Notes: This fic will look back 5 years and back to present, so it will flip around a bit, but is set around the Two Retreats (Past is in Italics)

The Retreat

By Atheniandream

The first time their relationship changed, at the beginning, they'd been so new to each other, so fresh in each others lives that when everything had ended and their endings and beginnings had merged into one, it had all been such a change, such a gear shift. And naturally, they'd taken to it like ducks on the water, jumping ship and shaping futures, so much so that somehow it had felt...acceptable. Natural, even, considering what their future had in store.

Then ten years passed.

Things around them had changed,

Feelings between them had lingered,

And through it all they had remained the same to each other.

Primary in each others lives.

But It just so happened, that one small moment, a pocket worth of opportunity to change things between them,

Presented itself, to Harvey Specter.

At the exact moment that he needed it to.

Who am I, Darling, to you,

Who am I,

Gonna tell you stories of mine,

Who I am, to you... - 'Promise' By Ben Howard

Harvey's palms are sweating. They never sweat. And she's staring at him in that way she does. This must be what premeditation does to a man, he thinks.

"What's going on?" Donna says sharply, glaring at him from her side of the car.

"Nothing." He shrugs, pulling his shoulder back to let the ligaments crick against one another as his eyes find the moving lines in the road.

She sits forward then, silently examining him. He knows the signs, as she starts at his tie, then his hair; meticulously investigating his various tells. She sits back, frowning, dissatisfied as her arms fold around her in discontentment.

"There's something...odd about you." She says, pressing her lips together, her kohl-rimmed eyes staring suspiciously at him.

"Hasn't there always been?" He remarks heavily, his eyebrows raising.

"No. This is different. New Shirt. New tie? And new...hair?" She accuses, gesturing to his slight side parting.

"New man?" He offers.

"Nobody is ever that new, Harvey." She remarks. "What's going on with you?"

He sighs then, a forced gruffness entering his tone. "You gonna be like this all week?" He asks, the weight of frustration propping up his words.

"Depends. Are you going to hide things from me all week?" She counters. The sharp tack in her voice nails his objection to the wall.

"Maybe.." He mumbles, looking out the window, the outskirts of New York passing them by with the even seconds.

She doesn't press it this time. Doesn't force the issue.

She must know. Somehow… he thinks to himself. Of course it doesn't surprise him in the least. It was part of the reason that he hadn't wanted her involved in arranging the Partner's Retreat in the first place. She'd...ask too many questions.

He's glad that Jessica had taken to making all the arrangements. Planning retreats wasn't exactly his idea of a good time; Jessica wasn't blind to the fact. Although, he had insisted that he and Donna get good rooms. That was important. A must. He'd washed away Jessica's remark of a 'room together' and pointed out the inappropriate nature of such a comment. From the moment Jessica had arranged the retreat, Harvey had had flashbacks of the last time they had gone away.

It had been five years ago, about 6 months after his Dad had passed. He remembered, because it was still hard to function, with the drenched memory of his father hanging over him, and a Brother who still wasn't dealing fully with the aftermath living far away from him. He hadn't been in the mood to take time out for either. In fact, it has been the last thing on his mind….

"You're going." Donna ordered, standing her ground as her hands clamped down around her waist with that defiant look about her.

"Excuse me?" He remarked roughly, his eyes widening.

He wasn't in the mood for this shit from her, of all people. "Donna. I told you. I'm not going. I have too much work as it is." He replied, gesturing at the many piles of paperwork stacked up around him.

"Harvey. Everybody is going." She remarked heavily.

"Then It'll make it look even better; the only Junior Partner still kicking ass, whilst the rest live it up in some cabin in the woods?" He replied smugly. "It's a bigger ticket." Anything to get him up the ladder faster...

"It's not a cabin. It's a hotel. A Five star Resort. And you need this. It's been….a hard year, Harvey." She said, her voice trailing off at the end.

"How many times do I have to tell you?" He replied, his voice beginning to rise as he looked at her.

"What...about…me?" She countered, picking the word out the air. When he finally looked her dead in the eye she pressed the fact, as if it was her intention all along. "Huh?" She said, looking at him with her eyes wide.

"What about...you?" He asked, his brow furrowing and eyes wide at her odd outburst.

"Have you thought that maybe I need a break, Harvey?" She said, her eyes rounding then with a wateriness.

He frowned immediately. She was far too good at this...

"I…" He stumbled, the thought lingering on an answer a moment too long. until he finally sighed, heavily, almost waiting for the opportunity that she'd take just to jump in.

"I never take a holiday. And I work myself into the ground most weeks...for you, I might add. Don't you think that perhaps I need a little time off every now and then?"

