During Volume 12 Chapter 2

We approached my apartment complex. Its numerous windows formed a tower of glass extending to the heavens. Square patches of light shone through the windows in a haphazard manner, owing to the variable lifestyles of each inhabitant. The entrance to the lobby, past the glass front doors, was devoid of people. The silence was foreboding. The doors themselves were secured by modern technology, with lights blinking on the nearby intercom to warn trespassers that the security systems were armed.

I came back to my apartment everyday. None of these sights should have been new. Yet, the knowledge of what this building was housing and what was to come forced a new perspective on me, making the familiar seem foreign. When you held reservations about entering an everyday building, the comforting everyday part of it disappears.

Hikigaya seemed to be greatly unnerved. His hands were glued to the insides of his pockets, and he made repeated glances toward every inch of his surroundings. I could hardly blame him. Hikigaya and Yuigahama were walking me home, but Hikigaya may have felt that he was releasing me into a lion's den. There was also a non-zero chance that he, himself, could get pulled into the den at some point, given how my sister liked to fool around.

In contrast, Yuigahama seemed completely calm. I supposed that my sister rarely picked on her directly. Rather, she would usually only rope in Yuigahama if it helped my sister be a bother to Hikigaya or me. In that sense, she was not in fear of taking direct damage. Or perhaps I was completely wrong, and that calm expression was meant to soothe me.

We approached the intercom. To get past the front door and enter the apartment complex, I needed to use one of my keys on the intercom to let ourselves in. I withdrew my ring of keys from my bag.

However, when that cold bundle of metal was in my hands, I froze. My arm would not move to the intercom. My hands shook, jangling the keys.

I was on the cusp, but I began to falter. While we were far away at the park, it was easy for me to think tough thoughts to myself. Yet, when it came time to act, misgivings and terrors began flying in like a flock of crows.

Fear of disenfranchisement.

Fear of being teased.

Fear of bearing new wounds.

"That person… is she still here?" asked Hikigaya in a slow voice.

"…Probably," I responded.

It was a question that had an obvious answer, but the fact that the both of us knew the answer in the first place was not the point. It was Hikigaya's attempt at small talk, even though he was so bad at making conversation. The look on my face must have been dreadful if Hikigaya felt compelled to do that. I smiled in self-deprecation.

My hands did not stop shaking, and the keys did not stop ringing like a broken bell. However, I could finally move my arm. I managed to slip the appropriate key into the keyhole on the intercom.

However, I did not get a chance to unlock the door on my own.

"Oh my! Well, if it isn't Yukino," exclaimed a joyous voice.

The door was swung open from the inside. My sister Haruno held the door open and already had one foot outside. She had a look of bewilderment. She had clearly not expected to meet me in a place like this.

"Nee-san…" I muttered blankly.

She wore a light coat over a tank top. Was that meant to keep herself warm outside? If so, that purpose was soundly defeated by the fact that she did not button up the front, crudely exposing most of her thin top. Furthermore, she wore shorts rather than long pants, exposing her thighs to the cold air.

I, too, was surprised to find her here instead of upstairs. It felt unsettling that she had fit herself in to my place so comfortably that it was as if she was its owner.

"Welcooome home!" greeted Haruno.

She gruffly patted my shoulders, as if I was a terrier. Yet, the one who was acting like an attention-seeking dog was her. She beamed as if I had returned from a long journey. In fact, she was blushing like a passion-seeking maiden. However, reality would not be so cruel if things were always what they appeared as.

"…Did you drink?" I cautiously asked.

"Ahh, I guess," replied Haruno, "Just a little."

The redness of her face was not from delight but from alcohol. In addition, her eyes lacked a bit of their usual lustre, seeming like they were in need of a good night's sleep.

My sister's intentions were usually the most bothersome part, but she usually kept her conduct reasonable (even if they would go on to achieve the unreasonable). At this moment, however, her outward appearance was barely presentable.

Both Hikigaya and Yuigahama stared at her in blank amazement. Neither of them could find the right words to say.

