Bertholdt stuck close to the shadows as he made his way through winding streets and back allies. It was raining lightly, and while that made everything rather chilly and miserable, he was rather thankful for it sine that meant there were few people outside and those who were didn't pay him any mind. Finally, he ducked into the specified meeting place- which was thankfully sheltered from the rain.

"You're pretty stupid to come out here; it'll look pretty suspicious if you disappear right before a mission where the Survey Corps Titan Shifter get's kidnapped." Said Annie tonelessly from her perch on a box in the corner.

"Hello to you too Annie." Sighed Bertholdt pulling off his hood and shaking stray droplets from it.

"And why the hell didn't you send Reiner at least. Only a handful of military shits are as tall as you. If someone see's you then it won't take them long to figure out who you are and then how will you explain what you're doing all the way in here." Continued Annie in disapproval.

"I'll just tell them I am visiting a sweetheart up here or something." Said Bertholdt smiling weakly.

He decided that Annie's glare could probably make anyone sweat, no matter how chilly it was.

"I am joking." Mumbled Bertholdt nervously raising his hands defensively.

"You'd better be." Glowered Annie. If Reiner were there, he probably would have made some joke about Annie being a right little ray of sunshine about then. But Reiner wasn't there. The reason for his absence caused things to clench uncomfortably at Bertholdt's insides.

'I can't leave him all defenseless Bertl. I just can't. You go on without me.'

"So? Everything in place for the mission? They finally give a date for this damn expedition? You have Eren's position for me?" drawled Annie breaking him out of his thoughts.

"Oh- yes, I do." Said Bertholdt blinking and shaking his head as he pulled out the thankfully still dry papers from underneath his cloak. It was times like these that Bertholdt was thankful that Annie had gone through the same training as him so that he didn't have to explain what all the complex military maneuvers meant. Instead, she took the papers wordlessly and skimmed the contents with a frown on her face.

"The more I look at the plan the more I still think that it would make more sense for Reiner to nab Eren." Commented Annie, "It'd be relatively easy for him to just take out his squad and be declared MIA. His armor is better suited for this kind of mission and he can cover more ground because of how massive he is. If I go they'll know there is another one of us. They'll assume that it will be the same person who took out the titan experiments before and they'll be right. Heck, they might even connect the dots about Marco. My absence will be noted from the Garrison and everyone knows that the three of us came from the same village. If one thing goes wrong, if we missed some evidence somewhere, they'll be on us like flies. And honestly, the center of the walls is a bad place to make a run for it."

"That's all true but…" Bertholdt hesitated before sighing, "I think Reiner's compromised."

"Oh?" asked Annie raising a delicate eyebrow, "More than his usual mental handicap?"

"He's gotten… attached." Admitted Bertholdt with some difficulty. The sting of betrayal still throbbed painfully every time he watched Reiner these days.

"To?" asked Annie frowning.

"I don't know. To the other trainees, to life as a soldier, to the Survey Corp's cause… To Eren." The last part may have come out a little more bitter then he meant because Annie gave him a look.

"…Can't take a little competition?" asked Annie with what might have been the edge of a smirk.

"Annie… what the hell are you talking about?" asked Bertholdt frowning at her as he dragged a hand through his hair stressfully.

"…If you are stupid enough not to have figured it out I am not going to bother telling you." Said Annie with a deadpan expression, "I agree with your assessment though; if Reiner is so conflicted then it's better not to have him screwing up key battles right now. I have no problem being the one to take Eren back to the elders, I am just saying it's not ideal."

"Thank you." Mumbled Bertholdt, though he felt slightly insulted.

"In the mean time, keep an eye out for Reiner. Make sure he doesn't do anything stupid that'll give himself away." Said Annie hopping off her box and stashing the papers away.

"As always." Sighed Bertholdt feeling his bitterness creep up again at always merely being Reiner's babysitter given the massive size of his titan that made traveling or complex battles unrealistic. Stuck watching Reiner obsess over the green-eyed titan shifter. Annie gave him a look.

