A/N: Ok I know I should be working on Worth It, but I've been suffering from writers block and can't seem to figure out what to do next! And I just finished CoLS. I almost cried when Malec broke up, and I felt compelled to write this. I'm sorry, I promise I'll continue with Worth It right after this. And wow I didn't expect this one to turn out so long! Lol anyways thanks for reading!

Alec pov

I woke up to sunlight streaming through my curtains. I was laying on my bed in the Institute. A brief moment of confusion ran through me. Why was I here? I haven't slept here for weeks.

It wasn't long before it all came crashing back to me. So it wasn't a bad dream. Fresh tears swam foreword and spilled over my eyelids. My pillows were still wet from when I cried myself to sleep last night. Just like then, I buried my face into my pillow as sobs wracked through my whole body.

When I came home last night, after hours of wandering around Brooklyn and hating myself, I had ran up the stairs and to my room, almost crashing into Izzy and knocking us both over. I had dodged her at the last minute, leaving her there, a question hanging from her lips. I didn't want to answer that question now - or ever actually. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and die.

Aku cinta kamu. I love you. If that was true then why? Why did he do it? He didn't love me. I was just another lover in a long line of lovers in his immortal life. I was never anything special to him. Who was I kidding? He was the High Warlock of Brooklyn, he could have anyone he wanted. What made me think for even a second that he chose me? I was nothing to him.

"Alec!" I jumped at the sound of Izzy's voice on the other side of the door. But I ignored her.

"Alec I know you're awake in there. Please come out. At least open the door." I still ignored her, instead choosing to wallow in my own misery.

"By the Angel Alec if you don't open the door right now I'll kick it down. Oh wait, there's an opening rude, duh, Isabelle use your brain." I know that she was saying that to get me to open the door. So I did.

Her eyes widened a fraction when she saw the state of me, but otherwise her face remained stoic, as if she dealt with brokenhearted boys every other day. As a matter of fact, brokenhearted didn't describe it good enough, it was more like taken and stomped on by designer boots. And then put through a glittery blender. And then stopped on again. And then... yeah.

"What happened to you Alec?" Izzy's question snapped me back to reality. She had a point. My hair was limp and flat, and a huge tangled mess. My eyes probably had bags, and I had been crying a lot lately. So they were probably very red.

I looked away, not wanting to say anything. She forced my head back up and said in a stronger voice: "What happened, Alec?"

I didn't trust my voice, but it's not like she was giving me another choice. "M-Magnus," I managed, my voice breaking. I started to sob again, a brokenhearted sound, full of pain.

"No!" Izzy sounded astonished. "He loves you, Alec! He would never break up at you."

I flinched at her words. "No he doesn't. And yes he did." I was surprised I could say that much.

Izzy wrapped her arms around me.

"I'm so sorry Alec."

I didn't say anything. I couldn't.

Magnus pov

I was drunk. Not the I had a couple drinks drunk, but the I practically drank the whole bar drunk. The funny thing was that I didn't feel one bit better about breaking up with Alec. If possible, it just made it worse. I didn't think it could get any worse.

I have had many relationships in the past. None of them have hurt this bad. There was something, something different, about Alec. What was it about him that made it hurt this bad? I moaned and sat up a little on my couch. Chairman Meow was asleep on my lap, and hissed in annoyance as my movement woke him up. I couldn't bring myself to care.

Alec. There were so many memories here. Every part of this apartment had some Alec attached to it. And then I started to cry. How could I have left him? My sweet innocent angel. I left him sobbing and begging for forgiveness in a subway tunnel. I buried my face in a pillow. Why? Because he didn't shorten my life. I didn't know what to think anymore. So I slept.

Alec pov

I didn't mean to end up here. After Izzy fell asleep (she thankfully didn't ask me any questions. Yet.), I started to become restless. I wanted to see him one more time. To explain. He hadn't even given me a chance to explain. I was afraid he would kick me out, or that he already moved on. But I went anyways.