With no one else finding the strength to retort, my sister took the initiative.

"Come to think of it, if you're back here then that means—"

I cut her off, "Yes. I have something I want to tell you."

Yesterday, I stayed over at Yuigahama's place in order for me to calm my mind. However, I gained a little more than just that.

My sister seemed unamused. She only sighed, somehow emanating much more disinterest than I expected. Rather than disinterest, I expected her to want to greedily devour anything I would say.

"…Anyway, shall we go?" said Haruno, her eyes directed at the elevators, "There's no point in us talking here."

The inclusiveness of her words was an implicit invitation for Yuigahama and Hikigaya. It was awfully sudden, and the both of them shook their heads.

"Ah, no, we're all totally going home. We were just seeing her here," replied Hikigaya, his body already partially turned around.

Yuigahama responded similarly, "Y-Yes… Also, weren't you about to head out somewhere?'

Not missing a beat, my sister instead cut off Yuigahama's exit by maneuvering around to her back side. With a grin, she used both of her hands to shove Yuigahama in the direction of the elevators.

"It's fine, it's fine," goaded my sister, "I was just heading out to the convenience store for a little."

"B-But…"

Before Yuigahama could respond, she was already halfway to the elevator. Her opportunity to make herself scarce was cut off before it could even begin.

Hikigaya scratched the back of his head for a while, wondering what to do. My sister turned his towards him and told him to "Come on, come on!". In the end, he made heavy steps towards the elevators.

If I could recall, the last time that Hikigaya had visited my apartment was last year during the cultural festival. At that time, his visit was brief. After saying his piece, he left Yuigahama behind to take care of me, in more than just my physical health. Whatever his reasons to leave were during that time, whether it was from awkwardness or stubbornness, his footsteps today were not away from the apartment but towards. In other words, he had reasons to continue forward of his own will, two of which were the fault of mine.

I could only sigh and follow after them. Of the three, one seemed much less steady than usual.

All four of us huddled into the elevator. The elevator was spacious enough for us to have some degree of personal space. Of course, this building was neither a hospital nor a mall, so the space afforded was not enough to stretch one's legs. As a result, I could smell the faint scent of wine wafting my sister.

The elevator began ascending. For a while, there was no conversation, with only the mechanical hums of the elevator filling the sound space. Three pairs of eyes silently stared at the changing LED displays. Meanwhile, the four pair of eyes enjoyed panning around the interior of the elevator. Whenever they happened to scan over me, I would feel a chill run up my spine.

Not all of us were tolerant to silence. The least tolerant person, Yuigahama, could not help but begin a conversation.

She asked my sister, "Were you drinking at home?"

"Hmm? No, no. I was out drinking. After that, I took a shower to sober myself," she responded.

Then, she turned to Hikigaya and asked, "Don't you crave for sweet stuff after drinking?"

Flabbergasted, Hikigaya rapidly shook his head and replied, "No, I wouldn't know."

That question seemed quite ridiculous since we were obviously underaged. However, my sister was probably betting on Hikigaya the rule-breaker to break from the norm. Perhaps my sister's perception of Hikigaya was a little different from mine. From my point of view, that guy possessed the tendency not to break the rules of a game but to withdraw from the game entirely.

As if re-evaluating something, my sister pondered, "Hmm. I see. Well, you would understand if you could drink."

With a disgruntled frown, Hikigaya spoke, "What's with that statement that sounds like something a sad college student would say…?"

"Oh, that's pretty cheeky," my sister spoke as she stuck out her tongue.

She proceeded to tug on Hikigaya's ear. He groaned in pain and squeezed his eyes shut. His ears rapidly turned red, seeming not to stop until they were the same colour as tomatoes.

She eyes grew deviously narrow, and she put on a grin befitting a devil.

"You will want to drink," my sister muttered, "And you will want to eat."

It was clear that she was recounting her own experiences to all of us. Yet, with her gaze directly on Hikigaya's eyes, her words seemed more like a warning for him.

