Chapter 36: Doubt

With a special thanks to kimberlybluebelle, Guest, CrazyFanGirl18, luvgirl101, PurpleFairy11, bloodyrose1294, Dalonega Noquisi, REDRydingHood, beccy26o9, KeepingThemAtBay, AlliBaba13 and SherlockAvenger for being wonderful reviewers.

Also, to the fabulous KeepingThemAtBay, you were my 200th reviewer! Whoop Whoop!

Wonderful readers, help me make my story better. Please point out any of the numerous typos and other places that I have effectively f*!cked up.

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The slamming open of a door and subsequent cursing was as effective a mood killer as anything. Khayl went to leap to her feet at the same moment that Fíli surged to his, resulting in a tangle of limbs and two dwarrow sprawled across the floor. Khayl groaned from where Fíli had landed atop of her and he rubbed his forehead where it had collided with the floor.

"What in the-" Kíli's voice drew closer to them before screeching "Not looking! I am NOT looking!"

Khayl screwed her head around in time to see the idiot she would have to call 'brother' clap a hand over his eyes and backtrack, only to walk straight into the wall opposite.

"Kíli! What in Mahal's good name are you doing!?" Dís stern voice echoed through the hall and Khayl and Fíli resumed their frenzied struggle to rise, only resulting in tripping each other twice more. Khayl was acutely aware of the moment when Fíli's sturdy figure froze atop hers and she gradually craned her head about to see Dís standing in the doorway, an indescribable expression on her face.

Khayl groaned in dismay, read to dish out any excuse she could when things got even worse.

Thorin's looming figure appeared behind his sister, his brows rising incredulously up his forehead, his blue eyes widening almost comically. It was not a look the dwarrowdam thought she would ever see on the King-in-Exile's face.

She heard what sounded suspiciously like a whimper come from Fíli as his uncle crossed to them in four large strides. He must've grasped Fíli's collar and hauled him up for Khayl felt the unmistakeable lift of his weight off her form. She could breathe again.

Khayl rose up on shaky legs, colour blooming up her neck and splashing across her cheeks. Mahal! Even her ears were burning.

"An explanation lad?" Thorin's voice was like the thunder of an early summer storm; low and menacing, a promise of power and relentlessness, of the tempest to come.

"It's not what you think?" Khayl offered meekly whilst Fíli remained silent and submissive. She had an unnerving feeling that she was supposed to do the same; Fíli did know how to weather Thorin's temper much better than she did.

"We tripped," Khayl said in the silence that followed. She could hear Kíli rustling around a ways off, in the kitchen most likely, having scarpered at the first sign of danger. She wished he would come back. She could use something to take her mind off the sceptical look on Thorin's face. Dís wore her own expressions closely guarded. There was no telling what the dwarrowmatron was thinking.

"A likely story," Thorin said and Khayl bit her lip. She took a peek at Fíli, his cheeks once more flushed that adorable shade of pink below the golden tone of his skin as he struggled to retain a masculine and strong air, caught in his uncle's iron grip as he was.

Fíli caught Khayl's eye before looking for the belt she had given him, spying it on the floor just by the lounge. When he was sure that both of them had seen it he shot Khayl another glance, this time complete with waggled eyebrows and a boyish smirk. It was so uncharacteristic of him that she snorted. Loudly. Dís, who had been watching in a bemused kind of silence the entire time, valiantly fought back the grin that wished to cross her lips at their antics.

Khayl meanwhile was once again looking at Fíli, who was still held upright by Thorin and doing his best possible impression of a limp, dead fish. For all the world it looked like the grouchy old alpha wolf putting his foot down in regards to the shenanigans of a young pup. It was also becoming exceedingly apparent that Thorin was a very powerful dwarf. Fíli, of about average height for a dwarf if not a bit taller, was strong for his age. But next to Thorin he looked like nothing. He looked like a child. It was no small wonder that he had long ago found that the wisest course of action was to play dead when it came to an angry uncle. Khayl did wonder if dwarves lost any of their strength with age.

Khayl exchanged another glance with Fíli who stared back at her helplessly, looking like he wanted to shrug his shoulders but was unable to do so due to the aforementioned angry uncle. Instead the blonde smiled slightly at her, nodding his head to the belt which remained unnoticed by the older dwarves.

"Can I come in yet?" Kíli's best whiny voice came from the hall as hhe re-entered the room with his hand still covering his eyes. Dís sighed at him in a kind of long-suffering exasperation and Kíli removed the hand, smiling sheepishly at his mother.

