Green Isn't Your Color
Author's Note: I just noticed that I started writing this almost six years ago and now I'm filled with existential dread. Hahaha let's get on with the bloopers, shall we?! I'm totally fine! Hahaha!
Intro
[Rarity and Fluttershy are standing on the set. While Fluttershy mouths her lines to herself, Rarity is making a lot of strange noises.]
Fluttershy: Are those your vocal warmups?
Rarity: Indeed they are. You're supposed to do them for forty minutes before shooting starts, you know?
Fluttershy: Really? I… actually didn't know that.
Rarity: Darling, your character may be soft-spoken but that's no reason not to exercise your vocal cords.
Fluttershy: Well… it's not like I don't have any pre-shooting traditions.
Rarity: Oh? Such as?
Fluttershy: Um… every time I get called in for filming I make sure I scream into my couch cushions until I don't feel afraid anymore.
Rarity: [Blinks] I don't think that counts as vocal warmups.
Director: [Walking onto the set] Speak for yourself. Do you think my voice got this loud and commanding without a whole lot of screaming? Also Fluttershy, that's my pre-shooting routine; you can't just steal it for yourself.
Rarity: Is... everyone okay…?
Fluttershy: Sir? Do you have to scream before filming, too?
Director: Are you that surprised? I have to make sure everything runs smoothly, the Producer has been telling me to hurry things up, and the fate of this show rests on the shoulders of a production team that includes Mike. [His voice gets a lot louder and angrier] Also, the stuff we got for this episode is expensive, so if anything gets broken, there will be dire consequences. [Gets all in Fluttershy's face] Oh, you're a main character? It's only the first season- we can still write you off the show if you so much as scuff our new props! Do you two understand me?!
Fluttershy: [Meekly] Y-yes…
Director: Excellent. Now, let's zoom through this episode because I've been here five minutes and my temper has already been lost. [He heads away.]
Fluttershy: Wow… I hope he doesn't embarrass us in front of Photo Finish.
Rarity: I warned her that our crew can be a little… eccentric, so it should be fine. I may have downplayed things a little, but I didn't want to scare her away. She might want to leave if things get too raucous after all.
Fluttershy: I suddenly feel like screaming again.
Rarity: [Grabs the pegasus by her shoulders] Seriously Fluttershy, are you okay?
[Fluttershy is sitting in the waiting room of a spa when all of a sudden, Rarity zooms in through the door wearing a tall peacock-feathered hat. However, the hat hits the top of the doorframe and falls off Rarity's head.]
Rarity: Shoot!
Director: Cut!
Pierre: Congratulations Rarity, it took… [checks camera] four seconds for there to be a mistake.
Rainbow Dash: That's an academy record.
[Everyone in the room shudders and reality itself seems to contemplate whether or not it should collapse in on itself. There is a long silence afterwards.]
Pierre: What the…?
Rainbow: Is anypony else feeling really confused right now?
Rarity: Just a little… nauseated?
Director: Ya know what guys, I'm stressed enough as it is. Let's just move on.
Rainbow: But… hmm...
[Rarity is telling Fluttershy about her encounter with Photo Finish in the streets while Aloe and Lotus, the spa ponies are pampering them.]
Rarity: She's the most famous fashion designer in- MY EYE!
[While applying Rarity's facial mask, she sticks the brush directly into Rarity's eye].
Fluttershy: [Muttering] Now do you want to scream into a pillow?
[The next day, Rarity is preparing Fluttershy and her outfit to show to Photo Finish. She has enlisted Pinkie Pie, Spike and Twilight to help her.]
Rarity: Sequins! More sequins!
[Spike hurries over with a small basket of sequins, gazing lovestruck at Rarity all the way. Of course, this causes him to trip and sequins go flying everywhere.]
Director: Cut! Dangit Spike, do you realize how hard it is to clean up sequins?
