*Panic! At The Disco - The End of All Things

Click. He listened to the water rushing at his feet ─ calming, melodic, intense. He liked the sound of it; the silence of the open forest broken only by the muted scrabble of it. Click. The water shimmered in the late afternoon sun as it plummeted over stones like mirrors smooth from the relentless liquid caress. Like a hundred diamonds, the water gave back sunlight so powerful its radiance fractured the horizon, too blinding to stand and stare. The scrawny nine-year-old was content to be perched on top of a flat rock watching the fading day. Click. He pressed the button on his retractable pen again. A nervous habit he'd developed though he wasn't sure when. Maybe after the beatings started. He carried it with him everywhere now. He squinted, turning his head toward the sky, realizing his tiny spot in the sun near the creek was the only place he felt safe. He wondered if that guy the other kids were always talking about could see him; the one who lived in the clouds. Jesus. God. They said if you prayed to him, which was just like talking to him, that he would answer you and give you what you asked for if it was urgent enough. You could even talk to him in your head and he'd still hear. Well, he figured his requests were just as important, if not more, than the rest. So, for the first time, the little boy closed his eyes and prayed.

Dear God, I guess you already know who I am. You might already know why I'm talkin' to you too. But, just in case you don't, I'll go ahead and say it anyway. My dad, he's a bad man. He hurts me; my brother too. I don't know what to do. Please help us. I want him dead. I don't wanna go to no foster home. Merle says they separate you from your brothers there. But if you kill him, we can run away and get by on our own. Merle said so. You have to. I just wanna be happy. I know it's a lot to ask, but I can't do it since you say killin' people is a sin and I don't think I can. Please, if you're real and as powerful as they say, you'll do this for us. If you don't kill him, I know he'll kill us. He'll kill me.

The boy used the back of his hand to wipe the tears from his cheek and moved to swirl his toe in the running water. Click.

"Daryl!" An angry, brusque voice pierced through the trees, echoing in the boy's ears. "You better bring your ass here right now, boy!"

Click..click..click..click..click.

"If I have to come out there and get you, I'm a beat the shit outta you!"

The boy stayed glued to the rock, although his breathing had become shaky. It didn't matter. The man was going to beat the shit out of him anyway, no matter what he did or didn't do. Let him come. He wasn't moving. For as terrified as the boy was, he wasn't going to let his father win. Not this time.

..

"What are you doing sitting here by yourself?"

Daryl jerked around to look up at Gabriel as he was brought back to the present; thinking about past memories had sent him into a trance of sorts. A dozen dimly lit candles illuminated the, otherwise, dark church. He'd sat down on the pew staring at the painting of Jesus near the podium and somehow got lost in a memory. The group had arrived a few hours prior and was busy settling in.

"None a your business," Daryl replied as he turned back to face the front.

Hesitating only a moment, Gabriel moved to sit beside Daryl and followed his gaze to the painting. "Are you a believer?"

"Ain't in the mood for no missionary talk," Daryl said, eyes still glued to the depiction of Jesus on the wall. He'd lost count of how many people had tried to talk to him about Jesus; he'd scared them all off with a hard look and nothing more.

"I was just wondering."

Daryl paused before turning his attention back to the man, who was now donning full priest attire. "Must be nice to change wardrobe whenever you feel like it. The answer is no. Ain't been for a long time."

"I changed for the run, in case things got messy." Gabriel frowned, appearing genuinely upset by Daryl's words. "Why don't you believe in a higher power?"

"Never gave me a reason to. Not then and certainly not now. I guess he's havin' a blast watchin' us scramble around tryin' to stay alive."

"We have to have faith that it's all a part of the bigger plan God has laid out."

A familiar emotion Daryl recognized as anger stirred inside of him and he abruptly stood up, powerless to stop whatever was about to spill out of his mouth. Pacing back and forth between the podium and the pew, a string of curse words filled his head. Luckily, he was able to filter them and turn them into something less derogatory.

"Bigger plan, huh?" Spinning around to face the priest, Daryl's nostrils were flaring. "Why don't you go on and tell me what you think His plan is? What's so important that He has to let people suffer for?" Daryl pointed at the painting. "He ain't never done shit for me," he said emphatically. "Just sits back and lets it happen. Probably with a big ass smile on his face, too. Yet, he's s'posed to be loving. And just. But when a kid needs his help more than anythin', he ignores him. Some God He is."