Seeing my sister Haruno toy with Hikigaya brought me multiple kinds of frustrations. Yet, above all, I felt as lonely, like I was standing in an expanse of nothingness.

Before long, the ground seemed to pull out from under us for a few seconds. With a ding, the doors of the elevator smoothly slid open. My sister let go of Hikigaya's ears and walked out first, looking like she could stumble at any time.

One's personal atelier, desk, vehicle or room could be modified to suit their own personal needs. Crucial items would (ideally) be neatly placed in accessible corners. The activities that occurred in that personalized space would soon make its mark on the appearance of that space, the smells of that space, or some other tangible dimension. Because of the frequency at which one returned to that personalized space, they would take all of what made it theirs for granted.

It was astonishing how the addition of foreign objects would leave such a monumental mark.

Within my living room was a diffuser that I had not placed myself. Its appearance clashed with the décor. It emitted a floral scent whose sweetness and oiliness stung like a bee. It was like walking past a high-strung and high-class lady with heels that were as high as her ego.

To welcome my guests, I went to my kitchen to prepare tea. I had initially figured that the sight and scent was so noticeable because I was standing very close to the diffuser.

Yet, even as I stood in the faraway kitchen to boil some water in a kettle, the image of the diffuser would still be in the corner of my eye. Even as I poured out the tea leaves, the nauseating floral scent would mix with the aroma of the leaves.

From behind my back, I heard the refrigerator door opening. Turning around, I spotted my sister Haruno with a bottle of wine in her hand. That bottle was certainly not in the list of things that I had purchased from the supermarket. My sister also withdrew a wine glass from the cupboard. With two items in her hands, she skipped back to the living room.

Yuigahama aside, having someone else present in my kitchen made my hairs stand on end. Finding out that wine bottle had been sitting with the rest of my food in the refrigerator was discomforting in a way I had not thought of previously. There was a feeling that my food would be contaminated or its taste would be affected by the wine, even though I knew logically that the bottle was sealed.

After preparing the tea, I reached for some cups. I initially grabbed three. I hesitated in obtaining a fourth, since I knew one of the recipients would already have their own beverage. In the end, I added that fourth cup since she would just probably deprive someone of their cup should she feel the desire to drink tea.

I filled the cups with tea. Then, taking the cups and the teapot on a tray, I headed for the living room.

There, I found my sister reclining on the sofa. In her hands was the glass filled with blindingly bright yellow-coloured wine. Its crystal-clarity made it seem luxurious. I glanced at the bottle of wine that was resting on the sideboard. Its label was not the typical uptight kind with photographs of European themes or cursive text. Rather, it had bright digital designs, and the text was simplistic, in a sans-serif font. She had chosen a wine made not for savouring but for enjoying.

While my sister was taking it easy, Yuigahama and Hikigaya stood stock-still next to each other at a distance away.

Looking at them, my sister spoke with naturality, "Well, sit wherever you like."

"Why is my sister taking care of the guests?" I spoke before sighing.

It was as if she had the keys to this place — wait, that was true.

Yuigahama and Hikigaya still hesitated in sitting down. I placed the tray of tea onto the central table. Only after that did they find the will to move.

I was glad that I decided to bring the fourth cup. My sister immediately reached for a cup of tea and gulped it down (instead of sipping). She was clearly not twisting her words when she said that she was out drinking. Though that meant she sought alcohol, it was clear that she was willing to drink anything and everything that was placed in front of her.

Afterwards, my sister refilled her glass with wine. Yuigahama stared at the flowing liquid with sparkles in her eyes.

"Is that wine?" she excitedly asked, "Do you drink often?"

High school students had a fascination with alcohol.

"I drink everything, whether it's beer, wine, Chinese rice wine, whiskey or Japanese sake," my sister answered.

"Heehh, that's cool," glowingly spoke Yuigahama, "I always thought it was cool for someone to know so much about alcohol."

