Wooing The Trickster. Chapter 17.

Tony couldn't remember a time when he hadn't traveled. He'd been the only offspring of a globe-trotting businessman and the jet-setting trophy-wife he'd acquired for the sole purpose of putting his many rivals' equally jet-setting trophy-wives to shame.

Traveling, like engineering, was in Tony's blood. He'd visited every visitable pile of dust on Earth at least a hundred times over, and quite a few of the non-visitable ones as well. He'd gone on planes, trains, buses, motorbikes, racing cars, tanks, the Quinjet, submarines, bicycles, skate boards, horses, donkeys, camels, elephants, and even -when he'd been left with absolutely no other option but to stop whining about the lack of transport and suck it- on foot.

Tony had traveled far and wide, he'd gone up in the air and out to outer space -all right, all right, so he'd done that last one very briefly and via an honest to goodness armed nuke, of all things, but he'd done it, nevertheless.- Tony had also traveled down into the sea and burrowed beneath the surface of the earth, visiting caves and mines and tunnels that went on forever. He'd traveled while awake, asleep, half drunk, on drugs, rutting like a maniac inside one willing body or another and, once his Iron Man gig had started, he'd even traveled while wounded and also under the steam of his own amazing suit.

Although it was more than fair to say that Tony Stark had seen -and done- it all when it came to taking the old road trip, the truth was that he'd never gone off-planet before. Or traveled via magic that wasn't strictly made-in-Loki, so to speak. He'd never been granted the title of 'Most Honored Midgardian Ambasador' via gold-embossed royal decree, no less, signed -not stamped- by an honest to goodness space alien king/god of everything, and been issued an invitation to enter a different 'realm' altogether. He'd never had his not so inconsiderable luggage magicked off into one of Loki's mysterious 'pockets' so that he didn't even have to bother carrying his own laptop bag through both the departures security checks and the VIP lounge. And he'd definitely never traveled before with an entourage of what must be the ten most surly members of the Alldaddy's royal guard via an actual, real, physically there Einstein-Rosen bridge.

To say that Tony had enjoyed the trip as much as any five year old kid would have enjoyed catching a glimpse of Father Christmas was to put it mildly. Yep. Tony had positively adored every single, lovely, second of his first Rainbow Bridge ride. He'd been glowing with delighted glee right until the moment his head stopped spinning long enough for him to catch his first glimpse of what passed for the arrivals terminal, here in Vikingland, and the imposing figure of the hulking, gold-armored, bison-wannabe who manned it all.

"You must be the Holy Peeping Tom." Tony greeted the dude on autopilot, busy as he was trying to catch the gaze of his too-quiet-for-his-peace-of-mind Reindeer through the veritable mass of guards who were currently not so subtly arranging themselves between them, wall style.

"Anthony Edward Stark. Hero of Midgard. Comrade of Thor. Son of Howard. Welcome to Asgard." Sir Peep-a-lot boomed pompously from his perch on the podium-like thingy he was standing on, managing to ruffle Tony's distracted feathers in under one second flat.

"Hmmm. Don't care much for either the Son of Howard or the Hero of Midgard stuff, Goldenhorns. Can't object much to the Comrade of Thor title, but you sort of forgot the big one, buddy, which is rather odd since you're so all-seeing and all. Just saying." Tony growled, having decided that 'yep, I don't like this dude at all,' the second he turned towards the guy and caught the little moue of distaste that scrunched up Peep-a-ton's nose as soon as he looked at Loki.

To be fair, Tony hadn't expected to like this Heim-what's-his-name much to start with. He'd hated the guy's guts while the gatekeeper had been nothing more than the nebulous mega spy whose ability to see all/know all had driven Loki to release the bracelet's curse. But Tony liked Gold-from-head-to-toes even less now that he'd caught him, literally, with the nose in the pie dough. He couldn't believe the fucking asshole had the actual balls of giving him the 'welcome to Asgard' speech without bothering to acknowledge either Loki's presence in the room or Tony's own relationship with the Bluebell. 'Woa! The sheer cheek on this bastard is 100% un-be-lie-va-ble.'

"And what, may I ask, is the big title I've missed, Comrade of Thor?" Peeping Tom Extraordinaire asked him, punctiliously polite, in the same kind of out of this world, don't-give-a-shit-what-you-think-of-me-and-my-opinions-because-I-despise-you-too rudeness that was Tony's own calling card back home, out here, and every-fucking-where he happened to be.

