Title: Hisoka Doll
Author: Elf Asato
Pairings: None so far…but don't worry! They'll come ^_^ …O.o….and I mean that in the least perverted way possible.
Warnings: General weirdness
Disclaimer: Geez, do I really need to say this? Yami no Matsuei is (unfortunately) not mine.
Notes: Actually, I thought of this while I was doing dishes…how odd.
Chapter summary: Hisoka reflects on the first dream he had with the beautiful, faceless doll.
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By Elf Asato
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First Chapter
"Shades of Gray"
He came again last night, for the fifth time in a row. That beautiful, faceless doll haunted my dreams again while telling me I was just his doll.
My beautiful, beautiful porcelain doll
favorite in my collection
quite a compliment
a "doll's doll"
…but a puppet just the same.
I didn't get any sleep while he was there. Though it was only a dream, it felt so real.
You have a scar…
did I do that?
I broke my doll
shattered your face
I'm sorry
I'm scared of him, I really am…but…at the same time, I really like him.
We're out of tea
so it's cyanide again
just pretend it's almond
I guess he just wants to see his doll.
~*~
It was dark…really dark as if I was in some kind of shadow land where the only thing I could see was myself. Darkness. All around me. Black. Just black. Everywhere. It was like some kind of nightmare and I was all alone.
I wonder if Tatsumi ever dreams like this.
In addition to being dark, it was also quiet. So…so very quiet. I'm used to the dull humming of the world's emotions, the white noise of their feelings…but there in that darkness, I felt something I had never felt before.
Total silence.
I was like that for hours – each minute, I just thought I'd go insane…but I never did it seems. Maybe I did, though. Maybe I just imagined that soft crying piercing the complete silence…that little child in the sitting position just crying… But I know I didn't. Even though he gave off no emotions despite his tears, I know I didn't just imagine him. I don't know how I know nor do I know why. It's just…it's one of those things that you just knew. And…despite it all being just a dream (or nightmare), I knew that child was alive. Like…living, breathing, material world type of live. Not that dream crap.
And even though I knew all these things without really knowing, I still don't know why I went over and knelt beside him, resting a comforting hand on his back. I mean, I was never really able to do that with my own partner, so why would I try to comfort a scary little living child in my dream whom I've never met?
I really don't know, so it surprised me even more when I whispered reassuring words to him. Eventually, he stopped crying and looked up at me. That's when I saw his face – or lack of face to be precise.
I'd never seen anything so unnerving as that little boy looking up at me…with no face. His mouth, eyes, and nose were missing and in place was smooth, smooth skin. In spite of all that, though, I never let my discomfort show on my face and spoke to the boy.
"My name's Hisoka. What's yours?"
If he had a lip, it would've quivered. "I…I…I don't have a name," he choked and started crying again. I never thought that someone without eyes could cry…tears flowing down his cheeks… I had never seen anything like it.
"Well…that's okay," I reassured him. "You don't have to have a name."
"No!" he protested, "I do! …She gave him one, so why can't she give me one?!"
To that, I regretted, I had no response except to ignore it and move on. "…Who's she?"
"My mistress," he responded simply, the tears drying up.
Children grow up fast these days. In spite of everything that's wrong in this world, this truth is the true tragedy.
"…Aren't you a little young to have a mistress?"
"…No…because I'm her doll."
"…Her…doll…"
He smiled brilliantly, "Most prized in her collection. You know, she has many, many dolls, but I'm her favorite."
"Then that must be good. She may not want to give you a name because she's trying to think of something special," I commented, hoping to make him happy. It was so sad seeing and hearing him cry without eyes or a mouth.
And then…he was positively radiant. "I like you. A lot!"
I just smiled, honestly having no idea what was coming over me. "I like you, too."
"You'll be my doll, then."
"Y-your doll?"
He just giggled. It was light and high-pitched, coming from nowhere. "A doll's doll. Isn't that strange? Imagine, a doll having a doll. Isn't that funny?"
I had to protest. "But…I'm not a doll!"
He adamantly shook his head. "No, you are a doll. My doll. My Hisoka doll."
"No, I'm really not…"
"Yes you are," he insisted. "You're not alive so you must be a doll!"
I was almost caught speechless. "…I'm dead, not a doll."
He really insisted on me being a doll. "You're not dead and you're not alive. You have never been dead or alive because you're a doll."
I shook my head. "Dolls are inanimate objects! I breathe, think, feel, move…everything that inanimate objects cannot do so therefore I am not a doll and neither are you!"
"You've got it wrong," he simply stated. "Dolls are simply caught in the limbo between living and nonliving. That's all."
"But…how can that be?" I challenged. "It's either living or nonliving – there is no limbo!"
"Don't let your world be so black and white. See shades of gray every once in a while."
I didn't really care to respond and he correctly took it as a sign of defeat.
"So you are my doll. A doll's doll. You're the favorite in my collection."
"I…I'm your favorite?"
Though he was missing lips, I knew he smiled…and at that moment, the shadows enveloped him…only, this time I could see…
The shadows had transformed to shades of gray.
Shades of gray…a doll's doll…caught in the limbo…
"You're the favorite in my collection."
Chapter End
Ending notes: I know this is REALLY WEIRD. In an odd sense, it sort of has a poetic feel to it that I think is sort of accented with the separate font for the indented words and the shadow effect for some stuff. I hope it shows up on ff.net… If not, I'll just upload it somewhere online and everything will be all happy and jolly… The next few (er, I think the first five) chapters will be on the first five dreams Hisoka has with the nameless and faceless doll. After that, it'll switch to present time (er, present for him) and go from there.