Dear Shizuru,

so much time has passed since we last talked. How's life for you these days? Are you eating properly? You better do!

I'm writing just to reach out to you and try to express how much I miss you. Because I do miss you - I long for you, Shizuru. Ever since that day you appeared in the diner.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Music booming in the club, even though not so loud as to be called deafening, was far removed from Shizuru's liking. Taking a sip of her green iced tea, she looked over to her office colleagues. What started as a quiet decompressing meetup, pretty quickly turned into an all-out drinking party. Given the rate it was currently going at, the party that would not last for very much longer.

Sensible pantsuit jackets and ties were thrown away long time ago, topmost buttons of white shirts opened soon after and in a few cases followed by the next one or two down. Another sip of the tea that must have come from a bottle brought a frown to her face. It wasn't that Shizuru Fujino didn't appreciate a good drinking. She just had her share of hangovers in her college days and wasn't looking forward to experiencing another one of them.

Quiet Ayako from the finance section climbed the table and started swaying to the music. This proved the final straw for Shizuru and she once again looked around the club, searching for a reason to excuse herself from the company. It was the way she was brought up: no matter how bad the atmosphere, one should not ditch the gathering.

Alas, the small club with its handful of booths, small bar manned… or womanned by a loud blonde barman and an old jukebox in the corner was too plain and ordinary to provide her with a chance to escape. For a while, she considered approaching the bar and ordering another tea, as awful as it was, but then she spotted a couple of patrons going through the door on the far wall. From what she could remember, the door did not lead to the toilet and the brightly lit room on the other side looked irresistibly inviting.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Stepping over the threshold, Shizuru let out a relieved sigh and mentally slapped her forehead. The door led to the neighbouring diner, the 'Otome' or the 'O' in H2O which was the street name of the joint. Given the late hour, the place was surprisingly well frequented and it took the woman a few moments to find an empty table. Hoping that the leftover tea would spare her from having to order anything, she slid behind the empty table by the window.

The quiet and calm of the diner put Shizuru in a creative mood so she took out her tablet and went through company documents finding the one she worked on that afternoon. Cringing at the taste of her drink, she focused on reading, inputting her comments and revisions wherever she thought appropriate.

This activity engrossed her so completely that it took a few moments for her mind to register the waiter standing by her table. At the sight of a soup plate in his hand, she reached for her cup.
"I ordered at Hime," she explained hastily. "If it's not enough, I'll clear the table in a minute."

"It's alright, Ma'am." The waiter bowed his head and put the plate in front of Shizuru. "There's no need for you to order. Our chef…" The man glanced behind, at the open kitchen. "Presumptuous as it may sound, our chef thought the esteemed customer might use a bowl of hot sopas." He gestured toward the creamy chicken soup with macaroni.

Shizuru followed his line of sight. Behind the counter stood a girl in her twenties, clad in a form-hugging T-shirt and with a handkerchief over her head. As if knowing they were talking about her, the girl looked up and nodded, smiling.

A bit uncertainly, Shizuru returned the nod. She inhaled deeply and found the soup's mild aroma comforting. What surprised her was that up until then she hadn't realised she needed that comfort.
"It's on the house, Ma'am," explained the waiter before she could even ask. "Please, enjoy."

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Long after the door closed after the brunette, who apparently had enjoyed her plate of sopas, Natsuki couldn't focus on work. The woman kept haunting her mind until a quiet voice broke this reverie.

"Better not let Haruka know you're feeding people for free again," said Yukino with a quiet giggle, sitting on a stool by the counter.

The young chef sent the Otome owner an askew look and grumbled.

"It's called marketing." She put the last of the utensils away and started cleaning the counter. "She eats for free, she gets happy, she comes back with friends." One last look over her tiny kingdom and Natsuki was ready to call it a night. "Marketing."

"Sure, sure." Yukino put the lights off and they both left the diner through the club. "Just don't let her know." Stopping on the parking lot, she shook Natsuki's hand and straightened the glasses that kept sliding down her nose. "Thank you for today. Tomorrow the diner's closed so see you in two days?"

Natsuki looked at their clasped hands and for a moment didn't say a word. Eventually though, she took the handkerchief off, letting her hair flow freely and run them through with her left hand.
"Sure, in two days." Stuffing both hands in the jeans pockets, she turned away. "Tell Haruka I have some new recipes I'd want her to try."

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

To tell you the truth, that was supposed to be my last day at the diner. I had a resignation letter ready in my apartment. The plan was to post it the next morning and then - I don't know - go on a journey? You know, to re-discover myself or whatever it is called now.

But then I remembered you and somehow hoped that the marketing thing was real. That you'd come back. See? Even before I knew you, I longed for you. As stupid as it sounds, it felt as if we had met before. As if we knew each other since forever.

