talk to you like that." Lili retorted. "I-I'm sorry, Paul, but I'm going to have to let Kelly know. This is unacceptable…" Lili moved out from her seat and headed for Kelly's door.

Kelly was Paul's boss, and I guess mine as well, though I didn't really have much interaction with her since starting as a Casual Library Officer. Paul was very much an enigma. One moment, he was smiling and goofing off. The next, he was swearing and complaining about pointless things that didn't even matter. I knew that more so from dealing with the Dark Signers and Yliaster and everything else. But it showed me how pointless life was as well. How pointless my life was.

I heard Lili recount to Kelly inside her office how Paul had spoken to me, and Kelly came out, a fire in her eyes. "Paul, I need to see you in my office now, please." She said firmly.

"Y-yes, ma'am…" Paul muttered. Whatever bravado he had was instantly ripped to shreds within seconds thanks to Kelly.

I couldn't help but snicker, renewing my focus in discarding the items I still had to work through. Every so often though, I would glance at the clock on the wall, and count down the minutes until closing time.

I arrived home in a pretty foul mood, which was really no different than any other day since I'd recovered my memories. The early afternoon sun shone through the window, temporarily blinding me as I made my way inside the Tops ground apartment.

The first thing I did was take off my belt, as I'd put on something like forty pounds since starting the job. I could barely give a shit about anything, to be honest, much less my health.

Seria was still at work. Unlike me, she had a fixed work schedule, and the two of us were almost like two ships passing in the night. That is, I seldom saw her except for an hour or so before going to bed. I couldn't complain though. She'd been so good to me. I didn't deserve her. She took me in and gave me a home, but I knew I was little more than a burden to her.

There was nothing else left for me to do. Nothing more I could do.

To be honest, ever since getting my memories back, I hated every moment of my life. Everything I had done was so naïve and stupid. I wanted to apologize to Yusei and Jack for everything I'd put them through, not only recently but also during my time in Team Satisfaction. I wanted to apologize to Akiza and the twins, Luna especially, for cutting them out and pushing them away again.

And so, fetching an old pen and some paper, along with a couple of envelopes, I sat down on the couch to write my apologies.

And final goodbyes.

"I'm ho~ome!" Seria called as she walked through the door, the click-clack of her heels against the tiles. The sound and light of the television protruded from the living room where I was sitting to write, occasionally glancing up at the screen to watch what was on.

"Hey!" I called back as Seria came into the living room. "You're home early. How was work?"

"Yeah, the meeting was canceled. Lai's in a bad way though. Her back's getting worse." Seria sighed. "Anyway, how was your day? Were you offered a new contract?"

"Yeah… yeah, I was offered a new contract. I declined."

"What?! Why?" Seria asked.

I exhaled quietly. "I just… I just think that's it for me…"

"So… are you going to look for another job then?"

"…No."

"What are you writing?" Seria suddenly asked, moving closer toward me. Her arm brushed against my shoulder as I saw her body tighten. "Are you writing personalized suicide notes?!"

I licked my lips. "Yes." I said bluntly, truthfully. "I've almost finished writing yours. Then I've just got Joel's left." I looked down, continuing to write.

"Oh my God…" Seria whispered. "You're serious…"

"Well there's no point in lying, is there? Two fucking jack-offs used me and lied to me for years. So since ya asked, yes… I am serious. That's why I didn't want my contract renewed." I stopped writing only when Seria grabbed the pen from my hand. I flinched from the sudden contact with her hand, looking up at her.

"Okay, Tyler, just calm down, okay…" Seria cautioned. "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Whatever you're feeling, I can help you with. If you need medication, o-or if you need to talk to someone, we can go and see a specialist."

"That's not gonna work, Seria. Now give me the pen back."

"Why?! Why do you want to kill yourself?!"

"Because that's all there is for me! All I feel now is just all this fucking pent up shit and it's just in every facet, every part of my life. All I think about, all I see, all I remember is just pain and anger. And I just can't do it anymore." I sighed heavily, hanging my head in irritancy. "Everything's just messed up, and it can't be fixed. I was happier when I had amnesia… At least then, I didn't know about my past…" I sighed once more, closing my eyes and quickly tapping my fingers against my forehead. "Goddamn it…" I whispered, shaking my head. "Seria… the technology that Sayer used to give me amnesia…"

It was a while before Seria replied. "…Yes?"

"Would there be a way to…" I paused, trying to figure out the right words to use. "Would there be a way to get that technology back, a-and use it on me so I could… forget everything that's happened?"

"Tyler!" Seria shouted, seemingly appalled at my question. "How can you even think of asking me something like that?!"

"Well is there?!" I snapped back. "I told you, I can't deal with all of this… this crap! Everything that I know and that I feel is just depressing garbage!" My voice became softer. "I've tried, Seria… I've tried, but… I can't move on… not from this." I sighed. "My only two options are forgetting everything or embracing death. That's it."

"All the brainwashing equipment was lost when the Earthbound Immortals attacked the Arcadia Movement, but even if it wasn't, I still wouldn't use it on you. I couldn't."

