A/N: So just a little something I wrote last night when I couldn't sleep. Parts of it are loosely based off "Talking to the Moon" by Bruno Mars which happens to be one of my fave songs, and also the song I was listening to when this came to mind..Hope y'all like it! :)
Disclaimer: I don't own PLL.
Aria groaned as someone shook her lightly and spoke her name. Unconsciously, she pushed the hand away and rolled over.
"Aria, honey."
The voice was clearer now. It was Ella's.
"Aria." She shook her gently again. "Come on, let's go inside. It's past midnight."
"No." Aria whispered. "I'm staying out here."
"You can't keep doing this." Ella sighed. "You can't keep sleeping out on our front lawn"
Aria let a silent tear fall.
"Please Mom." Aria begged. "I need to. Please."
Ella sighed.
"Sweetie, it's been months. It's time to move on."
Aria almost laughed at how absurd that comment was. Move on? Did she really expect her to move on? It'd been two long painful months, eight weeks of endless heart shattering pain. Sixty nights of no nonstop tears. It's like she was dead, while still breathing.
Just thinking about him broke her heart.
"Move on?" Aria asked in disbelief. "I can't move on."
Tears spilled down her eyes as she shook her head.
"I can't move on, Mom." She whimpered. "I can't."
Especially not when his flesh and blood is growing inside of me. She added.
No one knew about her pregnancy, except her doctor. She'd found out just days after Ezra was killed, when she'd had a panic attack and had ended up at the hospital. The baby was definitely Ezra's, as she'd been over a month pregnant when she'd found out. She wasn't strong enough to tell her mother yet, but knew she'd have to soon, as she was nearing four months into her pregnancy and wouldn't be able to hide her baby bump beneath her hoodie much longer.
Ella wrapped her arms protectively around Aria.
"I'm sorry." Ella apologized, realizing the effect her words had on her daughter.
She continued to hold her broken daughter, attempting to comfort her in anyway, stroking her hair and kissing her forehead lovingly.
"Come on, let's get you to bed."
"No." She stated firmly. "Im staying here. Please."
Ella sighed in defeat and nodded.
"Ok, let me bring you some blankets."
This had become a daily routine. Ella would try to convince her to go inside, Aria refused, she'd let her sleep out there, and in the morning, she'd somehow wake up in her bed. Every single day, as soon as the moon came out, Aria was already sitting out front, oversized Hollis hoodie shielding her from the cold, and coffee mug at her side.
"Thank you."
Her neighbors looked at her everyday, internally judging her. She knew that. She didn't care. Nothing mattered to her. Not even if they thought she was crazy. She was crazy. Crazy in love with someone who was now six feet under.
Five minutes later, Aria laid comfortably on her sleeping bag, fuzzy warm blanket attempting to rid her of the cold she was always feeling. But nothing ever seemed to make it go away. The only person who could make it go away, was gone. Forever. Ripped from her, taking along her heart and whole being with him. She hadn't even told him she loved him before he died. She wanted him back. He was her everything. The oxygen she needed to live.
The tears never seemed to stop. And as time went on, her pain, anger, and frustration only grew worse. If she could, she'd take back everything. Take back all the hurtful words she'd said to him, telling him to leave, not giving him a chance. All that, she'd take that all back to simply be able to tell him how much she loved him.
She looked up at the moon, pulling her blanket closer to her, wrapping her hand protectively around her stomach, attempting to make the pain go away, by being closer to the only piece of Ezra she still had.
"Ezra." She whimpered, eyes locked on the moon. "I'm so sorry."
She sobbed into her blanket.
"I'm so sorry. I love you so much, and not having you with me is killing me."
She sniffled.
"Why did you have to follow us? Why did you have to fight against A?"
Her sobs turned into soft whimpers.
"Why'd you have to take a bullet for us?"
"Because I love you, Aria."
She heard him tell her. This always seemed to be the start of their conversations. Always.
"But if you hadn't gone. "She cried. "Damnit, If you hadn't showed up, you'd still be alive, and I wouldn't be feeling all this pain. You'd be here with me."
"If I hadn't gone, you'd be the one up here and not me."
"Who cares? I'd rather be dead than have you gone. You not being here has killed me. I'm dead already. My life's not worth living if you're not in it."
"Don't say that, Aria. You have so much ahead of you, I'd die a million more times if it meant protecting you."
"Why didn't I let you explain? Why was I so harsh?"
"I deserved it. I deserved everything you said to me. You'll be so much better without me."
"Stop." She cried. "Stop. Don't say that. I can't even breathe without you, Ezra."
"It will get better. It hurts now. But soon, you'll find something to help you move forward. You'll meet new people, fall in love, and before you know it, all I'll be is a memory."
She tore her gaze from the moon, she couldn't look up at him while crying hysterically. He would never be just a memory and especially not when in a matter of months, she'd have a constant reminder of him. He still didn't know. She'd never told him. After a few moments of silence, she looked up at the shining moon once again.
