To Be Here

DISCLAIMER: I do not own them, much to my eternal sadness. I am but borrowing them for just a little while.

A/N: I do not write fan fiction. That is to say, I never have before - for any show. I was never planning to, either, content to watch the show and read and enjoy the amazing works of fiction produced by others who love the show as much as I do. Then one day, while I was innocently minding my own business, Raydor and Flynn marched into my head - and promptly staged a sit-in, refusing to leave until I told their story. Or, at least, my interpretation of their story. So, inevitably, I gave in (who could ignore the Raydor death-stare or Flynn's puppy-dog eyes?) and this is the result. It's far from perfect, so comments are appreciated but please do try to be kind! I am, after all, just a hopeless fangirl with my two favourite characters yelling directions from the sidelines. Who am I to ignore them?! (And no, despite the promises, they haven't left yet!)

All mistakes are mine alone.

Set a few weeks after the second season finale. Adult themes are present throughout.

CHAPTER ONE :: All I've Got To Say

Sharon Raydor smiled softly to herself as she surveyed the scene before her. The Major Crimes division was celebrating the closure of a particularly difficult and ultimately sad case involving the death of a high school senior at the hands of her own father. They had all been affected by it, one way or another, so when Sykes had suggested that they go for a meal together - a kind of unofficial debriefing - they had all jumped at the chance to unwind. Even Buzz, who wasn't always one for team bonding sessions, had agreed to join them.

So here they were at a cozy little Italian place close to the office - a hidden gem that Flynn had discovered - eating and drinking together late on a Friday evening. Sharon had been touched when Provenza came to her office to invite her. She hadn't expected it, but she was certainly not going to say no.

She looked around at the group. Mike and Buzz were having a friendly disagreement about the best way to use some new software that had been introduced into Electronics. Provenza was regaling Amy and Julio with stories from his early days in Robbery/Homicide, making Sharon chuckle while Flynn rolled his eyes in an exaggerated fashion. She and Andy had been around long enough to remember some of the incidents that the older lieutenant was now liberally embellishing.

Ah yes, Andy Flynn.

He had long been her closest friend on the squad. The first to accept her. Her first real ally. Just lately, though, he had become so much more than that.

Sharon had felt his eyes on her all night when he thought she hadn't been aware of him. And she was getting pretty good at pretending not to be aware of him, especially at work. The truth of it was, however, vastly different. Over the past few months she had been hyperaware of his presence: of the gentle waft of his aftershave as she passed his desk; of the warmth of him standing next to or behind her in the murder room - it was funny, she thought, how they always managed to gravitate towards each other there; of the sound of his voice; of his eyes burning into her through her office window; of the ever-present guiding hand at the small of her back that from anyone else she would find patronising, but from him was a source of reassurance and even comfort.

It had been worse since the wedding, of course.

They had danced together a little that night. They had laughed a lot. Andy had cried proud tears over his little girl getting married and Sharon had squeezed his hand tight, stroking his arm gently and leaning her head on his shoulder as his arm came around her and held her close.

He had kissed her for the first time that night, too. A chaste, respectful kiss, yet the passion she felt behind it had taken her breath away.

Their evening at The Nutcracker had gone much the same way. A look here, a touch there, soft kisses as they said goodnight. She hadn't wanted him to leave her that night - and she knew he hadn't wanted to go - but she couldn't find the courage to ask him to stay. So she had let him leave and things had returned to normal. Almost.

Tonight, the subtle shift that had been slowly happening in their relationship continued unabated. They sat next to each other at the restaurant, completely comfortable in each other's presence. Almost without her realising, Sharon's hand would come to rest occasionally on Andy's arm as they talked. He leaned in to her frequently, to share a joke or whisper a comment about one of Provenza's ridiculous stories. His lips would brush her ear as he did so, her head then leaning on his shoulder as she laughed. They had been moving closer together all evening, until their thighs remained touching, neither one of them willing to break the contact once it had been established. Each seemed to have an innate need to touch the other, to keep some kind of physical connection throughout the evening.

Neither of them was drinking: Andy for obvious reasons and Sharon because she was driving herself home later on. The rest of the team was very far from drunk, but they were certainly more relaxed than they might be without the benefit of alcohol. Sharon didn't mind. She liked seeing them off duty like this. She liked that they were no longer afraid to share this side of themselves with her.