Surprisingly, Gabriel didn't flinch; he sat listening intently with a look of concern clouding his face.

"No, I don't believe in Him," Daryl continued. "I believe in good people. People I can see. Good people listen. Good people try to help. They don't ignore your pain for their own selfish purposes!"

Daryl thought of all the times God's intervention could've came in handy in his life. There was no way Gabriel could understand his point of view; he probably led an apple pie existence before shit hit the fan. His parents were probably Christian folks as well; they probably sat down for breakfast at the kitchen table every Sunday. Gabriel didn't know anything about anything.

"I'm guessing this is a personal slight." Gabriel leaned forward, clasping his hands together. "But consider this. You wouldn't be who you are today if not for the trials you went through back then. God doesn't burden us with anything less than we can handle. It's all a part of His plan for us. It might not make sense at the time, but it will later. For everything, a reason."

Daryl shifted from one foot to the other, suddenly aware that he'd inadvertently revealed more than he should have.

"We all have secrets," Gabriel said in a low voice. "We all have a past. But all of it, no matter how bad it seems, happens to serve a purpose."

Daryl thought something like remorse flashed through his pupils, but he was feeling uncomfortable enough with the conversation. "Alright, that's enough with this chattin' about life like two old friends. Go preach to someone who gives a damn," he said as he passed Gabriel and continued to walk down the aisle.

Talking out of his ass was what he was doing, Daryl surmised. He doesn't know me. He doesn't know anything about me. He refused to believe this was all part of some big plan that everyone would be better off for in the end. The group had suffered and lost so much. Some people might deserve it, but Rick didn't; Beth didn't either. None of them did. Nobody stays happy for long in this world. He sure as hell couldn't attempt it without worrying when it was all going to fall apart again. Being with Beth had made him happy before Gabriel had taken her and that happiness was torn away from him. Now she was back with them where she belonged and he could feel the elation that came with her presence, but he still couldn't help feeling like his struggle to maintain it was far from over. Not by a long shot.

..

Dinner consisted of spinach and baked beans; it wasn't much but it was a welcomed sight for Beth, who had devoured it hungrily. Food was getting more on the minimal side and she couldn't remember the last time she'd been entirely full. Her stomach grumbled constantly and, at this point, something was better than nothing. Now, she and Maggie had made themselves comfortable on a bed in one of the rooms. Beth was writing fervently in her journal while Maggie looked on with a smile on her face.

"What?" Beth asked, shifting to her side.

"Just happy to have you back," Maggie replied. "What are you writin' about?"

"Everything that's happened today," Beth responded as she twirled her pen. She paused briefly, considering the merit of a question she'd been dying to ask Maggie for hours. "Maggie, how do you know when you're in love?"

Maggie grinned. "Well, there's lots of signs that'll help you come to that conclusion, like how much you think about them, but I think the one that matters the most is how you feel when you think of losing them."

"Empty. Torn apart, like you're missing a piece of you. Going through the motions but your heart hurts."

"Then I'd say you're in love. I'd say he's in love too." Maggie smirked.

At first, Beth didn't know what she was talking about. Then, it all made sense. Earlier, she'd whispered to her that Daryl had missed her too and she should go to him. Maggie, as sharp as she was, had caught on to his feelings and now she was informing Beth that they were both in love.

"How'd you know?" Beth inquired.

"About him? He tries to be secretive, but really, he's an open book. And you, I know. You think I didn't hear all that in the car? You might as well have told him you loved him."

Beth's face instantly grew hot. "He doesn't know…I don't think."

"You should tell him. But ease into it. Lord knows he might have a heart attack if you slap him with the 'L' word right away." Maggie said with a small smile.

Beth laughed.

"Go on. Go tell him."

"Right now?" Beth squeaked. "What if he's busy? What if he's with Rick or somebody else?"

"He'll make time for you," Maggie assured her. "Just take him to the side. I'm gonna go get Glenn to help me inventory what we've got."

