AN: I'm a masochist and I clearly hate you all, otherwise I wouldn't write such painful stories. Please enjoy my latest contribution to your Elena feels, I hope it rips your guts out. I'm kidding. I think. It's five thirty in the morning, I don't even know. The song is Vienna by Billy Joel which is great, as you all know.

The Waltz

On Elena's sixth birthday Grayson teaches her to waltz. After the party is over, the cake is put away, and Elena's presents are tucked away into her room, her father moves the coffee table out of the way and puts on his favorite Billy Joel record. Elena's still in her pretty pink party dress perched on the couch, her father smiles down at her and holds out his hands for hers.

She puts her tiny hands into his large, warm ones, and he leads her to their makeshift dance floor, urging her to stand on his shoes with her shiny black Mary Janes. Slowly he begins to rotate her around the living room, counting off the beat in his low, calming voice. After a while he adds his voice to the warbling on the record, and it's a rich, sweet sound that Elena will cherish for the rest of her life.

"Just like this, Daddy?" Elena asks innocently, moving her little feet on top of his ever so slightly. He smiles down at her and nods.

"Just like that, sweetheart," he agrees. "One day, you'll be tall enough to dance to it properly," he promises. Miranda and Jenna walk in on them and share a laugh, Miranda snapping a picture for the family album and Jenna humming along to the music off-key. Jeremy's tucked up into his crib, and all is right in the world.

"Slow down, you crazy child, you're so ambitious for a juvenile, but then if you're so smart tell me, why are you still so afraid…" The dance, the song, becomes a tradition that Elena looks forward to every year when her birthday comes around.

On Elena's eighth birthday, her Uncle John is there to witness the father-daughter waltz. Uncle John isn't Elena's favorite family member—that honor is reserved for her little brother Jeremy—but he's nice and he even remembers that her favorite movie is Matilda and he buys her the book for her birthday, so it's okay that he's at her party.

This year, Jeremy is old enough to still be awake when Grayson rolls up the sleeves of his shirt and pushes the coffee table out of the way, holding out his hands to Elena. Elena bounces off the couch, and goes giggling into her father's arms. This year her dress is purple and her shoes are sparkly and silver. There's a tiara perched precariously on her head that was a gift from Caroline the year before and she gazes up at her father with absolute adoration.

Jenna puts the needle down on the record and sits down between John and Miranda; Jeremy perched on his mother's lap, with his eyes alight on his big sister. The song starts and the duo begin to twirl around the living room, Grayson's deep voice soaring to the ceiling. John tightens his hand and watches Elena move with childlike grace, her eyes bright and her smile is a shot to his heart.

"Where's the fire, what's the hurry about? You better cool it off before you burn it out, you got so much to do, and only so many hours in a day…" Jeremy sways along with the music and Miranda presses a kiss to his forehead.

"Look at your sister," she whispers against the side of his head. "Isn't she beautiful?"

For her tenth birthday Elena goes horseback riding with Bonnie and Caroline and then they have cake with Matt, Vicki, and Tyler at her house. Bonnie and Caroline want to spend the night but Elena isn't ready to share her dance with her best friends so she promises to do it another night.

When the last guest leaves her father turns to her with a bright smile and raises a questioning eyebrow at his daughter. "No sleepover with Bonnie and Caroline?" he questions. "Are you feeling well, sweetheart," he teases good-naturedly. Elena blushes, ducking her head to look at her sparkling pink flats. Her Dress is navy blue this year, and the old, tarnished tiara from Caroline is perched dutifully in her curled hair.

"I didn't want them to stay for the dance," she confesses quietly. Grayson frowns, not understanding her meaning. She sighs and continues. "I don't wanna share our dance with them," she admits. Grayson nods thoughtfully.

"You share our dance with Jeremy and your mom though, and your Aunt Jenna, why don't you want to share with Caroline and Bonnie?" he questions gently. She scuffs her shoe on the floor.

"I don't want them to feel bad," she whispers. "I know Mr. Forbes and Mr. Bennet don't dance with them on their birthdays and I don't wanna make them feel bad because you always do and I just don't wanna share that with them," she rushes out all at once, feeling incredibly guilty. Grayson kneels down in front of his daughter, raising her face to look at him.

"While I can see that you have good intentions, you have nothing to worry about, Sweetheart, Bonnie and Caroline won't begrudge you a dance with your dad on your birthday, and you won't be giving anything away if they're here for our dance," he promises his daughter, tucking her curled hair away behind her ears. She looks at him and nods solemnly, smiling slightly. He stands and goes to push the coffee table out of their way.

