There was no way in Hell Kyle was gonna suck Cartman's balls. He didn't care if the leprechaun was real, he didn't care if he'd signed a contract, he wasn't gonna do it.

He'd looked over the contract all night after he saw the leprechaun, and with his father being a lawyer, he knew precisely how to use loopholes to his advantage. And he knew exactly how to get out of it.

Kyle was eating dinner with his family when it happened. Cartman followed Kyle's mother into his family's dining room looking very smug while holding a camera and the unmistakable contract.

"Kyle, your friend is here."

"Hello, Mr. Broflovski, Ike. Nice evening, isn't it? Well, Kyle, shall we go up to your room for a few minutes?"

Kyle smirked. "Fine, let's go on ahead and take care of this in my room. Come on, Cartman."

"Whoa, wait, Kyle," Sheila Broflovski interrupted, "Where are you going? You still have to finish your dinner."

"Oh, I just lost a bet with Cartman earlier. It'll only take a minute or two at most, I promise, mom."

"Well, okay, but hurry it up then, Bubala."

"Let's go, Cartman."

Cartman felt like something was about to go wrong, but followed him anyways.

Kyle closed the door behind him and looked at Cartman, smirking. He went to his closet and began fiddling with something inside. Cartman, getting impatient, said "Hey, you fucking Jew! What are you doing? You need to get out here and suck my balls for thirty seconds!"

"I am! Just a second, fatass!"

Kyle came out of his closet with a smirk with his hands behind his back and said, "Alright, Cartman. Pants down."

Cartman frowned and said, "Hang on, this is way too easy. What are you doing?"

"Just fulfilling the contract, Cartman, nothing to worry about," Kyle said. His smirk never left his face.

"What's behind your back?"

"Oh, nothing, just this vacuum here," he said as he took it out.

"What the fuck are you doing with that?"

"I'm going to suck your balls with it, what's it look like?"

"No! You have to do it with your mouth, you fucking Jew!"

"Oh? Read the contract again, dumbass, you never specified that! It just says I have to suck your balls, it never says how I have to do it."

"NO! NOOOOO!"

"Drop your pants, Cartman, so we can get this suckage over with!"

"NEVER!"

Kyle just said, "Are you canceling our contract? There's a cancellation fee, you know - you wrote it in there yourself. Twenty billion dollars, wasn't it?"

"NO! YOU WILL SUCK MY BALLS WITH YOUR MOUTH, KYLE! YOU WILL!"

"Oh, fuck it," Kyle said while turning the vacuum on, "The contract didn't say it couldn't be over-the-clothes, either. We'll just do it like this."

He quickly put the vacuum's hose on Cartman's pants and held it there while pushing Cartman against the wall so he couldn't move and put it off until he thought of a way around this. He counted to 30, then said, "Okay, done. Contract fulfilled. Hope you liked it, fatass."

Kyle walked out of the room and went to rejoin his family at the dinner table.

The entire family jumped when they heard a scream of such rage and loss that their house shook.