Beth nodded, closing her journal and sliding it into her back pocket. She rose and gave her sister one last smile before she went out the door. This was going to be harder than she initially thought. She'd never been in love before. Jimmy had been sweet and she'd known him since elementary school, but that was just puppy love. And Zach, she'd liked him and cared for him, but she wasn't in love with him. It was easy to tell now after being with Daryl. When Zach had announced he was heading to the Big Spot with the others, she hadn't been scared and she'd been okay in his absence. But when she had to leave Daryl inside the house with all those walkers, she'd been so terrified she could swear her insides shook. The most telling thing was that it wasn't for herself; Beth was terrified for him. She knew he'd be okay, but the thought of losing him still scared her to death. She knew she wouldn't be okay without him, physically or emotionally, and she hadn't been. How was she supposed to tell him that? Daryl's reactions could be unpredictable at times. She decided to wear her heart on her sleeve, as she always tried to prevent herself from doing, and hope for the best. Now, she just had to find Daryl.

..

*Despite it being dangerous to be outside at night, Daryl found himself sitting on the steps of the house, staring at nothing in particular. He couldn't will himself to go inside, but he wasn't about to go back to the church with Gabriel either. He wanted to knock the man's head clear off his shoulders for trying to get inside of his. What Daryl wanted was to see Beth before she went to sleep; he was frustrated enough he'd had to let her out of his sight when they got there, but she and Maggie had to spend time together first. He could understand that.

"Hey." A familiar voice came from behind him.

Turning his head, he saw Beth who had managed to open the door and step outside without him hearing. Thinking about the tiny blonde really seemed to throw him off his game; Daryl really needed to work on that. "Hey," he responded.

Beth sat down next to him, but he didn't shy away from it. It was just the two of them out here, and he felt comfortable, a welcome reminder of their days alone together. They sat silently for a minute, him content to just be with her.

"I see you're still wearing it," Beth finally said, breaking the silence.

Daryl glanced down, noting the piece still dangling from his neck. "Guess I am. I been wonderin'…how you know so much about it anyway?"

"I did a paper on it back in middle school. I had to do all this research and it was all so interesting. I guess it just stuck with me. Or I'm just really good at retaining information."

Daryl looked at her in blatant disbelief. "Since when did they start teachin' about totems in school?"

Flashing that flawless smile of hers and a twinkle in her eyes, Beth responded, "It was less about the subject and more about learning how to format and write a paper."

"Fair enough," he said. "Somethin's been buggin' me about the whole Gabriel thing. I know you couldn't a seen him, but how come you didn't hear him comin'?"

Beth shrugged. "I was scared, Daryl. I couldn't hear anything over the sound of my own heartbeat. It was pounding in my ears, like something you would hear in a stethoscope. I guess I was careless, but I was more concerned about you."

Daryl paused, carefully considering his next words. "You know I never lost hope. I kept believin' you were out there somewhere, alive. You taught me that."

"I know," she said. "There's something I need to tell you before you get the wrong idea and start thinkin' crazy."

He nodded sadly, silently cursing himself for even considering the possibility that he could mean more to her than family. Beth was going to tell him it wasn't what he thought, that they could never be anything more than what they were. Daryl was so sure of it that he was already tensing up, preparing himself for the blow that would inevitably come and shred him to pieces. Stupid. How could he have allowed himself to get carried away? Love and happiness were never meant for him and he knew it. His mind had been playing tricks on him, telling him what he wanted to hear and showing him only what he wanted to see instead of the truth. Well, he wasn't going to sit there and play the fool. If he had to, he would just pretend it meant nothing in hindsight.

"That night…" Beth added, but she never got a chance to complete her sentence.

"Don't worry 'bout it," Daryl said, gazing toward the street shrouded in black. "Forget it happened."

"What?" She looked shocked. "What do you mean forget it happened? I can't just forget it."

"Why not? I did," Daryl said, turning his head to look at her.

"Liar," Beth responded, choking back tears. "How can you say that? It's not easy to just forget. We, we had something. You felt it. I felt it too. That's what I came out here to say. Some people can admit out loud they have feelings for a person, even if he is an ass." Beth's eyes were on fire now, indicating she had switched from hurt to furious in one fell swoop.