"Daddy, I think I still want a couple more years of the dance just being a family thing, if that's all right with you," she admits as he turns to her. He smiles and nods.

"Sure thing, kid, it can just be a family thing," he agrees, offering her his hands. She takes them and he pulls her close, allowing her to step onto his shoes. Jenna and Miranda come into the room, Jeremy behind them. They take their places on the couch and Jenna heads to the record player, putting the needle down onto the album, like she does every year.

Grayson smiles down at his daughter and she positively beams back up at him, her good mood restored. The song begins and Grayson takes a step forward, Elena moving with him. Grayson adds his voice to the record and Elena half closes her eyes, enjoying the sound of her father's rich voice.

"But you know when the truth is told, that you can get what you want, or you can just get old, you're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through, when will you realize, Vienna waits for you?" Elena pouts, realizing something.

"Daddy, what does 'begrudge' mean?" she asks, curious. And then Grayson laughs, and despite the lack of context, Miranda and Jenna laugh too. Even little Jeremy laughs too, although he doesn't know what 'begrudge' means either.

When Elena turns thirteen she's finally tall enough to waltz with her father, properly. She had a growth spurt that makes her almost tall as Aunt Jenna, and she's looking forward to her first proper waltz, no standing on her father's feet. She's all long limbs and infectious grins.

It's also the first year that Elena invites Caroline and Bonnie to stay and watch the father-daughter waltz. They both agree enthusiastically, giggling and sweet.

At the end of her first real girl-boy party, Caroline and Bonnie help Jenna and Miranda clean up the kitchen while Elena and Grayson prepare the living room and Jeremy is on trash duty.

Elena slides her fingers along her father's record collection until her fingers seek out the correct album. She pulls it from the shelf and moves across the room to the record player, pulling the vinyl from its sheath and placing the record down into the player with reverence, leaving the needle up for Jenna to put down.

Grayson moves the coffee table out of the way and turns to smile at her, expectantly. "Excited?" he asks, she nods, smoothing down the silky skirt of her tangerine sundress, her gold sandals glinting in the half-light of the room.

"Nervous, too," she admits. "I don't wanna mess up," she confesses. Grayson shakes his head, smiling at her.

"You won't mess up, you've had plenty of practice," he assures her. "Plus, this is just for fun, kid, no one cares if you stumble," he tells her. She nods in agreement, her nerves mostly soothed. Jeremy comes into the room, smiles at his sister, and flops onto the couch. Shortly after, the girls troop in from the kitchen and Jenna makes a beeline for the record player.

Grayson executes a flourishing bow, and Elena giggles out of excitement and surprise. "May I have this dance, my lady?" he asks, smiling indulgently at his daughter. Elena smiles and dips a ballet-perfect curtsey.

"You may," she consents. He holds out his hand and she steps forward to take it. He holds her hand in his still smaller one and she rests the other on his shoulder. With a smile, they begin.

It flows smoothly and Elena feels all of her nerves fly away; she's dancing with her father like she does every year on her birthday. It's the best feeling in the world, and pretty soon she's flying around the room in her father's arms. She catches a fleeting glimpse of Caroline's face over her father's shoulder and her stomach drops.

It's only been a few short weeks since Caroline's father left, and the blonde is understandably miserable. Elena didn't mean to rub her wonderful father in Caroline's face when she'd invited her to stay and see them dance, but that's what it felt like, and for a second, Elena's sure she's going to puke up all the guilt eating away at her insides.

But then her father spins her again and Caroline's smiling at her so sadly and so sweetly, like she knows exactly what Elena is thinking and this is her way of saying, "it's okay," and all of Elena's guilt flies away.

"Slow down, you're doing fine, you can't be everything you wanna be before your time, although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight…" Elena smiles up at her father and he smiles indulgently down at her.

(A couple months later, at Caroline's own birthday, Grayson speaks with the DJ and leads Caroline to the dance floor to dance to Sweet Caroline and Elena knows that not only did her father see Caroline's face, he understood Elena's own wanting to something for the other girl. Elena is her father's daughter. She doesn't begrudge Caroline her dance.)

Elena's sixteenth birthday is celebrated at Founder's Hall with a real band and everything. It's her first grown up birthday party and she's excited and terrified. She wears a deep purple party dress that Caroline and Bonnie help her pick out and half the school shows up to celebrate her day. It's almost midnight by the time they finally get home and everyone is exhausted, but her dad still rolls up his sleeves and pushes the coffee table out of the way.

