Epilogue: With Jason

There used to be a girl who liked to dance.

She liked music and flying and being free.

But there comes a time when a girl must become a woman, no matter how hard she fights it.

She still liked to be free, but she also liked the comfort of her prison.

She liked wind brushing her hair away yet she could not think of flying without bile rising in her throat.

She will always love music, but now music doesn't bring her hope- it only brings her the past.

And she'll dance not because she wants to but because without dancing... Well there wasn't a world without it.

There used to be a girl who ran from her destiny and reality.

Her name, the name she despised was Lily Gastor.

And she placed so many masks on her perfect face to conceal the truth.

But when this girl became a woman she learned the truth of adulthood.

You don't need to take what fate throw at you.

Sometimes you can choose your own destiny.

And right now Lily would settle to let fate guide her, but one day she would fight it again.

She didn't find comfort in dusk anymore. The sun was setting over the forest edge but the sun didn't make her heart race like it use to. Lily could make out bright pink stain on the horizon and puffy clouds. In late June, it was warm enough that she left her jacket inside.

The soft blue dress she wore fell down to her shoes. Three weeks ago it would have covered all the scars staining her body. But the Healers in St. Mungos had thought themselves quite saintly for removing the scars on Lily's arms, legs, and even collarbones.

Her index finger found the hollow between the two bones on her chest and Lily shut her eyes at the birthmark that had been restored when her scars were removed. She'd take the scars over this birthmark any day.

Even the large bite mark on her arm was gone. The blackened veins remained, as the Healers found it quite close to impossible to removing them. All that was left of her five-month quest were a few black veins.

But Lily understood the purpose of this act of kindness. They wanted her to forget. The world kept spinning but her mind was trapped. Lily was trapped.

She could hear voices from inside of James's cottage in Godric's Hallow. Lily had found refuge in this house with its warm walls and family-furnished décor. James had said that it was gift from his dad to his mother in the early years of their marriage. He also said that his parents hardly used it, yet Lily could only wonder why they had preferred the large foreboding Potter Manor to this home.

After the forces of Voldemort had burned so many pureblood estates, including the Gastor and Potter ones, Lily found herself in need of a place to stay. Everything she owned, under the terms of their betrothal, had been locked into her bank account, including the hefty inheritance Jason had left.

But Lily couldn't touch it. She couldn't touch the money or any of the assets in her vault, at least not until she and James were wed. Dorian Belby, the trustee in charge of Jason's will, had been vowed into secrecy about their betrothal. As James had said, society could only take so much.

And even though there was recent news of a bill being presented in the Wizengamot regarding the expulsion of pureblood betrothals, Lily knew that she'd never be able to live in a world where she couldn't feel James's soul. Sometimes she thought it was the only thing holding her above water.

The revealing of Lily as the missing Gastor child seemed to push what remained of the pureblood society to its limit, even if there wasn't a lot of it. Most had doubted it, calling her a fraud for an entire week. But Pericles had woken from his coma and with a blood sample test and a statement that she was indeed a Gastor, the world's doubts had been silenced.

Lily's heart tightened at the thought of Pericles. He'd woken for a week and shown signs of improving only to fall back into his coma. According to his will, Mungos would have to let him die in a matter of days from now. Selena was devastated.

The Potter Cottage offered refuge from the hordes of media that sought Lily. But she was in no state to face reporters or take interviews, although James was.

After a week of grieving, he'd picked himself up and gone into the Ministry practically everyday. Lily had seen the prophet. Somehow, he'd been made into the Wizarding World's hero; the boy who defeated Voldemort. And the Gastors, well they were the scapegoat of this entire affair.

As more and more testimonies came in from death eaters, sentenced to death or Azkaban, it was released to the public that their golden family was actually a part of Voldemort's inner circle. James's involvement had remained a top secret with the aid of confundus charms and obliviation charms similar to the ones used to keep Lily's true heritage a secret.

She wondered if the hatred in her stomach was normal. After spending three weeks with the supposed hero of the Wizarding World, all Lily wanted to do was get away.

The torches lit in the afternoon were still up with soft green flames. Lily knew they were Sirius's work, having spent a decent amount of time with Sirius over the past three weeks.

Honestly, he was her savior in some ways. With his father and uncles and in-laws being convicted and Sirius's involvement with the Order revealed, his mother had disowned him and burned his name from the family tapestry. Sirius had gotten kick out of his home.

Although, his great uncle Alphard left most of his estate to Sirius, and a small portion to Andromeda Tonks who was healing and getting back to work (according to Frank and Alice), Sirius spent most of his time at Potter Cottage. He recently bought an apartment in London, but Lily pressured him into staying longer.

Lily turned to face the window showing the living room of James's cottage. In the wake of devastation and a loss that none of them could bare, a wedding had to be planned. The furniture had been cleared away and Emmeline and Beckett were dancing for the first time as man and wife.

Emmeline's silver dress fell elegantly to the ground and there was a tranquil expression on her face as Beckett whispered something in her ear. Lily knew that she'd be okay. They would all be okay, just like James had said. But none of them were ready for the sun to rise once again.

