Title: The King's New Clothes
Summary: Comedy, PG-13, A/L Slash, AU, and OOC (in my opinion)
Ever heard of "The Emperor's New Clothes"? This is kinda like that but more silly. When Legolas gets hurt, Aragorn will do anything to make him feel better. ANYTHING.
Disclaimer: I do not own Legolas, Aragorn, or Lord of the Rings. If I did, I would not be writing fanfiction, cuz I would be dead and lying underground in a pile of ashes and dust. Do not sue as I own nothing except a few Aragorn/Legolas Doujinshi, poster and figurines. And you cannot have those. They are my own! MY PRECIOUSSSS. ::clears throat:: Yes. OK. I am well.
Author's Notes: This is not my first fic but it is my first fic posted on FF.net. Comments and Critiques are welcome. Flames will be used to roast Balrog meat as well as for me to point and laugh and scream and taunt until my throat is sore and my voice gives out. So, no flames please. There are nicer ways to tell me that my story sucks. After all, it is most likely that if you have written an Aragorn/Legolas story, I have reviewed it. And (I think) I was kind to you. Can you please return the favour? I am very sensitive. :: sniffle :: XD
Another thing, I am no expert of all things LOTR. I have read The Hobbit, The LOTR Trilogy and am currently reading The Silmarillion. Feel free to correct me on any little mistakes and such but please keep in mind that this is FANFICTION and is AU and that some character are OOC (out of character). But I will take any suggestions you have that might improve this silly thing if you, fair reader, deem it necessary.
Very well. That being said, let me introduce our players in this (odd) tale:
Aragorn: Human, (Unmarried) King of Gondor. He is known by many names (to the amusement and annoyance of others). Lover of Legolas, Fiancée of Arwen, Adopted son of Elrond.
Arwen: Elf. Vain and ignorant Fiancee of Aragorn. Daughter of Elrond, Lord of Imladris (Rivendell).
Legolas: Elf. Beautiful Prince of Mirkwood, Lover of Aragorn.
Elrond: Elf. Healer, Lord of Imladris (Rivendell), Adopted dad of Aragorn, Arwen's Daddy, close friend of Glorfindel, and Elf Lord. He is a bit on the odd side.
Glorfindel: Elf. Elf Lord, Lives in Imladris (Rivendell), Close Friend of Elrond.
Elladan and Elrohir: Elves. Twin sons of Elrond, brothers to Arwen, stepbrothers to Aragorn and friends and confidantes of Legolas. They are the troublemakers of Imladris (Rivendell) and love to play tricks.
Other Notes: "." denotes Westron (English or Common) Speech, '.' denotes Elvish Speech, ::.:: denotes thoughts, [.] denotes translations to some elvish words that I inserted to make myself seem cool.
Ready or not. Here we go!!
The King's New Clothes
(A silly fic by Sly-chan)
~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Chapter One: A pleasant stroll
'Come on Aragorn! You are slowing us down!' said an exasperated and quite impatient Legolas as he turned to reprimand his traveling companion, his flaxen hair dancing in the wind.
Today was the day that Aragorn had promised him that they could slip off to their favorite hidden glade a few hours walk outside of Rivendell to spend some "quality time together". They wished to be away from prying eyes and Aragorn's very possessive fiancée, Arwen. So, you can understand why the fair elvish prince was impatient with his human lover's slower mortal pace.
They had set out early morn, when they knew that Arwen would be monopolizing the bathroom for her extensive morning beauty regimen. Aragorn carried the blankets, basket and travel packs as Legolas carried naught but his knives, bow and quiver full of arrows. It is not that the elvish prince was weak, mind you. It was that Aragorn believed his lover to be innocent and fragile and desired to do what a good lover does when out for a rendezvous: be the pack mule.
Aragorn looked up with irritation at his impatient lover and opened his mouth to retaliate but the words would not come. As he looked into the deep azure pools that were Legolas's eyes, his irritation and resolve melted away much like ice on a warm day. He was but a puddle at the prince's feet.
::Why does he have this effect on me? He can subdue me with just one look or one touch!:: The King of Men shook his head, causing his dark curly hair to bounce. He looked quite silly indeed.
:: I am Aragorn! Son of Arathorn! Isildur's Heir! Elessar, King of Gondor! I-I should not be swayed by shining azure eyes, sensual rosy lips, soft blond hair, caressably soft porcelain skin. ::
Aragorn did not realize that he had become lost in his thoughts nor did he notice the sudden tightness of his breeches and the drool that was slowly trailing down his stubbled chin and onto his black, weather worn tunic.