"Donna I…"

"I'm tired Harvey. I never take holidays. Not even holiday days. My feet need a week off, and my brain needs a year. But it'll cope with a week." She said, that hard earned look painted on her face.

He knew it was a tactic. But she was right all the same. He let her continue.

"You know you can't do this job without me. And I'm not going to be here, so." She pressed, her voice cloying and delicate as she glanced over his paperwork, the lack of eye contact and placing of blame making his shoulders ache.

"I could fire you...for taking unauthorised leave, you know?" He warned softly, rocking on his heels with a held smile.

"Not if it's work related. And Jessica already signed me off...But, it's your call." She said then, her eyes purposeful. She walked towards him very slowly, setting herself up. It occured to him that there was something mildly seductive about the way she was swaying towards him. Hefelt that urge to go out and find himself a beautiful stranger over take him. "I'll make up stories about you to Louis." She bartered, pulling his thought away as she took a step towards him.

"He'd be too scared to spread them." He assured her, standing his ground.

"Not if I make them deliciously true. And tell Norma." She said, letting the vowel stretch out at the end, as if it in and of itself was enough of a threat. Which it...might be. She smiled then, her chest rising in a deliberate sigh of victory before he had even buckled under the weight of her well laid gauntlet.

He felt his shoulders slump in defeat. "Fine." He grumbled, watching her saunter away with a self satisfied smile. "But I want the best room. With a view!" He called after her.

"Already booked it." She threw over her shoulder with an effortless smile.

She was sure. As she could ever be.

Harvey was...hiding things from her.

Since Mike's leaving they had gradually grown somewhat...closer. Naturally, with the boy wonder gone and him still needing council and her to fill that day-to-day void that Mike's half departure had left, she, as a result had thrown herself into her job with gusto. For him. And she'd been enough, it seemed. More than enough for him lately. But the closeness had opened up a question, a strange discrepancy between them.

A 'what if', as it were.

Not that she wasn't aware of his...habits.

He'd pretty much pinged back like a human rubber band, the moment Scottie had exited the firm, something about Mike and Scottie seemed to make him rip the nicotine patch - of sorts - off and jump back to his old ways.

It annoyed her at first. Annoyed her how he could be so dismissive of his own growth, and how far he'd come in that year. But she'd swallowed it down in favour of him coping. And she was there, for those moments where he strayed a little too far.

Luckily Mike being there part time had actually kept a lid on that side of his emotional development. She even watched him leave the office before her in order to 'catch a drink with the kid'. That at least was the kind of change that she liked to see.

"It's nice...that Mike still gets to attend the retreat." She says, breaking the silence.

"Well he's a client now. He used to work for the firm, and Louis asked for Rachel to be there, so he's also a plus one."

"A plus one. Who'd have thought." She remarks, playing with the edge of cardigan before her eyes meet his.

"Kid's all grown up." He nods slightly, his head swaying to one side in thought.

"I want another." She jokes, glancing towards him before looking back out the window.

"I'm not ready. That one was enough."

"Harvey, there will be another associate." She says then, looking to him.

"There won't be another Mike." He says matter-of-factly.

"Harvey…" She sighs. He's right. There won't be.

"There won't." He echoes. They may be on the same page, but it's never been her job to point out the hard truths that even she doesn't want to face.

"Maybe not. But there was a Mike in the first place. And that's a good thing. Besides...since when have you ever been scared to go it alone? You managed ten years and got to Senior Partner without him. You can do that again."

"It's different now. I have nowhere to climb. Something about having a partner this last year made me realize…"

"What?"

"It's better with two." He says, throwing a look her way.

"Don't you mean three?" She says, smiling.

"You know you're the sidekick, right?" He says with a smirk.

"What? Like Batgirl?" She rolls her eyes. He's impossibly...guy-ish sometimes.

"Or Black Widow?" He offers, pouting slightly.

"Maybe Catwoman?" She counters, interest lighting up her hazel coloured eyes.

"Or that redhead assistant in Ghostbusters?" He quips, waiting for her to react.

"Catwoman." She says, glaring at him to state her claim.

"The Michelle Pfeiffer one, or the remake?"

"You'll just have to use your…imagination." She says, that sly look on her face and a slight pout.

He clears his throat, looking back out the window with a smirk.

He knows it's a joke, but lately… whenever she says something or does something that's even the slightest bit playful...it reminds him.

Of the old days.

When they were just figuring each other out. Or rather, when he was playing catch up to her three hundred miles an hour...

Donna halted, suitcase in hand as she watched the very still form of her Boss, lent against his car, looking out at her with sunglasses and smirk.

"What are you doing here?" She asked roughly, eyeing him from the sidewalk.

"You're still going to the retreat, right?" He confirmed, pulling down his shades a touch to glare at her.