Lily could see the small group of their closest friends gathered in the living room. Gideon, with bags under his eyes from starting healer training, was dancing with Beckett's mother while Fabian, having come straight from practice with Puddlemere, was drinking with Frank, who looked heavily worn from auror training.

As Dumbledore had cancelled final exams and sent the remaining students at the school home, there were no final exams. Marlene revealed to Lily that Alice had been relying on the exams to get into the Auror Program. But after weeks of moping, it seemed that Alice found her calling with the Witch Watchers.

Her hair, cut shorter than ever in a sophisticated pixie do, was glowing in the light of the candles around the room. Alice was dancing with Beckett's father, Newt Scamander, avoiding his feet as they swayed side to side.

Sitting beside Marlene on the couch that was pushed back into the wall, was Michael. He was leaving the next day for France. Lily had already said goodbye to her friend and wished him luck with his son and warned him of Beauxbatons' partying-mentality. After Jason's death, she could hardly even look at Michael. He seemed to have lost just as much as she had.

Marlene had dyed her hair and Lily watched as her beautiful friend twirled a long platinum blonde lock around her finger as she laughed at a joke one of Beckett's friends told her. Her eyes darted over to Sirius's figure every few seconds, giving Marlene away.

There was a bitter air surrounding Sirius and Marlene. After Bagnold's resignation, a man by the name of Cornelius Fudge had taken spot as Minister. It was him who took the position to propose banning betrothals. And at the rate things were going for the newly elected Wizengamot, the law was only weeks from being passed. Sirius had made it perfectly clear that he had no plan to keep his and Marlene's betrothal in a rather harsh interview with a reporter from the Daily Prophet.

Her eyes settled on the three men standing near a large bookshelf. They were brothers in every sense but blood and somehow Jason's death only brought the Marauders closer. Remus and Sirius were living in Potter Cottage with them. It seemed that James had taken in everyone without a home, Lily observed.

She remembered thinking that they were like kings the first time she'd seem them together. They still looked like kings. Only a king could have that kind of glow to his eyes or a smile like Remus's. But now they weren't kings living in an era of prosperity. No they were kings who would have to rebuild the world. Somehow that made them so much more.

Lily watched the scene for a few more minutes, with a satisfied look.

All of them had survived- they made it until dawn. But what came after dawn was an alien world. Lily didn't see it as she had holed herself away in the cottage, only leaving for funerals, her testimony and the reading of Jason's will. She'd walked down the street a few times with a purpose of visiting the graveyard but returned to the cottage within minutes, unable to complete her action.

The war was finally over and Hogwarts would reopen in September thanks to a hefty donation from several of the Wizarding World's richest families, including James's. Lily would go back to school and finish her education in peace.

And then what?

The question rang in her ears over and over again. She couldn't be an auror, not after Marcus had left with a short goodbye and a vow to write. Not after she attended Bishop's funeral. Not after the statements the aurors were making about her family. She couldn't be a healer after watching Pericles come back from the dead and then fall back into death's arms.

The only thing that seemed certain was James. And even then, Lily was terrified of what he was going to inevitably ask. He'd want her heart, all of it, and Lily didn't know if she could give it to him. Maybe when Jason died, he took a piece of it with him.

When people had died before, Lily pried the pieces of her heart they held from their dead grips. But she couldn't do that to Jason, not when she killed him. After all it had been her idea for him to take the Polyjuice Potion and pretend to be Dumbledore.

Flashes of the events from the Forbidden Forest came to Lily's head and she shook before sliding to the ground. The wet grass beneath her form, bowed under the material of Lily's dress as she moved so she was lying fully on top of it.

Time had flown by without her notice.

In the past three weeks, she'd assisted planning a funeral, a wedding, and acted as Emmeline's maid of honor mere hours ago. The world kept spinning…

But Lily was tied down to that day, maybe even the very moment when Jason had smiled and died. His eyes had connected with hers and Lily blinked back tears. She hadn't cried since that day- that cold Friday morning.

Her eyes screwed shut and Lily could hear crickets in the distance. Summer came and it was bringing something new and terrifying with it. Lily wasn't ready for the future and James wasn't ready either.

There was no word to describe what happened between them. He let go and now Lily was always aware of him. She was aware of how scared he was. She was aware that the world had made him a hero too young. And Lily was aware that deep down inside James knew this was his destiny.

While he spent his days at the Ministry and Lily spent hers trying to mourn, their nights were an entirely different affair. They'd curl up on his bed and speak in low voices about things that didn't matter. They'd talk and talk and talk until the moon was low in the sky and the sun was coming out. Eventually one of them would insist on sleeping but only for survival. By letting go, James had picked up Lily's affinity for nightmares.

Not even bolting awake by James's side brought Lily comfort from her nightly horrors. She'd refused to wake him but he always knew. Lily supposed it was the set of bags that seemed permanently etched under her eyes. Or maybe it was the way her eyes refused to light up.

Emmeline had the same problem. Lily didn't need to wonder why Emmeline had married Beckett. She needed someone who would make her strong and Beckett did that. But he'd never be Jason.