'Oh, yes, this is gonna be my favorite kind of blood-bath, buddy, because there's no one rudder than me. Not even you.' Tony thought rebelliously, flashing the bastard his most winning smile to sweeten the saccharine-laden reply that shot out of his mouth:

"There's no need to be shy on my account, Big-bro. I know you know what goes on between my sheets so call me Tony Stark, Lover of Loki, if you must call me something, for I'm my lover's lover before I'm my planet's hero. Or my father's son. Or a comrade's comrade. I'm Loki's first and foremost, buddy. Isn't that how love works around here, too, or has the warrior brain inside your heads made you all somehow deficient in matters of the heart?"

"Anthony!" Loki's strangled admonishment sounded more shocked than wholehearted and Tony didn't even try to swallow his amused chuckle as he stomped on the boot-encased toes of the nearest guard with his Stark-tech enhanced heel, forcing the bastard to move out of his way before he poked the next one aside. And the next one, shamelessly taking full advantage of the guards' obvious reluctance to set so much as a fingertip on the Alldaddy's 'Most Honored Midgardian Ambassador' until he found himself close enough to his precious Reindeer to get hold of his pale hands in a gesture that dripped with protective adoration.

"Don't get huffy with me, Peaches. I didn't fling that warrior brain barb in your direction and you know it. You're more slender warlock than beefy battering ram, after all. And I have it on good authority that you're the least defective alien of my acquaintance in the love-them'-with-all-you've-got department."

Loki laughed for the first time since they'd set foot on whatever the hell the aliens called this joint, turning pink from neck to ears but neither denying Tony's claim nor shaking off his touch. Loki's gorgeous green gaze lost its slightly haunted look in the next second, brightening and softening into the gentle fondness that Tony knew his Buttercup reserved just for him.

"I see you plan to shock Asgards' citizens at every opportunity, beloved, and I understand why you feel compelled to do so, but there is one within this realm who does not deserve so harsh a treatment."

"Your mom is safe from me, Buttercup. I recognize a kindred spirit when I see one and, since she's never needed a rap on the knuckles to remember who you are and treat you accordingly, I see no reason to deliver one."

"His Royal Majesty, The King Of Asgard, awaits your arrival at the palace, Antony Edward Stark. The Allfather waits for no man."

"Gosh! The more you talk the less I like you, Golden-eyes." Tony growled, whirling around to glare at the annoying bastard through the mass of guards that still flanked him. "Is there any particular reason why you haven't addressed my better half, so far? He's a royal something or other, too, you know? He's the stuff of crowns and thrones twice over, by what I've heard, and correct me if I'm wrong, Heim-blah, but wasn't he your rightful king once? A king you betrayed? I'd bet your ridiculously gaudy horns that he shouldn't be awaiting a bona fide traitor's acknowledgment, either."

Even before the guards had finished shifting restlessly around Tony in disheartened reaction to the threat inherent in Tommy boy's livid fury, Loki's quiet words cut through the rising tension like a hot blade slicing through butter.

"You shouldn't address Asgard's gatekeeper so, Anthony. He's the first line of diplomacy this realm possesses while we are but temporary visitors in this land. Good breeding alone demands we treat him with the kind of grace and respect that you have, so far, failed to grant him."

A veritable cloud of nasty titters exploded across the room, accompanying the cruel smirks that curled the lips of every asgardian within earshot and Tony's fury shifted focus as the worst sense of betrayal he'd experienced since Loki had decided to reward him for his 'effort' took root inside his chest.

"And why in the name of science should I show this piece of shit a single ounce of respect when he hasn't shown you any?" He challenged the Bluebell bluntly, poking a peeved finger in the center of the sorcerer's lean chest.

"You should do it because what he does reflects solely upon his character, just as what we do exposes us for who we truly are."

"That's no excuse for his rudeness, Babe."

"I was not trying to excuse Heimdall's behavior, beloved. I was simply trying to explain it. We all become who we are due to both our station in life and the experiences that shape us. I can freely shower both grace and respect upon others because I posses them both in uncommon quantities. I am the son of a Queen, Anthony. And you are the man I have chosen, whereas Heimdall—well. He is only a gatekeeper."

The guards' amused chuckles died the fastest death ever, cut at the root by the pure beauty of Loki's elegantly delivered verbal slap. Tony could have kissed his Smurf's perfectly polite, oh-so-evil lips into next Thursday if the most obnoxious ray of light he'd ever had the unwelcome experience of being blinded by hadn't chosen that very second to flash all over the place.