"Yes… you're… driving me?" She asked, her eyes widening at the strangeness of the event.

"Beats driving up there alone." He shrugged, pushing off of the car.

"Oh. That's cute. Feeling lonely?" She replied sarcastically, tilting her head. "No waitresses that could entertain you on the ride up?" She joked, that sly sharpness in her tone.

"Get in the car," He said roughly, giving her a look as he walked towards her then, taking her suitcase from her.

When she slid into the car, she looked up to see Ray nodding from the front seat.

"Well if it isn't my favourite Redhead." He called to the back of the car, grinning widely.

"Ray! How are you?" She replied warmly, her face lighting up as Harvey closed the passenger door behind himself.

"All the better to see you, my dear." He smiled back at her.

"Ray. I pay you to drive...not to hit on my assistant." Harvey chimed in good naturedly, if not an edge of indignation as he looked towards the front of the car.

"Harvey," Donna objected, scowling at him.

"I can't help it!" Ray answered. "She's a knockout."

"She's something, that's for sure." He said, that sharp, slightly humour filled look in his eye. She glared back with just as much vigor.

"Don't listen to Harvey, Ray. And thank you." She said, sitting back, as the car started to make it's way steadily uptown.

Her attention was caught by the buzzing of her phone.

Harvey looked up when she sighed, stuffing her bag into her phone.

"What's up?" He asked, interested by her stealthy action.

"Oh...Louis is already there." She remarked, rolling her eyes.

"How does he have your number?" He asked; a mite of irritation creeping up his back.

"Sadly...I gave it to him." She sighs.

"That guy is…"

"Harvey." She chided. "Louis...deep down, he has a good heart."

"Yeah under all that...cat loving, brace wearing hostility, sure." He said, sneering at the thought of Louis's strange obsession. "Plus he has a thing for you, you know?"

"No he does not," She said, dismissing him. "If anything, he has a thing for you."

"He's not…" He asked, his mouth agape at her comment.

"No. I don't think so. But...you never know… he did ballet as a kid."

Harvey spluttered. "You're serious? Not even I knew that..."

"He studied at...somewhere quite good actually, I can't remember, I wasn't really listening."

He laughed, looking towards the passing city to his left. "I don't ever want to think about Louis in lycra."

They both fell silent for moment, collectively taken aback at their separate imaginations.

"Is it just me or are you picturing him in… pink?" She offered then.

"I just don't know how to erase it from my brain…" He squirmed, shaking his shoulders.

"If anyone was going to be a Ballerina, I'd have pictured Jessica. That graceful way she stalks the halls. Only years worth of someone slapping your back straight could ever encourage that kind of posture."

"I have no idea about Jessica's childhood. She's not the biggest sharer." He remarked.

It was a point though… He knew almost nothing about his own mentor. Sure, he knew little bits, here or there. But nothing concrete. No real insight into her life. He supposed that was why they got on; shared disinterest in eachothers pasts.

"Hello Kettle, hows the Pot doing today?" She quipped dryly.

His head immediately fell to one side, looking at her, unperturbed by her insinuation of joke.

"You could just ask her, Harvey." She offered tenderly.

"I don't need to know." He shrugged, disinterested.

"She tells me things." Donna remarked, then straightening in her seat.

"That's different. Everybody tells you everything."

She had been lucky this time. Their awkward silence, spanning the little over the hour and a half left of their four hour journey had been overtaken once the Adirondack mountains had come into view, imposing and strong and vivid in shape, with the clouds casting a dark blue shadow over it's greying mountains. They had barely changed a day in what seemed like twenty years. She remembered summers up here with her family, camping out in some remote location with only the basic of needs with them; her sister Darcy complaining the entire time about the lack of amenities as her Dad struggled to put up three tents and her Mom quietly unpacked the car.

It was strange to think of how different her life was now compared to then. How separate it was from her earthy, homegrown youth. Both of theirs, when you thought about Harvey as well. Growing up playing ball, a younger brother to annoy and watch over and the weight of the world on his shoulders as he tackled his mother's affairs and idolizing his stoic musician father who wasn't there as much as he realized he needed to be. Maybe it wasn't exactly the same, she thought to herself. Still, a far cry from his streamlined life and high flying career of today.

Her attention catches at Harvey fidgeting slightly. Her eyes run down the seams of his cream jersey. It's been an age since she's seen him wear anything other than a suit. He looks so very different without his Tom Ford armor on. But she knows more than most how the suit has never made the man. Sure, it had solidified certain things over the years, and with age came the relaxed confidence of a man at the top of his game. But he was just as guarded and sharp-set with or without the cufflinks.

But as he sits there in the car, as she watches him quietly drifting in and out of thought he looks very unlike a Lawyer. Just… like a man.