My sister was older than me, but she was still relatively young as far as life experience goes. Rather than being appreciative of the full repertoire of alcohols, it was more likely that she was fine with anything as long as it had alcohol in it. Although, leave it to Yuigahama to be impressed by someone who was speaking aloud a string of several different words.

"I don't think I really know it all that well. Whenever I go to a store, I find that just about everything there is nice, so I just tell people about my preferences and let them choose for me," my sister spoke, winking at the end.

Asking the experts to select the best alcohol for you was indeed a correct decision. However, it could also be taken as validating my sister's lack of care. Simply accepting what another person selected could merely be serving some societal function like saving face with the primary goal of injecting ethanol from any source into her digestive system. Drinking to get drunk, in other words.

I smiled to myself in self-deprecation. That line of thought sounded vaguely similar to myself, whether it was because we were sisters or because of something more disturbing.

"Sommelier!" shouted Yuigahama, "It's a sommelier!"

"Don't go off spouting nonsense if you don't really know anything about it…" said Hikigaya in exasperation.

Yuigahama's upbringing must have fortunately not been steeped in bottles of wine. On the other hand, having the bottle be too far away would make her overly naïve. Her overt idolization was dangerous in its own right; she had no idea what would await her. Just take a look at my own sister as an example. That one substance was making her more talkative and also more reckless, even for her. Hikigaya's ears was one of the first victims. Even now, he was unconsciously rubbing them.

"Wow… So cool…" muttered Yuigahama.

"…Cool?" reacted Hikigaya in disbelief.

Yuigahama excitedly spoke, "I feel that it's really cool if a woman can drink!"

With a frown, Hikigaya cautioned, "I am telling you, you should toss such a notion aside immediately…"

I returned my eyes to this apparently cool woman. The cup of tea was back on the table, and she was clutching the bottle of wine again. Her face was more flushed than before. Even though she was lying down, her distant eyes made her seem dangerously unsteady, as if she would roll onto the floor at any moment.

She was already drinking beforehand. I did not know what her limit was, but it was clear that she was close to it, if not already exceeding it. She needed a bit of relief or she really will wreck herself.

I went back to the kitchen and retrieved a plastic bottle of mineral water.

When I returned to the living room, a full glass of wine was standing on the sideboard. I sighed with incredulity. It overlapped with Hikigaya's sigh. His arms were crossed, and he had a blatant look of disapproval.

I walked up to my sister, and I thrusted the bottle of mineral water in front of her face.

"The act of drinking is not cool," I spoke in admonishment, "Being someone who knows how to enjoy themselves through moderation and decency is cool."

"That's right," said my sister as she nodded her head, "Just like me."

I eyed the bottle, beckoning her to hand it over to me. However, she stuck to being uncool and hugged it to her chest.

"Still going to drink?" I questioned her.

"There are days where you just feel like drinking," my sister replied, "Furthermore, alcohol is the lubricant of life."

"…I think that it's the source of trouble most of the time," I wearily spoke as I rubbed my aching temples.

Lubricants help a machine run better by reducing friction between contacting moving parts, increasing the life of the parts. However, the ethyl alcohol found in my sister's wine was literally a poison. Alcohol is regarded by the body as harmful and is broken down in the liver. It does not make the body work better by any means. Rather than a machine's lubricant, alcohol is more aptly compared to dust.

The poison of alcohol can affect your mind. It acts as a depressant, impairing nervous function and affecting emotions, senses and judgement. My wobbly sister was a real-life example.

As if I had never berated her, she rapidly gulped down another mouthful of wine. I could never be sure whether she ever took anything I said to heart, at least in the way that a normal person would. Rather than getting her sympathy or understanding, she was more likely to note it down and use it to toy with me later.

She downed about half the glass in a couple of gulps. It must have stung the back of her throat. Her eyes were squeezed closed while she was drinking.

She re-opened her eyes. Suddenly, they grew sharp.

"It's okay, I will listen," my sister spoke.

Unexpectedly, her tone of voice was noticeably less drunken, having sober calmness. Perhaps the pain of those massive gulps shocked her back to sobriety. On the other hand, given the quantity of wine she had just taken in, she may have hit a deathly point of no return, and that calmness could be that of a graveyard.