The light show ended with the thunderous clatter created by every single one of the armor-wearing Joes that surrounded them falling to their knees in double quick time. Tony barely had enough time to try blinking away the neon-colored spots dancing in front of his eyes when Loki dropped to his knees too, puling on his wrist to guide him into doing the same. He huffed with indignation at the implied submission in the move but followed Frosty's lead regardless, and that was the only reason why Earth's one and only genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist and all around amazing lover of trickster gods caught his very first sight of the Holy Cyclops while kneeling like a recalcitrant child on the floor of Asgard's arrivals terminal.

"Your Majesty." Heimdall greeted the old man, failing epically to hide his surprise at the king's obviously unscheduled arrival.

"You will be silent!" The Alldaddy roared, all ferocious glare, hovering twin crows, floor bashing spear, and the kind of full on armor that no dude of Tony's acquaintance would ever bother wearing to go to what amounted to their own foyer. "I've heard one deliberately delivered half truth and enough outright falsehoods uttered within these walls in the last seconds to make me both heartsick and wholly ashamed."

"I never uttered a falsehood, Your Majesty."

"Not all falsehoods must be spoken, Heimdall. Unwarranted disrespect can be as vile a lie as the fact that you believe yourself entitled to humiliate one of your betters through your refusal to acknowledge him. You allowed mere warriors to laugh at both a prince of this realm and his honored companion. What's worse, your lack of respect drove my son to utter the most painful half truth he's spoken within my hearing since he was sent down to Midgard. Loki Odinson you are no mere child of a queen. You are the son of a king. And this is neither the throne room nor a formal ceremony, so do not dare kneel before your father a single second longer."

Loki's entire body turned to stone beside Tony's. Rock Of The Ages was clearly reeling at both his dad's unexpected arrival and rare defense and, judging by the way his thin lips pressed together upon hearing the king's last command, he was also considering flipping the old man the bird in front of his recently cowed minions for daring to address him as his son.

Tony sighed under his breath, wondering how in hell he'd ended up buried neck-deep in the middle of so much family melodrama when he'd painstakingly taught himself to perform the fastest vamoose trick north of Texas as soon as his specially trained nose caught its first, icky, whiff of the dammed stuff. Was the Cyclops really unaware of how much Loki despised being the center of attention? Or feeling cornered, for that matter? Had the man/god/viking/alien bastard honestly forgotten that he'd banished his own kid to a 'realm' they considered backwards without so much as a by-your-leave, and then shackled him with a cursed piece of jewelry that was slowly KILLING him, just to mess with his love life? Had Odin really forgotten that his kid wasn't really his at all, and was currently in the middle of the 'I-was-adopted' existential crisis with a side dish of cold-blooded patricide and a failed, evil-kidnapper/brainwash-and-torture-induced spot of realm conquering thrown in?

"Get up, Blueberry, please. Don't do what you're thinking of doing and just—get the hell up, for heavens' sake! You can call him on his shit later, OK?" Tony hissed under his breath, subtly poking Loki on the side with the hope of startling him into motion.

Somber green eyes looked right at him, and Tony could see within their depths his Reindeer's outrage-fueled decision to disobey the order he'd been given, consequences be damned. Tony knew what Loki was thinking. He could read it, clear as water, in the Bluebell's mutinous expression and his patently obvious failure to raise to his feet so far. Obeying Odin's request would set Loki apart from everyone around him. It would put him on a level with the king himself, elevating him above every kneeling minion, Peeping Tom included, and proclaiming him to be exactly who he was, no matter how much he denied it: he was favored, honored and beloved regardless of how often the Big Big'un had failed to show his affection or how limp-wristed his attempts to do so may have seemed when he'd managed it.

In obeying the king's command his Reindeer would be acknowledging before witnesses that he was both his father's son and his brother's brother. Submitting to the Alldaddy's wishes would allow the Asgardian Top Of Them All to win this battle he'd fought so weakly not through proper 'effort,' but trough the fine art of knowing exactly how to issue a well placed demand and how to play the dirty game of emotional manipulation with flawless mastery. 'You're right, babe. You're dammed right. But you can't afford to humiliate the wily king of Asgard by refusing to rise either, and he knows it. He fucking knows it. The bastard.'

Loki snorted so delicately that Tony blinked, unable to decide whether his Buttercup had managed to read his mind and was laughing at the very idea that Tony could think him, The Liesmith himself, so easily trapped by his dad's cheesy attempt at manipulation or had simply sneezed at that second by pure coincidence.