And when I was fed up with waiting and was almost ready to give up on this silly idea, fall came with its windy, rainy, gloomy weather. Came with you.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Days like this, with their drizzle and north wind, always brought out loonies to the streets. But they also meant less clients during the lunch hours and for that reason they were Natsuki's favourite. She got more time for preparations before the dinner service when whole families would come in, seeking the comfort of familiar tastes without the need of creating them themselves.

The young chef was tinkering with the contents of a big pot, when a gust of freezing wind came through the opened door.
"Oi, close the door," shouted Natsuki, assuming it was Haruka, owner of the neighbouring Hime club, once again cutting short her way to work.

"Ara, is this a proper way to greet a client?" The newcomer stopped just past the threshold, unsure whether she should enter.

At the sound of the unfamiliar voice, Natsuki looked up and mentally facepalmed.

"Uh… Welcome to Otome diner, Ma'am!" she bowed as low as the counter allowed, hoping for the guest to forgive her previous blunder. "How can we serve you today?"

"You wouldn't happen to have a towel to spare, chef?" The woman stood helplessly in place, trying not to drip rain water all over the diner. When she shook her head to move the hair falling into her eyes back, Natsuki realised this wasn't the first time they met.

"Actually, I happen to have some." Coming from behind the counter, she took a towel and helped the customer dry herself a bit. Only then did she realise that the other woman's jacket and shirt were thoroughly soaked. "No, this won't do. Come with me, Ma'am."

Making sure she turned the heat under the pot off and that she'd hear if anyone entered the diner, Natsuki led her customer to the backroom. There, she rummaged through her locker and with a triumphant shout presented the other woman with a sweatshirt.

"Here, you can change into this, Ma'am…" She paused, not knowing the guest's name.

"Fujino Shizuru, glad to make your acquaintance." She took the proffered garment and gratefully shrugged her own soaked jacket off. "Though one can't help but wonder: does chef takes such tender care of all her customers?"

"Aah…" For a moment, Natsuki just stood and gaped. She had acted on an instinct, not really thinking about it. Luckily, she quickly recovered and smiled openly, deciding to put it all at stake. "Only those I want to give an excuse to come back." Noticing a spark of mirth in Shizuru's eyes, she quickly added: "Other than my cooking, that is."

"I daresay this one would have found an excuse anyway." Shizuru laughed lightly and picked up her wet clothes. "Getting caught in the rain, for instance." She winked at the stunned chef. "Speaking of which, is there a place where I could dry these, Miss...?"

"Kuga. Kuga Natsuki."

"Miss Kuga," acknowledged Shizuru with a nod.

"You can just leave them here, Ma'am. They'll be dry before you finish eating."

The dark-haired chef headed back toward the dining hall, not turning back to see if the other woman would follow.

"Frankly speaking, I should hurry back to the office…," said Shizuru, standing uncertainly by the counter.

As if on cue, the rain intensified and a distant thunder rolled in the background.

"Well, Miss Fujino, weather seems to disagree with you on that. Will you order from the menu or let me choose something that you'd definitely enjoy?"

"Chef Kuga seems awfully sure of herself." After calling the office and taking the rest of day off, Shizuru sat by the counter, warm and comfy in the borrowed sweatshirt. She already took a cursory glance at the menu and was considering her choices. "How can you know if I'll like something?"

"A professional hunch." Natsuki was staring at her spice rack, frowning slightly, the tip of her tongue tracing her lips in a faint memory of a taste. "I'd say you're a soup person which means that I've got something perfect for you…" Struck by the inspiration, the chef reached for a bottle of balsamic vinegar, added a generous splash to her pot and stirred. "Given the weather, that is." She flashed Shizuru a quick smile and gave the soup a little taste. "Are you in, Ma'am?"

As the hearty smell of beef stew spread across the diner, Shizuru found herself looking forward to it.
"Impress me, chef."

-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Who would've thought that so little - a bowl of my fall stew and a piece of bread from a local bakery - will with time turn into so much more. Not me, that's for sure. I only wanted to share what I was good at and wanted to bring a smile to your face.

That evening you left soon after finishing your food. Then you came back - to return my sweatshirt, apparently. And then yet again - because the first time, you forgot a thank-you gift. For all your boasting about being able to find a reason to come back to Otome, your excuses weren't really creative. But I think you knew that. There was something almost guilty in your smile, when you sat by my counter, warming your hands with a bowlful of soup.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

"Is there something on my face?" Feeling Natsuki's gaze upon her, Shizuru stopped playing with the contents of her plate. The chef instantly focused back on the onion she was dicing.
"Ah, no, sorry. It's nothing."

A couple of weeks passed since that rainy day and the two of them worked out a sort of routine: twice a week Shizuru would have lunch at Otome and on Saturdays, she would come between services to keep Natsuki company and have a taste of another one of the chef's soups. One soup at a time, they fell into an easy acquaintance.