"What?" He asks softly, his dark eyes scrutinizing her as they lean towards tired.

"I...nothing." She says, shutting her mouth and looking away.

His eyes flash, immediately annoyed with her at her holding back. "No, Donna. What?" He shuffles, raising his hand in questioning.

"It's just...been a while since I've seen you out of a suit, that's all." She says, smiling softly.

"Yeah. Me too." He says, looking at himself, before sitting back slightly. "I guess we've not had much free time lately."

"We?" She asks incredulously.

"What? You're telling me you still manage to have a life outside of work?"

"Believe it or not Harvey, my work is not my life." She misses the disbelief on his face, as her eyes focus on the vivid landscape of swooping green valleys and rippling cloud that start to surround them.

He leans forward, clearly not convinced by her wavering answer. "You put in just about as many hours as I do, 6 days a week." He says, his finger pointing on the leather seat between them. "You're telling me you still get to have something for yourself at the end of every day?"

"Not every day." She says, hearing him scoff at her answer. "But I go to the theatre every sunday. One show, maybe two. I have lunch with Rachel at least once a week, and let's not pretend that don't I skip out for a cocktail some afternoons when you're busy. And I go on dates…occasionally." She feels her volume fall a little at the end.

"Really?"

"Yes. I have a life, Harvey. I know it's not featured in your life on a day to day basis, but."

"I...don't have a life." He admits, shrugging.

"Well, of course you don't. You're married to your work. It's not exactly a well hidden fact, Harvey. Everybody notices." She remarks, drawn to looking out the window once again. She's not sure why the words agitate her, instead stuffing the thought further into her mind.

"Maybe I...don't want to be married to work anymore." He says then, catching her attention.

"Really?" She looks around, noticing the strange expression on his face. "Are you okay?" She asks, that sudden humour of a sarcastic comment on her face.

"I've been thinking…" He starts.

"About?" She asks, feeling the seriousness in his features.

"What I want...in life." He says.

"And this isn't what you want? Is this where you tell me you want to become an artist, and rent a space in the garment district?" She jokes, looking at him discouragingly.

"I want...more. I think...I think I want... the whole deal."

"What do you mean. Like...like a… family?" She feels her gut tighten slightly at the vague possibility.

"Yeah." He affirms, nodding. She notices him looking down for a fraction of a second.

"Harvey, you realize of course that for that to happen, successfully, you actually need to date a girl longer than one night, and partake in what some people consider a successful long term 'relationship'?"

She can spot his 'don't patronize me, Donna' look a mile off. It's more potent when he's less than a foot away...

"I know that." He says heavily.

"Scottie was right." She says quietly, almost to herself.

"About what?" He fires at her, an immediate edge in his voice.

"She'd said...that you'd changed."

"I have. Just because it didn't work out with Scottie doesn't mean that I don't still want...that."

"You really have changed." She says. It's possible that she's taken aback, her heartbeat racing slightly faster at the sudden change in his world.

"No one's getting any younger, Donna."

"Excuse me, do not involve me in this!" She laughs, bend at the ridiculousness of his statement.

"Well haven't you ever thought about it? You're forty." He says, giving her a look.

"Don't ever say that to me again." She points at him, narrowing her eyes.

"It's not a bad age for you. But, don't you...want kids at some point?"

"Of course. I also wanted the white picket fence, and a gardener; a labrador retriever and a husband with great shoulders but...things don't always happen the way we want them to, Harvey."

"Great shoulders?" He asks, frowning.

"The point is, when I was in my twenties, I didn't think I'd be still living in the city at forty. I'm not complaining but...things change."

"Really? I thought you were a city girl through and through…"

"You know what I mean. It just...never happened for me."

"There's still time, Donna." He says, the words tender somehow.

"No. I don't think there is." She considers, noticing the scenery neaten around them.

"Why not?" He asks.

"Because that ship has…" Suddenly her throat is dry and her words dissipate into the air, as they arrive at their destination. "Wow. We're finally here." She says, looking up towards the huge White houses, lodges with balconies overhanging with draping foliage and delicate hanging flowers. "Wow, this place is…" She sighs, her eyes flicking to the towering hill of resort that rises in front of them.

"Large." He muses, taking in the views, if only half still connected to their conversation. "Jessica said it's one of the best Retreats around." He comments.

"It certainly looks that way." She said, her face lighting up as she looks out at the large expanse of sun toasted water. "I haven't been to Lake Placid for a...very long time."

"Well, then...welcome back." He remarks, their eyes meeting. The way he's looking at her makes her face tingle.

She doesn't hear him sigh heavily when she gets out of the car without him.

Thought I may as well start putting this out! Aiming for a Chapter every few days.

Please feed the kitty! A~