"My companion isn't used to being in the presence of such exalted company, Your Majesty. I have given him my word that I shall guide him through the court's protocol with my own actions until the moment of our departure. I most humbly beg from Your Gracious Self granted leave to follow through on such avowal, for I harbor no desire to become a liar in Anthony's eyes when it can be so easily avoided." Loki finally said, showing no intention whatsoever of wishing to relinquish his kneeling position, but offering the king a token chance to save face if he wanted to take it.

Tony's breath hitched and his gut roiled uncomfortably as he waited for the 'I-hate-being-thwarted' kingly tantrum to end all 'I-hate-being-thwarted' kingly tantrums out there. He'd cast a wary glance around, wondering how his viking warrior repelling suit -A.K.A The God Crusher- would do out of the lab and even went as far as tapping restless fingertips against the suit-summoning bracelets hidden discreetly under the cuff of his shirt in preparation for the instant his unhappy looking Cyclops-in-law decided to blast his butt right off his precious Asgard, godnap the Reindeer into the bargain, lock him up in a tower somewhere until Tony himself had died of either old age or a frustrated thunderbolt up the ass, and be done with the entire mess in full autocratic bastard style. The Allfather chuckled, though. He sounded both mildly disappointed and sort of fondly proud of having a mouthy kid who gave him verbal, bird-flipping sass, but nowhere near as mad as Tony had expected him to be. Definitely nowhere near as mad as he'd been with sir Peep-a-lot.

"I have no desire to make a liar out of you, Loki. Not in the eyes of your chosen and not in the eyes of anyone you've decided to bless with the gift of your honesty. Your Anthony has no reason to courtsy before me outside official matters of royal protocol."

Loki looked positively thunderstruck.

"You have the honest intention of treating my male, mortal, lover as an Honored Ambassador, then? I assumed the title was pure mockery on your part."

"I mock you not, my son. Why would I treat your mortal lover any differently than I've treated your brother's equally mortal lover? This midgardian holds your heart in his hands, does he not? Therefore he also holds a position in Asgard that no one has occupied during your lifetime so far, Loki."

"You speak such fine words now, Your Majesty, yet you failed to produce them the last time we spoke about this. His Highness, The Crowned Prince Of Asgard, was never gifted with the pretty little bauble you so kindly bestowed upon me, was he? In view of that, please forgive my lack of faith in your newfound willingness to acknowledge both Anthony's existence and the nature of our relationship."

"I hadn't quite grasped the depth of your attachment to the mortal at the time, Loki. I acted out of fatherly concern, and I—I made a mistake, son. And now I'm apologizing. Are you so determined to deny me the chance to do so that you'd fail to raise beside your chosen, refuse to claim your place above both guards and gatekeeper as is your birthright, and deny me the pleasure of escorting you home to your waiting mother's embrace?"

"I will never make my mother wait to hold me, Sire. Not when circumstances beyond our control have kept us apart for so long." Loki said quietly as he finally rose, dragging Tony up with him. They stood side by side among a sea of kneeling asgardians for an interminable second, square shoulders brushing together and hands locked in a tangle of white-knuckled fingers and sweaty palms; two sets of wary eyes studying the Allfather with equal distrust.

"You make a fine pair, I must say. Both stubborn, resourceful, and too proud for your own good. Both intelligent beyond your years and deeply wounded by peer bullying and parental neglect when you shouldn't have been." The king pointed out in the end, breaking the stalemate with the kind of gentle tactfulness that Tony would have never in a million years imagined he was capable of.

"Now you see him, then, old man." Tony shot acidly in reply before he thought better of it, and only realized what he'd called the King Of Kings to his wrinkled face when the outraged gasps of the men still kneeling around him drove the fact home with a bang. He flinched minutely in place and tapped The God Crusher's bracelets once more, ready to deal with the furious explosion of how-dare-yous and I'll-kill-you-where-you-stand-mortals that never came his way. Loki tensed right beside him, pale fingertips glowing green for the brief second it took Odin to respond with a thoroughly rueful chuckle and a small shake of his head.

"I have always seen my son, Lover of Loki. I just made the grievous mistake of failing to show him that I did; of refusing to ever acknowledge that there are those within this realm who are unwilling to do so. Despite what my actions so far may have led everyone to believe, the truth is that I never wanted two Thors. Or two Lokis, for that matter. I just wanted one of each."

TBC