Rarity: It's not that hard if you're a unicorn. [She levitates all the sequins back into the basket]
[Scoffing, the Director holds his megaphone upside down on his head as if it were a unicorn horn and does a terrible imitation of Rarity's accent.]
Director: Look at me, I'm the unicorn master race! I have magic! I can lift things with my mind! Life is so easy! Ohohoho!
Rarity: Very mature, sir. Very mature.
[Photo Finish arrives for the photoshoot. A suitcase is set down at her side.]
Photo Finish: We begin… now! [She stomps a hoof on the ground and the suitcase unfolds into an old-timey camera.]
Pierre: [Gasps] Oh cool! I want one of those, sir! I want a physics-defying camera!
Director: Now is not the time, Pierre! Cut!
[Rarity has just been told by Photo Finish that "she" is going to be a fashion star.]
Rarity: Did you hear that? I am going to shine all over Equestria!
Fluttershy: Oh Rarity, I was so worried I'd ruined everything.
Rarity: Oh, never. I knew you'd be perfect.
[Beat]
[Unable to hold in her excitement, Rarity begins squeeing and jumping up and down with delight. What she doesn't notice is that she is stomping on Spike's tail as she does it. Spike tries to take the pain, but can only handle it for a few seconds before pulling his tail away.]
Spike: Gah! Why do I have to do this?!
Director: Because you're crushing on Rarity, obviously.
Pierre: Well technically speaking, she's crushing on Spike. Or at least on his tail. [He smirks] Eh? Get it?
Director: ...I have never wanted to fire you more than I do right now.
[The day after, Rarity and Fluttershy are wheeling a rack of Rarity's clothes along a dirt road.]
Fluttershy: Rarity, wait!
[The rack rolls over a rock and some of the clothes bounce off onto the ground.]
Rarity: [Facehoofs] Uggggh!
Director: Cut.
[Photo Finish is being carried on a platform by two bored-looking stallions.]
Photo Finish: Put me down here. [The stallions kneel down, but the one on the left slips, sending Photo Finish toppling to the ground.]
Everyone: [Cringes]
Rarity: Ma'am… are you alright?
Photo Finish: [Still laying on the ground] …
[Beat]
Photo Finish: I stand! [She gets up]
Everyone: [Exhales]
[After revealing that she wants Fluttershy to become a model, she takes her to get her makeup done. One of the makeup artists is applying her blush. Some of it tickles Fluttershy's nose, and she's clearly trying not to sneeze.]
Photo Finish: Too much blush.
[The makeup is removed]
Photo Finish: Not enough.
[The makeup is re-applied]
Photo Finish: Too much.
[The makeup is removed]
Photo Finish: Not enough.
[The makeup is re-applied]
Photo Finish: Perfect!
[Fluttershy then lets out an uproarious sneeze instead of the tiny sneeze she was meant to release.]
Director: Cut. Dangit Fluttershy, you'd better get it next time or we'll run out of blush.
Fluttershy: S-sorry...
[Fluttershy nervously walks down the runway, listening to some of the things the audience is saying about her.]
Pony #1: So graceful!
Pony #2: So lovely!
Pony Who Sounds Exactly Like Hoity Toity: So perfect for my new advertisement!
[Upon reaching the end of the catwalk, Fluttershy trips and tumbles off, letting out a squeak of pain as she hits the ground.]
Director: Cut!
Pony #1: Um… the dress goes so perfectly with the colour of the floor!
Pony #2: Oh shut up Lyrica, the take is over.
[Now that Fluttershy's a famous model, her image is being used all over the place. Applejack is selling way more apples by sticking pictures of Fluttershy to the crates they're in. Rarity looks up into the sky to see Rainbow flying through the air with a banner of Fluttershy advertising carrot juice. But Rainbow isn't flying fast enough, so the banner is just kinda hanging there beside her.]
Director: CUT! Dash, wake up!
Rainbow: [Shakes her head and blinks hard] Huh? What is it?
