Mission Eight – Still in Progress

"I'm trying here Rach" mumbled Santana weakly as she looked at her wife of six years, "I don't know what else to do" she shrugged.

Rachel starred into Santana's watery eyes and quickly turned her face away. She always hated seeing her upset since they were teens and today wasn't any different.

"I'm sorry" Rachel said as she moved quickly to pull Santana to her, giving her lips a soft kiss. "I'm sorry" she repeated over and over as she kissed her wife. Finally frustrated, Santana pulled Rachel closer and deepened the kiss. Slow and languid it was. A mini reunion of sorts.

Rachel had been pulling away for months and Santana knew it. Every time she'd asked Rachel what the deal was, her wife said it was 'nothing'. But that nagging feeling that something was off kept parading Santana's mind, engulfing her with all types of scenarios which always ended with her losing Rachel.

They'd been in love since they were sixteen, causing Rachel to propose when they were seventeen. Their parents had a complete melt down and it forced them both to run away to New York, with an old truck and thousands of dollars in cash.

In hindsight, it wasn't the wisest choice because they were two small females traveling alone to the big city, but neither one of them ever regretted making the choice to leave Lima and being together. Santana had found them a small studio apartment before leaving in New Jersey, and she plopped down over half the money they had for first month's rent, last month's and a security deposit. She'd stashed away a lot of little things like an air mattress, cleaning products, and clothes and they set up shop. The dollar store, mom and pop shops, and Goodwill became their best friends.

It was difficult.

But Santana found a job as a waitress at a nearby dinner by the third day they were in their new place and she sat down with Rachel, so they could plan their future together. They both agreed that it should be a long engagement and they wouldn't marry one another until they turned twenty-one. They knew things could change and that would give them time to change their mind if they wanted. Rachel would enroll in the local high school under the last name Corcoran, her birth mother's last name and later that year Santana would take her GED, so that she would have time to work daily so she could take care of them both.

Santana was hell bent on proving that she could provide for Rachel and herself, especially after the blow up they both had with their parents. They both understood that it was the first rung on their plans for the rest of their lives together. It was tough, for sure, with Rachel going to school daily and Santana working. They both had stresses and their budget was extremely tight but every night when they went to sleep, they'd look at one another deeply and they knew without speaking that it was worth it in the end.

Rachel was confident enough in her talent, that after high school she could audition for the performance art colleges of good repute in the city and her confidence was quickly reassured, when she got some audition dates. Rachel made sure she blew each audition out of the water and although it wasn't a surprise, they both were grateful when Rachel received packages from the schools offering full scholarships.

It was a load off both of their minds.

They didn't have to worry about loans, and Santana was willing to continue to work at the diner to provide for them both. Not only was she working the diner gig but she'd picked up another job as a barista to help offset some of the expenses. The deal was that Santana would do all the 9-5 and 6-9 jobs to help get Rachel through school. Once Rachel graduated, they would switch so that Santana could go get her education. By now, Santana had gotten her GED easily and the concept of higher education didn't interest her at all. She was satisfied working hard and providing for the women she loved even though their time was limited with one another daily.

They made it work though. Sure, there were bumps along the way, like the hard reconciliation between them and their parents. By the time the Lopez's and Berry's caught up with Santana and Rachel, the Berry men had divorced, and it looked like Santana's parents were on the way there. The four of their parents implored them again to think before getting married, noting how difficult being married is, but both Santana and Rachel stuck to their guns.

They were meant for one another, anyone with eyes could see that.

They were in love and that was that.

"It's high time you all accept our decisions!" Rachel screamed at them one time, "or stay out of our lives for good!"

That was the end of that and it brought both joy when their parents walked them down the aisle, once they finally got married at twenty-one.

Everything went according to plan. Rachel graduated with honors and some decent prospects for auditions on Broadway and by way of blessing or luck, depending on which wife you talked to, Santana was now booking modeling gigs and commercials thanks to serving a producer in the diner one day.

Money was no longer a true issue and the couple soon found their life upgraded from a small studio to a two-bedroom apartment in Brooklyn. Wood flooring, stainless steel appliances and room…much more room. Rachel had just booked her first understudy role in an on-Broadway play and that came with a significant increase to their income. She signed the first contract for a year and the newlyweds took a much-needed vacation.

Everything was going according to plan, when it just wasn't.

Santana planned out an intimate evening at home for them, something that hadn't happened in weeks, hoping to rekindle that flame that seemed to be quenched for whatever reason. Their plan was suffering from a bump in the road, so she was being the dutiful wife and trying to fix it.

Rachel came home and was clearly surprised, but unappreciative and it caused Santana's mood to deflate as the night went on.

Finally, Santana just pleaded that 'she was trying' and Rachel's guilt about her behavior that evening and for other things caused her to immediately apologize and to make up with her wife.

That night love was made…that hadn't happened in awhile either.

It didn't mean that all was fixed. They needed to talk, and Santana was even willing to go seek out a marriage counselor.

She made that known the next morning as they both laid in bed after another round. Santana was at her most vulnerable in the after glow and she wanted her wife to understand how serious she was about fixing whatever went wrong between them.

Rachel readily agreed, and she promised they would investigate and come up with a plan together after she'd gotten back from the all-day rehearsal she had.