Hanging his head in guilt, Daryl realized he'd been wrong. She wasn't going to say they could never be. She'd come to confirm her own feelings. For whatever reason, he wasn't able to change gears. He'd made it a nasty habit that anytime he stuck his foot in his mouth, he never took it back; he just kept going in a similar vein until he was left alone, He'd change his tune later on but never in that same moment, no matter how mistaken he was. It was likely a childish behavior, but he didn't know how to begin to change that about himself. Besides, he was still convinced Beth was too good for him. There were still too many things she needed that he didn't think he could give. He wanted to, but he didn't know if he was capable of it. Daryl didn't know the first thing about women in this aspect.

"Listen, Beth." Daryl shook his head. "I don't know what you expect from me, but…I'm not that guy. I don't know how to…I've never been…" He didn't know how to word what he was feeling. Typical.

"You may not think you are, but I know you are. I've seen it," Beth said, taking his hand. "I don't expect anything more than what you can offer. Just knowing I have you is enough. We can take it slow, if that's what you want. But don't tell me to forget it, like it didn't mean anything."

Her hand was wrapped like a vine through his with no space in between hers and his. Her palm was small and soft against the contrast of Daryl's, rough and calloused from years of hard labor. He'd let her clasp his hand and lingered because he liked the feel of her, but he had a point to make. Carefully detangling his fingers and drawing back, he sighed heavily.

"It did mean something," he said. "But I can't be that guy. I'm not myself when it comes to you."

Beth blinked. "Yes, you are. You just don't know it because you've never been in a position to be yourself before. I swear you're just as bullheaded as me sometimes, Daryl."

She stood up and took a step towards the door before turning to face him. Daryl's heart was racing and he wanted nothing more than to stop Beth and accept the love she so obviously wanted to give. He wanted to admit that he was horribly wrong and he did want to see where things went between them, but something kept him frozen in place, watching her go.

"Look around you," she added, "things aren't exactly how they used to be. And sure, maybe you couldn't have this before, but you can now. The only thing left standin' in the way is you. Think about that." Beth turned on her heel and stormed back inside, leaving Daryl to stew in her parting words.

He felt awful; he felt sorry. However, both of these things only ended up pissing him off. He wanted to throw something, but making any kind of noise was a bad idea at this hour. He felt a compulsion to take his anger out on something, though. Beth didn't seem to comprehend why he was doing this, why he felt it was necessary to put space between them. Things had been getting too deep, and it was risky business becoming romantically involved with someone these days. It made you vulnerable. Vulnerability led to mistakes and mistakes could get you killed. It was the wrong decision; he knew that, but he had to stay on top of his game for the sake of the group and their safety. If it meant sacrificing his heart's desire, so be it. It's not like it wouldn't blow up in his face if they got together anyway. He hoped one day she would understand, but for now, he had to do everything he could to make it explicitly clear and he figured Beth would be better off for it. Daryl removed the necklace she'd given him and shoved it down in his pocket; a good first step, he assumed. He wasn't going to give it back; he couldn't hurt her like that, but maybe it would get her to see things from his perspective. Daryl considered going inside too, but he settled on giving it a minute until most of them had gone to sleep. He needed the fresh air anyway; breathing was becoming harder and harder to do and there was a pain developing in his stomach.

..

When he was sure there was no one up to question him, he'd carefully slipped inside, closing the door behind him with a soft click. Luckily, the foyer was huge so he'd been far enough away not to wake a snoozing Rick in the living room, sprawled out on the couch peacefully. Carl had made a pallet with Judith on the floor next to him. Daryl had quietly made his way up the stairs, searching out one room in specific. The first bedroom contained Carol and Sasha, with Bob and Tyreese on the floor. The second had Abraham and Rosita in the bed together and Eugene sleeping in a recliner. The master bedroom was at the end of the hall, and that's where he found Beth sleeping beside Maggie in the bed. Glenn had made his bed on a cot beside Maggie. He was a true gentleman, letting Beth take his place on the bed. Now, Daryl stood there leaning against the doorframe with the door open just enough to get a good view of the sleeping Beth. It was dark, but his eyes had quickly adjusted to the night and he could see her face well enough, the lines of care had vanished. Her breathing deep and steady, all of the muscles in her body relaxed. It had to be the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. He was aware he probably looked like a creep standing there staring into the room, but he couldn't have cared less. He was fully engrossed in the line of her jaw, the light pink of her lips, and the little dip where her neck connected with her collarbone; she was perfect.