She was proud of these people, she realised. She was honoured to be their leader. She had come to love this team. Her team. She finally had their acceptance and it meant the world to her.

It was almost eleven when Sharon pushed her chair back and stood, reaching for her blazer.

"You're not leaving, Captain?" Amy asked, sounding disappointed.

"I am, I'm afraid," Sharon replied with a small smile. "I promised Rusty that I wouldn't be late."

"You know, the kid is fine without you," Provenza piped up. "Not that I mind you leaving, of course." She could have taken this as an insult, except that she knew him well enough by now to know when his gruff demeanour was an act - which was most of the time these days. They had overcome their hostility and reached a state bordering on real friendship - although the lieutenant would rather die than ever admit that.

"Of course, Lieutenant." Sharon bowed slightly, suppressing a giggle as she did so.

Andy had stood at the same time she did.

"I'll walk you to your car."

It was a statement of intent, not an offer - one which earned them a knowing look from the by now slightly inebriated Provenza. Sharon hummed her acquiescence as Andy helped her on with her blazer, a puzzled look on her face and what she could only describe as a nervous feeling settling suddenly in her stomach.

He reached for her hand as they exited the restaurant and she held his tightly, their fingers laced together. They strolled to her car in silence and Sharon started to think that maybe there was no reason for her unexplained anxiety after all. She unlocked the vehicle and turned to face him with a smile. He leaned down to her, kissing her gently on the cheek, and she turned back ready to leave.

"Sharon, wait!" His voice was urgent and so was the touch on her arm.

Suddenly, the nervous feeling that had developed while still in the restaurant turned to abject terror as Sharon realised that she knew exactly what he was going to say.

"Sharon." He took her hand gently, turning her to face him. "We have to talk about us." He looked into her eyes earnestly. He was determined to finally say what he had been feeling for so long. "We've been dancing around this for too long," he started. Sharon looked quickly at the ground, only meeting his eyes again when she realised that he wasn't going to continue without eye contact. He wasn't going to let her hide - not this time. "We've wasted so much time," he told her, sadly. "We get closer than we've ever been and then something happens and we drift again. I don't want to drift any more. I just want to be with you."

"Andy..." Sharon was conflicted. She wanted this, yet she was scared to make the leap. Terrified of letting him in. It was stupid, she knew. When they weren't actually talking about it - at the wedding, at the ballet, at her home - they couldn't have been any closer. Anyone looking at them would just assume from their body language, their interactions, that they were together. Hell, his family had assumed exactly that - and she had let them. Yet when the issue was actually voiced, all her insecurities - all the crap that Jack had used to completely fuck her up over the years - bubbled to the surface and all she wanted to do was escape. She knew it was irrational. God, she knew he wasn't Jack. She just couldn't seem to help the way she felt. She took her hand back from him and immediately shoved both of her hands into her blazer pockets. Andy sighed, frustrated. She was hiding again - he could almost see her putting the walls up. He had expected this reaction, even while he was hoping that it wouldn't happen. At least she was predictable.

He put his hands on her shoulders to stop her from turning away. Whatever the consequences now, he needed her to hear this. "I know that there are probably a million and one reasons why we shouldn't be together," he continued forcefully. "But dammit, Sharon, I'm in love with you!"

Her eyes widened in shock at the admission, but she wasn't surprised. She had known he loved her, even if she had chosen not to acknowledge it, even to herself. She had felt it in his kisses. She had heard it in the panic in his voice when he called to tell her of the threat in her building - and the terror when he realised that she was going after the stalker alone. She had seen the truth of it in those eyes that night - the night Rusty had to leave. He had come to her late, when everyone but her security detail had left, when she was all alone. He had come on a pretext, dropping by some food because she hadn't eaten, but she knew he was there for her. He had stroked her hair softly and held her in his arms as she cried.

Her mind whirled, searching desperately for an answer, for the right thing to do. Maybe she should lie to him, tell him she didn't love him too. It would certainly be easier - but then she would lose him and she knew she couldn't do that. Besides, how could she pretend she didn't love him? She loved him so completely she thought her heart might just break with the enormity of it all.

"Andy, I'm..." she began, before stopping abruptly and swallowing the words back down. They both knew what she was about to say - and they both knew that, as excuses went, this one was total bullshit. It would be insulting to both of them to even finish the sentence: 'I'm a married woman.'