Whatever the case was, and however the method she transitioned herself, she was now serious. In fact, this may have been the only way that she could become serious. I lowered the bottle of mineral of water and placed it on the table.

"…Well, you aren't someone who would listen to others when you are sober," I commented.

"That's riiight!" my sister delightfully confirmed.

She held up her glass of white wine. The light liquid stood as a middleman between our eyes. The both of us knew that my words would never be properly delivered to her under normal circumstances. Only through roundabout methods would she sincerely accept my words. With the excuse of alcohol-induced abnormal behaviour, perhaps she could temporarily shelve her tendencies to rip things to shreds.

"So? What do you want to say?" she asked me.

She flicked the bottom of the wine glass. A sharp tinging sound rang through the air. She had beckoned to me: speak to the alcohol.

The air was silent. That was because I had yet to speak. The role of all the other people in the room was only to watch and to listen.

I stared at my sister's eyes through the translucent wine. Sharp eyes stared back at me. I flinched for a moment, so subtly that no one else could have noticed. But after that moment, I managed to gather my words.

"It's about us," I started, "About our future."

My sister seemed surprised and spoke, "So you wanted me to listen to that as well."

"Yes… It's about me and you, as well as mother," I said, nodding.

My sister tilted her head in confusion, as if doubting her own ears. Lowering her glass, she swirled the wine around, playing with it. It was a sign of rumination. She put on a difficult frown.

That topic was as unpalatable as it was to me as it was to her. Her reaction was understandable. She had clearly expected something that was less troublesome. Her shoulders sagged in utter disappointment.

"Oh… That?" my sister muttered, "That's not really what I wanted to hear…. Right?"

For some reason, my sister sought input from Yuigahama and glanced at her. Yuigahama stiffened her body in shock.

I moved between Yuigahama and my sister. Perhaps my sister was expecting something regarding Yuigahama or even Hikigaya. But today, this was a topic for Yukinoshita and Yukinoshita alone.

"Even so, I want you to hear me out," I declared.

My sister no longer reclined. She moved up to a sitting position. She settled the glass of wine on the sideboard. She was truly facing me seriously now.

"That's why I am going back home," I explained, "Then, I am going to have a proper discussion with mother about my future path… Even if it may not come true, I don't want to leave behind any regrets."

Like falling pebbles, all those feelings of longing, desire, frustration and brokenness piled at my feet. I broke my eyes from my sister to glance at my feet, at that invisible pile. If there was nirvana, then I had stood at the polar opposite. If there was transcendence, then I had descended. Like a statue eroded over the ages, I only stood, letting the wave of lostness wash over me.

But all of that was now lost to time, a remnant of the past. Recall had its limits. I had reached it. Therefore, I could continue.

Awash with newness, I once again faced my sister.

"At least… I want to say what I want to say properly, so that I can convince myself," I concluded.

I could feel myself smiling. There was no trickery or forgery. It was completely Duchenne, completely authentic.

There were things that were wrong, and there were things that were hopeless. Even so, this was how Yukinoshita Yukino could finally begin.

"I see," my sister spoke softly, "So this is Yukino's answer."

She appraised me with her snow-cold eyes, the usual glare that bit like ice. I had finally revealed to her a hole large enough to abuse. And that was certainly an option for Yukinoshita Haruno.

"Well, alright. At least it's better than before," she said with a wry smile.

Then, she reached back for her glass of wine. Without hesitation, she quickly drank what was left — and there was quite a bit of it.

That was her own answer. She buried her usual maliciousness in a fountain of wine.

"I understand. Since Yukino is being serious, I shall help you out," she spoke with satisfaction.

"…Help?" I nervously repeated.

"Yes," she affirmed.

Even though she had wine in her stomach, the word "help" was both foreign and unbearably familiar with regards to my sister. On the one hand, it was always improbable that she would ever offer useful assistance. On the other hand, she was not averse to poking around under the guise of helping.