It was as he did so that the absurdity of the whole moment caught up with the other two young dwarrow who sniggered together before breaking down into full-throated, rib-cracking laughs, tears springing to their eyes. Dís was half smiling despite her best efforts, raising her eyes heavenward and Kíli looked absolutely bewildered.

Thorin grunted something that could have been a word or just nothing before releasing Fíli. The blonde staggered as his full weight came back onto his feet, tripping forward into Khayl who held him steady for a brief moment before releasing her betrothed.

"Khayl bought me a gift," Fíli managed to choke out when his laughter had begun to die down a little. Khayl grinned winningly at him as he bent to retrieve the belt, running the soft pliable leather through his hands and tracing the cool metal with calloused thumbs. Dís' eyes widened comically before she smiled so wide that she looked like she was going to eat her own beard. Dís let out a peculiar, high-pitched squeal and launched herself at the young couple, grabbing both of them about the neck and drawing them into a tight embrace, intentionally or accidentally knocking their heads together.

"Amad!" Fíli choked whilst Khayl writhed helplessly in the older dwarrowdam's grip.

"My boy's getting married!" Dís sung, sounding jubilant and strained at the same time. Khayl felt wetness in her hair and realised the Dís was silently weeping. He grip loosened enough that Fíli and Khayl could move in her arms and return the embrace.

"Amad?" Fíli asked softly, reaching up a hand to stroke away a stray tear on the dwarrowmatron's face. "What's wrong?"

Dís shook her head vigorously, a smile on her beautiful, tear-stained features. She tenderly placed her hand over Fíli's own on her cheek for a moment. "Nothing is wrong, Fíli. I am just so happy; there is so much in this life I have never been able to give you. You deserve this, my son. I am so very happy for you. For you both."

"Amad-" Fíli began, meaning to rebuke her for thinking that she had failed in any way at raising him or his brother, but she silenced him by placing a tender kiss on his forehead. Then she turned to Khayl, and the red-head felt the whiskery brush of Dís' beard against her own forehead, followed by the cool placing of lips upon her skin. The gesture seemed simple enough, but beneath it there was a whole slew of meaning. That simple kiss bore with it a message of acceptance and love, or joy.

Dís gently pushed her son away and grinned at Khayl, all signs of tears vanishing. "It shall be so nice having someone here whilst my three boys are off on their quest for the mountain."

Thorin huffed, apparently not appreciating being called one of his sisters 'boys' or being lumped in the same category as Fíli and Kíli (who was miraculously still standing quietly, though he had an enormous grin on his face.) . Khayl turned towards Thorin, doing her best to hold her expression in check.

"You didn't tell them?" she asked incredulously. "You didn't tell any of them?"

Thorin bristled, though perhaps it was Khayl's imagination but he almost looked uncomfortable in his own skin. "Have you no tongue in your own head?" he chastised her, but a silent look between the both of them made it very clear that they had both made a very large and very foolish oversight.

"Tell us what?" Fíli's voice was low and wary, like he was worried about startling a wild beast. He turned to his uncle and his tone turned dangerous. "Uncle…" He warned. Thorin returned the warning glare levelly, unthreatened.

There was silence, and a three way glaring contest going on with Khayl and Fíli both staring down Thorin and he being able to divide his scowl between the two of them.

"Thorin…" the Lady Dís hissed and Khayl stared in amazement as the mighty Thorin Oakenshield actually quailed under the look she gave him. It wasn't amazing noticeable, more like a small wriggle and a slight twitch in his brow, but Khayl thought she might hold it over him forever. Thorin was scared of his sister, his little sister. Khayl had always thought that it was an illusion that Dís held the power in the household, but now she saw the truth of it. Khayl had a thought that maybe she had just found her idol.

"I'm afraid I won't be able to stay with you, Dís," Khayl said, feeling like she had to say something. She regretted it fleetingly as three pairs of eyes turned to her with confusion and disbelief written in their depths.

"Wh- where will you be?" Kíli asked, the only one out of his brother and mother who was able to find it within themselves to speak, though he did so falteringly as though he didn't truly wish to know the answer.

Khayl closed her eyes briefly, her mind flitting over all the possible ways she could expose the truth to them without causing chaos or disgracing herself or Thorin. Quick, like a bandaid. The words were spoken in smiling voice as though from behind a thick curtain in the back of her mind, the voice feminine and with a laughing lilt to it. She felt warmth, comfort and familiarity at the sound before she squashed whatever it was. She didn't want to remember, so all those voices could just disappear, thank you very much.

