Timothy McGee used to be so trusting, so gullible. The naïve part of the social group. He doesn't know when that change. If it was an overnight or gradually kind of a change.

But when a night like this came, he tries to pinpoint the right moment where his character so trusting, so open-minded became so bitter. What is it when he lose weight or when the "Mauher Incident".

He tries to shake the flow of memories but that was a lost cause. He sighs for the tenth times.

Even if he is in a crowded place, he never felt so lonely and so sad. He doesn't know why he agreed in a first place to the case solving drinks with the team.

He looks at his "friends" with him tonight. Next to him, there is Ziva, the beautiful Israeli, the lethal woman. At one time, he thought that they were close. Although younger in age, he considered like an older sister, but now not so much. She was closer to Tony or Abby than him.

At the other side of him, there is Jimmy Palmer alias Autopsy Gremlin. He snorts, if him, Timothy McGee was a geek, Jimmy Palmer was a dork. At one time also, they were close but after the book release that change. Jimmy never trusted him fully. He had only himself to blame.

Next to Jimmy was Donald "Ducky" Mallard. He was a great guy with great with a great knowledge. The scientist part of him was fascinated by him. He was the only one that he was still trusting with his safety. Who was he kidding? He was the only one that he trusts beside his baby sister, Penny and his mother.

Next to Ziva came Abby. His heart arches. He thought that she was the one and only. But she broke his heart when she ended things with him. He kept his hurt hidden to stay in her life. He thought that he was over her but every time that she was jealous of the women that he dated or the women that was interested in him, he kept coming back. He used to say that she was his best friend and he tried for a long time to stay that way.

This change after Mauher, Jethro and Mexico. He tried also to make amends every single time they have an issue but Mexico was the last straw. He started to shiver, he had still nightmares from Mexico. The fact that none of his "so-called" friends never bother to ask how he was or how he coped the fact that he had to offered his life in exchange of Abby's and the student's safety. And its f****** hurt. He doesn't know what he did or said that make people hate him or despise him so much that they don't care what they do or say to him. All his life, he had people walked all over him. Nobody respect him even his family tried to manipulate him. He tried a long time ago to trust the humanity and maybe it was his crime. He blinks back the tears several time and hope that someone will notice or care that he isn't well. What hurts the most in Abby case is that she doesn't seem to care that they almost died. She was just glad that she solves her relationship with Gibbs.

Gibbs, he was a last names of a long list of hardcore, badass that humiliate him every chance they have, that used him like a tool. He thought that had change, which he proved his worth after Somalia but now he knew. He will never be equal.

He had resign himself that he will never have a relationship with his father a long time ago, he need to do the same with Gibbs. He wanted to cry. The same man that say that he will always watch their six no matter what, never came to ask him how he was doing. He knew that Leroy Jethro Gibbs was a silent one but he had hope for a long time that he could trust him. But after Jethro the dog he had it coming.

He takes a sip of his beer and for the first time, he is disappointed that he didn't take a spirit. He can't stay like this with someone that he doesn't trust on and off the field.

He shakes his head to look to the senior field agent, the one Anthony Dinozzo. The love/hate relationship they have at first was destroyed. He gazed at him, this man that he is used to trust more than Gibbs at first was the epitome of a bully. Even if he knows the man has different layers, he came to hate him. Every good deed was followed by a screw over. He knows that Tony had his six on the field but outside he didn't trust the older man. It started the 1st year on the team when the Italian said to the ladies in Account service that he was gay.

The man when confronted, defended himself that he was a harmless joke but the gay bashing that he escapes no longer after left him with a bitter taste. What blowed his mind was that the same man tried to help him when Kate… That still hurts. She was the only one that was correct with him. She was the older sister that he always wanted. When she hurted him on the warm-up, she came later to apologize.

When she had died, Anthony tried to help him. And it was handsome to have someone to be there for him but it didn't last. And the last went so on and so on. A great vicious circle. What the F***? He had no f****** idea what he is gonna do about it. But he had to do something.

He always dreamed to become a cop and to please his father a Navy Cop. When he's been promoted in the MCRT team, he was the proudest man in the world but now he wants an out, he wants to be himself. No Timmy, no Mah-geeh, no McGeek, no Probie, just himself. He had no fucking clue what he has to do but it had to happen sooner rather than later.

I hope that you're like it and if you think that I have to continued let me know.