"Why not?!"

"Because I screwed up your life enough!" Seria yelled.

"My life was already screwed up!" I insisted. "Trust me, the only people stopping me from killing myself back then were Yusei, Jack, Crow and Kalin! But Crow and Kalin are dead now, and Yusei and everyone else probably hate my guts!"

"How do you know? You haven't even spoken to them in months."

"They haven't even tried contacting me! And I almost brought about genocide! I think that's about as clear-cut as it gets."

"Have you actually tried calling them?"

I left out a puff of air in scorn. "Like they'd even give me the time of day. Luna told me to stay away from her, and Leo called me a 'mean poopface', which is just a nice way of saying 'motherfucking asshole'." I brought my left hand up to wipe some grime off my face. "Besides, that's why I'm writing these letters. 'Cause I know they'll delete any email I send and probably just block all my calls. I write these, deliver them while they're out, and then disappear forever. It's just better for everyone that way." I turned to Seria. "Now… I need the pen back, please…"

Seria quickly shook her head. "N-no! Tyler, this is ridiculous!"

"Oh, yep." I tensed. "Ridiculous. Okay. I'm ridiculous!"

Seria sighed. "No, that's not what I meant."

I picked up Seria's letter, before tossing it to her. "Well if you're not gonna let me finish writing yours, you can have it now then. I was just gonna put that I've greatly appreciated your support over the last few months, and that I hope you never change who you are." I stood shakily, exhaling heavily. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some letters to deliver."

I couldn't even make it out between the couch and the table before Seria stopped me, pulling me back. "You don't seriously think I'm gonna let you leave now that I know you're gonna try and kill yourself, do you?" Seria asked. "Just sit down! We need to talk about this!"

"Why do you care so much?! This isn't up to you, Seria! This is my life, I've had enough, and I'm ending it!" I snapped, ripping my hand from her grip as I rushed to the door, opening it wide and then slamming it shut as I left.

Luna,

I have no idea how to start this letter, so I'm just going to say what I need to say.

I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you. I'm a selfish person, to be sure. All I could think about back then on the Ark Cradle was making my brother pay for what he'd done, and you ended up getting caught in the crossfire. My feelings of negativity were wrongly projected and I understand now that the problem lies with me. I must thank you for having put up with me whilst we were together. I'm sure it wasn't easy. Neither you, nor anyone else will have to do that anymore.

I've been thinking about you every day since the mess on the Ark Cradle, and I hope you're doing well. I'm so grateful to have met you and have gotten to know you. The time I spent with you is something I will always treasure, and you will always hold a special place in my heart. I'm sorry that it didn't work out between us and I hope one day you'll be able to find someone who can truly make you happy.

Farewell,

Tyler

My fingers ran along the crease at the top of the envelope as I rode the elevator to the top floor, the words I'd written to her continuously running through my head. As a synthesized bell dinged, the elevator doors opened, and I quickly but quietly made my way over to the front door of her penthouse.

My body felt hollow and my breathing picked up. I bent down and slid the envelope under the door, noticing there was another letter on the ground addressed to the twins as well, so I slid that under the door too. My heart skipped a beat and I quickly hurried back to the elevator, rapidly tapping the button to open the doors, and not even looking back as they opened and I stepped inside, the doors closing behind me.

Surprisingly, I didn't have nearly as much emotional difficulty delivering my letters for Yusei and Jack to Poppo Time, or Akiza's letter to her place, as I did with Luna.

None of them ended up being home, so I left the letters for Yusei and Jack with Zora, and Akiza's with her parents, hoping that they wouldn't be immediately torn up upon receiving them.

I stood at the shoreline in the Satellite Sector, looking out towards the water, the Daedalus Bridge directly above me. Activity in the Satellite was relatively minor, but I couldn't believe how much it had changed, at least in a cosmetic sense. After all, I hadn't really come back except for Crow's funeral, and then I'd really only visited Martha's Place, which didn't really seem to have changed.

I took a deep breath, exhaling with force as I knelt down, removing my shoes and socks and placing them by the curb, a little bit of elevated concrete just before the wide ocean gap between Satellite and New Domino.

I'd thought about how I was gonna do it. For quite a while actually. Hanging myself in Seria's apartment would have sullied her hands, and jumping in front of a car or truck would have probably destroyed the life of whoever I jumped in front of. Plus, there was always a chance that with either of those, I'd survive. No. The best thing, I figured, was just to drown myself. That way, no one would be implicated.

I'd been staring out at the water for much longer than I thought, because by the time I decided on getting it all over with, moving forward and jumping off into the ocean, I heard a Duel Runner pull up behind me. I flinched, looking out of the corner of my eye to see Jack take off his helmet. "There you are. Jeez, you're hard to find."

It felt like my heart was stuck in my throat and I was suffocating. "J-J-Jack… hey… what are you doing here?" I asked softly, turning fully to face him.

Jack smiled, turning back to his Duel Runner, pressing a button on it and detaching his Duel Disk, before looking over at me. "I was looking for you."