Miffed by her response, Hikigaya asked, "Well, what do you mean?"

My sister smirked at him.

"My mother will not easily change her plans, so conversing with her on this matter would take a fair bit of time," she supposed, "Therefore, I will throw in a few words here and there when I see the opportunity to do so. That being said, I don't know if it will be of any use!"

She bellowed in drunken laughter. The feet of the couch she was sitting on creaked.

Against my mother, even my sister had little chance against her. Playing her usual tricks would have little effect on my mother. I chose to believe my sister at her word — including the fact that she could be useless.

The bottle of wine was almost empty. My sister's enablement would be at its end as well. She poured out her final cup. The light golden colour was just as crisp as the first cup.

To drink and to forget oneself — even frivolousness had limitations corresponding to the volume of the bottle. Once that limit has been reached, head-dizzying reality would set back in.

My sister's reaction to all of this was quite a bit better than it could have been, but this was no time to rest on my laurels.

"However, you had better be prepared to not be returning here for quite a while," my sister warned.

"…That's true," I said.

My mother was reluctant to let me live here in the first place, and she had probably convinced herself that I was falling to depravity. Once I returned back home, she would be five times as reluctant to let me go again.

But obviously, Yuigahama didn't have knowledge of all those finer details. She reacted in confusion, and my sister succinctly explained it to her.

"I was sent here because she was worried about Yukino. If Yukino's going home, she's not going to be able to come back so easily."

Then, my sister turned to me and instructed, "Pack your luggage. Also, contact mother as well. There's a need to make some preparations if you're going to go back so suddenly."

It was only when dealing with completely objective and practical matters that she could actually act like an older sister. She was far from being stupid or unwise. It was just that she didn't utilize her intelligence in ways that ordinary people would.

I had no reason to do the contrary of what she said. Actually, it was better to strike while the iron was hot.

"Yes, I will do that then," I replied.

My sister thought of something and spoke, "Well, since Yukino is coming back… I can stay here for the time being, right?"

This apartment couldn't be called my primary residence; such a thing was elsewhere. There were a number of good memories, mostly with Yuigahama. However, I did not hold an overly strong attachment to this place, nor did I station something permanent here.

"It's not my private property anyway, so do you as you please," I answered.

More importantly, I did not have a stake in the claim of this place. The decision to live here was not up to me alone. It could be said to belong to my father or it could belong to the family as a whole. Well, those two things were one and the same.

"Thank you. It would be a bother for me to prepare this and that. Yukino, go and pack your things."

She spoke rather respectfully. Perhaps my sister found it somewhat unexpected that I relented so easily. I was not the kind of person who would easily give things up, after all.

From my sister's point of view, many unexpected things must have occurred in a short frame of time.

My move back was essentially permanent unless some sort of mind-shatteringly miraculous resolution were to take place. That meant that I needed to pack almost everything.

Yuigahama suddenly came close to me.

"Ah! Let me help too!" she offered with a beaming expression.

I shook my head and responded, "It's alright. There's no need to trouble you so much…"

"It's alright, don't be so polite!" insisted Yuigahama, "In fact, I really want to help! I love packing things!"

I refused her again, but she came back with more insistence. There wasn't a need for Yuigahama to go out of her way for something like this. As a matter of fact, I had only asked her to observe in the first place.

"It's okay, it's fine!" said Yuigahama, with a hand raised.

Suddenly, the volume of her voice dropped.

"Because it seems that other than this, there's nothing else I can help with…"

Her face was sorrowful. She continued to stay in place as I had asked of her. Yet, I knew that sitting still was not something that Yuigahama would ever want to do. Watching and not doing must have been painful. It was all too familiar.

Hikigaya interjected, "Isn't that just fine? Free labour is precious nowadays. Even black companies are getting pressured by the Labour Standard Inspection Office."

He spouted off bitter nonsense that left behind a fishy aftertaste as usual. But his input was there, entwined in the sophistry. This was also familiar. Always awkward, Hikigaya just couldn't manage to say something directly without donning a few black clothes.