"And for fucks sake Bertholdt, if you're so jealous do something about it. Just maybe wait till after the mission so Reiner doesn't spook or something." Sighed Annie rolling her eyes in annoyance before departing leaving a spluttering Bertholdt in her wake.

"I am not-! That's ridiculous-!" Bertholdt stammered, though there was no one around to hear. Huffing, Bertholdt pulled his hood back on and tried to convince himself his cheeks weren't burning as hot as it felt like they were, "Jealous… ridiculous. What have I to be jealous of?"

He kept a steady internal dialogue of all the reasons why Annie was wrong all the way back to the group of merchants that he'd come into town with. Bertholdt continued to perfect his argument- of why he was only bothered by the things Reiner was doing because it seemed like he was losing sight of their mission- all the way back to the Survey Corps base. A pleasant drowsiness was just settling into his bones- the stress unwound slightly as he felt properly secure in how not-jealous he was of Reiner's straying loyalties- as he trudged back to the barracks. It was then that Bertholdt noticed a bulky blond form sneaking up the wrong side of the stairs across the room.

It wasn't until Bertholdt had followed him almost all the way to Corporal Levi's room that realized what his friend intended to do.

"Reiner- you idiot, no!" hissed Bertholdt tackling his friend to the ground before he could get any closer to that door.

"Let me go Bertl!" Reiner snarled back and he struggled, "It needs to be done!"

"And it will! Just not now," winced Bertholdt as his friend elbowed him in the gut trying to get free, "If you do something now you'll only sabotage the mission and get us all killed."

"Fuck the mission! You didn't see him today Bertholdt! He's a mess! He's falling apart at the seams and I can't just sit back and watch this anymore!" hissed Reiner savagely still fighting. Bertholdt whimpered as another hit found its mark. He might be the taller and more skilled of the two, but Reiner was slightly stronger and cared less about holding back. Sooner or later he'd probably break free.

"Hey! I think I heard something up here!" called a guards voice causing both boy's to freeze. Without talking about it they quickly scrambled to their feet. Bertholdt tried to dash down the stairs but Reiner grabbed him by the jacket and hauled him into the supply closet instead as the guard rounded the corner with a lantern.

"See, there is nothing here." Grumbled the guard. Bertholdt had stopped breathing. Reiner had him pressed against back of the closet at an uncomfortable angle with cleaning supplies digging into his side. He could feel his friend's breath hot against the sweaty skin of his neck and feel his heart hammering next to his from where they stood chest to chest in the cramped space barely big enough for one small person, let alone two large boys.

"I could have sworn I heard something…" insisted the other and Bertholdt closed his eyes and swallowed as light shone through the cracks of the door from where the guards stood one just the other side of the wood. Reiner must have felt him starting to freak-out because he squeezed him reassuringly and spun soothing circles on his hip with one hand. It was probably just platonic. No, it was definitely platonic. He kind of wished it wasn't platonic.

Bertholdt's eyes snapped open and he went stiff as a board.

'No… Please no…' his mind begged his heart while his heart seemed to cackle 'Oh, hell yes!'

Reiner pulled his head away from his neck and he could feel his questioning gaze, but Bertholdt couldn't look at him. He was afraid of what he might do. He was afraid of what mistakes he would make while in the close embrace of his childhood friend. He was afraid of looking into Reiner's eyes and seeing only friendship. And what Reiner might see in his eyes.

"Come on, let's go back. Someone would have to be stupid to try anything right outside the Corporal's room. I heard he's murderous when he get's woken up." Spoke up the guard after a beat or two of silence.

"I guess…" mumbled the other guard and the two boys listened to their retreating footsteps.

"Bertl?" Reiner called uncertainly when they could no longer hear the guards.

