Lime Green Death
By Millennium Guard
[email protected]
Part 1/2
Rated: PG13
Disclaimer: If I owned SM, I wouldn't be sitting here giving out stories for free, I'd actually be selling them.
Comments: Just something that has been sittin' atop my shelf for a time, thought it could create some laughs.
Part two will be out----don't know.
"You ever wondered what it would be like right on top of this very counter?" His words were unheard; I was
lost in my own little world. I know he was just saying that to get my attention, though I would be happy to
oblige anyway. I sigh. I should be paying attention to other matters, manly him----but it was so hard when I
was being blinded by some very obvious factors, especially if those factors were staring me hard in the face
and basically screaming out loud to be heard. The only thing I could think of to describe this undeniable thing,
was the phrase 'so loud I could hear it comin' down the street.
Wait, I'm sorry, you probably wondering what the hell I'm talking about, or who I am for that matter. Well, my
name is Chiba Tsukino Usagi and I am referring to my husband's god forsaken ugly bright lime green blazer.
It's funny how you go into a marriage starting off with a big fat lie; you know what I'm talking about. The one
where you internally agree that when you marry your soul mate that you are taking them just as they are, weird
habits and all. I regret that before the wedding that I didn't force him to sign a contract saying he would get rid
of the ugly thing, but I digress. Funny thing is, I wouldn't care if my Mamo-chan suddenly came and told me
he was a bank robber, or even that he was really a Nega-verse spy. Heck, my only comment would be, 'as long
as you don't take that ugly green jacket with you'!
But in any matter, here I was, sharing a nice hot fudge sundae with chocolate syrup in Motoki-sans's parlor,
when as usual my eyes focused on plans to get rid of the horrid beast that looked like it belonged to 'Swamp
Thing'. Of course, like I said, I wasn't paying attention, and was caught off guard when Mamo-chan gripped
my hand and exclaimed.
"Usa!" When I focused on what I was doing, I realized, that I had unknowingly been feeding his jacket the ice
cream sundae, instead of my beloved Mamo-chan, whip cream, cherries, and nuts were now dripping down the
collar. "Jeez, now I'll have to take it to the cleaners!" I really wasn't listening any more, more like, plotting. It
would be the first time in a couple of months that my Mamo-chan and his vile creature like clothing would be
separated.
It was now, or never.
"Why don't you let me take it for you sweetheart." I smile sweetly, putting on years of experienced charm.
"Oh no, you'll use this as an excuse to get rid of my jacket----you think I'm stupid?" Drat! That's the bad
thing about being married; your old tricks don't fly by any more. I remember when I tried to use holding back
sex as a way to get him to get rid of the disgusting thing; of course, I failed to remember how sexy and very
irresistible my Mamo-chan is. Before I tell you how that ended, let me just say that my muffin is very stubborn
about getting rid of the ghastly covering. To prove that my little ploy wouldn't work, can you believe that this
man paraded around our humble abode naked for two days before I finally just gave in a jumped him? But you
need to understand my predicament. I mean, can you imagine, you're sitting at home, minding your own
business, dinner set and ready at the table, waiting for your beloved to come home. When he does, like
normal, he greets you with a long passionate kiss on the lips, like normal, he removes his coat, and like
normal, he removes his shoes. But that's the thing, that's where most normal people stop. But nooo----my sexy
little Mamo-chan removes his shirt, pants, and boxers, right at the door! I just stood there shocked when he
did it the first time. And can you believe he had the nerve to go and sit at the dinner table like nothing was
wrong? Unbelievable. But like I said, in the end, I jumped him. When I say jumped him, I mean 'jumped' him.
Sigh. That was our first time on the kitchen counter...stove...sink...table----What?! I told you I jumped him!
And don't look at me with those admonishing eyes; I'm married!