"Yes, isn't that just fine?" my sister agreed, "Why not stay here for the night too? If Yukino is going back to our parent's house, she won't be coming back so easily."

Unusually, her voice held none of her usual spite or jesting. It was rather gentle.

Yuigahama closed her eyes, and her lips trembled. It was evident. Opportunities to meet like this would become scarce. There was no way that Yuigahama would be able to decide to stay at my parent's place at the spur of the moment. It would take weeks of preparation, mostly mental, on both her side and mine. She would also not be able to waltz into my kitchen and make a mess, nor would she be able to recline lazily on my couch. Only in this apartment would we be able to meet up like before.

It would be the final time for a while. Because of that, it was better to accept Yuigahama's offer.

"…May I trouble you then?" I quietly asked Yuigahama.

"Of course!" delightfully replied Yuigahama.

She lightly slapped my thighs. Yuigahama's bad habit of touching people overly fondly was rearing its head. I could never get used to it.

"Thank you…" I said nervously.

But it was this bit of embarrassment that could only be felt from my interactions with Yuigahama. Getting used to it would be troubling in more ways than one.

Because of my embarrassment, my eyes began wandering around. They happened to land on my sister. She, too, was staying in this apartment. Having two guests over at the same time was something I had not expected before.

"If Yuigahama is going to stay, then we won't have enough guest blankets," I murmured.

"If it's just one night, I don't mind sleeping here," my sister spoke, smacking the couch she was sitting on, "I will probably be drinking here alone all night anyway."

She raised up the empty wine bottle. Even after finishing it, it seemed that she desired even more alcohol. I could only sigh and hope that drinking so much wouldn't lead her to an early grave.

Though, it was her desire to drink and drink that led us to a compromise.

"I see… Then, it's settled," I said.

My sister nodded her head. Then, she suddenly stood up.

"I am going to the convenience store. Want anything?" she offered to Yuigahama and me.

I did not have any particular cravings, and any pangs of hunger could be satisfied by the food in the fridge that I ought to finish off before moving out. Furthermore, because I was moving out, I did not need any other kinds of goods. I shook my head. Yuigahama reservedly shook her head as well.

Wanting to waste less time, or more accurately, wanting to more quickly transition back to time-wasting activities, my sister grabbed her coat and headed to the door.

Without my sister's presence, the air seemed to lose its stuffiness. My shoulders, which were unknowingly tense, relaxed. The scent of wine lingered weakly in the air.

After a pause, Hikigaya muttered, "Well then, I am going home as well."

Taking advantage of the lull, Hikigaya shuffled his feet towards the door as well. The night had advanced quite far. Perhaps he had felt that he was overstaying his welcome.

Yuigahama and I followed after him to see him out. When we reached the door, Hikigaya was all alone. My impetuous sister must have already rushed out, greedily seeking out her next hard beverage. Although, I doubted that Hikigaya would have wanted to accompany her on her escapade.

Hikigaya seemed to be struggling to put his shoes on. He spent a while trying to fit his feet in. To help him out, I withdrew a shoehorn.

This was, of course, one of countless times that I had bid Hikigaya farewell. Yet, this was the first time that I was properly seeing him out from my own personal property.

A silly thought came to my mind, a ridiculous comparison. At another doorway, a familial one, I had witnessed a certain scene repeatedly. There, my father's fatigued face would fall to a frown as he tried to stuff his feet into surprisingly cheap shoes that were one size too small. With a perfect smile, my mother would watch him closely behind. Then, she would extend to him the very same object that I was holding.

I shook away such thoughts, but my body ended up awkwardly trying to emulate the same motions. As a result, I waved the shoehorn around in odd patterns before I managed to hold it out in front of me normally. Hikigaya seemed puzzled for a second, but he graciously took the shoehorn.

He still took his time. Perhaps he was not too eager to leave things as is.