"Let's go back to bed." Said Bertholdt shoving away from Reiner and practically falling out to the storage space, "I told you it was stupid to try something on the Corporal's turf. You'd be killed before you could even finish transforming and Eren would be in even worse shit that he is now."

"If you and I both went for shorty I bet we could take him out." Insisted Reiner, though he followed Bertholdt back downstairs.

"Not now Reiner." Said Bertholdt firmly climbing into his bunk and turning his back to his friend.

"Hey… what's wrong?" asked Reiner uncertainly standing on the ladder, "When we were struggling… I didn't hurt you did I?"

"Reiner… go to sleep." Bertholdt commanded quietly curling into himself.

"'kay… night Bertl…"

Eren still couldn't transform.

Hanji frowned as she skimmed over her notes of the experiment that they had conducted earlier that afternoon. The young brunet had bitten his hands too almost shreds trying to trigger a transformation. Despite that there was nothing. Not a whisper of the energy in the air that indicated that Eren might shift. Yet it wasn't that his titan powers weren't active. They were. Almost worrisomely so. The boy's healing was lightning fast. Sometimes in their experiments the wounds would start closing before they even finished making a cut. And there were other things too; pots that he had melted into a molten mass when startled, people that he had accidentally knocked out with some sort of electrical zap when they brushed too close, etc. He said he had no idea how he had done such things, nor was he able to figure out how to do them again.

Hanji had tried to convince Erwin to push back the expedition date even further; Eren's powers were really far too much of a wild card right now. He really would be a danger to himself and everyone on the expedition. Yet, for whatever reason, Erwin had refused. According to the Commander he really didn't want Eren to transform at all on the expedition. The young Titan shifter was to be kept from engaging with the titan's at all costs. Rather, he was to be used as bait to draw out those who had brought down the walls.

While Hanji was all for any plan that gave her more titan's to experiment on- particularly such unique specimens! – something seemed very off about the execution of this strategy. Over the years she had learned to trust Erwin in his decisions. Though she didn't always approve of the methods he used, she had learned that the things that Erwin did were usually some sort of manipulation of circumstances that- while not always immediately apparent- were for the betterment of humanity. On the surface, this gamble to catch the titan spies seemed like exactly something Erwin would do… actually it seemed like something Hanji might suggest herself. But there was something… off about the whole thing.

Idly, Hanji tapped a rhythm against her over crowded desk as she grimaced down at her work without really seeing it. The thing that was probably the most disturbing about this whole thing was Levi's response. Or rather, his lack of response. Not that he ever went against Erwin, but she had expected him to throw a bigger fit about the lives this expedition would cost… that he would demand explanation. But, other then a chilling glare in Erwin's direction, there had been nothing. And that wasn't the only troubling thing; lately there had been a weird energy running between Levi and Erwin. A strange tension that Hanji couldn't identify the source. However, though Levi's frustration and anger seemed to be aimless and constant, Erwin seemed calm and composed most of the time with random spot's of cold intensity that would occasionally break through his mask. The tension seemed to be peaking for both of them and Hanji couldn't help but worry what would happen when it broke.

The eccentric woman was brought out of her musings by a tentative knock on the door.

"Come in~" she called quickly stuffing her notes away and placing a smile on to her face. To her surprise a short head of blond hair poked cautiously around the door. She recalled that he was one of Eren's close friends, though she couldn't immediately remember his name.

"U-um, Cadet Armin Arlert requesting permission to speak!" he said nervously coming in and saluting her stiffly.

"At ease Armin. C'mon and sit down and tell me what's up." Said Hanji cheerfully though she was internally very curious about why he was there.

"Thanks." Mumbled Armin sitting down and taking a deep breath, "I know you don't know me very well, but I want you to listen to what I have to say."

"Of course!" agreed Hanji though she couldn't keep from raising an eyebrow questioningly.

"I assume you are already aware that something is up with Eren? Something that is affecting his titan transformations?" began Armin taking a deep breath.