The advice was sound though, and Khayl chose this as the best route to take. A quick burst of pain now and it would gradually fade into an irritating tingle before dissipating entirely. Hopefully she wouldn't pull loose a half-healed wound which would bleed freely in the aftermath.

"I will be on the quest," Khayl said, opening her eyes and tilting her chin defiantly. She kept her gaze focused on Fíli, feeling his disbelief, anger and concern pulse through their bond with a vengeance. "With you."

"And when was this decided?" Fíli asked, in that same low, dangerous tone. Khayl felt a pricking sensation in the back of her eyes as his disappointment registered. He was disappointed, in her. He took her silence as her having lied to him. Were they not supposed to be honest with one another?

"Before the funeral," Khayl replied, not needing to emphasise on whose funeral. Dís still cringed every time it was mentioned. The pain of losing Aro was like a barely healed wound; constantly itchy and eager to bleed each time it was touched. Hard to staunch once that thin protective layer of skin was sundered.

"And you didn't think to mention anything to me?" Fíli asked, trying to hold his voice steady, but it wavered at the very last moment.

"It has been so long…" Khayl began. "I had assumed that Thorin would have mentioned something by now."

The dwarrowdam turned to face the raven-haired elder, raising an eyebrow in clear judgement. His eyes were twinkling in amusement by this point and Khayl oh-so-wished she had something to throw at him and his smug face. Curse him for lumping her with this! He had no consideration for others and a streak of mischief as wide as the two brothers combined.

"But why?" Fíli asked plaintively, his anger fading. As much as he didn't like the circumstances, he could see how such an oversight could and did occur.

At long last, Thorin stepped forward to take some responsibility upon his own shoulders. "I asked it of her Fíli. Her help will be invaluable. You know we need every able-bodied dwarf that we can find."

"Thorin!" Dís snapped, awakening from her silence at last. She fixed her brother with a chilling glare. "Khayl is not just a dwarf! She is a dwarrowdam, and betrothed to your nephew! The heir! You don't just ask the future queen to go tramping off across the land on a mission that could well cost her life!"

The family dissolved into a massive argument of the kind only dwarven families seem capable of. Fíli and Dís bore down on Thorin who withstood them, his arms folded stolidly across his chest, glares filled with blue ice going in all directions. Khayl, for her part, felt numb. She muttered a quiet, unheard excuse me before shuffling over to the hall where she leaned against the cool wall. She closed her eyes and inclined her head upwards.

When Kíli approached her, Khayl looked almost to be in some form of prayer, her eyes shut tight, palms pressed to the wall behind her, her face tilted towards the heavens and her mouth moving in a silent chant. It took a moment, but he soon realised that she was just repeating one word over and over, like the beating of a marching drum.

Queen

Queen

Queen…

"Khayl?" he asked, stepping forward and brushing a touch across her shoulder. Her mouth stopped moving and she stiffened minutely, but did not open her eyes. She released an enormous exhalation, breathing out as though she could banish all her pains and issues with that single freed breath.

"Marrying Fíli," Khayl paused, choking a little on the words she was to say next. "Marrying him, I will become the crown princess, yes?"

"Yes," Kíli watched in concern as her mottled eyes edged themselves open and she stared at him beseechingly. The sounds of his family snarling at one another drifted through the wooden wall and closed door, muted but not utterly obscured. "And one day you will be queen. You will stand next to my brother and represent our people with strength and decorum."

Khayl cracked a smile. "That actually sounded like something a prince would say."

"I have my moments," Kíli smirked, pretending to be quite chuffed with himself. He was just glad he got her smiling again. He couldn't stand to let this affect her; she already had already suffered through too many difficulties, more even than any of them knew of, he thought. She would be a fine and capable leader when the time came. She had already proven herself skilled in this way when they escaped from the clutches of the orcs. He had utter faith in her, and not just because she was his best friend and future sister-in-law. Kíli leaned forward and wrapped his arms around her frame, her own hands coming up to clasp tightly at the back of his shirt. "You will be fine, Khayl. You won't be alone, no matter what comes."

"I know. Thank you, Kíli. I just- I freaked out for a moment there," Khayl admitted with a small, rather embarrassed smile. She released him and reached up to scratch her ear sheepishly. "I guess I just hadn't thought about it all. I've never really think of you all as royalty, either."