In any matter, I'll just have to do this the hard way. Who's going to miss one insignificant Dry Cleaners
anyway? Don't worry; when I become queen, I'll make sure to pay whomever back for the damages. Speaking
of queen, sometimes I wonder if this whole green jacket thing was some evil plot of Beryl to make my life
miserable and have the last words even in death. If so, I'll bet she's laughin' her ass off. Wonder if the star
locket's music will cure this one? Hmmm...
"Usagi." A stern voice interrupts my thoughts. Oops. Did I forget that I was still sitting here with my beloved?
"Yeah baby?"
"You've got that look on your face."
"What look?" Innocence is a killer.
"That same look you had before we went for boat ride in the park and before you attempted to loose my jacket
in the lake." He replied knowingly. Must I curse again? Damn that man! Damn him I say! Must he know me so
well?
"Let's go home Mamo-chan." I replied alluringly, ignoring his comment. That was one really good thing about
married life; all you had to do was promise sex and you could get your husband to forget about whatever he
had just been talking about. Not that I didn't want to; I'm no fool. Like I said before, my baby is a very sexy
man no doubt, and plus, we were still in the honeymoon stage where everything was still so new and anything
was probable excuse to go home. Heck, we barely went anywhere without coming back in an hour to our
bedroom. So like clockwork, he replied.
"Check please!"
I lay awake that night, knowing that my husband has successfully tired himself out worth fifty good night
sleeps. Not that I wasn't tired myself, but I was so adamant about my goal this time, that I couldn't allow
myself to rest.
That was another thing, this hadn't been the first time that I had sabotaged Mamo-chan's vile monstrosity
either intentionally, or non-intentionally. Each time it happened, which was about every couple of months, my
muffin would take it to the dry cleaners. That night, the sex was always the best. Obviously, my very stubborn
and sexy boy toy was trying to tire me out to the point in which thinking about going down to the dry cleaners
to pick up and destroy his jacket would have to wait til another time. Let's just say it worked every time...but
there was something about this night...
I quietly slip out of the bed, making sure not stir to him and not to leave before appreciating Mamo-chan's
body of course, and walk into the hallway, closing the door behind me. I sigh audibly as I pull something out
of thin air, my disguise pen. Gosh, I'm tired...when that man sets himself a goal, he definitely sets himself a
goal...but I guess he wasn't planning on my determination being so great this time...but I can barely lift the pen
in the air.
"Disguise pen." I whisper jadedly to it as I hold it up. "Dress me up in leather like Tom Cruise from Mission
Impossible." Within seconds a warm glow fills me, the glare lighting up the room before fading away once
more. I smile inwardly as I look at my getup. Black tight leather pants with form fitting long sleeve black
leather top to match. My hair is now short and kept in place by a black bandana. "Let Operation Destroy That
Ugly Jacket, commence!" I crack my leather-clad knuckles and smile wickedly as I pick up my communicator.
"Orange bird are you there? Orange bird?"
"Check Green Hater." The sound of Minako's voice filtered through.
"Okay, meet at the knowledge tower of terror check point. Copy that Orange bird?"
"Knowledge terror?"
"For crimes sake Minako, the school!"
"Okay, let's go over this one more time." I began as I paced back and forth.
"What is our goal?"
"Destroy Mamoru-san's Swamp Thing Jacket!" Minako brought her hand to her forehead in salute.
"And how do we plan on doing this?"
"By breaking into the----eh…um." I slapped my hand to my forehead.
"By blowing up the cleaners baka!" I exclaim.
"Yes sir-eh…ma'am." Sigh.
"Okay…let's get to it, we have 6 hours before the Master awakens and 5 hours, 35 minutes, and----15 seconds
before the manager comes to prepare the store." She began. "Now, there's a security guard that is paid to
check the place at exactly 4:05…be on your guard----oh, and there is a police car that circles the area exactly
every 33 minutes and 22 seconds…okay, synchronize watches…" She waited for Minako to hold up her
watch. "Now."
"May O. D. T. U. J. begin."
