"Will your guest be returning, sir?"

The waiter's voice was muffled from where Jean was under the table, but he could hear him clearly enough. He dug his fingers into Eren's thighs, gripping him tighter and taking him deeper into his mouth. He heard Eren stutter a reply.

"S-sorry, yeah, he'll be back." The shakiness prompted a small laugh from Jean that turned into a low hum as he closed his eyes and began kissing his way down the side of Eren's dick.

It was a long story. Basically, it had started with a little bit of road head. Eren was a clumsy, toothy kisser on even ground, but somehow managed to give Jean one of the best blow jobs of his life in a moving car. Jean had only crossed over the center line once or twice.

That was the catalyst. That was what sparked the beginning of this feud. Actually, in truth, it was a competition.

The rules were simple. The receiving party couldn't know. It had to be more creative than the last. It had to be dangerous. And they couldn't get caught.

It had escalated in small steps. First, a blow job in the bathroom at Jean's work. Then the mall parking lot. While Jean was on the phone with his father, Erwin. From under Eren's desk. And finally, here, at the nicest restaurant in town, at least, according to some website Jean had found.

Neither Eren nor Jean were particularly big foodies. Since they first moved in together in college, both had been pretty content with freezer food and the occasional outing to Applebee's for special occasions. So when Jean first proposed that the two of them "go someplace nice for once" and immediately suggested this Italian restaurant with an unpronounceable name, Eren had good reason to be suspicious. That didn't mean, however, that Eren was about to say no.

Jean felt Eren's hand feebly rubbing over the long tablecloth that separated Eren from Jean's hair. Jean knew that Eren was a hair puller. It seemed he would have to find something else to occupy his hands tonight. Jean smiled as he placed a sloppy kiss to the side of Eren's bright pink cock and sheathed it with his mouth once again. With the hands that covered Eren's thighs, Jean felt Eren flex his legs a few times, not moving, just tensing and releasing, tensing and releasing until Jean began rubbing soothing circles into the insides of Eren's thighs with his thumbs. The tensing stopped and above his head, Jean heard a knife hitting a plate. Was he actually eating that weird-looking bread that had been laid out on the table? Jean redoubled his efforts. As his head moved more and more rapidly, his mouth began making slurping sounds against Eren's dick. Above him, on the other side of the thick white tablecloth, Eren began coughing to cover up the noises.

Suddenly, Eren stiffened. Jean opened his eyes and looked up, despite not being able to see anything, and he took his mouth off of the wet cock, licking languidly up its soft underside.

"Mr. Smith, Mr. Rivaille! What a surprise!"

Jean's dad was here. With his stepdad. Jean's tongue paused as it reached the swollen tip of Eren's dick. Eren's voice was shaky and nervous, but the swelling of his short, thick cock didn't go down a bit.

"Pervert," Jean thought before taking to rubbing the dick along the side of his face, which for some reason felt preferable to having the thing in his mouth while Jean's parents were probably just a few feet away. Jean let the tip ghost against his lips as he strained his ears to hear what his father was saying.

"Is Jean here with you?" came Erwin's usual low, baritone voice.

"H-he, uh. He forgot his wallet so, uh, he went back home to grab it."

"Sounds like Jean. Hey, maybe we could join you! At least until Jean gets back. It's always a bore to sit alone at a restaurant, isn't it?"

"Yes, sir, it is, but, uh-" Jean's grip grew tighter on Eren's thigh.

"Let's leave Eren alone. He seems like he's got enough on his plate." Levi's voice sounded suspiciously smug but Jean was barely holding back a sigh of relief. The restaurant wasn't particularly loud, and he wasn't about to get himself on the losing side of this competition by getting caught. Going as slowly as he could, Jean licked his lips and let his wet mouth fall over Eren's dick, going further and further down until his lips wrapped themselves around the base. Distantly he registered the sound of Eren stuttering a goodbye and his parents leaving the side of the table. Good. He was tired of neglecting Eren.