"Don't you get it?" She whispered. "It will never get better. I'll never be able to love again. You're the only person I've ever loved. I can't love anyone else."
"You have to, Aria. You can't hold onto me forever. I'm not here anymore."
"You think I don't know that?" She shot back. "Every single morning I wake up, and for a second, I feel like you're still here, for a tiny bit of time, I smile, looking forward to seeing you, and just like that, it all comes back. The constant reminder that I won't see you at school, or before, or after. I wont ever be able to see you again."
"Aria, please. Stop hurting yourself. I don't want you hurting because of me."
"I can't help it. I love you so much, I need you. We both need you"
There was silence.
"Both?"
She whimpered. "I'm pregnant, Ezra."
The only sound heard was the wind and owls hooting around her.
"You are?" He finally spoke up.
"Yes, and now our baby will never get to see their father. All because of me."
She waited for a response, but was met with silence.
"Ezra, are you still out there?"
Silence.
"Ezra, please don't leave me. You're the only thing that is keeping me alive right now."
"Ezra, please." She begged.
"I'm just thinking, Aria." He finally spoke up.
"Don't ever do that to me again." She whimpered loudly.
Silence, once again.
"Don't ever scare me again."
"I'm sorry." He apologized.
"Aria, you will be an excellent mother. And trust me when I say that I wish I could be there with you. But I will always watch over you and our baby. Always." He added.
There was another silence, as a few people walked down the Rosewood's streets. They looked over at her, laughing to themselves as they took in the crying, messed up girl talking to herself.
She knew she'd been the talk of Rosewood ever since Ezra died. Many, many, people called her 'Mad girl of Rosewood', but she didn't care. The insults, the texts, and endless notes she'd received, hadn't affected her at all. She didn't care if people wanted to send her to Radley just because they didn't believe her.
Ezra did talk back as soon as the moon came out. He gave her the comfort,the love she needed, even if it was from above. She knew it was true,, and that's all that mattered.
"You know, they call me 'Mad girl of Rosewood' now." Aria laughed softly.
"Ignore them."
"I do." Her smile faded. "I don't care what they think. They don't know what I know. They don't know you're always with me."
"Aria, I won't always be here. You have to let me go at some point."
She shook her head vigorously.
"I can't. I don't know how to live without you. I don't know how to let go."
"You will know how. Just be patient. You'll know when to finally let go."
"Why did this have to happen to us? Why couldn't we just get our happy ending? Why did A have to ruin my life? "
"Aria, your life isn't ruined. You have a tiny human made up entirely of love growing inside of you. They will bring back meaning into your life, I promise."
"But I need you too."
"I'll always be with you. In one way or another, I'll always be with you, guiding you, protecting you and our baby. Aria, I'll always love you no matter where I am."
Aria cried into her knees.
"I just miss you so much."
"I know. I miss you too. But you're safe now. A is gone, you're safe. You can go on with your life. You have so many people who love and care about you. Don't push them away."
"I only want you." She stated truthfully. "I only need you."
"Babe, please promise me you'll try. Promise you won't push them away and will allow them to help you."
"No one know's im pregnant." She confessed.
"Tell them. Let your Mom know. She'll help you. Promise me you'll let them help you."
She sighed. "I promise."
"Now go to sleep, love. You need to rest."
"I love you."
"I love you too, so so much."
Aria's eyelids started closing, finally letting her exhaustion take over her. Just when she was about to close them completely, her eyes shot open.
"Ezra?" She called.
"Ezra?" She repeated.
"What is it?"
"Will you be here tomorrow?"
This had also become a routine. Every night, right before drifting into sleep, she'd ask him, wanting to be assured he'd be waiting for her the following night.
"I'll be here, as long as you let me be." He told her.
Aria smiled as she placed her small hand over the small baby bump residing beneath her hoodie. Pulling the blanket closer to her, she finally closed her eyes.
"Goodnight, Ezra." She whispered.
"Come on, baby girl." Aria cooed as she took her sleeping daughter from her crib, placing a kiss on her messy curls.
"Let's go with Daddy."
It'd been nearly a month since she'd last been out. But with the new baby around, she couldn't exactly go out into the midnight air. Last time she went out, was a few days after her daughter was born. But none after that. She'd still stare at the moon from her window, but it wasn't the same.
Aria grabbed a small blanket and wrapped her daughter in it. The tiny newborn began to whimper, and Aria reached into her crib, grabbing and then placing her tiny binky in her mouth to prevent her from crying.
"Lets go."
Aria slipped on her flip flops, before heading downstairs. She grabbed her sleeping bag from the doorway, along with her blanket. She knew she couldn't be out there too long.
"Aria?" She heard someone call from the top of the stairs.
"What are you doing?" They asked again, reaching the bottom.
"I'm just going out for a bit. I'll be back in soon."
"Aria, she's just a newborn. You can't sleep out there."
