*Peeks in, gets glared at, cowers in the corner* SOooooooo, surprise? Let's not talk about how long it's been since I've even looked at this story? At first it was because I was working on like 8 other Linstead stories and I also edit videos (with yes, linstead), so it was just a lot of work. I felt like the more I wrote, the better my writing got? I felt like I outgrew this story a bit. The second reason is because I'm fucking sick. Like….really sick. I have 5 diagnosed chronic illnesses, I live in constant pain, at least one of my joints dislocate on the daily, I have anywhere from 3-7 doctors appointments a week, and I have at least 2 migraines a week. Over the last year not only was I extremely underwhelmed with not only the PD fandom, but also the writing as well. I took like- a year long break. It was bad. Season 3 was…. Not good yall? But I have hope for season 4- and I say that very cautiously. Which is why I want to get back into writing again, because either way everything is better in fannon. ANYWAYS…. over the last year and a half, I've also developed a lot of neurological symptoms which have slowed my writing, and in the last 6 months pretty much stopped it all together. I recently had brain surgery to try and help some of neurological problems. So this is the first time I've written in literally 6 months, and it feels great; I've missed it a lot. But like I said- I'm not sure if my writing is the same as it was back when I started writing this; this was in fact my first story I ever published. So I've created a poll so YOU GUYS can decided what I should do. Give it a new spin and continue it as long as my muse carries me, end it now with a very long chapter, or continue it but only for a few more chapters. There is a survey monkey poll on my tumblr (QueenHalstead) or just tell me in a review what you think I should do? I'd really appreciate it. :)

So this is a preview of what the story would be like from now on, so it may be reposted with the full chapter, but after so long I wasn't about to leave you guys with nothing. It's Jay's therapy sessions after he is woken up out of his coma, with flashbacks to him still being unconscious in the hospital. It will make more sense after you read it. Let me know if you like the format? If not, I guess vote for me to end the story. Like I said, I have some ideas on where to take it, if I were to continue writing it this way. But if you guys don't like how it's written or if you don't feel that it fits with the rest of the story, I will rewrite it or just give it a very long, very solid ending chapter. I promise I won't give this story a shitty ending. I just felt like since it's been nearly two years since I've updated it, flashbacks were the way to go? Idk guys- please please please give me lots of feedback! Please encourage me to keep writing, because my brain doesn't want to let me. But I love it so much.

P.S. This is unedited, I apologize for any goof ups or mistakes.

Jay sits on a somewhat comfortable white leather couch and takes in his surroundings. He has always thought that therapists offices were supposed to be stuffy, bookish, and smell like an old tobacco pipe. This office was different though; it was a mix of comfortable and contemporary with large comfortable furniture, lots of books, bright colors play off and contrast with the stark white of the walls. He is just starting to get used to the notion of being out of the hospital. The last thing he wants to be doing is sitting in a therapist's office. He lets out a small sigh.

"Mr Halstead, you have been here three sessions now and you haven't said a word. Do you have anything particular you want to talk about?" Melinda, the older therapist's, voice interrupts his thoughts. He looks to her before opening his mouth.

"It's Detective." He says simply before looking around the room to find something to study. He see's all kinds of psychology books but his eyes is caught by a bright green one labeled 'Abnormal Psychology.' Jay cocks his head, 'That must be what i'd fall under, abnormal.'

"Okay Detective," Melinda's voice pops up again, "Why do you think you're abnormal?" She asks and a look of surprise crosses his face before he realizes that he had said what he had been thinking out loud.

"Did you feel abnormal before the incident?" The woman asks in what Jay can only describe as her 'therapist' voice.

"Not abnormal per say," Jay says, crossing his arms over his chest. "But I definitely was off of my game for sure."

"Why do you think that is? Do you think it has anything to do with your last tour of duty?" She asks, tapping her pen against her pad rhythmically, watching intently as his body tensed.

"I don't want to talk about it." Jay says sternly, his eyes growing cold.

"I understand, and we don't have to get into everything today. But, before you got shot, you were feeling the residual effects from your most current tour?" Melinda inquires.

"Yes." Jay answers distantly, his eyes drifting off to focus on the bookshelf.