Her hands scrunched up around the grass and Lily could feel her heart ache. She'd read of people dying of heart break, perhaps that was happening to her...

The thing about Jason was that people were half in love with him from being around him.

He was like Manhattan- the city Connor would give everything for.

He was her Manhattan, James couldn't even compete with the love she felt for Jason.

A realization so horrible hit Lily and her eyes bolted open. The stars seemed so much brighter now. And the night sky was peaceful because the world would keep spinning on without Jason.

Somehow, Jason had managed to get her heart- the entire thing. And now he was dead and her heart was with him. James deserved it and Lily couldn't give it to him. Jason had her heart.

He stood by her in all her childish and stubborn ideas. He was always there; Jason had been her last wall. But when he died, that wall fell and James came in.

Lily hated him for this.

She hated him for keeping secrets.

She hated him for crying when Jason died; she hated him for being strong enough to pick himself up and walk again.

She hated him because the world loved him and the world thought that Jason was the villain of this story.

But mostly, Lily hated him for giving her his heart when she wasn't able to give him hers. It wasn't fear that he would break it. That's what Lily thought for long. She was able to give him her heart. Because giving James her heart meant prying it from Jason's dead grip. And Lily owed too much to her brother.

So Lily looked at the darkening sky and studied the sky. Nostalgia for the days when her mother brought her and Jason to a field near their house to stargaze came to Lily's mind.

She could see all them in the space between the stars. Her parents with the love story they made up. Her brothers, one by one, lining the horizon with their beautiful lives. Each of them had done Lily wrong, but they managed to right those wrongs. She could see the Auclairs and Benjy's free soul in the sky. She could see Charlus Potter and Dorea and Mary Gastor in the sky. Lily could see her beloved Kingsmills- she could imagine Galen's everlasting gaze like the sun and music that gave her so much joy. She could see Benjy Fenwick and Hestia and Bishop and even Judea Gladstone.

In the darkness, Lily could see that the people she loved found their solace. But she didn't need the darkness anymore. The darkness surrounding the stars were Jason's realms and hers was the house only a few feet to Lily's side.

Her people were alive and they were going to see the sun rise and rise again and again. They'd live to another day and they'd burn bright like stars. No! They would burn so bloody brightly that even the stars would be jealous.

Quietly, Lily rose. She rose from her past and the ashes of the Gastor family. Lily walked forward to the house she could call a home, the home filled with people she loved. She didn't stop to look up at the sky, no Lily simply walked forward ready to say goodbye to Emmeline, but unready for the words James needed. But the world would only keep spinning, giving her enough sunrises to figure things out.

So Lily opened the door and faced her tomorrow.

The End

This is my first complete story and I feel as though a piece of my soul will always be in Confingo. I have so many people to thank: the two betas who I relied on constantly and gave me amazing advice and support, Emeraldie and Beth Malfoy, the reviewers who stood by Confingo even when it seemed like I wasn't coming back, everybody who took the time to favorite or follow my story, the people who messaged me with music to listen to and support, and lastly the readers.

Confingo usually gets about five hundred or six hundred views when a chapter is freshly released. And each view makes my heart ache, because I know that I've managed to enchant one more person. Even if Confingo had one reader, I'd still have finished it. But that one reader would have made all the difference. So thank you readers.

Even before the readers comes the characters. Although Lily is the narrator, for the most part of this story, it comes to my mind that Jason is the protagonist. He's my first original character that has broken my heart in so many ways. From writing his true smile, to Emmeline's realization about him, Jason Gastor will always be remembered.

Emmeline Vance turned out to be my secret weapon in Part Three. I had planned pretty early into Confingo to build on her, but I didn't imagine how much. She means the world to me simply because she's flawed. She's so flawed and she's young and she embodies the concerns of youth. She also embodies the truth of war and life- we don't always get the life we want.

James. He starts off as the kind of person I'd want to punch. Between his leers and smirks and arrogance, I couldn't imagine the size of a mountain he'd need to get over in order to grow. But in the end, James's journey is hardly over. Confingo ended with him reaching the top of the mountain. He still has to get to the other side...

And lastly, Lily. It's hard to describe Lily truly. I think she really is a quilt or a collage of all the characters and people that have ever inspired me, including the canon Lily Evans. I tried to give each of my characters a message. Whether it be Jason's theme on society or James's on redemption, there was always a lesson to learn from a character. And Lily's lesson is in love and will continue to be in love.

Lily taught me about every single type of love there is. Romance, Family and friendship. She taught me that love isn't easy and light- that sometimes love can be the hardest thing to do. Her journey, like James's is hardly over, which leads to my next point.

There will be two sequels to Confingo, entitled On the Horizon and The Sun Also Rises. I've already started work on the first, which will tell the story of the start of the Reconstruction of the Wizarding World during the summer before Lily and James's seventh year. The latter of the two will follow their seventh year.

I've started work on the first of the two, but both will take some time to get through as school has started. I hope all my readers will stick around to see what the future holds for Lily, James, Sirius, Remus, Marlene, and a few other characters that will be introduced in the next stories!

R&R

-Rin