Legolas sighed and rolled his eyes. Aragorn was fantasizing again.
'Aragorn. If you do not snap out of your reverie soon, we will not be able to go on our picnic and act out some of those fantasies of yours.' said Legolas, in his best sensual voice.
Still lost in his reverie, Aragorn did not hear the sweet words of his lover.
Exasperated, Legolas took the basket from the human king's hands and swatted him across the head causing Aragorn to drop everything he was holding and to blink a few times. He then refocused his eyes as he suddenly felt a very bad pain on the left side of his head.
'Legolas? A'mael? What happened? All I remember was - ' began Aragorn as he picked up their things. [Beloved]
'That does not matter now. Just pick up our things and let's get going. We are almost there.' Said Legolas, trying to be sweet.
Suddenly, the elf felt a sharp, stabbing pain in his, er, left buttock and fell to his knees.
'Something bit me!!!' he yelled out in pain.
Aragorn, concerned, threw their things on the ground and rushed to his lover's side.
'Legolas! A'melamin! Are you well?' he said as he kneeled before his fallen lover's slight frame. [Beloved one]
'Aragorn! I have been shot by an arrow! Avenge me!' said Legolas, clutching Aragorn's still wet tunic, fighting the pain. Being and elf, he felt really embarrassed at having been caught off guard and was already imagining the taunts he would get from Elladan and Elrohir for getting such an odd wound. 'I cannot fight right now. Please avenge me!'
Aragorn rose from the ground and glared at those that had dared to hurt his love. Orcs. About twelve of them.
::Oh! This is going to be a piece of lembas! (a/n did they have cake in Middle-Earth? Hmm.):: He thought as he went to unsheathe Anduril. His eyes widened as he realized that his sword was not at his side but lying underneath the pile of picnic things that he had flung a few feet behind him. He cursed underneath his breath and looked for a weapon to use against his lover's assailants. He reached down and found what he was looking for and went after the Orcs that had hurt his love.
"I, Aragorn, son of Arathorn, Isildur's Heir, have you now you scum! You will cower before the might of Elessar, King of Gondor! ELENDIL!" he yelled as he charged the Orcs.
The Orcs blinked a few times before beginning to roll on the floor with laughter. Aragorn looked hurt and did not know why they were laughing and not fighting or fleeing in terror at the sight of his might. (a/n I think I could be a poet.)
'Aragorn? Umm, what is that that you are using?' asked Legolas, lying on his side, trying not to laugh through his pain as he saw what Aragorn was using as a replacement for Anduril.
"What?" he said with irritation and then saw what was the source of laughter: He, the mighty King of Men, was attempting to defeat a dozen Orcs with. a beach umbrella. (a/n they did not have cake in Middle-Earth but they had beach umbrellas. Good one Sly-chan! ::rolls her eyes::)
Aragorn, his pride hurt, lunged at the subdued Orcs and slew them easily with his trusty beach umbrella.
Legolas, shocked at actions of his lover, dared not to laugh. That and his butt was going numb and he was growing really concerned.
'Are you well, melamin?' Aragorn rushed to his fallen lover's side. [My love]
'I think we should postpone this little picnic, my love, and head back to Imladris so Elrond can have a look at my wound.' said the elf as he pointed to his posterior.
'I will NOT have my adopted father look at yout perfectly sculpted butt, A'melamin!' said Aragorn, as his eyes flared with jealousy. [My Beloved]
Legolas's eyes were aflame.
'You will have me suffer from this embarassing wound then? Honestly! Help me up and get me to Elrond at once!!' yelled the fair prince, his cheeks turning a lovely shade of red.
Aragorn swallowed hard and did as his lover ordered. He picked up his sword as well all their things and, as he supported his wounded lover, they trekked back towards Rivendell.
TBC.
~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
So. What do you think so far? I am currently writing chapter two, which I hope to post soon. I dunno how soon that will be as I am working quite a few hours at my new job and that I am still unsure of how to post here at ff.net. So, R/R and I will try to update ASAP. We will soon get to the point of the tale (is there really a point?) whence the title spawns from.
Oh yeah! This fic is not betaed. I am using a spellchecker but, since my program is a French one, some things might slip through (grammar wise and whatnot). Oh! And English is not my native tongue! French-Canadian is. So, please be kind to this frenchie, OK?