I showed up on his apartment's doorstep. I lifted my hand up to knock, but then I hesitated. Was this really a good idea? No, it wasn't. I knocked before I could change my mind.

After what felt like centuries, but was really only a few seconds, he opened the door. When he saw it was me, his expression turned into one of pure shock and confusion. I looked down and bit my lip. But not before I saw him. His face was devoid of all makeup, and hair was limp and glitter free. There were bags under his red eyes, and his clothes were rumpled. Just seeing him and knowing I wasn't with him hurt so much inside.

"Alec what are you doing here? I thought I told you I didn't want to ever see you again." His voice was rock hard.

"I-I don't know. I just wanted to explain. You never gave me chance to explain," I stuttered unevenly.

"I don't think there is anything to explain. You met Camille and made a deal with her to shorten my life, without once talking to me about it. It's simple enough." His eyes were cold. I looked down again.

"No Magnus, please give me a chance to explain. I started meeting Camille, not to shorten your life, but to find out more about you. I loved you so much, I've done everything for you. I came out in front of the whole Clave for you, just so I could be with you. I risked everything, everything, for you, they could have stripped me of my Marks. But I didn't care. Because no matter what happened, I would be with you. All I asked for return was to get to know you, your history, your past. Because I knew nothing about you. When I tried to ask, you would always change the subject. When Camille offered to tell me about your past, you could see how I was curious and went to her. Then she told me that there was a way we could shorten your life. I thought about it, but I didn't do it. I couldn't. I would never have done something like that without talking to you, I swear, Magnus. But then you broke up with me, and the last two days have been hell."

I was yelling at the end, tears streaming down my face. I looked up and saw Magnus crying silently too. But I didn't regret one single word. Because it was all true.

"You had to consider it. That in itself was a betrayal. Like I said before, I don't want to see you again. Goodbye Alexander."

Magnus slammed the door in my face.

I stood there in shock. And then I was running, sobs wracking through my body. Somehow, I ended up back at the Institute, curled up in my bed, with my face buried in my pillow. But I couldn't sleep. It hurt so much, knowing that Magnus didn't love me. I was stupid to think he would take me back. So stupid. And now, here I am, more broken and hurt than ever.

I sat up. I needed something, anything to stop the pain. I saw my knife lying on the floor. I threw it there when I came back from the subway tunnels.

I picked up the knife. It was a sharp blade, like all of our blades. I held it to my wrist. The cold metal sent a shiver down my spine, and before I could think twice, I sliced my skin open. Blood immediately pooled to the surface. I focused all my thoughts on the physical pain. I made an identical cut on my other wrist, wrapped them in bandages so I wouldn't get blood everywhere, and fell asleep, still pouring all my energy into the pain of the cuts. I didn't think of Magnus once.

The next morning, I made four more cuts, one on each wrist, and one the crook of each elbow. After wrapping them in bandages, I pulled on a long sleeved shirt to cover them, and went down to get something to eat. I hoped no one would be there, but as I walked into the kitchen, I saw Jace sitting at the table eating a bowl of cereal.

"Morning Alec." He did a double take. "You look awful, and come to think of it, I haven't seen you in like three days. What happened?"

I shook my head, focusing harder than ever on my cuts. Don't think about him, don't think about him, I chanted in my head.

Jace grabbed my elbows and I winced in pain, stepping back.

"Alec what happened?" Jace's tone was serious.

Again I shook my head. I tried to step back to go to my room, screw breakfast, but Jace was too fast. He caught my hand and pulled my sleeve up. He gasped, and I looked down, ashamed. He pulled up the other sleeve, and forced my head up so I could look at him in the eye.

"What the hell happened, Alec." His voice was deadly calm.

"Magnus-" I stopped, because his name itself brought tears to my eyes, and unwanted memories to my head. I concentrated on the pain in my wrists.