They both knew her marriage was over. If she had doubted it before, last summer had been the final straw. She had finally - and, to her own amazement and blessed relief, willingly - closed the door on Jackson Raydor. She had even changed the locks this time.

Sharon took a deep breath and tried again. She forced herself to look at Andy, to meet his gentle gaze with her own. Her green eyes, swimming with emotion, locked onto his brown ones. The openness she found there almost took her breath away. He was baring his heart to her, whatever the consequences may be. He needed her to see his sincerity and she did, absolutely. This man - her beloved lieutenant - was being painfully, unflinchingly honest with her tonight and she knew she owed him the same. The last of her defences crumbled as she continued to search his eyes with her own, finally allowing him access to all of her. Finally letting him see what was in her very soul.

"Andy," she said again, her voice only slightly above a whisper but he heard every word she said. "I love you," she said simply, watching as the fear in his eyes turned first to relief and then, finally, undisguised joy. She paused, before continuing quietly. "But I'm...I'm afraid," she finally admitted.

Andy raised his hand until his thumb came to rest on her cheek, his touch feather-light, his brown eyes so impossibly gentle. She thought she might just fall apart completely under the intensity of his emotions. So slowly, he leaned down to her so that he could brush his lips against her own - once, then again, still soft but with slightly more pressure than before.

Sharon melted. Closing her eyes, she tilted her head back to give him better access to her lips. His hand, still resting against her cheek, began to stroke her face gently. Her hand came up to caress the back of his neck as his tongue sought permission to enter her mouth - permission which, for the first time, she didn't hesitate to grant him. She wrapped her arms around his neck, bringing him even closer as she deepened the kiss, their bodies touching. He pushed her gently back until she was caught between the car door and his body. His free hand came to rest at her waist, his thumb drawing lazy circles against her ribcage. Her body tingled under his every touch.

"What the hell is taking Flynn so long?" Provenza grumbled as he waited for his designated driver to return. "Buzz. Go find him and tell him to get his ass back here!"

"Um, I'm not sure that's a good idea, Lieutenant..." Buzz stuttered. He saw the look on the older man's face and decided maybe it would be better to just do as he was told. He got up with a resigned sigh and went to the door of the restaurant. He opened it and looked around, spotting Andy and the Captain across the parking lot. He was about to call across to Andy when he registered exactly what was happening in front of him. Quickly, he ducked back inside and closed the door.

"You are so goddamn beautiful," Andy murmured, breaking the kiss so that he could focus instead on her neck. She hummed low in her throat as he trailed butterfly kisses along her collarbone, back up her neck to her jaw and finally back to her mouth. The tension that had been building between them for the last few months electrified the air around them.

Sharon grabbed hold of Andy's jacket and tugged him ever closer, sucking gently on his tongue in her mouth and causing him to release a groan. His hands moved down to her hips and he gently pulled her to him until there was no space between their bodies at all. Her hand moved up into his hair, her nails scraping against his scalp, sending jolts of electricity coursing through his body. He moaned into her mouth and she pressed her body against him, humming in pleasure at contact she felt like she had been waiting a lifetime for.

Buzz practically ran back to the table, sitting down quickly while avoiding anyone's gaze, particularly Provenza's. He was pale and there was a look of mild shock on his face which immediately had the rest of them intrigued.

"Buzz? Are you okay? Is he coming?" Provenza fired the questions at him in quick succession.

"Uh..." Buzz made a kind of strangled sound in the back of his throat and fiddled with a paper napkin on the table. "I didn't actually speak to him. He was a little...uh...busy."

"Busy?" Julio repeated, confused. "I thought he was just walking the Captain to...Ohhh." Realisation suddenly dawned when he saw the look on the other man's face. "That kind of busy," Julio grinned knowingly.

"Oh no," Provenza shook his head violently. "No no no no no!"

"I don't get it," Amy piped up from her seat.

Provenza shot her a withering glare. "Enlighten her, Buzz," he ordered.

"Do I have to, Sir?" The look Provenza gave him said that yes, he did. "Fine." He closed his eyes. "There may have been kissing involved," he grimaced.

"Oh, God," Provenza muttered.

"Lots of kissing," Buzz continued. He opened one eye, then the other. Amy's face was still a blank. "Oh, for God's sake, they were making out like teenagers against the side of her car, Amy!"