"Y-you were?"

Jack nodded. "I've been going around, defeating any Duelists that I remember having defeated me. There was one time, in this very place, where you defeated me. We haven't Dueled each other since then, so in my eyes, I need to make up for that loss before I can move on. So how 'bout it? You up for a Duel?"

"I lost my Deck, remember?" I told him, also showing him that I didn't have a Duel Disk or anything attached. "You'd beat me easily anyway."

"You don't have any other cards?"

I sighed. "No, Jack. I don't. Not all of us have sponsors."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

I grimaced, realizing what I'd said had come out wrong. "Jack, I just mean that-"

"'Cause you look like you're doing okay for yourself. Nice suit, and you're clearly well-fed by the look of you. You could afford a new Deck if you wanted, surely."

I felt myself on the verge of exploding. "Just piss off, Jack."

"What the Hell's your problem?" Jack barked.

"Everything, okay?! Everything!" I snapped. "That's why I'm here, that's why I came here in the first place! I am messed up! I am fucked in the head! Of course, you can't see that! You can only see what you want and only if it benefits you! That's why you left Team Satisfaction! Not because you thought Kalin had taken everything too far, but because you couldn't handle not being the center of attention! And that's why you became the King of Turbo Duels all those years ago, and that's why you want to Duel me now!"

"Why, you…!" Jack didn't hesitate in reaching for my clothes and hoisting me up into the air.

"Go ahead. Do whatever the fuck you want to me. Make my job easier!" I snapped, spitting in his face. Jack winced, letting go as I fell to the ground. I hit my head on the pavement and just laid there in silence.

Jack stood over me, seething with rage. "You talk like you're perfect! This is the first time I've seen you since the Ark Cradle, and you were fighting against us! You talk about all this shit I've done in the past, but at least I've learned about how to be a decent person. You'd never catch me betraying Yusei or anyone else now! But you… you just do whatever the Hell you see fit. You haven't learned anything; you're more a terrible person now than I ever was!"

I started laughing. "You think I don't know that?" I got to my feet. "That's why I'm here!"

"Whatever!" Jack barked. "You can do whatever you like because I am done helping you!"

Jack turned and walked back over to his Duel Runner in silence. I wasn't going to let him have the last word though. "Hey!" I called to him. "There's a letter waiting for you at home, but you don't have to read it, you know, since we've cleared the air here!" I shouted, venom in my voice.

Jack huffed, slid his helmet over his head, revved his Duel Runner, and shot off, turning back onto the Daedalus Bridge.

I hated the fact that my last conversation with someone had to be brimming in negativity, but it couldn't be helped. I turned back to look at the glistening water, stepping up onto the curb. Clenching my fists and closing my eyes, I forced myself forward, falling into the cold water with a splash.

The water hit me with a vicious slap as I began to descend down into the depths, letting my body get dragged down deeper. As I sank, the temperature of the water began to drop and my chest began to burn, my lungs deprived of oxygen.

I hoped that in my death I could be forgiven for all the wrongs I'd committed. I wished things could have been different, but they weren't. The water's freezing embrace chilled me to my core, my only companion in the midst of my loneliness.

"My name is Explosivo… and I'm here to protect you…"

"My name's Yusei Fudo. It's not safe to be out here all on your own. If you'd like, you can come with me. I know a place you can stay…"

"How you're feeling now is perfectly normal, so don't worry. My name is Seria, what's yours?"

"You're human right?! Are you here to rescue me by any chance?!"

"You're just a selfish child and I don't want to hear from you again!"

"Best friends."

"We don't know where Bruno is, but… Crow… He… he's dead…"

"I have many names. God. Kami. Zone. Whichever you feel comfortable calling me will be just fine."

"I thought that you were better than Sly… than, than Lester, but you're just the same as them! Please… just stay away from me…"

My heart began to beat with more rapidness, as if it was trying to compensate for my body's lack of oxygen. I groaned as my head started to hurt, a shimmering of darkness crossing my vision as I descended down into the quiet black.

Down…

Down..

Down.

And that's it. That's the end of "Pains of Identity". Writing both "Reverse of Arcadia" and "Pains of Identity" has been a fun, strenuous and emotional experience to say the least. I'd like to once again thank AnimeAndMangaFan for her unending support and collaboration, without which I wouldn't have been able to write something which I consider to be the best thing I've ever written.

I'd also like to thank everyone who's read both "Reverse of Arcadia" and "Pains of Identity", and reviewed, faved, and so on. I cannot overstate the feeling I get when I receive a notification that someone's reviewed my story. It really brings a smile to my face, and it really brightens my day. I hope that at the very least, you've found this story to be entertaining, but have also taken away some messages from both stories as well.

This isn't the end of Tyler Nochi though. There's a sequel, called "Arc of Eternity", which you should be able to find on my profile page. Be sure to give it a read if you're at all interested.

Finally, once again, thank you to everyone who's read "Pains of Identity". I hope you've enjoyed it.