"I am going to kill him." Jace said.

"No," I gasped. "Don't do anything he doesn't want to see us ever again, don't-" I was crying again.

Jace stared at me. "Alec, this is not ok." He gestured to my wrists.

"I know, Jace, I know it's not ok, but I can't stop. If I do, then I'll think of him, and it'll hurt, so much, and then I'll want to die, and then I will kill -"

"Alec, you're really scaring me now, don't say that, don't, it'll all be ok, I swear." Jace interrupted me.

I laughed bitterly. "You don't get it Jace, do you? Magnus was the love of my life. I'm not going to move on. I already know this. I went over and talked to him the other day. I explained everything. I told him how I met Camille to find out about his past, and when she offered to help me shorten his life, I considered it, but never did it. I never would have done it. And do you know what he did? He slammed the door in my face. He doesn't love me, and I will never love anyone else. Now will you let me go back to my room?" I jerked my hand away from his and went ran to my room.

When I reached, I made two more cuts on the crook of my elbows. Just as I finished putting the bandages on, Jace an Izzy barged into my room. I jumped, and winced as I pressed on the newly made cuts.

"This has to stop," Izzy yelled.

"Ever heard of knocking?" I said dryly.

"Alec, this can't go on any longer. You have to stop cutting yourself." Jace spoke softly.

"No Jace, I already told you. Please go away now." I turned away from them.

Izzy whispered something to Jace, and I felt hands on my back. My parabatai sat on my bed and stared at me. Izzy left the room.

"What do you want Jace," I sighed.

"I'm not leaving you," he said. Because if I do, you'll just start cutting again. So I'll stay right here until you're over that good for nothing warlock."

I closed my eyes at his words. "Jace please," I whispered.

"Sorry." I heard him sigh.

Magnus pov

After I slammed the door in Alec's face, I slid to the floor and started to sob. I don't know how long I was there, but I kept on thinking, was it a mistake to break up with Alec? Was I wrong?

I woke up in the exact same position as I was last night. I looked at my clock, it read 8:42 a.m. What had waken me up so early?

Suddenly, someone pounded on my door. Ah. That's what it was.

Groaning, I got up and opened the door. Thence closed it again as I saw who it was. But she stuck her foot in the way, and stopped me.

"Open the door Magnus," Izzy said.

I did. "I believe I told Alec I never wanted to see any of you guys again. Did he not pass on the message?" I said nonchalantly.

"As a matter of fact, he did. He also hasn't eaten in three days, cries himself to sleep every night, and - oh did I already mention this? After that little visit he payed you, he started cutting - that's right - to take away the pain."

My face blanched in surprise. Isabelle took this opportunity to slip inside my apartment.

"No -" I managed.

"Yes, Magnus. He said that he can't stop because it brings back thoughts of you, and that hurts so much, he wants to die."

"No not Alec. I didn't mean for this to happen, I was afraid that once he found out about my past, he would not love me anymore. That's why I left him."

"Alec will love you no matter what. I can almost guarantee it."

"I need to fix things with him. I won't let the one and only true love of my life die because of me."

"So you do love him. He was convinced that you didn't."

"Of course I do. I never stopped loving him."

"Well in that case, I have an idea."

Alec pov

Jace had stayed with me throughout the whole day. I just sat on the floor with my arms wrapped around my knees. I had cried silently at first, but then I ran out of tears. So I just sat. Jace lay on the bed, flipping my knife up in the air and catching it. He went out and got food from the kitchen a few times, and I had eaten without complaining. But I had found that I couldn't eat more than a few bites every time. Jace didn't push me.

Now he had fallen asleep. Quietly, I got up off the floor and headed outside, softly easing the door closed behind me. Izzy was sitting in the living room, she looked up as I came in.

"Hey Alec, where are you going?" she asked.

"Out," I replied. "I need some fresh air. My voice was hoarse. Well, I hadn't made a sound since morning, so.