Pierre: You were completely zoned out there.
Director: Dash this is literally your only appearance in the episode- you don't even have any lines- so just say what you gotta say and then, unlike the rest of us, you can actually leave. So stop wasting our time!
Rarity: Sir, don't be so rude! Rainbow Dash, are you okay?
Rainbow: [Landing on the ground] I think so. I've just felt a little out-of-it since this morning.
Rarity: Oh dear… well, the Director is right about you being able to go home after this. Just tough this scene out and then you can rest for as long as you like.
Rainbow: That sounds awesome right about now.
Director: Great. So stop chatting and let's go.
[After outrunning a mob of her fans, Fluttershy takes shelter in Rarity's shop.]
Rarity: Look how popular you are. [She fakes a smile] I'm so excited for you. You must be having the best time ever.
Fluttershy: [A little sadly] Oh yes… the best time ever…
[The door opens and Photo Finish comes rushing in.]
Photo Finish: Flootershy, I have been looking- OH! [She runs in so fast that she collides with Rarity, landing on top of her in such a way that she ends up sitting on Rarity's tummy.]
Director: CUT!
Photo Finish: Hmm… Miss Rarity, your body is so soft and pleasing to my fabulous rump! It is like sitting on a plush marshmallow.
Rarity: [Smiling despite her ribs being crushed] I'm so… happy to hear that from you, Photo Finish!
[Berry Punch and Bon Bon walk into Carousel Boutique.]
Bon Bon: Is she still here? We heard Fluttershy was here.
Rarity: Uh…
Director: Yeah, I gotta cut right there. Bon Bon, what happened?
Bon Bon: [Raises eyebrows] W-what?
Rarity: Your voice sounds… different.
Bon Bon: Oh, that. Yeah, I had vocal cord surgery lately. I blew out my voice filming the pilot for a spy show I'm gonna be in soon.
Rarity: Wow, I didn't know you got the part!
Bon Bon: Well I did. Heheh… but I'm sure no one will notice I don't sound like I did a few episodes ago.
Rainbow: [On her way out of the building] I feel like people are totally gonna notice… and that we should reference that spy show someday.
Director: Dash, go home!
[Fluttershy is at an interview with Photo Finish and is trying to let her know that she's late for her spa appointment with Rarity.]
Fluttershy: Photo Finish, I'm so sorry to interrupt; it's just that I'm running late.
Photo Finish: [Gasps] How could I have forgotten?! Your appearance at the ballet opening! Everypony who is anypony will be there.
Fluttershy: Actually, I'm supposed to be meeting my friend-
Photo Finish: We go! [She tries to strike a dramatic pose whilst standing on one leg, but loses her balance and ends up falling over. Luckily, Fluttershy manages to catch her and hold her up in time.]
Director: Cut; let's try that again.
Photo Finish: Pfft. Making me stand on my hind legs. This is why it's obvious that this script was written by a biped!
[Twilight is chatting with Rarity, who's sitting in the spa's hot tub with her mane wrapped up in a towel.]
Rarity: Obviously Fluttershy's just too busy with her new career to spend time with her best friend.
Twilight: I'm sure she just got tied up.
Rarity: [Bittery] Of course she did; she's a big, bright, shining star. I wish that star would burn out!
Twilight: [Appalled] Rarity! Fluttershy is your friend!
Rarity: [Guiltily] I know, I know! And I should be happy for her, but instead I'm just- ugh- jealous! Oh, please promise you won't tell her I feel this way. Please, please, pleasepleaseplease!
[Due to her overacting, the towel Rarity has her mane in falls off her head and into the hot tub.]
Rarity: Hehe… whoops.
Director: Well I definitely made the wrong call insisting that we'd only need one towel for this scene. Anybody got a spare?
[Quinn lumbers out of the break room with a pink towel tucked under his arm. He heads over to the hot tub and holds it out to Rarity.]