"My apologies," I spoke to him, "To have made you stay and join us in our ramblings…"

In hindsight, my request was thoroughly selfish. I forced Yuigahama and Hikigaya to watch drama unfold, needlessly worrying them. Such selfishness was itself childish, even though I was supposed to be trying to grow.

However, Hikigaya shook his head and said, "It's nothing. It was something you needed to do anyway."

Finished, Hikigaya presented the shoehorn back to me like a baton. He accepted my selfishness, because he found it to be necessary. I took the shoehorn back in my hands, quietly thanking him.

Scratching his head, Hikigaya continued, "Well, I didn't do much anyway. If you want to thank someone, thank Yuigahama. Good luck with the luggage."

He seemed a little embarrassed. But I didn't find it too surprising. His actions tended to either go unnoticed. Even if they did get noticed, they had always had a degree of toughness. Thus, he would be rendered thankless.

"Leave it to me! If it's about tidying, I am the one for it!" exclaimed Yuigahama.

I would have been skeptical about Yuigahama's cleanliness a week ago, but I did get a chance to see Yuigahama's room. It was not very messy, completely unlike how she would treat a kitchen counter. I was in good hands. Probably.

Just before Hikigaya stepped a foot out the door, he turned back one last time.

"Well, see you later," he muttered.

Yuigahama and I, as well, returned grateful farewells. Hikigaya bowed slightly. Finally, he slipped out the door.

Farewells were like promises. Even though the two of you were about to go your separate ways, you would wish each other good fortune. Even more so, you would wish to reunite, whether it was within a couple of days or after several years.

It was pure romanticism. Some farewells were surely permanent. The fear of that being true was what gave farewells a tinge of pain.

I was not so worried about bidding farewell to Hikigaya. Such a thing was more likely to make the inside of my mouth sugary and sweet.

I would soon need to expose myself to my mother. What would be truly terrifying would be the resultant farewells. During such a time, not even my sister would dare to drink.

Sorting through your things was akin to sorting through your memories.

Two years was but a drop in the bucket of one's life span that would move farther and farther away as the years progressed.

Even so, two years was enough to accumulate a lot of items. Each mundane piece of clothing, decoration, pen and other clothing served as memorabilia — reminders of things well-passed.

When one grew up, one would no longer be able to fit in their old clothes. Even within just two years, I had managed to sort out and create a pile of clothes too small to fit my body, much less being eligible for returning with me. I would, no doubt, have to say my goodbyes to these clothes.

I became even more thankful for Yuigahama in helping me pack. My pace would have slowed down significantly if she wasn't here talking to me, preventing me from losing myself in sentimentality.

Yuigahama would ask me if I should bring this jacket along or if I needed this blouse. Not having memories tied to those objects, she could swiftly transfer them to their proper place.

Before long, most of the objects in my room were contained in boxes or bags. Yuigahama sat on the floor, her back turned to me, to fold some of my clothes.

Yet, one part of my room was left untouched. Beside and on my bed were my several of my plushies, toys and other objects that I had accumulated over time. Which ones were my favourite? All of them, of course.

It was not likely that Yuigahama had forgotten about them. She had probably figured that such items were valuable to me. It was not unusual. Everyone had something that they held precious in their rooms, whether they kept it hidden in a closet or kept it beside them as they slept. Out of her immense consideration, she had probably thought to leave packing these items up to me.

Most of the other items in my room were only secondarily memorabilia.

I brought over a clean box and began transferring each toy, one-by-one. I grasped Pan-san by the armpits. I lifted him right up to my face.

Suddenly, an envelope fell down from his back. I froze. But only for a moment. Mostly out of reaction, I scooped up the envelope and tied it tightly against Pan-san's back, using his scarf.

I did not forget about it. I thought about it from time-to-time. I thought it was tightly secured where it was.

I cautiously glanced behind me. However, Yuigahama seemed more or less still. She hadn't noticed me behaving strangely.

I carefully placed Pan-san in the box. When I withdrew my hands, I noticed that they were trembling.

Behind Yuigahama's back, tucked away in a box, I sorted it away.