Jean loved Eren's cock. It was the perfect size, like it was made to fit in Jean's mouth. Jean focused on the feel of the too soft skin moving against his lips, its smoothness running across his tongue. He wasn't sure what he'd done in life to earn this, but he was damn proud of whatever it was.

Jean felt Eren's hand placing gentle pressure against Jean's head, and even though earlier he had been slightly pleased that Eren wouldn't be able to indulge in his desire to run his fingers through Jean's hair and tug, Jean found himself missing the feel of fingernails scratching against his scalp.

Jean needed more of Eren, all of him. Removing his mouth from Eren's cock with a mournful pop, he shoved Eren's knees further apart. His hands made their way up the insides of Eren's thighs slowly until they finally reached the crotch of his pants. Jean let his fingers gently traipse of the side of Eren's cock, relishing in the twitch it gave when Jean's thumb ghosted over its tip.

Jean moved his left hand to high on Eren's thigh and his right hand splayed next to the Eren's cock as Jean brought his mouth back over the dick, tight and wet. After feeling his way up and down the length of Eren's cock with his tongue a few more times, he felt skin graze over his left hand. Skin, not cloth. Eren had reached under the tablecloth. Jean let his eyes fall shut gently as he continued sucking. Eren rubbed over Jean's hand with his thumb, a steady gentle pressure, until he maneuvered their fingers so that they could lace together. Eren's hand gripped Jean's tight, and Jean squeezed Eren's hand periodically, imagining the redness of his face, and the tightness of his breath. Everyone here would see it, would see his eyes glazed over and a single hand tucked under the table, would see the empty spot in front of him, an empty wine glass next to an empty plate. It was probably very clear to everyone watching what exactly was happening. Jean moaned again, his lips vibrating against the base of Eren's cock.

Suddenly Jean felt Eren grip his hands tighter, three times in rapid succession. Eren was going to come, and he was going to come soon. Jean pulled back. Letting his hand cover Eren's cock, keeping his lips wrapped just at the tip, licking gently at the slit. Jean felt his pelvis jerk slightly against his hand and the warm bitterness of Eren's come filled his mouth. There was a lot, more than Jean was used to, and Jean worked to swallow it all down.

Finally, once it stopped, Jean removed his mouth and gave another few light pumps of Eren's cock with his hand, before gripping Eren's hand once more, tightly. He brought the hand, twisted around his, palm sweaty and warm, to his mouth and placed a gentle kiss against its knuckles before releasing it. He carefully tucked Eren back into his boxers and fixed the zipper of his dress pants.

Jean took a few precursory breaths and moved back towards his chair, clambering up carefully. As Jean turned to sit in his seat properly, he was smiling wide, ready to catch the look on Eren's face. Instead, he found Levi, his father's husband of ten years, looking right at him.

"I have no idea where that silverware went, Eren. Oh, hi Levi! How long have you been here? Are you here with dad?" Jean could not have sounded more like he was lying if he'd tried.

"I am." Levi, rarely someone of good humor, looked as if he were on the precipice of letting out a fucking guffaw.

"Well," Jean gave a shaky fake laugh, "that's such a weird coincidence, huh? We'll have to go say hi." Jean looked to Eren, whose cheeks were as flushed as Jean had predicted, and whose eyes were as wide and staring at Jean's mouth.

"I'll leave you two alone," Levi said with a smirk. "Hope you're having a swell night." And with that uncharacteristic remark, Levi continued towards the restroom.

He definitely knew. Oh god, Jean hoped Levi wouldn't tell his father. Of course, Erwin had caught them in more compromising positions than this, but none quite so illegal.

"Jean…" Eren's voice cracked. Jean turned to Eren. His eyes were still focused on Jean's mouth, Eren's own mouth open just slightly.

"What, what is it?" Jean whispered harshly, bringing his hand up to wipe at his mouth. His fingertips came away sticky and wet.

Oh, God, no.