Quinn: Here ya go, Rarity sis. It ain't been used. Much, anyway.
[He walks away without another word.]
Rarity: [Holding the towel with a telekinetic spell] I… don't think I want to use this one.
Director: It's for a minute-long scene, just fight through it. Let's move it, ponies!
Twilight: You have my word. Losing a friend's trust is the fastest way to lose a friend-
[Pinkie bursts out of a tub full of sponges that's next to Twilight.]
Pinkie: Forever!
Twilight: GYAAH! [She gets startled and stumbled backwards into the hot tub, splashing water everywhere.
[Beat]
Pinkie: [Giggles]
Rarity: [Giggles]
[Pretty soon, everyone in the room is laughing at what just happened.]
Twilight: [Resurfaces, gasping for breath] Pinkie! What did you do that for?
Director: Oh that part was only in Pinkie's script. We thought it would be better to get your genuine reaction to the scare… [sarcastically] so that was worthwhile.
Twilight: That was… not funny.
Pierre: Yeah, sure. I'm totally posting this to my Twitter later.
[Fluttershy arrives at the spa not too long after Rarity leaves.]
Fluttershy: Oh no… she's already gone, isn't she?
Twilight: Sorry…
Fluttershy: [Slouching] Oh… I can't believe this. I am so frustrated I could just scream!
[She takes a deep breath, but instead of letting out a silly, tiny scream, she full-on bellows while clutching her head.]
Fluttershy: AAAAAAAAAAUUUGGGGGH!
Twilight: [Covers her ears] Holy horsefeathers!
Felicity: [From the sound booth] Careful Fluttershy, you damn-near blew out your mic!
Fluttershy: ...oops. I'm sorry. Like I said… I'm used to screaming into a pillow like that.
Rarity: But on the bright side, you must be feeling a lot less tense now, correct?
Fluttershy: [Blinks] You know, I actually do feel better. Let's get this scene right!
Twilight: Whoa… maybe I should try screaming to let off some steam...
Director: It works wonders.
(Credit to Oliviaplayz)
[Fluttershy starts walking down the runway. Backstage, Twilight plots to sabotage her so she doesn't need to model anymore. She uses a spell to try and get Fluttershy to trip over, but the effects the spell actually has are vastly different than she intended.]
Director: CUT!
Fluttershy: Huh? Why? What happened?
Twilight: Fluttershy, I'm so sorry! I… kinda turned your hair green.
[Beat]
Fluttershy: [Examining her now-green locks] Oh!
Director: How did you do that?
Twilight: [Chuckles] Well, I focused hard, and-
Director: No, I mean... you tried to trip Fluttershy up, but instead you turned her hair green. That's like… trying to make pancakes, but instead you catch chicken pox. Like… how does that level of failure even exist?!
Twilight: [Upset] Well, I'm sorry I'm not as good at magic as my character! I'd like to see you do any better!
Pierre: Hey Fluttershy?
Fluttershy: Yes?
Pierre: I guess green really isn't your colour.
[Felicity plays a rimshot sound from the sound booth.]
Twilight and the Director: Shut up, Pierre!
Pierre: I regret nothing.
Director: Just change her hair back to normal, Twilight!
(Credit to GuardianAngel1234567)
[Twilight gains control over Fluttershy's body, making her do crazy things to humiliate her. She slides Fluttershy down the catwalk on her belly and makes her do an upside down doggy paddle through the air. By this point, Twilight is getting super into this and starts going a little nuts with Fluttershy's actions. She makes Fluttershy pick her nose and she follows this up by making her twerk.]
Fluttershy: Whoa… okay, Twilight, stop! I'm not comfortable with this!
Pierre: Uh… should I cut?!
[Twilight keeps going. She makes Fluttershy bray like a donkey and then forces her to hold up both of her wings like she's flipping the audience the bird.]
Director: Okay yeah, cut. Twilight's gone mad with power.