Amy's eyes went wide. "The Captain and the Lieutenant?" she asked incredulously.

Buzz closed his eyes again and took a deep breath. "Yes."

"They were...getting it on?" she whispered.

"Yes!"

A look of sudden understanding crossed her features, before she cocked her head to the side and looked confused again. "Why?"

Provenza rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically. "Because they're idiots," he said forcefully.

"About time if you ask me," Mike smiled to himself. "I was beginning to think they'd never get their act together!"

Provenza just glared at Mike in horror.

"Oh." Amy took a gulp of her drink. "So, you all knew?" she asked. "That they liked each other, I mean?"

"I can't believe you didn't!" Provenza snapped. "Flynn's been behaving like a lost puppy around her for months now, he's stopped dating, she's been going with him to all these family events - and surely you must have seen all the touchy-feely crap. You're a goddamn detective, Sykes!"

"Anyone can see they belong together. I think it's sweet," Julio said with a grin, knowing it would annoy the hell out of Provenza.

"Sweet?!" the lieutenant exploded, as predicted. "Are you crazy? It's idiotic! It's a recipe for disaster! It's...it's..."

"Calm down, Sir," Amy interrupted his blustering. "You shouldn't get so worked up, it's not healthy, especially for a man your age." Provenza gawked at her, momentarily speechless, his mouth open and his eyes wide with anger.

Mike sniggered while Julio almost choked on his beer.

"They don't even have an excuse - they're both sober!" Provenza continued his rant.

Buzz groaned and dropped his head to the table with a loud thud. "I feel like I just walked in on my parents." Mike chuckled at that and Julio grinned widely, patting Buzz sympathetically on the shoulder.

After what seemed like an eternity, Andy reluctantly pulled back. If he didn't stop now, he wouldn't be able to, and the last thing he wanted to do was spook her by moving too fast - not now he was finally under her defences. He tenderly tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and looked at her intently.

"When you're ready, I'm here," he told her softly, those beautiful eyes never leaving hers. "I'm always here."

Her reply was no more than a whisper, but he heard it anyway.

"I know." She always knew. Leaning up to him, Sharon brushed her lips against his in a goodnight kiss. Her hand was at the back of his neck again as she moved her face next to his ear. "Call me tomorrow." Her voice had taken on a low, husky quality that meant she could have asked him to do absolutely anything and he would have agreed without question.

He held her head in his hands, his palms cupping her face tenderly. "I will call you tomorrow," he promised, smiling down at her. He stepped back and opened her car door for her with a flourish. "I love you."

Sharon grinned at him, before lowering herself into the vehicle.

"I love you, too."

Andy sauntered back into the restaurant feeling lighter than he had in a long time. Of course, this bubble was swiftly burst by his partner.

"Flynn! Where the hell have you been?" Provenza squinted at him. "And why do you have lipstick on your collar?" Andy glanced down at his shirt quickly, desperately looking for the giveaway stain. It took him a minute to realise that Provenza was chuckling to himself loudly.

"Bastard," Andy muttered, feeling his cheeks redden.

"Well, if you hadn't been up to something naughty with the Captain, you wouldn't have had to check!" Provenza snorted.

"He's got a point, Lieutenant." Julio grinned at him from his place at the table, looking only slightly chastened by the glare his comment earned him from his superior officer.

Provenza leaned forwards conspiratorially. "Anything you'd care to share with the group, Flynn?"

"Yeah," Andy snapped. "You're an asshole, old man."

"That I may be, but at least I don't go around kissing my captain."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Andy retorted.

"Give it up, Flynn - you were seen," Provenza grinned slyly at him. Andy looked at Mike in a panic, which only increased when his friend nodded at him in confirmation. Oh crap. How could they have been sprung already?!

Andy huffed a little bit where he stood before regaining some semblance of equilibrium.

"If you want a ride home, we're leaving now," he snapped at his partner.

"Spoilsport," Mike grinned at him from his seat, watching Andy's embarrassment grow.

"Now, Louie!" Andy turned and stalked back outside, cursing his partner under his breath. Nothing could quite take away the giddy feeling that was underlying his anger, though. The feeling that was caused by being around her, by feeling her against him...by hearing her say 'I love you'. Andy smiled despite himself. No, nothing could take that away from him at all.