Numb(er)

Chapter 5

(A/N: Sorry for the short chapter. It just felt right, to end it there.)

"Oh. Shit. Fucking SHIT."

His dark eyes were darker than usual - full of pure panic.

"Nezumi?" I questioned, concern flooding my voice. "What's wrong? I don't understand. Please tell me what's going on," I pleaded with him. His eyes were still dark, and he looked conflicted. Nezumi seemed like he was going to throw up, and that worried me. I got up from my seat, and walked over towards him. I lifted him up, throwing his arm around me, and dragged him out of the cafe.

Kashi looked over at me, confused. I mouthed to him that I'd be back later, and I left a few dollar bills on the table. Kashi looked somewhat concerned, but turned away and went back to making drinks. Once outside, I sat Nezumi down on a bench, and sat next to him. He looked deathly pale, and frighteningly sick. I shook him gently, looking at him carefully. "...Nezumi?"

He whimpered, and looked at me. His expression changed from fear and panic to sadness and grief. "Please tell me what's wrong." He shook his head, ignoring me. Inwardly, I scolded myself for what I was about to do, but if something was wrong with Nezumi, then I needed to know.

"Hey… Nezumi." I paused, lifting his chin up so he could see me. I put on my best puppy-eye look, and in the most innocent voice I could muster, whispered, "please? please tell me?"

I could see his resolve break into pieces. Nezumi nodded carefully, clearing his throat. "C-can we go to your house? I don't want to t-tell you, here," he whispered, staring at the ground. I nodded, and led him to my house.

Mere minutes later, I was unlocking the door, and ushered him in. He sat down on my bed, and I sat next to him, wrapping an arm around him gently. Silently, I looked at him, imploring him to start explaining. He tensed up, and whispered something I couldn't make out. He tried again, and I caught what he said, this time.

"I was there."

That's what he said. He elaborated.

"With Safu. And The Six. I was there."

I coughed, unsure what to say, or do. I waved my hand in the air, dismissing the possibility. "That's a shitty joke, Nezumi. Don't be an asshole."

Again, he looked away from me. His eyes. They were so full of shame and regret, that I couldn't help but think he was telling the truth. A sob escaped my throat and soon, a waterfall of tears emerged.

"I didn't know… I didn't know you were the little boy. Shion, I'm sorry. I really am. I could've stopped them, but I didn't. I didn't want them to tell you guys, either. I was just… there. I'm sorry."

I looked at him with disgust written all over my face, and backed away from him. "You're a terrible person. How - how could you do that? You let Safu be killed!" I screamed at him, fury engulfing my entire being. "Get out of my house!"

"W-wait, Shion! Wait! I didn't do anything, I didn't want her to die," he paused, trying to calm himself down, before he continued. His voice shook as he tried to explain himself. "I didn't wa-want to be there. I was forced. Please, Shion, believe me. If I tried to stop them…" he trailed off, looking at me with sorrowful eyes. "I would've been killed, too. Please. Shion."

I glared at him with all my might. I didn't bother screaming. "Get out of my house." My voice was so sharp and even, it scared even me. My voice didn't need to be loud to be powerful, it was dripping with malice. Nezumi looked surprised, and got up to leave, but he wasn't quick enough for me. I went up and punched him, square in the face. At this point, my anger took over everything - even my rational part of my mind. "Get out."

This time, he obeyed quickly. Nezumi scampered out of my house, and I could almost see a tail between his legs as he ran out; away from me.

After a few seconds of silence, everything hit me, and I screamed, hot tears streaming down my face. I howled with heartache, realizing that not only had I lost Safu, I lost my only other friend, too. Nezumi.

Even if it was only the afternoon, I stalked to the bathroom and took my sleep medicine out of the counter. I took 3 more than the recommended dose, and texted the museum's phone, saying I wouldn't be at work the next day. I turned all the lights off, closed all the shades, making my apartment dark as possible. I crawled under the covers, continuing to cry and cry.

My mind wouldn't shut off, it was torturing me. It went through the memories of Safu being killed, me getting her killed, and then… then… it added Nezumi. It wasn't the leader who killed Safu, but Nezumi. My mind switched between horrific images of Nezumi being the murderer, and Nezumi being murdered. It hurt. All of it hurt. I missed Safu, so much, but I missed Nezumi, too.

As much as he got on my nerves, I had fallen for him. The past month and a half had been overwhelmingly full of Nezumi, and I liked it that way. Nezumi. Nezumi. Nezumi. Full of Nezumi.

But now, now… I'm not so sure, I thought to myself, before succumbing to the sleeping pills.