Daryl could stand there for hours watching her sleep. He longed to be closer to her, to know what it felt like to press his lips against hers, but he had to keep reminding himself this was for the best. Nothing good came without a price, and he didn't know if he could handle it. He would have to force himself to accept that this was how things had to be and just be satisfied admiring her from a distance. The pain in his stomach still hadn't gone away, indicating it had something to do with his poor choice. He muscled through it, ignoring the meaning. He figured he should sleep, but he wasn't tired. He thought Beth being back would ease his mind enough to allow him to sleep through the night. Instead, he felt compelled to stand guard over her while she slept. He must have been standing there for at least twenty minutes before he heard a floorboard creak from somewhere close behind him. Subconsciously, he reached for his knife and turned to face the threat. Before he could raise it, he was met with the sharp edge of a kitana against his Adam's apple.

"Easy there, slick. It's just me."

Michonne. "Get that thing outta my face," Daryl said, sheathing his knife again.

Michonne lowered her weapon. "Technically, it wasn't in your face. It was in your neck," she retorted. "I could've had you, though, with how sluggish you were. What's got your focus off? I never could've gotten this close to you otherwise."

Daryl didn't respond, but one look into the room revealed what he couldn't.

"I see," Michonne said. "Can't say I'm shocked."

"What?"

"You're paper thin, Dixon," Michonne answered, referring to his recent behavior.

Jesus Christ. He should've just gone and shouted it from the rooftops with how many people already knew about it. This could possibly put a damper on his plan, but he would find a way to work around it.

"What are you doin' still awake?" he said, choosing to disregard her assertation.

"Just doing my part. Can't blame me for not entirely trusting the guy."

"I hear ya."

"So, does she know?" Michonne asked innocently.

"Don't exactly wanna talk about it," Daryl replied, his face downcast.

"Too bad," she said expressionless. "I'm already standing here and it's gonna be a long night. Enlighten me."

Sometimes, he resented how easily Michonne could push a response out of him. It's how their earlier conversations and getting to know each other had happened. She would ask him one question every hour and then pestered him until he gave her a straight answer. She wasn't going to stand down until he did.

"She knows," Daryl finally said.

"So what's the problem?" she questioned.

"There ain't a problem."

"Try again. Lying doesn't become you." Michonne tilted her head slightly.

Under normal circumstances, Daryl would've flown off the handle by now. He didn't like anyone getting inside of his personal space demanding answers. She was family, though, and he knew she only meant well. Not to mention, he wasn't that kind of person anymore. It'd take a lot more to get him riled up.

"She deserves better," he said quietly, looking back into the room.

"Now you know that's not true. It's just an excuse." Michonne was drilling her eyes into him with that signature wrinkled brow.

"What am I s'posed to do? What would you suggest I do? I'm not experienced with this stuff."

"Yeah, you don't know how to be with a woman," Michonne said. "But you know what? She's never been with a man. You're on equal footing; you just can't see it. Don't be stupid and pass up a good thing because you're too scared to take a risk. Some things are worth taking a risk on."

"And you would know that?" Daryl asked.

"Yes, I would. After I lost everything, I didn't think I could feel a damn thing ever again. 'Til I found Andrea. She made me care again when I thought I'd forgotten how. And Carl made it okay for me to loosen up, to not be so rigid. And then Rick…" Michonne's voice trailed off and she looked away at the mention of Rick, the muscles in her face appearing to relax.

It took a moment, but it finally clicked. Daryl took a step back in surprise; he'd been so caught up in his feelings and concerns about Beth he hadn't even noticed what was evidently going on between Michonne and Rick.

"You serious?" Daryl could hardly believe it.

"It's nothing serious," she responded quickly.

"Lyin' doesn't become you," he said, mimicking her previous words, "try again."

Michonne responded by glaring at him like she wanted to punch him. "My point is if you've got a shot at love, take it. It could be the only one you get." She turned, walking back down the hall. "Besides, it's obvious you two adore each other. Quit wasting time you don't have." She said without looking back. Her voice was hushed, but Daryl could still make it out.

