A/N: A shorter version of this story was originally written as a "little Raydor thing" on Tumblr. After receiving positive responses on this idea, I decided to expand about and write a fic. This is quite angsty, so prepare yourselves. I changed a few minor details from my original response to the prompt. I hope you like it, and if you do, please take a moment to let me know. Reviews are love, after all, and will be greatly appreciated.
The cabinet under the stairs was open and strange noises came from inside. It sounded like someone was going through the old suitcase that belonged to Grandma Liza; the forbidden suitcase. When Grandma Liza passed on last year, his father packed some of his memories in an old and crumbling leather suitcase. He said that it was important and symbolic because Grandma Liza carried with her all the way from Germany in 1945, after the war ended. Ricky didn't know what 'symbolic' meant, but it sounded like a word smart people use. The suitcase belonged to his father now, and Ricky was not allowed to touch it. Not that he really wanted to. It made him sad, because there were old photos of Grandma Liza and he really missed her. Before she died, she used to bring him candy and told him funny stories. He wasn't quite sure what it meant that she died, but he remembered how his father cried like a baby in his mother's arms. Now he wondered if when people die they became suitcases with old photos. It kinda made sense, but he would have to ask his mother. She always answered his questions so seriously, even when he thought they might be stupid questions.
He padded towards the cabinet, thinking that maybe Jenny somehow found her way inside. His little sister was only 2 years old, but she was quick to disappear and she tended to ruin things. If she did something to Grandma's suitcase, daddy would be really sad and then he would drink and yell at mom and she would become sad too.
He peeped into the cabinet, expecting to find his troublemaking sister, but instead he saw his father. He was holding a six-pack of beer and placing it at the corner of the cabinet. Ricky noticed a few different bottles.
"Daddy, what are you doing?" he asked. He was pretty sure that he knew what his father was doing. His mother didn't like it when his father drank, so he was probably just hiding his bottles.
"Hey there, little Richard!" His father called out, surprised. "What are you doing here?"
"Mommy doesn't like it when you drink the yellow juice," he said. "She doesn't like the smell."
"Yeah, I know," his father sighed. "That's why I'm putting it in here. If your mother finds them, she'll throw them away and they are very valuable." Ricky wasn't sure what valuable meant.
"I don't want mommy to be sad." His father seemed shocked for a moment, but then he pulled Ricky into his arms.
"Well, you know, if you don't tell her about it, she won't be sad. You know what I mean?" Ricky looked at his father with big blue eyes; he knew that not telling his mother about the bottles was not a good choice to make, but if he told her, she would become upset and he didn't want that either. "Hey, here's what we gonna do," his father smiled at him and shoved his hand into his pocket, pulling out some bills. "Here are… ten bucks; I don't suppose you have change... I will give you these and in return, you won't tell mom anything, okay?" Without waiting for a response, he shoved the bills into Ricky's small palm.
Ricky looked at the bills and then got out of his father's arms and went upstairs and into his room. He never had money before and it was exciting to feel the crispness of the green bills in his hand and at the same time, he felt them scorching the skin of his palm. He didn't want this money, not really. But he didn't want to make his parents fight either. Opening his closet, he shoved the bills into the back of his sock drawer and closed it with a thud.
There was a rustling in the master bedroom; a series of clicks that he usually associated with his mother. That's what things in her dressing table drawer sounded like when she shuffled through them. It was noon and his mother was supposed to be at work. Ricky knew that she tried to be home as much as she could, but he couldn't recall ever seeing her home before dark fell. Nevertheless, he was thrilled with the possibility of him mother being home early. Cheerfully, he ran through the open door, heading to the corner of the room, where his mother's dressing table stood.
"Mommy?" he called out excitedly. His smiled died down as soon as he saw that it was his father who was rummaging through his mother's drawer.
"Hey there, kiddo!" his father turned around with a wide smile, as if seeing Ricky at that particular moment was the best thing that happened to him. Any other kid would believe it, but Ricky knew his father too well. A smile like that usually meant that his father wanted him to be somewhere else and the sooner the better.
"What are you doing, daddy?" Ricky asked.
"I was looking for something," his father replied as Ricky looked at the objects his father took out of his mother's drawer. Her jewelry box was open and his father quickly shoved a pair of diamond earrings that his mother loved and wore quite often into his shirt pocket.
"Why are you taking Mommy's earrings?" he asked.
"I just need some money, Tricky," His father replied. Ricky hated when his father called him 'Tricky', and really, the only times his father used this name were when he was trying to cover up something.
"But earrings are not money," Ricky stated.
"Yeah, well… I'm gonna give them to someone and they'll give me money for them," his father explained.