"Hmm~" hummed Hanji non-committedly. Of course he knew she knew, but she wanted to hear what he thought was 'up with Eren' before saying anything.

"Eren… has been avoiding Mikasa and I for a while. At first I thought it was because he was ashamed about taking a swipe at Mikasa during Trost. But then I changed my mind; Eren hardly seemed notice that we were there most days… he seems to have withdrawn somewhere inside for whatever reason." Said Armin frowning. He glanced at her hesitantly to gage her reaction as he continued, "I was wondering if perhaps his inability to transform might have something to do with- I don't know- some sort of unconscious defense mechanism?"

"Defense? Why do you think that?" asked Hanji curiously. She had guessed of course that Eren's transformation problem was probably psychological, but she had assumed it was more of a distrust of his own decisions after his failed suicide attempt and fear of harming someone else. She wasn't sure what he was supposed to be defending himself from, but… Armin was right, he had seemed strangely fearful for a while now.

"He's just… afraid. I don't know. He was fine, and then suddenly he was terrible and then it seemed to get better and then worse and now… I don't know, but I thought perhaps his inability to transform might be some attempt for his body to conserve energy. After he finishes transforming he's always so exhausted he can barely move. So I thought maybe, if for some reason he thinks he'll need to try and defend himself after or heal or…?" Armin trailed off uncertainly looking up at her through his bangs.

"That… theory may have some truth to it." Said Hanji slowly looking at Armin again in a new light. Actually now that she thought about it, that seemed spot on… She wondered if he perhaps knew more then he was sharing with her, "I will look into it, thank you for sharing with me."

"O-oh, it's no trouble, thank you for listening to me!" Armin stammered seeming to remember his briefly forgotten shyness. He stood and saluted again but paused before he left, "Squad Leader Hanji?"

"Yes?" replied Hanji tilting her head curiously.

"Did something… happen between Commander Erwin and Eren?" he asked hesitantly.

"Erwin and Eren?" repeated Hanji completely thrown off guard. She would have expected maybe a question about Eren and Levi or perhaps Levi and Erwin given both pairs strange behavior, but the other two barely interacted, "Why would you ask that?"

"It's just… I can't explain it, but whenever I see them around each other the atmosphere is really… not good? Unsettling? And Eren's face whenever someone calls him to Erwin's office…" Armin frowned at the ground looking deeply disturbed, "And when Erwin returned Eren suddenly got so sick and we didn't see him for days but when we did again…. I just- something feels really- I am sorry I can't explain it properly."

"Armin." Said Hanji getting his attention, "Thank you for telling me all this. I will look into what you've told me, but know that if the Commander has business with Eren that he hasn't told me about I am sure its something that will be for the good in the end."

"Ah, yes! I agree!" smiled Armin, "Erwin is a good Commander. I am just worried about Eren."

"Dully noted," smiled Hanji nodding. The moment the blond had left the office however the smile slipped off her face. Armin Arlert… that boy sharper then she'd originally supposed. The thought that he could be the spy crossed her mind idly- he did seem know more, or at least catch onto secrets of the situation with the titans (that the Survey Corps. were just grasping) in moments- however she deemed the notion extremely unlikely; he'd had unrestricted access to Eren for years as his childhood friend and had never taken action against him… true he did not know Eren was a titan then… but no, Hanji was sure that whoever the titan shifters were they had slipped inside during the fall of Maria which meant it couldn't have been Armin who had witnesses to him living inside the walls his whole life. Even so, Hanji resolved to keep a closer eye on the boy, if only because if he really was that intelligent then he might make a good successor to her one day. He gave her the same unbalanced feeling that Erwin did, and she had heard snip-bits about him being a bit of the unofficial plotter among the new trainees though she'd never paid much mind to it before.

Yes, she was definitely going to keep an eye on Armin Arlert.

Because, yes, Erwin was a "good" Commander but… he wasn't always a "good" person, and people like him could easily become twisted and dangerous. For now though, she would make use of the new info/ideas that she had been given.