[The camera cuts as Rarity tackles a magic-mad Twilight to the ground.]
[After Rarity foils the plan to get Fluttershy fired from the modelling world, Twilight and Fluttershy meet up in the yellow mare's dressing room.]
Fluttershy: If only Rarity didn't want me to be a model so bad…
Twilight: Ugh! But Rarity- [Twilight remembers what Pinkie said about the importance of keeping a friend's secrets, and shoves her hoof into her mouth. However, she accidentally punches herself in the teeth] Ack! Oh great, I think I'm bleeding!
Director: Oh come on, it can't be that bad.
Twilight: [Unable to close her mouth fully] Have you ever punched yourself in the mouth with hooves?!
Director: ...no.
Nancy: Just get over here, Twilight.
Rarity: Out there on the runway, everyone was turning on you and... Oh... Oh, Fluttershy, it's so awful. [Guiltily] I wanted them to.
Fluttershy: [Shocked] You did?!
Twilight: Of course she did. Because- oh!
[Twilight grabs a gift basket that was sent to Fluttershy and somehow shoves everything in it into her mouth. Predictably, this causes her to choke, and she hacks everything out onto the floor.]
Director: Cut!
Twilight: [Panting] Remember when we had a whole conversation about choking hazards? Did the writers put this bit in just to spite me?
[Twilight pulls her head out of a flower pot she shoved it in, finally having had enough.]
Twilight: SPIKE HAS A CRUSH ON RARITY!
[Pinkie shows up in a mirror.]
Pinkie: [Shakes her head and sighs] And you were doing so well. [As she shakes her head, she hits her nose against the mirror and it falls down onto the dresser, revealing that Pinkie is just standing behind a pane of glass.]
Director: Cut!
Pinkie: Welp, at least I didn't break this [She lifts the glass back into position] That's like, seven years worth of bad luck."
[Twilight has just finished reciting her letter to Princess Celestia to Spike, who is not happy with her.]
Spike: I still can't believe you told someone about my secret feelings for Rarity.
Twilight: You're right. That was wrong of me, and I'm very sorry.
Spike: Apology accepted.
Twilight: Now will you take down my letter to Princess Celestia?
Spike: I'd love to… [the camera pans out to reveal he's fanning Rarity, who's in the middle of a seaweed wrap. He lifts up the fan, which has a giant picture of Rarity in front of a heart on it] ...but I'm a little busy at the- OOPS!
[As he brings the fan down, it becomes impaled on Rarity's horn. The white unicorn removes one of the cucumbers from over her eyes and looks up, letting out a giggle.]
Rarity: Good thing I commissioned so many of those fans.
Director: Shut up, you can buy those things from any clothes store. Your label produced them- that's your logo on it!
Rarity: ...nothing wrong with a little product placement.
Outro
Director: Great job today everyone, that wasn't so bad.
Fluttershy: I agree. The episode was really good as well!
Rarity: Plus, I got to have three trips to the spa! And that's not even counting all the takes we did.
Director: I don't know about you guys, but… I'm actually excited for next week.
Twilight: So am I…
[Beat]
Twilight: What's gonna ruin it?
[Mike and Derpy walk on over. Mike is holding a phone away from his ear as a strict-sounding voice barks on the other end of the line.]
Derpy: Um… sir. We got a call for you.
Mike: It's from Veronica.
Director: Who?
Pinkie: [Mimics the Director's voice] Espinosa!
Director: Oh her- wait, what's that voice you're doing?
Pinkie: [Walks around the set in long, wide strides] Look at me, I'm the Director. I call everyone I hate by their last name!
Director: [Scrunches his brow] Shut up Pinkie, I was in a good mood!
Pinkie: [Pauses] Wait a minute… you don't call me by my last name. [Her eyes start sparkling] Does that mean you like me?!
Director: [Quickly turning away] No! Now give me the phone! Give me the phone, you idiot! [Snatches the phone off Mike.] Hello? What do you want?