Jeremy and Jenna carry Elena's presents up to her room and Miranda goes to the kitchen make everyone tea. Bonnie and Caroline drop onto the couch and peel their aching feet out of their shiny heels. Elena's eyes fill with tears because her feet are numb, she's exhausted, and all day she's been afraid that having a big grown up party might be the end of the birthday waltz with her father, but now she knows that she was just being silly, this is what the Gilbert family does on Elena's birthday.

Elena swipes at her eyes and bends down to liberate her feet. Jenna and Jeremy re-enter the room and Jeremy drops down onto the armchair, smiling at his sister sleepily. She smiles back at him as she wobbles across the room to get the record off the shelf. Miranda returns with a tray of tea and passes out mugs, everyone mumbling their thank-yous.

Elena puts the record in and Jenna places the needle down. Grayson holds out his hand to his daughter and she takes it gratefully. They begin to dance and her father smiles down at her, safe and familiar.

"You know, I was worried you might say that you're too old for this," he admits to her. Elena looks at him, shocked.

"Daddy, I will never be too old to dance with you on my birthday," she informs him, gravely. "To be honest, I thought, maybe, since I had a grown up party this year, there might not be time for our dance, and that made me really sad," she admits. Grayson laughs. He spins her and pulls her back in.

"Sweetheart, there will always be enough time for our dance," he says, echoing her earlier sentiment. She smiles at him, teary-eyed.

"Good," she breathes, leaning against his chest, and he rests his chin on top of her head, so grateful to have her and so glad to have this moment with his oldest child.

On the couch, Jenna leans her head against her older sister's shoulder and Miranda turns from the image of her husband and daughter dancing to smile down at her baby sister. Caroline and Bonnie lean into each other, half asleep, but their eyes glued to their best friend and her father, sleepy grins on their faces. Jeremy eyes are closing and the last image he has before he succumbs to sleep is his big sister smiling at him over their father's shoulder.

"Too bad, but it's the life you lead, you're so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need, though you can see when you're wrong, you know you can't always see when you're right…" it's the last dance with her father, but Elena doesn't know that. She simply closes her eyes and lets her father waltz her around their living room, singing the words of the song to her in his sweet, deep voice.

Elena's seventeenth birthday is the first time she hasn't waltzed with her father since she was five years old. All day she feels like her insides are being torn apart and it's only been a month and a half since her parents' death. The wound is still flesh and the agonizing memory of dancing with her father on her sixteenth birthday is still so fresh in her mind that she can't bear the thought of seventeenth birthday without that dance.

Caroline and Bonnie try to convince her that having a small party at Caroline's house is acceptable and she agrees mostly to get them to stop bothering her. Despite Jeremy's new friends and habits, he goes if only to hide in the backyard with Vicki and smoke pot. At the end of the night, Elena is bone tired and ready for her birthday to be over so she begs off a sleepover with Caroline and Bonnie but agrees to let them drive her and Jeremy home. She's still not quite comfortable with driving.

When they get to the Gilbert house, Caroline and Bonnie insist on coming in for a cup of tea. She agrees reluctantly and leads them into the house. She stops short at the living room because the coffee table is pushed out of the way and Jenna is standing in the center of the floor with a nervous expression on her face as she fiddles with her fingers. Elena looks over at the record player, which is on and has Billy Joel propped up next to it. Jeremy, Caroline, and Bonnie move to sit on the couch. Jenna holds out her hand and takes a deep breath.

"I know that this waltz is something that you always did with your father on your birthday, but since he's not here, I thought it might be all right if you did it with me," she explains nervously. "If you want to, that is," she corrects hastily. For a second Elena can't breathe, and then she's kicking off her shoes and barreling into Jenna's arms. She lets out a loud sob and Jenna helplessly hugs her, rubbing her back soothingly.

"I'm sorry, we don't have to dance," Jenna pacifies weakly. Elena holds onto her tightly and shakes her head. After a moment she takes a deep breath and steps backwards, giving Jenna a watery smile. Her dress is gray this time, an inbetween color.

"I would love to dance with you, Aunt Jenna," Elena rasps, so happy and so sad all at once that she doesn't know what to do with herself. Jenna smiles at her and offers Elena her hand again, Elena takes it, still beaming through her tears, a sharp ache in her chest that is the best and worst feeling she's ever felt. Jeremy hauls himself off the couch and puts the needle down on the record. He takes his seat and they begin to dance.