"But Mommy's gonna be sad if you take her earrings," Ricky replied. He didn't like it that his father was touching his mother's things. Why couldn't he sell his own watch instead of Mommy's favorite earrings? It didn't make sense.
"She won't be sad if you don't tell her," his father said.
"But what if she wants to wear them?" Ricky wondered.
"Okay, Tricky, let's make a deal," his father shoved his hand into his pocket and took his wallet out. "I'm gonna give you… I only have five bucks at the moment. Now you take this money, buy something nice for yourself, a toy maybe, and in return, you will not tell mom that I took these earrings, okay?" He nudged the crumpled bills into Ricky's palm. "And if she asks you if you've seen them, you'll tell her that you didn't, alright?" Ricky looked at him with distrust. "Don't worry, when we have more money, I'll buy her new ones; bigger ones."
"Mommy doesn't like big earrings."
"Well, I'll buy her earrings she likes. Just, don't tell her anything and everything will be fine. Okay, Tricky?" Ricky nodded slowly and unwillingly and his father gave him a satisfied smile. With a downcast gaze, he went out of the master bedroom and down the hall into his room. He didn't want to lie to his mother about the earrings and he hoped that his father will keep his promise to buy her new ones. He couldn't quite understand why his father gave him money if he didn't have enough. And he didn't really need or want the money. He didn't need to buy himself anything nice. He and Jenny had many toys of all kinds and they didn't really need more. And how would he explain a new toy to his mother anyway? It didn't even make sense. With a frustrated sigh, he shoved the money into the back of his sock drawer. The drawer now contained socks in many shades of blue, green and gray and 15 bucks.
Loud cries woke him up. At first, they were soft, then he heard a loud "Oh, my God" and then a loud "Oh". It was a woman's voice, but it didn't sound like his mother. He didn't get to see her before he went to bed; she was working a late and he was a little upset that she couldn't come and kiss him goodnight.
He looked around his room and then climbed out of bed. His pajama pants were a little longer than his legs and he almost tripped. Pulling the pants as high as he could, he shuffled out of his room and listened to the sound. It came from the master bedroom.
"Oh, Jack, you're amazing!" Whoever the woman was, called out. Ricky thought the woman probably didn't know him well. He loved his father dearly, but he wouldn't exactly say that he was amazing. He always disappointed his mother and he lied to her more often than not. And when he drank, he was anything but amazing. He would call her names and say that she was ruining his life and a bad wife. Ricky knew that his father was sometimes upset that she worked long hours, but it's not like he was actually working.
"I won't need to work overtime and take night shifts if you find a job. I will be able to spend more time with the kids too." Ricky heard his mother say to his father. She called him irresponsible and immature and she begged for him to lay off the bottles and clean his act. Ricky wasn't sure exactly what all these big words meant, but he figured that his mother didn't like it when his father drank the yellow juice. It wasn't always yellow, when he thought of it. Sometimes it was more golden, and sometimes clear, like water, but mostly yellow. It had a horrible smell, like a medicine. Ricky could understand why his mother didn't like it.
"Oh, Jack…" a loud moan drew him away from his thoughts. He took a few more steps towards the master bedroom door and opened it, softly padding inside. There was a naked woman sitting on his father, and Ricky could see her breasts jumping up and down as she rode his father like a cowboy rides a horse. He recognized her immediately. It was Sarah, the next door neighbor who was also his mother's good friend from college.
Ricky wanted to look away, but he couldn't move. Sarah's daughter, Anna, was in his class and she told him once how the adults have babies. He didn't believe her, of course; because everyone knew that the stork carried babies in its beak and dropped them into their mother's tummy. But his father and Sarah were doing what Anna said and Ricky couldn't see any storks. He was pretty sure that his father was only supposed to do that thing with his mother. Sarah was supposed to do it with Anna's father. At least that was how Anna explained it.
Sarah bent down and kissed his father on the lips before she noticed him and let out a sharp scream. Startled, Jack jumped out of bed and closed the door. Ricky could hear hushed yet panicky noises from behind the closed door. He wanted to cry and he wasn't exactly sure why. He wanted his mother to come and hug him and explain to him that everything was okay. He didn't like Sarah anymore and he didn't like Anna anymore either, because she was right.
The door opened, and his father came out. He was wearing pants, but no shirt. He lifted Ricky in his arms and carried him to his room.
"I see you're having some trouble sleeping," his father sounded calm. "Let's get you back to bed, okay?" His father put him down and Ricky climbed back into his bed. The sheets have gone cold.
"Daddy, why did you kiss Sarah?" he asked.
"She's a friend, Ricky. We kissed like friends," his father replied.