By Millennium Guard
[email protected]
Part 1/2
Rated: PG13
Disclaimer: If I owned SM, I wouldn't be sitting here giving out stories for free, I'd actually be selling them.
Comments: Just something that has been sittin' atop my shelf for a time, thought it could create some laughs.
Part two will be out----don't know.
"You ever wondered what it would be like right on top of this very counter?" His words were unheard; I was
lost in my own little world. I know he was just saying that to get my attention, though I would be happy to
oblige anyway. I sigh. I should be paying attention to other matters, manly him----but it was so hard when I
was being blinded by some very obvious factors, especially if those factors were staring me hard in the face
and basically screaming out loud to be heard. The only thing I could think of to describe this undeniable thing,
was the phrase 'so loud I could hear it comin' down the street.
Wait, I'm sorry, you probably wondering what the hell I'm talking about, or who I am for that matter. Well, my
name is Chiba Tsukino Usagi and I am referring to my husband's god forsaken ugly bright lime green blazer.
It's funny how you go into a marriage starting off with a big fat lie; you know what I'm talking about. The one
where you internally agree that when you marry your soul mate that you are taking them just as they are, weird
habits and all. I regret that before the wedding that I didn't force him to sign a contract saying he would get rid
of the ugly thing, but I digress. Funny thing is, I wouldn't care if my Mamo-chan suddenly came and told me
he was a bank robber, or even that he was really a Nega-verse spy. Heck, my only comment would be, 'as long
as you don't take that ugly green jacket with you'!
But in any matter, here I was, sharing a nice hot fudge sundae with chocolate syrup in Motoki-sans's parlor,
when as usual my eyes focused on plans to get rid of the horrid beast that looked like it belonged to 'Swamp
Thing'. Of course, like I said, I wasn't paying attention, and was caught off guard when Mamo-chan gripped
my hand and exclaimed.
"Usa!" When I focused on what I was doing, I realized, that I had unknowingly been feeding his jacket the ice
cream sundae, instead of my beloved Mamo-chan, whip cream, cherries, and nuts were now dripping down the
collar. "Jeez, now I'll have to take it to the cleaners!" I really wasn't listening any more, more like, plotting. It
would be the first time in a couple of months that my Mamo-chan and his vile creature like clothing would be
separated.
It was now, or never.
"Why don't you let me take it for you sweetheart." I smile sweetly, putting on years of experienced charm.
"Oh no, you'll use this as an excuse to get rid of my jacket----you think I'm stupid?" Drat! That's the bad
thing about being married; your old tricks don't fly by any more. I remember when I tried to use holding back
sex as a way to get him to get rid of the disgusting thing; of course, I failed to remember how sexy and very
irresistible my Mamo-chan is. Before I tell you how that ended, let me just say that my muffin is very stubborn
about getting rid of the ghastly covering. To prove that my little ploy wouldn't work, can you believe that this
man paraded around our humble abode naked for two days before I finally just gave in a jumped him? But you
need to understand my predicament. I mean, can you imagine, you're sitting at home, minding your own
business, dinner set and ready at the table, waiting for your beloved to come home. When he does, like
normal, he greets you with a long passionate kiss on the lips, like normal, he removes his coat, and like
normal, he removes his shoes. But that's the thing, that's where most normal people stop. But nooo----my sexy
little Mamo-chan removes his shirt, pants, and boxers, right at the door! I just stood there shocked when he
did it the first time. And can you believe he had the nerve to go and sit at the dinner table like nothing was
wrong? Unbelievable. But like I said, in the end, I jumped him. When I say jumped him, I mean 'jumped' him.
Sigh. That was our first time on the kitchen counter...stove...sink...table----What?! I told you I jumped him!
And don't look at me with those admonishing eyes; I'm married!