Summary: Comedy, PG-13, A/L Slash, AU, and OOC (in my opinion)
Ever heard of "The Emperor's New Clothes"? This is kinda like that but more silly. When Legolas gets hurt, Aragorn will do anything to make him feel better. ANYTHING.
Disclaimer: I do not own Legolas, Aragorn, or Lord of the Rings. If I did, I would not be writing fanfiction, cuz I would be dead and lying underground in a pile of ashes and dust. Do not sue as I own nothing except a few Aragorn/Legolas Doujinshi, poster and figurines. And you cannot have those. They are my own! MY PRECIOUSSSS. ::clears throat:: Yes. OK. I am well.
Author's Notes: This is not my first fic but it is my first fic posted on FF.net. Comments and Critiques are welcome. Flames will be used to roast Balrog meat as well as for me to point and laugh and scream and taunt until my throat is sore and my voice gives out. So, no flames please. There are nicer ways to tell me that my story sucks. After all, it is most likely that if you have written an Aragorn/Legolas story, I have reviewed it. And (I think) I was kind to you. Can you please return the favour? I am very sensitive. :: sniffle :: XD
Another thing, I am no expert of all things LOTR. I have read The Hobbit, The LOTR Trilogy and am currently reading The Silmarillion. Feel free to correct me on any little mistakes and such but please keep in mind that this is FANFICTION and is AU and that some character are OOC (out of character). But I will take any suggestions you have that might improve this silly thing if you, fair reader, deem it necessary.
Very well. That being said, let me introduce our players in this (odd) tale:
Aragorn: Human, (Unmarried) King of Gondor. He is known by many names (to the amusement and annoyance of others). Lover of Legolas, Fiancée of Arwen, Adopted son of Elrond.
Arwen: Elf. Vain and ignorant Fiancee of Aragorn. Daughter of Elrond, Lord of Imladris (Rivendell).
Legolas: Elf. Beautiful Prince of Mirkwood, Lover of Aragorn.
Elrond: Elf. Healer, Lord of Imladris (Rivendell), Adopted dad of Aragorn, Arwen's Daddy, close friend of Glorfindel, and Elf Lord. He is a bit on the odd side.
Glorfindel: Elf. Elf Lord, Lives in Imladris (Rivendell), Close Friend of Elrond.
Elladan and Elrohir: Elves. Twin sons of Elrond, brothers to Arwen, stepbrothers to Aragorn and friends and confidantes of Legolas. They are the troublemakers of Imladris (Rivendell) and love to play tricks.
Other Notes: "." denotes Westron (English or Common) Speech, '.' denotes Elvish Speech, ::.:: denotes thoughts, [.] denotes translations to some elvish words that I inserted to make myself seem cool.
Ready or not. Here we go!!
The King's New Clothes
(A silly fic by Sly-chan)
~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Chapter One: A pleasant stroll
'Come on Aragorn! You are slowing us down!' said an exasperated and quite impatient Legolas as he turned to reprimand his traveling companion, his flaxen hair dancing in the wind.
Today was the day that Aragorn had promised him that they could slip off to their favorite hidden glade a few hours walk outside of Rivendell to spend some "quality time together". They wished to be away from prying eyes and Aragorn's very possessive fiancée, Arwen. So, you can understand why the fair elvish prince was impatient with his human lover's slower mortal pace.
They had set out early morn, when they knew that Arwen would be monopolizing the bathroom for her extensive morning beauty regimen. Aragorn carried the blankets, basket and travel packs as Legolas carried naught but his knives, bow and quiver full of arrows. It is not that the elvish prince was weak, mind you. It was that Aragorn believed his lover to be innocent and fragile and desired to do what a good lover does when out for a rendezvous: be the pack mule.
Aragorn looked up with irritation at his impatient lover and opened his mouth to retaliate but the words would not come. As he looked into the deep azure pools that were Legolas's eyes, his irritation and resolve melted away much like ice on a warm day. He was but a puddle at the prince's feet.
::Why does he have this effect on me? He can subdue me with just one look or one touch!:: The King of Men shook his head, causing his dark curly hair to bounce. He looked quite silly indeed.
:: I am Aragorn! Son of Arathorn! Isildur's Heir! Elessar, King of Gondor! I-I should not be swayed by shining azure eyes, sensual rosy lips, soft blond hair, caressably soft porcelain skin. ::
Aragorn did not realize that he had become lost in his thoughts nor did he notice the sudden tightness of his breeches and the drool that was slowly trailing down his stubbled chin and onto his black, weather worn tunic.