"No, you didn't. You kissed her like you kiss Mommy," Ricky argued.
"Well, sometimes I kiss Mom like a friend too."
"Mommy is not your friend!" Ricky called out angrily.
"You're right. She is my wife," his father said calmly. "Listen, kiddo, Mom is still at work, so she won't get to see you until tomorrow. And what you saw in there, Sarah and I were just playing a game and if Mom knows about it, she will be sad because I'm sure she wanted to play too."
"What game were you playing?" Ricky asked. He really needed to know about that odd game, because if Anna was right, it was really gross. "Were you playing cowboys?"
"It's a game only for adults. When you grow up, you'll understand," his father replied. "But in the meantime, you can't tell your mother about it, because it will make her cry. You don't want her to cry, do you?"
"No, I want Mommy to be happy," Ricky replied.
"Good, and because you're a good boy, I'm gonna give you some money, okay? But you only get to keep it if you don't tell our secret to your mother." His father handed him a bill. In the dark, he couldn't see how much money his father gave him and really, he was tired of getting money for keeping secrets, but he took it anyway. He would do everything in order for his mother to be happy and for her to get along with his father. He didn't want them to be angry at each other.
His father kissed him goodnight and left the room, closing the door behind him. Ricky pushed the money under his pillow and pulled his blanket over his head. He fell asleep faster that way; He hoped that once sleep engulfed him, he would be able to forget what he had seen and heard. He really needed to forget.
Sharon carried sleeping Jenny in her arms as she rushed through the hall of Ricky's school. His teacher said that she needed to talk to her about a matter she didn't want to discuss over the phone. She claimed it was important. Sharon had no idea what Ricky's teacher, Ms. Green wanted to talk about. For all Sharon knew, Ricky's marks were outstanding, he wasn't having any trouble at school and aside from refusing to meet with Anna, the kid from next door, whose mother was one hell of a backstabber and the worst friend Sharon ever had, he seemed fine, all things considering. It took her several minutes to locate the classroom and she knocked on the door lightly. Ms Green motioned for her to enter and sit down.
"I apologize for being late and bringing Jenny with me. I couldn't find a sitter," she said as she sat down, careful not to wake Jenny. The toddler was awake all night long with an ear ache and Sharon spent the entire night taking care of her.
"It's alright. The important thing is that you're here," Ms. Green replied. "I asked you to come, because something happened recently with Ricky and I thought that I needed to get more information about it from you."
"What happened?" Sharon wondered. Ricky hasn't told her anything.
"I'll get to that a bit later. First of all, I would like to understand the situation at your home. I understand that your husband left?" Ms. Green asked.
"Yeah, we had problems and we decided to split up, why? Has Ricky said anything about it?" Sharon felt her heart racing. Ricky was such a good boy at home and he seemed to adapt to the changes pretty fast.
"Mrs. Raydor, I believe that your son is having trouble coping with the situation at home," Ms. Green said. "Did he tell you about what happened on Valentine's Day?"
"He hasn't mentioned anything," Sharon could feel her stomach clenching. What has been going on with her son?
"Well, we were making Valentine's Day cards in class and your son came to me at the end of the period and asked me for a favor," Ms. Green paused and gave Sharon a pointed look. "He handed me twenty dollars and asked me to help him send you an anonymous bouquet."
"Where did he get twenty dollars?"
"I was wondering the same thing, so I asked him about it." Sharon looked at the teacher in anticipation of an answer. "He didn't want to tell me at first, but then I explained to him that I just want to know so I can help him. Eventually, he told me that your husband has been paying him to keep secrets from you. When I asked what secrets, he mentioned bottles hidden in a closet, jewelry that your husband sold and a very interesting description of his father naked with a mother of another girl in this class."
"Oh, my God." Sharon covered her mouth with her palm. "Are you sure?" Sharon felt tears rising in her eyes. Wasn't it enough that Jack had an affair with Sarah, did he also have to go about it so indiscreetly?
"I am very sure. When I asked him why he wanted to send you a bouquet, he said that you've been upset, and he feels like he's the one to blame for the situation between you and your husband. He feels that if he made you happier, you would still be together." Sharon felt tears streaming down her face. She couldn't stop them even if she tried. "I understand that it's not an easy situation for any of you. I'm sure you are struggling with this as well, but Mrs. Raydor, your son is having a hard time coping with it. I think he should see a counselor, and maybe you should too. It could help you deal with the situation better." She handed Sharon a box of Kleenex. Sharon took one tissue and used it to wipe her tears. She knew she had to fix this somehow.