On one such Saturday, their usual friendly banter gave way to uneasy silence.

"Don't force yourself," said the the chef, noticing that the brunette was only stirring and not eating. "Cucumber soup is an acquired taste. I can prepare you something else real quick?"

Shizuru looked up, the look on her face a bit confused.

"You don't have to, it's great, really. See?" To prove her point, she brought a spoonful to her mouth and swallowed with a smile.

A few mouthfuls later, she was back to stirring and looking somewhere far away. Exasperated, Natsuki dumped her onion into a steel container and put the knife away.

"I know it may be not my place to ask, but what's wrong?" Shizuru looked up at the other woman, opened her mouth but then apparently changed her mind and shook her head with a resigned sigh. "If you need a barman with a psycho degree, Haruka starts in about two hours. Until then all you have is me." She leaned over the counter and bowed her head toward Shizuru, whispering so quietly that only the other woman could hear her. "Cooking and listening may be the only two things I'm even remotelygood at. So if sharing whatever gnaws at you would help, please, don't keep it to yourself."

"It's sweet of you but it doesn't seem fair to burden Natsuki with my problems." She smiled a small melancholy smile and looked at the clock. "Maybe it's time for me to go."

Natsuki barely stifled a chuckle.

"I'm sorry but… You just reminded me of someone." Placing her hand over the brunette's, she gave it a light squeeze. "Finish your soup if you feel like it. Customers will start coming in a few so we won't have a chance to talk now anyway." True to her word, the door opened with a quiet ring of the bell. "But don't go just yet. I can carry more than you think. And I'm willing to do it."

Shizuru looked her in the eyes, crimsons meeting with emeralds, searching them for something. For deception? Pity? Whatever it was, she seemed satisfied with the result of her search, for, even if a tad shakily, she nodded.

A few hours later, she was nodding again while wiping away tears from the corners of her eyes.

"I think it's the most open talk I've ever had in my life." Shizuru chuckled miserably. "But I feel better now, truly. Thank you, Natsuki."

"Anytime." She chanced giving the other woman a quick hug. "I'm here if you ever need me."

"No." The brunette shook her head vehemently."You deserve far more better side of me than the depressing side."

"Silly… Happy side, depressing side, proper office lady side - it doesn't matter. It's all you."

Shizuru looked away, obviously happy with these words, trying in vain to hide the faint blush painting her cheeks. She stood up and turned toward the door.

"You may be the best that happened to me in the last couple of years, Natsuki."

With a sheepish smile, the chef scratched the back of her head and saw her friend out.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

It was a good evening. Not because of what was happening with you but because you decided to confide in me. Your trust made me feel special and needed. I didn't tell you back then but you too are one of the best things that has happened to me lately.

December was busy for both of us - Otome diner was full with people visiting the town for Christmas. For you, it was the time of reports and analyses and year summaries. Still, even then we managed to keep our regular meetings. I was looking forward to Saturdays even more than before and hoped that they brought you as much joy and strength as they did for me.

Looking back to those days I regret one thing, though. I wish we had talked more or at least about different things. It's funny how you shared most intimate things with me, things you wouldn't dare tell anyone else - and still never touched the more mundane stuff. The simplest facts, obvious to your neighbours and workmates, were a secret to me.

Why had it never occurred to us to exchange phone numbers or even email addresses? Now that I think of it, maybe you thought about it but didn't want to leave any traces in case you wanted to disappear. As for me - I hoped these days would last and turn into years… Hopeless naïf, I am.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Long after Hime's door closed behind the last client, three women were sitting by the bar. Their talk was quiet with this kind of silence that appears when all has been said and done and all that's left is for the inevitable to happen.

"You sure you don't want anything stronger?" Haruka hesitated before refilling Natsuki's glass. When the bluenette shook her head, the barwoman slid the drink her way. "As you wish. Your tunic."

"It's 'tonic', dear," offhandedly corrected her Yukino before turning toward the silent woman. "So you're decided?"

Natsuki took a large gulp of the tonic and cringed, gladly welcoming the bitter taste that burned her tongue.

"Yeah. I actually meant to do this long time ago but something happened."

"She happened," chanced Yukino to which the chef assented. "And you never suspected she might have these feelings for you?"

"I didn't even recognize my own back then," scoffed Natsuki. "I thought we're simply kindred souls and that's why we hit it off." With another gulp of bitterness, she swept hands through her hair and let out a sigh. "Let bygones be bygones. I've already made my peace with what happened."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

First few days of the new year, Shizuru didn't appear in the diner. Natsuki assumed that the paperwork consumed her friend so completely that she had only enough time for a quick brown bag lunch. This soothed her worry, but did nothing to ease her unexpected longing for the brunette. Thus, she was over the moon when Saturday came and Shizuru with it. Little did the chef know that this Saturday would change everything.