In any matter, I'll just have to do this the hard way. Who's going to miss one insignificant Dry Cleaners
anyway? Don't worry; when I become queen, I'll make sure to pay whomever back for the damages. Speaking
of queen, sometimes I wonder if this whole green jacket thing was some evil plot of Beryl to make my life
miserable and have the last words even in death. If so, I'll bet she's laughin' her ass off. Wonder if the star
locket's music will cure this one? Hmmm...
"Usagi." A stern voice interrupts my thoughts. Oops. Did I forget that I was still sitting here with my beloved?
"Yeah baby?"
"You've got that look on your face."
"What look?" Innocence is a killer.
"That same look you had before we went for boat ride in the park and before you attempted to loose my jacket
in the lake." He replied knowingly. Must I curse again? Damn that man! Damn him I say! Must he know me so
well?
"Let's go home Mamo-chan." I replied alluringly, ignoring his comment. That was one really good thing about
married life; all you had to do was promise sex and you could get your husband to forget about whatever he
had just been talking about. Not that I didn't want to; I'm no fool. Like I said before, my baby is a very sexy
man no doubt, and plus, we were still in the honeymoon stage where everything was still so new and anything
was probable excuse to go home. Heck, we barely went anywhere without coming back in an hour to our
bedroom. So like clockwork, he replied.
"Check please!"
I lay awake that night, knowing that my husband has successfully tired himself out worth fifty good night
sleeps. Not that I wasn't tired myself, but I was so adamant about my goal this time, that I couldn't allow
myself to rest.
That was another thing, this hadn't been the first time that I had sabotaged Mamo-chan's vile monstrosity
either intentionally, or non-intentionally. Each time it happened, which was about every couple of months, my
muffin would take it to the dry cleaners. That night, the sex was always the best. Obviously, my very stubborn
and sexy boy toy was trying to tire me out to the point in which thinking about going down to the dry cleaners
to pick up and destroy his jacket would have to wait til another time. Let's just say it worked every time...but
there was something about this night...
I quietly slip out of the bed, making sure not stir to him and not to leave before appreciating Mamo-chan's
body of course, and walk into the hallway, closing the door behind me. I sigh audibly as I pull something out
of thin air, my disguise pen. Gosh, I'm tired...when that man sets himself a goal, he definitely sets himself a
goal...but I guess he wasn't planning on my determination being so great this time...but I can barely lift the pen
in the air.
"Disguise pen." I whisper jadedly to it as I hold it up. "Dress me up in leather like Tom Cruise from Mission
Impossible." Within seconds a warm glow fills me, the glare lighting up the room before fading away once
more. I smile inwardly as I look at my getup. Black tight leather pants with form fitting long sleeve black
leather top to match. My hair is now short and kept in place by a black bandana. "Let Operation Destroy That
Ugly Jacket, commence!" I crack my leather-clad knuckles and smile wickedly as I pick up my communicator.
"Orange bird are you there? Orange bird?"
"Check Green Hater." The sound of Minako's voice filtered through.
"Okay, meet at the knowledge tower of terror check point. Copy that Orange bird?"
"Knowledge terror?"
"For crimes sake Minako, the school!"
"Okay, let's go over this one more time." I began as I paced back and forth.
"What is our goal?"
"Destroy Mamoru-san's Swamp Thing Jacket!" Minako brought her hand to her forehead in salute.
"And how do we plan on doing this?"
"By breaking into the----eh…um." I slapped my hand to my forehead.
"By blowing up the cleaners baka!" I exclaim.
"Yes sir-eh…ma'am." Sigh.
"Okay…let's get to it, we have 6 hours before the Master awakens and 5 hours, 35 minutes, and----15 seconds
before the manager comes to prepare the store." She began. "Now, there's a security guard that is paid to
check the place at exactly 4:05…be on your guard----oh, and there is a police car that circles the area exactly
every 33 minutes and 22 seconds…okay, synchronize watches…" She waited for Minako to hold up her
watch. "Now."
"May O. D. T. U. J. begin."