Jean had just had an entire conversation with his stepfather of nearly ten years with Eren's come at the corner of his mouth.

Jean fumbled for the napkin that was neatly folded on his plate. He rubbed his face vigorously, more than was necessary, and brought the napkin away to look at it. It was come, it was definitely, noticeably come. Jean folded the napkin over the stain and threw it toward the edge of the table, far away from anything else.

"Oh, my God…" Jean moaned, putting his face in his hands. His cheeks were burning and he honestly thought he might be tearing up.

"No kidding." Eren let out a snort.

"That was-"

"Amazing." Eren finished. Jean's eyebrows flew up and he looked back at Eren. The look of blank fear was gone, entirely replaced with the goofy, soft smile that he usually had at the end of a good blowjob.

"What?" Jean demanded.

"That was, hands down, the best I have ever had. Ever."

"Eren, my stepdad just saw me with ejaculate on my face."

"Well if you didn't want my come on your face, maybe you shouldn't have done such a good job."

"Oh, so this is my fault?"

"Yeah, kind of! I'm not the one who made the reservations!"

"Is there a problem, gentlemen?" The waiter, a taller scrawny man, had appeared seemingly out of nowhere at the side of their table.

"No," Jean asserted, looking at Eren firmly, before turning to the waiter with a plastered on smile. "We're just fine. Aren't we, hon?" Jean knew that pet names irked Eren to no end, which meant that tonight, Jean was going to be using every pet name he could think of.

"We sure are, sugar." Eren had a forced grin on, matching Jean's own, and the two turned to look at the waiter simultaneously.

"Uh-huh…" The waiter looked at each of them unsteadily. "Well, just so we're clear, if the noise level rises again, we're going to have to ask you to leave."

"That's fine." Jean said through his painfully fake smile. "It won't happen again."

"Wonderful, thank you." The waiter gave the two of them a hesitant nod. "Now, are you ready to order?"

"I'm not actually all that hungry." Eren said, defiantly crossing his arms.

"Oh, come on, Eren."

Eren muttered something under his breath.

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

"I said," Eren heaved a sigh, "I already did."

It took Jean a second.

A moment later, Eren let out a yelp as a shoe connected with his shin.

"You know what, I change my mind. I'll have the, uh, prosciutto con arugula?"

The waiter looked at the two of them warily before nodding and turning to take Jean's order.

"I'll have the arancini."

"Alright, we'll have that out in a minute." The waiter, still looking hesitant, folded his notepad and tucked it back into his apron. He gave the two of them one last look before turning away toward the kitchen.

Eren and Jean stared at each other.

"Why do I even bother with you?" Jean wondered out loud.

"Because you love me," Eren sang quietly, now smiling wide. Jean began to smile in return.

"God help me, I do."

"What did I do to deserve someone as great as you?" Eren propped his chin up with his fist and stared at Jean with those big green eyes. Jean leaned in closer towards Eren and gave a toothy grin.

"You know, I was just wondering the same thing about your dick," Jean whispered. Eren laughed and a throat cleared next to them, immediately cutting the laughter off.

A waitress was standing next to them. Her eyebrow rose slowly and the two of them burst into giggles again as she began to speak.

"The gentlemen from the table in the corner over there sent you this bottle of wine." Jean looked over towards where the waitress was gesturing. Levi and Erwin gave little waves and where Erwin beamed, Levi simply smirked. Oh, yeah, he definitely knew. "The, uh, dark-haired one told me to give you his congratulations. Anniversary?"

Eren and Jean both responded simultaneously:

"No."

"Yes."

They looked at each other and burst into laughter again.

The waitress chuckled awkwardly and poured out two glasses of wine.

As she left, Eren held up his glass. "To an honorable loss."

"A loss? What are you talking about?"

"Well," Eren said, "you did technically get caught. That's a violation of the rules. The competition is still on."

Jean grinned wickedly.

"Well I guess we'll just have to try again."

"I guess we will."

And their glasses clinked together.

This story is also available to read on AO3.