Title: Love is a Battlefield

Author: Evil_Little_Dog

Rating: Teen

Disclaimer: This is a derivative work, and, as such, I make absolutely no money writing this. Darn the luck.

Summary: Tony and Pepper Texting.

Notes: From Comment_Fic.

I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me.

I am not getting you a battle ostrich. Is there even such a thing as a battle ostrich?

There is. I want one. I've seen one, and I want one.

Not in the bedroom.

Are you sure.

Positive. No ostriches in the bedroom. Especially not battle ostriches. Wouldn't they have those spiky things on their feet? Can you imagine, us, in the middle of something, and your ostrich puncturing one of us? Hopefully you.

That's just mean.

And while we're on the subject, no battle elephants in the bedroom, either. In fact, let's just say the bedroom is off limits to any warfare-inspired anything.

C'mon, Pep. What about that samurai outfit I bought? You said I looked sexy in it.

I did? I can't remember that. Must've been a lapse of judgment.

I remember you drooling on my sword.

Is sword a euphemism for penis? I'm betting it's a euphemism for penis.

Well.

It is, isn't it? Oh, god, you're such a sleeve. SLEEVE. Damn autocorrect. SEIZE.

You mean sleeze? Honey, you love it.

I do not.

So, are you meeting me for an afternoon in the bedroom and some role play?

There aren't going to be any ostriches, are there? Or dice. No dice, Tony. Dice is a deal breaker.

No dice or ostriches. Promise. Just you, me, and my sword.

That has to be a euphemism for penis.

*giggle*

~end~