There are pros and cons of being numb, Eren decides. On the one hand it's great; he barely gets in trouble for losing his temper these days, he hasn't cried since Levi came back(for which he is very thankful; he does not miss the almost full body exhaustion that seems to come with crying), and pretending to be okay is a lot easier when you're not particularly feeling anything. He's very productive, the panic attacks still come but when he's numb he can completely disassociate from them and carry out his duties. Everything becomes a matter of going through the motions of being alive. It's easy enough, Eren has found, to do what is necessary to live without really living. It's kinda great.

On the other hand, it's kinda not great too. He feels tired all the time, the food he eats is tasteless and rather revolting, he is completely disconnected to the people that he cares about and they seem wary of him… well, actually, it's mostly because he avoids everyone as much as possible; he has avoided Reiner as much as possible since he discovered his secret(the older boy clearly wanted to blame it all on Erwin, he couldn't seem to accept that it was Eren's fault too… and Eren couldn't fight off the sense of shame he felt knowing that Reiner knew what he'd done), he can sense Mikasa and Armin gazes hovering at the corners of his eyes but he tries to ignore them because their concern stabs holes in his wall of apathy(he fights a sense of shame knowing he doesn't deserve their loyalty after everything that has happened), he brushes off Connie and Sasha as they try and rope him into their activities(soon they would realize that he didn't deserve their attempts at kindness).

Yes, the biggest problem with numbness was that he wasn't always able to be numb.

In real life numbness worked more like a filter then a wall; most things were kept locked away- good feelings usually- but dark painful things still sometimes made it through and engulfed him. Like shame. Always shame. Shame was a constant presence in his life that grew and grew and seemed set on devouring him whole. And he didn't feel like he deserved to stop it. It was not just shame about the things that had happened with Erwin and the Military police; it was shame about being able to transform into a titan these days, it was shame about know he wouldn't be able to control his titan even if he did, it was shame about being such a coward and nearly taking his life, shame about his friends, shame that he was letting everyone down when they were depending on him, shame for letting things get so out of hand, shame for letting them happen at all, shame for not being able to just get over this shit now that it was over, and just shame shame shameshameshame!

Other people might not piss him off all that much these days, but walls above! Some days he wanted meet himself just so he could shake the other him… maybe even punch the other him in the face. He was such an irritating person, his behaviors were so irritating and he didn't even have the magical titan powers to redeem himself anymore! He didn't know why his superiors or peers tolerated his presence most days; if he was pissing himself off this much, surely it was 10x worse for everyone else.

"Oi! Jaegar!" came a pissed off voice startling him from is thoughts. Eren looked up from the gear that he had been oiling that evening and turning to see Jean stomping over to him looking pissed off. 'Oh joy~!' Eren thought sarcastically.

"What do you want Kirschtein?" he sighed. He honestly didn't care about their petty feuds and rivalries anymore and he really didn't want to fight. Mostly, Eren really hoped that this was going to be over with soon; he had more things to do today.

"Don't give me that, you piece of shit." Jean snarled grabbing him by the collar and knocking over his work. Eren tried to be annoyed but he couldn't seem to muster up the energy. Panic tried to claw its way forward at being manhandled but he ignored it. 'You won't control me!' Eren insistently told his fear.

"Jean… stop it. Not today." Mumbled Eren tiredly.

"If not today then when?! When is a good time for people to come call you on your shit?" said Jean angrily shaking him. Eren closed his eyes a focused on remaining limp and not reacting.

"Jean, I really don't know what-" he began.

"You've been half-assing your duties for weeks now, not being cooperative during experiments, and you won't even try to transform-!" Jean ranted fuming.

"Whose not trying?!" growled Eren snapping his eyes open feeling some of his old anger spark within him. 'If he even knew half the shit that's gone on these past months…!' Eren thought bitterly. Well, actually, part of Eren feared that Jean might tell him to suck it up and get over himself even if he knew. He'd told himself the same for weeks now. But it was hard! It was hard and this shit didn't work like that! Instead, Eren just contented himself with snarling at the ashen haired boy, "You don't understand shit Jean."