"I've been woefully unfair to you my love, I promise to fix this…to fix us" said Rachel softly as she climbed on top of Santana pulling her face to her and giving her the softest kiss. A kiss to show how serious she was. After a few pecks, Rachel climbed off Santana and hurried into the bathroom, to get ready. Santana watched Rachel as she exited with their silk sheet covering the bottom half of her body. The love making was nice, so were the apologies and promises but something didn't sit well in her stomach, no matter how much she tried to ignore it. Her Mexican third eye was ablaze.

She couldn't explain why she did it if someone were to ask her that very question right now.

All she knew was that she was moving on auto-pilot. After Rachel had left, she quickly got dressed, throwing on her lounge clothing, while pulling her hair up into a messy bun and putting on a hoodie for good measure.

Coffee was purchased, and the hot substance was keeping her hands cool as she stood across the street and looked at the bistro her wife had walked into, twenty minutes prior.

Rachel was supposed to be at practice, like she told Santana earlier, but her gut was on fire and Santana always followed her gut. Before she knew it, she'd caught up with Rachel so and quickly followed her, making sure to keep her distance and keep her hoodie up above her head.

She stood across the street for about another twenty minutes, finishing off her coffee and steeling her nerves. Tossing the empty cup into the closest receptacle she took a deep breath, gathering the courage she needed to see what her wife was up to. To find out the truth.

Walking towards the bistro, she ducked past a few cars, and walked in behind a family of six, so that she could try and be as inconspicuous as possible. She scanned the small bistro quickly from near the greeters' podium and her eyes soon found the small frame of her wife. Rachel's back was turned so she couldn't see Santana, but across from her wife sat someone she was vaguely familiar with. A co-worker that Santana had been introduced to some months ago. Brody.

They were clearly having an intense conversation. Santana could see the veins bulging out of the back of Rachel's neck. She assessed Brody's face and Santana was able to pick up on the unshed tears that rimmed around his eyes and how hurt and defeated he looked.

Her gut was right.

Her gut had been right for months.

She just didn't want to admit it.

It hurt too much to do so.

Brody stood up quickly forcing Santana to refocus on the situation being played out in front of her. She watched as he reached down and caressed Rachel's face tenderly before pulling Rachel into a searing kiss. Even though Santana's stomach had bottomed out minutes ago and she felt close to throwing up, she couldn't turn away.

As quickly as the kiss began it ended and Brody rushed out of the bistro, not sparing anyone a second glance, even though Santana could see that a few tears had finally spilt down his face.

Moving on auto-pilot once again she flopped into the seat Brody had just vacated and starred at her beautiful wife. Her wife who was wiping tears away but was now looking at her with a shocked expression.

"Sa-Santana, wh-what are you doing here?" whispered out Rachel.

Santana couldn't reply though.

Her throat was constricted, and her mouth was extremely dry as she starred at Rachel in disbelief. She just starred at those brown eyes she loved so much. Those eyes that she would die for without a second thought. Those eyes she'd worked double shifts for, that she made sure was fed, clothed, and provided for. Those eyes that she was willing to break the bond with her parents for. Those eyes had been with another and Santana felt her face crumble. She quickly got up and rushed out of the bistro.

"Santana, wait!" she heard Rachel yell after her, but again her body was on auto-pilot as she moved away from the source of her pain.

Maneuvering her way through people with ease and thought she'd gotten away when she felt her entire body being jerked around and she was once again assaulted with those eyes.

"Santana please let me explain" said Rachel who held a death grip on her arm. Her nose and eyes were red, and a steady stream of tears were falling down her face. she looked exactly how Santana felt and that was devastated.

Santana yanked her arm away and gave Rachel a deadly look…a look she never used on the small woman before today, "After you finish explaining, will the fact remain that you had an affair?" asked Santana harshly. At the question Rachel looked down in shame.

"I thought so" responded Santana brokenly, "leave me the fuck alone" she said turning away from her wife and sobbing in anguish.

She wandered around New York the rest of the day.

Her chest hurt, and her mind was in complete shambles.

For the briefest of seconds, she thought to go home, but then she reminded herself she didn't have a home any longer.

Everything she'd worked for, everything they'd worked for had come falling all around her and she didn't know which was up or down.

'All because her wife was a philandering wench' she thought bitterly as she kicked a discarded can down the street.

Rachel had been blowing up her phone the entire day, so much so that Santana finally had enough and cut her phone completely off. She was getting pissed.

That rage that she always kept at bay was trying its hardest to work its way to the surface of her soul but the heartache and pain she felt was blocking the rage. She was broken. Rachel always had the ability to break her, Rachel knew that, and she did it anyway.

Finally, at around ten in the evening, Santana found herself outside of the home of her closest friends in NYC. She walked up the brownstone steps and banged harshly on the door.

A loud "what the hell" in response was heard before the door swung open aggressively, revealing the irritated face of Mike Change, with Mercedes right behind him.

"Oh my God Santana, are you okay?" questioned Mercedes as she maneuvered herself around Mike and opened the door further.

At that simple question Santana's face crumbled and she strained out a heartbreaking "no" in response.

Mission 8 – Rerouted