[There is a brief chatter on the phone.]
Director: A train chase?
[More chatter]
Director: A Western shoot-out?
[More chattering, a little more excited]
Director: Wh-what do you mean "how many pies can our budget afford"?
[Everyone looks around at one another, very confused.]
Director: Okay. [Ends call and hands phone back to Mike]
Twilight: What was all that about?
Director: [Sighs] She convinced a bunch of ponies to build the set for the next episode by promising them all roles in it.
Rarity: Is she allowed to do that?
Director: I don't know, but… now we got a bunch of new extras, a new set to work with, and she's hired a train for us all. I think… I think Espinosa might actually be beneficial to this production. [Full-body shudders]
Fluttershy: Wait… what do you mean she hired a train for us?
Director: Oh yeah, they built the set in the middle of a desert.
Twilight: The desert?!
Director: Mmhmm. [Takes a long swig of soda] Get ready, everyone. We're going on a trip.
Endnote: I'm back! Trying to get my life more on track, but I'm having a lot of fun with these bloopers lately. Very excited to get to the next episode, which is Over a Barrel, an episode that some of my readers may know I've drawn way too much inspiration from in the past. Send me blooper ideas quickly! I'm aiming to get the next chapter up soon!
Mouse's Musings: This was odd. I remember feeling pretty neutral on this episode in the past, but rewatching Green Isn't Your Colour… I think this is one of my favourite episodes from the first season. Maybe it's because when I was younger, I didn't have much personal experience with jealousy, and keeping secrets is super easy for me. But these days… It's an embarrassingly different story.
It's so weird that when I was a dumb teen watching this show, I hated Rarity, and now I relate to her quite a bit. I'd describe myself as half-Rarity-half-Fluttershy with a dash of Twilight in terms of personality FYI. I'm actually kinda going through the same thing Rarity did with Fluttershy with one of my own friends (just with art instead of fashion) and I feel her pain so hard. Unfortunately, I think being honest with my feelings will make things even worse, unlike in this episode. That's real life for ya, I guess.
Gah, I'm supposed to be talking about the episode, not myself! Um… the fashion industry, am I right? I could poke fun at how toxic and gross the fashion industry can be all the ding-dang day long, but these chapters should probably stay around sixteen Google Doc pages long. I kinda wish the episode had shown some of the harsher parts of the modelling world, but then again… that's not very fun, is it? Let's just all applaud Fluttershy for getting out of there. And can we take a moment to appreciate Photo Finish? I love how wacky she is, especially whenever she leaves someplace. "...I go!" Classic. In real life, no one would want to hire her 'cause her photoshoots are a sham, but I can forgive the cartoon pony show for being unrealistic if it makes me laugh.
Bonus question: would any of you be more tempted to buy a crate of apples if it had a supermodel's face printed on it? 'Cause it sure did work for Applejack; how friggin' weird. I do appreciate how Rarity didn't use Fluttershy's image to boost her sales like AJ was doing- it shows that even though she was jealous, she would never use someone else's fame (much less her friend's) to her advantage. Rarity may be self-centered sometimes, but my favourite thing about her is how she's hardworking and wants to achieve her dream on her own merits.
The only issue I have with the episode is its moral. It could be going for "don't tell your friends' secrets", which is good, but in this episode, Twilight's secret-keeping was played for laughs and her efforts to keep them was ultimately pointless, only resulting in a funny Spike joke at the end. It could be "tell your friends when you feel jealous of them", which I straight-up just don't agree with. Because what's your friend going to do about this problem? Stop being successful to make you happy? That's very selfish of you. Not everyone is going to be unhappy with their success like Fluttershy was- the chances of that happening are actually very low. Telling someone you're jealous of them has a high chance of actually ending the friendship between you, to put it bluntly. Kids, just… don't tell the person you're jealous of that you're jealous. Envy is the worst deadly sin.