"Ok Alec. Come back soon."

I was surprised; I had expected more of a fight.

"Ok."

I stepped outside. The wind was cold, but I didn't care. It wouldn't matter eventually.

After a while, I ended up in some business street. The road was lined with tall skyscraper business buildings. I found one of the taller ones and scaled it in a few minutes. The wind blew through my hair, making me shiver. I looked down. The drop was hundreds of feet. Perfect. I stood at the edge and was about to take the final step when -

"Alexander! Alec stop! Please!"

I gasped and stumbled back, turning around. It was Magnus.

"M-Magnus? Wh-wh-what are you d-doing here?" I was shivering. It was so cold.

"Alec, you're freezing." Magnus took his jacket off and have it to me. I took it and put it on. It was warm.

"I thought you wanted nothing to do with me, Magnus. You told me never to see you again. Twice."

"Your second visit made me think things over. And when Izzy came and told me about this -" he yanked my sleeve up and revealed my partially healed cuts. I looked away. "I knew I made a terrible decision when I left you. And Izzy told me that you were having thoughts of suicide. I knew I couldn't lose you. Do you know why I stayed in Brooklyn, Alec? Because the thought of leaving when you were still alive and ok felt wrong. I stayed was because I love you. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone ever. And I'm sorry."

I was crying, tears rolling down my face silently. "Then why?" I whispered. "Why did you leave?"

"Because I was scared. I was so scared, Alec. I was afraid that when you found out about my past, you wouldn't love me anymore. When I found out you were thinking about ending my life with Camille of all people, I decided to end things before they got too bad. I never meant for you to cut and commit suicide, Alec."

I flinched. "It was my fault. I'm sorry. But I can't live without you. I know you are the one, Magnus."

"It's not your fault, Alec. It's mine. I should have opened up to you. When you told me why you were meeting Camille, I knew I had to fix things."

"Magnus? How did you know I was here?"

"Izzy called me when she saw you leave the house. I used a tracking spell and followed you."

I nodded.

"Do you want to try being us again Alec? I love you more than anyone, you are the love of my life. you know the spell that shortens my life? I'll do it. The one experience I'll never have if I love forever is growing old with someone I love. I know that you're that person. There will be no one else. But only if you will take me back."

I stood shell shocked on the roof of the building. I felt frozen, I couldn't say anything. Magnus looked at me expectantly. I didn't move. His face fell, and slowly he turned away. I found my voice.

"Magnus wait."

He froze, and turned back around.

"I love you, Magnus. Don't leave me again." I sounded pathetic, but I didn't care. Magnus loved me.

The warlock smiled, a smile of pure happiness. Carefully, I approached him and hugged him tight. He did the same to me. For a moment we just stood there, wrapped in each other's arms. I was first to pull back, but it was only so I could see his face and kiss him. It was a sweet passionate kiss, hesitant and slow. I craved his touch for days, and now I couldn't get enough. We didn't let go of each other as Magnus made a portal and took us home. Our home.

The next morning, I woke up in our canary yellow bed. The last few days seemed like a very bad nightmare. I snuggled deeper into Magnus's embrace. He smiled in his sleep, and hugged me tighter. He was beautiful with no makeup or glitter and his hair down. Almost vulnerable. I liked it. I was so caught up in my thoughts, that I didn't notice when he opened his brilliant gold green eyes.

"What're you thinking?" he whispered.

"Just that you're beautiful with no makeup or glitter." I smiled.

He rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say." But he was smiling too.

Later that day, I watched as he drank a potion. He had mixed a bunch of stuff together and cast some spells from the book of white. He was now mortal.

"I love you, Magnus."I said.

"I love you too, Alec," he replied.

A/N: I know there are a few of these out there, but I hope you liked mine. Please review and tell me what you think! And should I add another chapter or so to it? Of so, what should it be about? Thanks for the advice, review and read my other fics too!