When she'd disappeared down the stairs, Daryl closed the door to the room to barely a crack and slid down against the wall. His mind was still blown by Michonne having feelings for Rick, but it wasn't that hard to believe when he thought about it. They'd been thrust into a situation similar to his and Beth's, with the addition of Carl. Of course they would've grown close as well. Something she'd said resonated with him, though. Some things are worth taking a risk on. It was true, Beth was worth it. She was worth everything. But he couldn't shake himself of the mindset he'd gotten himself into. Maybe if they found somewhere where they could stay without worrying about dying every second, he could try for her then. Truthfully, Daryl was scared. Scared of messing up and scared of not being enough. Relationships had multiple parts to them, one being sexual. He was afraid of that too. He just needed time to think, really. Wasting time you don't have. Annoyed, he dropped his head down and tried to push all of his concerns with Beth from his mind. It was starting to give him a headache.

..

Morning approached rapidly and Daryl had spent the entire night on the floor in the hallway. Everything ached as an ugly reminder that wooden floors did not double as comfortable beds. Daryl and Rick were one of the first ones up; they went and sought out Gabriel and told him Beth would be moving on with them. Gabriel had frowned, apparently upset about it before informing the two men that he'd been alone up until he came upon Beth and was a little fearful of going back to that. Reluctantly, Rick had asked the man if he would like to join the group. He explained to Daryl afterwards that they would need the extra car anyway. Gabriel had agreed a little too eagerly, Daryl thought. It was as if he was jumping at the chance to get away from the place, like it held memories he didn't want to be reminded of. Daryl was already suspicious of Eugene; now, he had to deal with his gut bugging him about Gabriel too. If this kept up, the group was going to be full of secrets soon. At least his wasn't much of one.

The gang awoke and quickly ate a breakfast of stale Corn Pops cereal. Following that, they began to load up the vehicles with as much supplies as they could stuff in. Beth bounded beatifically out of the house with a fresh braid in her hair, looking so angelic that Daryl had to stop for a moment and stare. She placed her bag into the trunk of Gabriel's car before she noticed him. Her smile faded, confusing Daryl for a moment, before he remembered he'd removed her necklace the night before and it was still in his pocket. Immediately, guilt and sadness filled his eyes.

"Where is it?" Beth asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

Daryl shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "Somewhere safe."

"Look," Beth said walking straight up to him, "I know you're probably scared. But you don't have to be afraid of this. We're in it together, remember? Stop tryin' to push me away."

All Daryl could do was shrug, his throat suddenly closing up.

"Fine," she said and looked into Daryl's face. "If you wanna keep me on the outside again, fine. You know where I'll be if you change your mind." With that, she walked off and hopped into the van.

There went that pain in his stomach again. The tension between them was so palpable, he felt he could cut through it with his knife. Deep down, he didn't want to be doing this and he couldn't fully grasp why he continued to. It's just how he'd always been and altering it would take some real time and effort.

"Good job, dickhead."

Daryl turned to see Carl standing there, looking at him like he was a moron. Daryl was bewildered by the teenage boy.

"You better go apologize before she decides you're a douche. Then, maybe you'll get to kiss her," Carl continued matter-of-factly.

"Oh, for fuck sake," Daryl said in a strong voice. "Does everyone in the whole damn group know?! Don't anybody know how to mind their own business?"

Carl smiled slyly. "Your business is our business, Daryl. End of the world rules. Didn't you read the handbook?"

"Smartass."

"I learned from the best."

Daryl had to try extra hard to conceal his own smile; the kid sure had a way of bringing out his good-humored side. Rick called for his son and Carl moved to join him. He had a point; Daryl knew he should apologize, but he would make time for that later. Right now, he was focused on getting on the road and covering some miles. He had offered to drive the Explorer in hopes it would give him time to sort through the mess in his head but had instantly regretted it because Beth would be in the other vehicle, and he could at least admit that he still wanted to be near her. He knew he had to figure this out before he drove himself crazy. If there was anything Daryl was better at than hunting and tracking, it was self-sabotage.

A/N: Ok, I hope this pleases everyone. I added in everything I said I was going to that I forgot in the last chapter as well as a hint of Richonne wahaha. I hope you all enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I think that's all I wanted to say. As always, I love reviews so feel free to leave me some love and I'll try to respond when I can. :)