Sharon stared at the family photo that was hanging on the wall above the stairs. Jack was holding baby Ricky in his arms, looking like the proud dad that he once was. His smile was wide; his blue eyes were shining with excitement, his skin and hair had a healthy glow. Sharon was shyly standing by his side, soft curls framing her face; the ends of her mouth only slightly curled upwards with the hint of a smile; her eyes glanced downwards, towards the sleeping baby in her husband's arms. All of that was now gone, she thought. Jack has lost the healthy glow, and his eyes no longer shined. She has lost him and even Ricky was slipping away, drawn into his father's dark world of lies and deceit.
She couldn't believe that he hadn't told her, that he kept the terrible secrets all to himself, attempted to shield her from heartache. How could she let this happen, she wondered. It was not his role to protect her. It was her role to protect him.
And Jack! How could he do this to them? How could he lie to her, steal from and cheat on her? How dare he drag their son into this; their sweet, innocent son, into this mess of a marriage? She wished he was there so she could punch him, and yell at him. But he wasn't and she needed to talk to Ricky about it all, and explain to him that he was not the one to blame for his father's actions.
Taking a shaky breath, she threw one more look at the photo and then climbed the rest of her way up the stairs. She walked into Ricky's room and stood at the doorway. He didn't see her, and she made no sound to indicate that she was there. He was sitting at his desk and drawing. He liked to draw and many of his drawings were hanging on the fridge door. Slowly, Sharon walked into the room and placed her hand at the back of his chair.
"What are you drawing, honey?" she asked softly.
"Nothing," Ricky replied. Sharon could see that he was drawing a family, their family; a female cop, a small child wearing a dress and himself. There was also a male figure that stood on the side of the paper, close to the edge. Ricky drew him in detail – bottle in one hand, suitcase in the other and green bills tucked into his jacket pocket.
"Is this us?" Sharon asked.
"Yeah," her son sighed deeply, in a way that made him sound like an adult.
"I see you put me in my uniform, why is that?" Sharon asked.
"Because you work a lot, and you like wearing your uniform," Ricky explained. His words made Sharon smile; she loved how observant her son was.
"And why is dad on the side?" Sharon asked.
"Because he doesn't come home anymore," Ricky's voice was sad.
"Do you miss him?" Sharon asked. Until Jack left, her children spent more time with him than with her. She assumed that it wouldn't be easy for either of them to get used to his absence.
"Sometimes," Ricky replied and the sad expression on his face shattered Sharon's heart into tiny pieces. "Why did he have to leave?"
"Your father and I disagree on many things and it just became too hard for us to live together," Sharon said.
"Will he come back one day?"
"I hope so, honey. He will come to visit from time to time. Once he finds a place to live, maybe you will be able to visit him and spend time with him like you used to," Sharon replied, gently caressing Ricky's cheek. "You know, I spoke with Ms. Green today and she told me about the money your father gave you."
"I wanted to buy flowers for you," Ricky said and a guilty expression spread across his face.
"That's very thoughtful of you, honey," Sharon smiled softly. "And I want you to know that you are not responsible for the things your father did. Do you know what responsible means?" Ricky shook his head slowly. "It's when you answer for your own actions." Ricky nodded in acknowledgement. "You don't have to answer for anything your father did, even if he paid you to keep it secret. You didn't do anything wrong." She opened her arms and Ricky stepped into her embrace, silently sobbing into her shoulder. "It's okay, everything will be fine," she whispered as she rubbed his back soothingly and kissed the crown of his head. She despised seeing her child hurting this way, and taking responsibility for his father's crooked actions.
"I don't want the money," Ricky almost whispered into her shoulder.
"Are you sure? You can keep it. I won't take it from you, honey."
"It's bad money," Ricky said.
"How about taking this money and turning it into good money?" Sharon asked. Ricky's eyes widened and Sharon smiled. "You and I can take this money and spend a day together, just us. We will do something fun, like going to the zoo. Would you like that?" Ricky nodded excitedly.
"I love you, Mommy," he said shyly.
"I love you too, honey. You and your sister are the best things that ever happened to me; never forget that." She wrapped her arms around him again and he let her.
After letting him out of her arms, she took his hand and they went down the stairs together, and into the kitchen. Sharon pulled a chair for him to stand on and let him mark their day at the zoo on it with a red felt marker. He looked at her and his blue-gray eyes shone in anticipation. Sharon smiled at her son and ruffled his dark brown hair.
She has never imagined that her husband would leave her with two young children. When Jack left, she felt that something was missing in her life, that the family was incomplete. As she watched at the immense light in her son's eyes, she realized that they will do fine without Jack. Their family was not incomplete; it was perfect.
THE END