Shizuru came early, as soon as the lunch service ended. She looked worn for the wear and even though her eyes shone, their light was dulled by some worry.

"Hello, love." Natsuki beamed at Shizuru's sight.

Suddenly, the brunette stood stock-still.

"Love?" she repeated with a distinct trembling to her voice.

"Oh, sorry about that." Natsuki scratched her head. "I've been watching this new TV series and kinda picked it up from one of the characters." She smiled sheepishly. "I'll try to stop myself if this bothers you."

"Natsuki," started Shizuru but immediately broke off. She sat by the counter and took the glass of water the chef offered. "Here goes nothing." She took a deep breath and closed her eyes, before firing: "What would Natsuki think if I said I'd very much like her to call me that and not only by habit but for real? And let me call her likewise?"

The silence that filled the diner was complete, punctuated by distant traffic noises. Seconds ticked by, stretched by the tension into eternity. Eventually, unable to stand the uncertainty, Shizuru opened her eyes and found herself looking straight into the twin pair of emeralds, kind sparks dancing in their depths.

The chef leaned forward and lowered her voice.

"I'd say…" She motioned with her finger for the other woman to come closer. And closer.

Even closer than that.

Finally, Shizuru leaned so far in that her face was only a breath away from Natsuki's. That's when the chef quickly - and completely unexpectedly - planted a kiss at the corner of her lips.

"I'd say," whispered Natsuki as if scared to destroy the atmosphere. "That your feelings may not be… unrequited."

"Oh." Shizuru was blinking rapidly, desperately trying to understand what had just been said. To convince herself she did not dream these words. "Oh." She pulled back and looked intently at her folded hands. "That's… That's great."

Natsuki just broke into an even broader smile but then frowned, taking notice of Shizuru's tired face.

"Oi, when did you last eat some real food?" Before the brunette had a chance to answer, she lifted a finger. "A-a, things like leftover bacon salad with soda does not count as real meal."

"Guilty as charged then." Shizuru shook her head with bemusement. "So I gather my... my love would like to feed me now."

"You gather right." Scanning her stocks, Natsuki winked at the brunette. "What would you say about some sopas?"

"That's the soup you treated me to that first time, right?" Shizuru looked at something far behind the chef, her sight unfocusing for a moment. "That would be most fitting."

They didn't talk much after that. Rather, they sneaked glances at each other, exchanged timid smiles and featherlight touches.

When Natsuki reached overhead for clean plates, Shizuru stood up.

"If you'll excuse me for a minute." The brunette's cheeks were painted in delicate rouge. "I badly need to use bathroom."

"Oh, sure. Just go to the one in Hime, there's some plumbing problem with ours." She looked tenderly at Shizuru and gave her a little wave when the brunette stepped past the threshold.

Then she took her time setting two plates and making them look as elegant as possible.

Humming quietly, she polished spoons and re-setted the plates.

Making sure no one was watching, Natsuki used some dried herbs to make a little heart on Shizuru's plate.

And swept it away.

Chuckled at how long Shizuru was taking.

Checked that the soup tasted just right.

Made another dried-herbs heart and covered the plate to stop herself from undoing it.

Decided to give Shizuru a few moments longer.

Started worrying a bit.

Went over to the club and found Haruka already there.

Asked the question although she already knew what the answer would be.

After returning to the diner, the chef poured herself a portion of sopas. It was the saltiest soup in her life even though she couldn't remember adding so much salt.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"I wonder if she wanted me to tell her off so she could make a clean break…" Natsuki finished her tonic and slapped her palms on the bar. "Well, it's time for me to go."

"Godspeed." Yukino shook her ex-chef's hand. "If you decide to come back, there'll always be a place for you in Otome."

"Thanks. Can I ask you for one more favour?" She pulled an envelope from her jacket's pocket and passed it to Haruka. "If by any chance she comes here and asks about me, can you give her this?"

"Sure."

After saying her goodbyes, Natsuki stepped out into the summer night and under the starry sky.

-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-

Even though things ended the way they did, I hold no grudge against you. Rather, I am grateful for the time - your time and your attention - that was given me so freely and without merit. I'll always think fondly about those days.

Think fondly about you.

It was your choice to disappear, Shizuru, and it's mine to not accept it. Don't worry, I won't chase you. I'll simply wait till you can trust me with your heart. If this happens, you can find me in the diner on the anniversary of that first plate of sopas. This year, next one or the one after that - I will be waiting there for you.

And if by the time this letter reaches you, you have found yourself another soulmate, someone who makes you safe and happy - please, accept my best wishes. For both of you.

Forever yours (whether you like it or not),

Natsuki

Thanks for your time, girls, boys and teddy bears :)

Anyone interested in my on-going stories, check the profile. No good news, though.

Hugs,

dag