Legolas sighed and rolled his eyes. Aragorn was fantasizing again.
'Aragorn. If you do not snap out of your reverie soon, we will not be able to go on our picnic and act out some of those fantasies of yours.' said Legolas, in his best sensual voice.
Still lost in his reverie, Aragorn did not hear the sweet words of his lover.
Exasperated, Legolas took the basket from the human king's hands and swatted him across the head causing Aragorn to drop everything he was holding and to blink a few times. He then refocused his eyes as he suddenly felt a very bad pain on the left side of his head.
'Legolas? A'mael? What happened? All I remember was - ' began Aragorn as he picked up their things. [Beloved]
'That does not matter now. Just pick up our things and let's get going. We are almost there.' Said Legolas, trying to be sweet.
Suddenly, the elf felt a sharp, stabbing pain in his, er, left buttock and fell to his knees.
'Something bit me!!!' he yelled out in pain.
Aragorn, concerned, threw their things on the ground and rushed to his lover's side.
'Legolas! A'melamin! Are you well?' he said as he kneeled before his fallen lover's slight frame. [Beloved one]
'Aragorn! I have been shot by an arrow! Avenge me!' said Legolas, clutching Aragorn's still wet tunic, fighting the pain. Being and elf, he felt really embarrassed at having been caught off guard and was already imagining the taunts he would get from Elladan and Elrohir for getting such an odd wound. 'I cannot fight right now. Please avenge me!'
Aragorn rose from the ground and glared at those that had dared to hurt his love. Orcs. About twelve of them.
::Oh! This is going to be a piece of lembas! (a/n did they have cake in Middle-Earth? Hmm.):: He thought as he went to unsheathe Anduril. His eyes widened as he realized that his sword was not at his side but lying underneath the pile of picnic things that he had flung a few feet behind him. He cursed underneath his breath and looked for a weapon to use against his lover's assailants. He reached down and found what he was looking for and went after the Orcs that had hurt his love.
"I, Aragorn, son of Arathorn, Isildur's Heir, have you now you scum! You will cower before the might of Elessar, King of Gondor! ELENDIL!" he yelled as he charged the Orcs.
The Orcs blinked a few times before beginning to roll on the floor with laughter. Aragorn looked hurt and did not know why they were laughing and not fighting or fleeing in terror at the sight of his might. (a/n I think I could be a poet.)
'Aragorn? Umm, what is that that you are using?' asked Legolas, lying on his side, trying not to laugh through his pain as he saw what Aragorn was using as a replacement for Anduril.
"What?" he said with irritation and then saw what was the source of laughter: He, the mighty King of Men, was attempting to defeat a dozen Orcs with. a beach umbrella. (a/n they did not have cake in Middle-Earth but they had beach umbrellas. Good one Sly-chan! ::rolls her eyes::)
Aragorn, his pride hurt, lunged at the subdued Orcs and slew them easily with his trusty beach umbrella.
Legolas, shocked at actions of his lover, dared not to laugh. That and his butt was going numb and he was growing really concerned.
'Are you well, melamin?' Aragorn rushed to his fallen lover's side. [My love]
'I think we should postpone this little picnic, my love, and head back to Imladris so Elrond can have a look at my wound.' said the elf as he pointed to his posterior.
'I will NOT have my adopted father look at yout perfectly sculpted butt, A'melamin!' said Aragorn, as his eyes flared with jealousy. [My Beloved]
Legolas's eyes were aflame.
'You will have me suffer from this embarassing wound then? Honestly! Help me up and get me to Elrond at once!!' yelled the fair prince, his cheeks turning a lovely shade of red.
Aragorn swallowed hard and did as his lover ordered. He picked up his sword as well all their things and, as he supported his wounded lover, they trekked back towards Rivendell.
TBC.
~*~*~*~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
So. What do you think so far? I am currently writing chapter two, which I hope to post soon. I dunno how soon that will be as I am working quite a few hours at my new job and that I am still unsure of how to post here at ff.net. So, R/R and I will try to update ASAP. We will soon get to the point of the tale (is there really a point?) whence the title spawns from.
Oh yeah! This fic is not betaed. I am using a spellchecker but, since my program is a French one, some things might slip through (grammar wise and whatnot). Oh! And English is not my native tongue! French-Canadian is. So, please be kind to this frenchie, OK?