"Then help me understand! Because from where I am standing it just looks like you're just being a selfish coward who's going to get us all killed!" Jean demanded furiously. Eren closed his eyes again feeling definitely sick now. It was true, he didn't deserve any of the trust and hope that people were putting on him. He couldn't even- He tried SO hard yet- Eren tried to focus on simply breathing, but something sharp and painful seemed to have been screwed into his chest restricting his airways. He felt kind of dizzy, he might really puke all over Jean's shoes if the taller boy didn't back the fuck off and stop touching him.

"Jean- Please let go-" Eren managed to choke out opening his eyes and staring at the other imploringly. Jean flinched in surprise at whatever he saw there and his grip on the brunet loosened.

"Eren… what the fuck? Are you- are you shaking? You're not gonna- you're not about to transform or something right?" asked Jean seeming to try and cling to his anger, but not totally able to mask the bewildered worry that had started to creep into his voice.

"I said let go!" said Eren his voice cracking slightly as he shoved the other boy roughly away. Jean stumbled slightly but went willingly enough. Eren covered his face with his hand and breathed deeply, unable to look at the other boy but feeling the weight of his gaze nonetheless.

"Eren, what's going on?" asked Jean quietly. Eren shook his head trying to wrap the numbness around himself again.

"Nothing." anymore, "Just being stupid like you said, don't worry about it… Don't tell Mikasa about this, she'll blow it out of proportion and start worrying."

"Should she be worrying?" asked Jean quietly. Eren lowered his hand and looked directly at Jean with a wry smile. Jean flinched slightly his eyes widening.

"I am getting it under control. None of you should worry." Said Eren turning away. He quickly grabbed his gear from the floor and walked away ignoring the shakiness in his legs and detached once more from the nausea coursing through him. Yes, that's right, he was getting it under control.

Jean did not follow him.

Eren returned to his room and carefully hung his gear before changing into his nightwear. Since he had learned that he was lousy at not thinking about things he didn't want to think about, Eren let the anxious and guilty thoughts stream and swirl in the back of his mind while the rest of him detached and focused on other tasks. If he pretended that the part of him that was afraid was just another person he could tune out some of their agony. Methodically, Eren went about his room straightening the already spotless space. If he didn't focus on the clean stone of the floor he could almost see the way his blood had bloomed over the cold surface the time he had almost escaped from this hell, if he didn't focus he would remember the way Erwin held him firmly down and painted every inch of this room with echo's of Eren's shame.

"Oi brat." Called Levi emotionlessly from the doorway. Eren jumped slightly as he snapped out of fevered haze of reliving those play-by-play moments inside his head. Some of the emptiness that he felt must have shown on his face because the muscles around Levi's eyes tightened slightly. The short man walked slowly over to him and knelt down on the floor beside him.

"Eren… stop, there's nothing there anymore." Said Levi grasping Eren's wrist insistently, but still loosely enough that Eren could pull away. Eren didn't pull away. The boy stared at the soapy brush he had been scrubbing over the tiles hard enough to make the edges of his fingers bleed without him noticing. He watched the smarting cuts on his hands heal feeling like they belonged to some other person.

"It's just- Everything is so filthy." Eren tried to explain despite the fact that this wasn't the first time Levi had found him like this- desperately trying to clean away the memories that haunted this room.

"Yes." Agreed Levi gently pulling the young titan shifter to his feet. Eren allowed himself to be guided next door to the Corporal's room and sat down on pristinely clean sheets. Levi stared at him hard before letting go and crossing the room to grab some medical supplies.