Jenna leads her around the room, and then begins to sing, gloriously off-key. Elena can't hold back her hysterical giggles and soon they're all laughing, tears streaming down their faces. Elena can't tell if she's crying because she's laughing or if she's laughing because she's crying but she'll take it either way. She has to take the little things right now; they're all she has.

"You got your passion, you got your pride, but don't you know that only fools are satisfied? Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true, when will you realize, Vienna waits for you?" It's first time any of them have laughed since the car went of the bridge, and it feels like an important moment, a moment of catharsis.

On Elena's eighteenth birthday, her father isn't there to dance with her, and Jenna can't take his place. She's convinced herself it won't be happening this year, and she's fine it. Correction; as long as she gets sloppy drunk, she won't start crying until she gets home.

She lets Caroline drag her into the sham of a birthday party at the boarding house and barely remembers most of it. She knows she's drunk enough that Damon has to drive her home, and Alaric, Bonnie, and Caroline follow behind in her car. While Alaric opens the door, Elena prepares herself for an empty living room, for a coffee table in its usual place. She's not going to cry. She's not.

Damon helps her in and stops short, perplexed. She looks up and is instantly choked up, despite how drunk she is. The coffee table is moved away and Billy Joel is propped up against the record player. Jeremy stands in the middle of the room, his hands tucked into his pockets as he smiles sadly at her stunned expression.

"You really think I'd let your birthday go by without your dance?" he asks woefully. She raises a trembling hand to her lips and shakes her head, her lips quivering and her eyes full of tears. Caroline and Bonnie lead Damon and Alaric to the couch, both men confused.

"I didn't think," she confesses, touched at her brother's display. He smiles and offers her his hand. She's wearing a sweet white lace dress and kicks off her shoes.

"I know I'm not dad," he begins, "and I'm certainly not Aunt Jenna," everyone chuckles at that, "but I thought you'd still like to have your waltz on your birthday, so, will you please dance with me, Elena Gilbert?" he asks. Elena smiles at him tears streaming down her face. She nods her head and takes his hand.

"Of course I'll dance with you, Jeremy Gilbert," she agrees throatily, all choked up with emotion. She steps into her brother's embrace and Bonnie stands to start the music.

"What are they doing?" Damon directs at Bonnie when she sits down between him and Caroline. Elena and Jeremy begin to dance. Bonnie looks at Damon, her eyes narrowed.

"Every year, on Elena's birthday, her father would waltz with her in the living room, while this song was playing," Bonnie explains. Alaric leans in to hear her better, and Damon makes a continuing motion with his hand. Bonnie rolls her eyes but complies. "He started when she was six, she used to stand on his feet while he danced. He used to sing along with the music. Last year, Jenna stepped in, and now that she's gone, Jeremy's dancing with her," Bonnie finishes. She turns back to the Gilbert siblings who glide around the room with surprising grace. Jeremy's much better at dancing than he lets on.

"Oh," Damon responds lamely. There really isn't much to say about a tradition like that. Well, nothing he would say, anyway.

Jeremy begins to sing along to the lyrics and Elena can feel her heart in her throat. His voice is deep and sweet, just like their father's.

"Slow down, you crazy child, take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while, it's all right, you can afford to lose a day or two, when will you realize, Vienna waits for you?" Elena smiles at Jeremy, her tears half dried to her cheeks. He really is a good brother, the best.

Elena somehow doesn't expect a dance on her nineteenth birthday. She burned down their house, so their living room and coffee table are gone. The record player and Billy Joel record are are burnt beyond repair. Every photo of Elena dancing with her father has turned to ashes.

So it surprises her when Jeremy pulls her away from Damon to go to one of the smaller parlors. He points to a well cared for record player, "I found this, while I was snooping around," he explains. From behind it, he pulls out the Billy Joel record. "Everyone has a copy of this, even the Salvatores," he says with a laugh. He puts the record in and starts it, turning to Elena. He holds out his hand and she smiles at him.

"Shall we dance?" he asks, smiling at her. She takes his hand and nods.

"We shall," she agrees. He leads her around the room, moving easily. She's wearing a blue floral sundress and has been barefooted all day. It's her first birthday waltz since she became a vampire, and now she is secure in the knowledge that as long as Jeremy is there, she'll have a waltz on her birthday. Jeremy begins to sing along and it still knocks the breath out of her; how much he sounds like Dad when he sings.

"And you know when the truth is told, that you can get what you want or you can just get old, you're gonna kickoff before you even get halfway through, why don't you realize, Vienna waits for you? When will you realize, Vienna waits for you?" And all is right in the world. For now.

AN: You hate me, right? Right.

Xoxo

-Pixie