"That's the scary thing about going to reclaim the mountain. Erebor," he adverted his eyes from her, as though he was ashamed about what he was saying. "Here, Fíli and I don't really have any responsibilities or anything. We're just like everyone else for the most part. There's no need for ceremony. But once we get the mountain back we'll be princes for real. Thorin will be King and everything will change. I don't really know how I'm supposed to, you know, adjust to that."

Kíli stared at the floor for a moment, uncharacteristically sombre. Khayl nudged her friend with her arm.

"Hey now, at least we'll be able to fumble along together," She said with a bright smile. Kíli grinned in response before looping his arm through Khayl's.

"Shall we?" he asked and she nodded with a small smile, patting his forearm as though they were a genial old couple.

"We shall, my dear," Khayl concluded primly before allowing Kíli to guide her back to the others. He pushed open the door and they stood on the threshold for a brief moment, just in time to hear Thorin swear and to see the exiled King topple over in an undignified heap.

"Wha-?" was all that managed to escape Khayl's mouth before she was laughing right alongside the others, ignoring Thorin, who glared reproachfully at them all before scrambling to his feet and dusting off his coat with as much dignity as he could still scrape together. Which to say, not a lot.

"King-Under-The-Mountain, Thorin the Almighty Oakenshield," Dís teased, smirking at her brother. "Defeated by a lowly footstool!"

And with that Thorin mock-snarled and lunged after his younger sibling. Dís, the radiant, sophisticated, princess of Durin's line, shrieked like a young child and neatly evaded him.

"How did this happen?" Khayl asked, somewhat in awe as Dís, in her heavy skirts and finery, escaped her big brother again and again until Thorin managed to snag one hand on the trailing fabric. He yanked on it and dragged Dís towards him, both of them laughing uproariously as the princess continued to struggle.

"I said something cruel," Fíli said in an serious undertone in Khayl's ear so that Kíli wouldn't hear. "I think he stepped back so he wouldn't strike me. Then he just … tripped over the stool."

Khayl gave him a pointed look out of the corner of her eye, one that he interpreted in an instant, guilt weighing on his mind.

"I will apologise," Fíli said, taking her hand and running his thumb over it before he manoeuvred her back out into the hallway where they could talk without interruption. "But first I want to apologise to you."

"Me?" Khayl asked, tilting her head. "What for?"

"For doubting you."

"Fíli, no – you didn't-" Khayl tried to say, but the words just wouldn't come. Fíli reached out to cup her face in his rough palms, smiling slightly, though it was a slow, sad smile.

"Yes, I did." He confessed. "Not for long, but I did. And it's not my place to doubt you, not now, not ever."

"Doubt is part of being-" Khayl caught her tongue before she accidentally said 'human.' It was a close thing and Fíli looked curiously at her for the near slip. "-of being us. Everybody doubts, all the time."

"You never seem to," Fíli said with a smile. Khayl snorted.

"Yes, I do. All the time." She admitted.

"She does," Kíli chimed as he wandered past absently.

"Your brother is so … peculiar." Khayl said as she watched the brunette disappear back into the kitchen.

"That's why the two of you get along so well," Fíli responded with that cheeky grin she had come to know and love so well.

"Ass."

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Once again I must apologise for this being horrendously late. So, I am truly sorry. I hope you enjoyed though. A bit of silliness but some deep stuff too.

As no doubt most of you don't know, I'm in year twelve, my final year of school this year. Or at least I was. I've now kinda unofficially dropped out. I mentioned a few months ago about injury, well I have bad back pain and it has recently increased tenfold for no explainable reason to the point where I can no longer attend school with continuing to aggravate my pain. So for a few weeks now I've just been trying to get my feet back under me and acclimatise to my new existence. In that I am living at home (17 still) in the country and am still inching towards my license. Until then I can't get a job.

Now, while this is negative for me in some ways and was temporarily depressing, I'm bouncing back as I always seem to do and am getting stronger each day. That means this is a positive for you guys! I have more opportunity to write and am spending much more time on creating better chapters for you guys! Wooh!

It also means I've become extremely lazy, but reviews motivate me like nothing else! *hint hint*

Also - and this is the final thing, I swear – I have started that other story I mentioned! Yup, Another Road (Whichever Way We Go) is the title and you should all go totally check it out. If you haven't already then you obviously don't follow me as a writer, which you totally should because I upload loads of different Hobbit stuff. (This is another one of those *hint hint* moments!)

Side note – check out my profile because I now take your prompts and make wonderful, literary things! Er, stories.