"Jay, I want you to do something for me." She says, grabbing his attention. "I want you to pick an object to focus on, it can be anything; and I want you to focus on it, while you take five large, deep breaths."

Jay wants to roll his eyes but focuses on a prism that is making a rainbow along the wall. He slowly inhales, and then exhales. Inhale, exhale; repeat.

By the time he gets to five, his muscles are no longer clenched with tension. He still doesn't want to talk about what happened but he feels marginally more relaxed.

"Did that help?" she asks, and a small smile crosses her face when Jay gives her a nod. "Well I can tell you don't want to talk about your tour or getting shot, and you don't have to do that today, but why don't you tell me about being in the hospital. Why don't we start there?"

-Four Weeks Earlier-

Erin Lindsay hadn't left the hospital for over twenty four hours. She sat with her legs drawn up to her chest; her head resting on her knee as she watched Jay's chest rise and fall for what seemed like hours. Eventually she pushed the chair backwards, determined to find answers as to why he wasn't waking up.

She walked around in a purposeful haze, until she found the doctor who gave them an update earlier bullshitting around at the nurses station.

"I want answers." She demanded firmly.

"Excuse me?" The man asked, taken aback.

"Jay Halstead." She spat at him, "Why isn't he waking up, I want to know why he's not waking up." She was yelling by the end of her sentence, which caught the attention of her colleagues.

Nadia was already on her feet heading towards the commotion; Erin lunged at the doctor when he hesitated to speak. Nadia quickly threw an arm in front of her friend, pulling her back several steps. She cocked her head toward the doctor, "Why don't you go find his chart and get her an answer, hm?"

Erin breathed out a thank you, grateful for a moment to collect herself. She had nearly been up for forty-eight at this point, and it was really starting to wear on her. The fibers of her nerves felt like they were on fire, her muscles tense and rigid, as if they were ready to snap. She leaned against the wall, closing her eyes. Her chest felt tight, 'I need to breathe' her brain reminded the rest of her body; slowly she inhaled, taking a long deep breath. Inhale, exhale; repeat.

Erin felt Nadia's arm wrap around her shoulder comfortingly, and she relaxed slightly, slipping her arm through her friends as nurses and patients bustled about around them. She felt Nadia nudge her slightly, nodding toward the doctor walking back towards her.

"So unfortunately, I don't have a concrete answer for you." He said, and Erin felt Nadia grip her hand tighter. "We did blood work, we did a CT and an MRI and none of those test showed any abnormalities that would explain why he isn't waking up. It is possible he hit his head when he was shot, but in that case we would have probably have evidence of edema or a brain bleed, and we don't."

Erin gritted her teeth. Inhale, exhale; repeat. "So, you're telling me you have no idea why he's not waking up?"

"I have a theory," The doctor said timidly, and quickly continued when Erin waved her hand to go on. "Well your boss said that he recently came home from a tour of duty? Has he been experiencing any symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder?

"PTSD?" Erin blew out a breath, "I mean, he's been a little off since he's been home. He's had a few panic attacks; which is pretty unlike him."

"I have a feeling that in combination with the heavy anesthesia medications he's received, his brain may also be possibly trying to psychologically defend him; and that's why it's taking him longer than usual to wake up. I saw it once in my residency- and it's not permanent, but it's not something we can necessarily rush either. It's something that has to happen on his time."

"So what you're saying is that Jay doesn't want to wake up?"

"I'm saying he's been through a lot of trauma both physically and emotionally in a very short amount of time. Give his body and his brain a bit of time to deal with what they've been through. Don't give up on him."

She let Nadia's hand fall from hers as she processed the information. Jay didn't want to wake up; he couldn't. He was physically and emotionally in so much pain that his brain wouldn't allow him to wake up into the real world. She felt it come in waves, as tears threatened to spill from her eyes. He was in pain and suffering, and there was absolutely nothing she could do about it.

Suddenly she turned on her heel and ran down the hallway, pushing her way into the nearest bathroom; where she promptly emptied her stomach.

So? Let me know, do you love or hate the format? Did you take the poll? Let me know whether to continue or to move on? Please give me feedback okay? I love your guys feedback so much, and I really take it to heart. I really do apologize for not updating this for so long, I hope you all can try and understand. I will try and post something else as soon as musably possible. 3