"Are you ready?" asked Levi when he returned. Eren nodded, by now used to what was expected of him in their nightly routine. When Levi had discovered that the wounds on Eren's arms hadn't even begun to heal(as they should have even for a normal human, let alone a titan shifter) he had insisted that every night after Eren had completed his duties that the Corporal carefully look over and treat them. Eren had insisted at first that this was not necessary since his had been just fine without treatment the whole time the shorter man had been away. Levi argued that not healing and remaining suspended in a wounded state neither getting better or worse was not doing "just fine". Eren somehow didn't think he was only talking about the state of his arms.

Now Eren worked on keeping his breathing steady and calm as Levi pushed up the sleeves of the brunet's shirt and slowly unwound the bandages. Part of Eren always wished Levi would hurry it up and just get it over with, but the other part was grateful of the cautious motions the other man went through to make him feel safe. The routine was always the same, nothing unexpected or sudden, and Eren could call pauses as many time as he wanted.

And he absolutely hated it.

He hated the fact he felt so completely safe close to this man, which interfered with his ability to be completely numb to while with him. Every gentle and careful touch seemed to hum through him and confused his already jumbled mind. The atmosphere that Levi wrapped around his seemed to chant 'with me you are protected' and his fragile heart begged to be cradled and kept in that safety always. Perhaps he wouldn't have minded that all by itself(though if he thought about it he was distinctly repulsed by his own instincts) but there was another [art to it; because his body recognized that this was a safe place to break down and fall apart, all the pain he had been ignoring and suppressing all day suddenly washing over him in waves and waves.

"It's finally starting to build up some scar tissue." Mused Levi softly pausing rubbing the ointment carefully into his arms to trace the tough pink skin that was beginning to outline the gashes with the tip of his finger. Eren shivered, not sure how he felt about the intimate touch. Levi paused at the movement and immediately searched his face, the implied 'was that too much?' hung in the air between them and Eren forced himself to shake his head slightly even though it had been a bit much. Apparently Levi had become an expert Eren-reader because he made a clear I-don't-believe-you face and backed off anyway to grab fresh bandages. Eren wasn't sure if he should suppress the warm feeling this brought to his chest or not.

Later, as usual, Eren fought and lost his daily battle of "I-need-to-go-back-to-my-room-and-sleep-in-my-own-bed-as-is-appropriate-of-a-subordiate-soldier vs. sleeping-next-to-Levi-makes-me-relax-enough-that-I-actually-CAN-sleep-AND-it-helps-keep-away-the-nightmares". He always started out the night with his back to the Corporal as they lay together in bed and ended it with waking up cuddled up as close as can be to the other clutching him tightly to him. Levi never held him back. Eren wasn't sure if this made him relieved or disappointed. Mostly relieved, he thought. He had no idea what Levi thought of the arrangement; he never commented, no matter how disgustingly clingy Eren got in his moments of weakness. Eren almost wished he would so he at least knew where he stood with the man.

They barely talked these days beyond what was required of both of them, though the amount of nonverbal communication between them was increasing daily. Still though, sometimes Eren would catch Levi staring at him with an unreadable expression and absurdly the shifter would recall that he had kissed this man once of his own accord. The only man he had ever kissed because he'd wanted to actually. Though Eren wasn't sure what the fuck had possessed him to want that at all back then. The idea of desiring anybody physically was completely incomprehensible to him at this point. Like why? Why on earth was he supposed to want something like that? Did Levi want that? Because of Eren's advances he wondered if Levi assumed or- heaven forbid- expected things from him. The idea was enough to make him want to flee somewhere far away where no one would ever find him. He dreaded Levi ever asking and having to explain that he really didn't want a relationship like that, that he couldn't even imagine himself wanting a relationship like that ever.

But Levi never asked.

Perhaps he already knew.

Whatever the answer was, Eren tried relish what he had right that moment- the undemanding warmth of Levi beside him, the absence of unwanted attentions from Erwin or others, the quite peacefulness of the Survey Corps headquarters in their daily routines- because Eren had a feeling that all of this(no matter how not-good he was feeling) was just the calm before the storm.