"Mom, I promise. I won't be long. Please."
"Ok." She kissed the top of her head. "Just make sure she doesn't get cold."
"Goodnight." She added.
"Goodnight Mom."
Aria closed the front door behind her, before making her way to the place she'd called her safe haven for so long now.
She sat down after spreading the sleeping bag on the dry grass.
Her daughter was now wide awake, and stared up at her mother. Aria leaned down to place a soft kiss on her forehead.
"Ezra?" She called out, almost afraid he wouldn't answer.
"She's beautiful."
Aria couldn't fight back the tears. She held her daughter closer to her, attempting to calm herself down. He should be here with her. They should both be smiling and enjoying the birth of their new baby girl.
"She looks so much like you." Aria stated.
"What'd you name her?"
Wiping away her tears, she placed another kiss on her daughter's forehead.
"Ava Sophia."
"Ava Sophia." He repeated. "Just as beautiful as her."
"I wish you were here." She confessed.
"Ari-"
"I know." Aria smiled. "I know."
"You'll do great with her."
"I hope so."
"You will. Let her know her Daddy will always love her and will always be watching over her."
Aria nodded as tears streamed from eyes.
"I will." Aria assured. "Always."
"I love you both so much and will always protect you."
"I love you too."
She sat there silent as she stroked her daughter's time was nearing, she knew that. As much as she didn't want to let go, want to say goodbye, she knew it was time. Ava was with her now. Ava would help her pain and tears go away.
"I think its time." Ezra spoke up.
Aria shook her head.
" I know."
" You'll be Ok, I promise."
"I love you." Aria told him. "Always."
"I love you too. And I love our daughter. Please watch out for her."
"I will." She replied, smiling down at her daughter.
"Goodbye, Aria."
" Goodbye." She whispered. "Goodbye."
"Take care."
"Ezra?" She asked. "Is this really our final goodbye? I won't ever hear you?"
"You have Ava now, shes what matters. I'll always be with you in a way."
Aria nodded.
"Bye, Ezra."
The years flew by, and baby Ava became a beautiful, loving four year old. Aria couldn't be any more proud of the little girl she was lucky to call hers. She was smart beyond her years, and to Aria, she was the most beautiful little girl there was on this planet. She loved her more than life itself and always did everything to make her daughter happy.
She still thought about him. The pain wasn't as bad, but she still thought of him. On occasions she'd go out and sleep on the spot she claimed as hers, although she never expected a reply. He'd moved on, and slowly, along with her daughter, she had too. She knew she'd never be able to love again, for her heart would always belong to Ezra, but it didn't matter because she had Ava, and would always love her unconditionally.
Today marked five years since his tragic ending. Wanting to feel close to him, she grabbed a sleeping bag, along with some blankets, and headed out the front door.
She knew it was crazy. But truth was, she always felt some sort of comfort sleeping beneath the moon and stars.
As she was setting her stuff up, she heard a small voice behind her.
"Mommy?"
Aria looked back, seeing her daughter in her Ariel pyjamas, holding her stuffed bunny in her arms.
"Av, what are you doing up awake? It's past your bedtime, sweetie."
"I woke up and when I went to your room, you weren't there."
Aria walked over to her daughter, taking her in her arms. Her daughter immediately rested her head on her shoulder.
"Come on, lets get you inside."
"No." She lifted her head from where it rested. " Can I stay here with you? I wanna sleep out here with Daddy too. Please?"
Ava stared at her, big bright blue eyes begging her to say yes.
Aria sighed. Her daughter had wanted to do this for so long, always aware of when Aria would do it. She never allowed it, though. But maybe she'd make an exception this one time, afterall, it was his anniversary. And how could she say no, to those beautiful eyes?
"Ok." She smiled.
Aria and her tiny daughter snuggled under the covers, Aria's arm wrapping protectively around her. Ava snuggled closer to her mother, resting her head on Aria's chest. Soon enough, her tired eyes were drifting shut.
"Mommy?" Her tiny voice spoke.
"Hm, sweetie?"
"Do you miss Daddy?" She asked, opening her eyes.
Aria closed her eyes and nodded, before opening them again.
"Always." She smiled. " But Daddy's in heaven always watching over you. He loves you so much."
"I love him too." She smiled.
Aria smiled, kissing her forehead gently.
"Mommy?" She asked again.
"Yes?"
"Do you still love him?"
She ran her hand through her daughter's curls.
"I do." She replied truthfully. "Always will."
Ava smiled, snuggling closer to her mother before finally letting her eyes close.
"Always will." She whispered to herself.
As Aria's eyes began drifting shut, she smiled before closing her eyes as she heard an all too familiar voice she hadn't heard in four years.
"I'll always love you too."
A/N: I know it probably isn't the best, as it was written at midnight , but hope you still enjoyed it, and it wasn't too horrible. I know it was a bit sad,but Please let me know what you think!