Chapter 3: Y K S!

A/N: HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAI(-KUUUNNNNNN)

There was a delay sorry but it all worked out in the end! The chapter is even appropriate for the date!

This is the least amount of words I've written so far, though... Some of the paragraph breaks could be messed up too...

I'll be changing the genre after I update this, we're going all out full parody!

Also, should I make a Yes! Precure 5 reference instead of the current one in the title?

I'll start to reply to reviews after this I just realised that would be a good thing to do yeah

"...hey, Aichi?"

"Yeah?"

"How do you know where Kai is at school in his free time?"

"Nothing much, just a month of following him around. I marked down all of the most likely locations as well as all the isolated areas, based each location's probability of Kai-kun appearing to his total appearances, and kept track of his fanclub's daily whereabouts so that I could predict Kai-kun's movements more accurately. Miwa's with him about 3 days out of 5, so that makes it easier to track him down. It's not that hard."

IT'S NOT THAT HARD, SAYS AICHI

Kourin was very, very glad this boy was a stalker for somebody not her. Just a regular day at school, stalking a boy during lunch. Yep. Mm-hmm, nothing to see here.

Where was she, you ask? Behind the bushes next to an abandoned shed. Ah, high school youth. At least there were no clubs or anything like that.

...she'd just jinxed things, hadn't she.

"Aichi, how long have you been doing this?"

"Only a year!"

ONLY A YEAR, SAYS AICHI

Kourin reminded herself that Aichi did this all day every day.

"Ah, he's coming!" Kourin was jolted out of her thoughts and oh wait false alarm

Before long, she found herself starting to doze off...

Zzzzzzzz...

A brown-haired teenager with hair straight out of Dragonball Z appeared at the scene.

Wow, Kai-kun looks so cool! thought Aichi, completely forgetting about the whole reason they were there in the first place.

Welp.

"YOU COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT OUR OBJECTIVE?" yelled Kourin in righteous fury.

"U-uh..."

Damn puppy eyes.

-After School-

"Kai-kun leaves the school fairly late as he's part of the cooking club. That's around 15 minutes after my club ends. Ehh, usually he takes this route after school? The back entrance's fairly convenient for him, in the case of stalkers. It can't be helped, I guess, he's always got this charm around him..." murmured the bluenet, lost in thought. Kourin speculated that he was probably calculating the various possibilities of "Kai-kun"'s routes home.

And wasn't he the bigger stalker than those fangirls?

What has she gotten herself into.

"Over there, over there!" pointed out Aichi, his eyes gleaming.

Kourin couldn't help but notice that Aichi had very pretty eyes. No, no, no, no, no.

Anyways! That was convenient.

Onwards, they go!

~5 minutes in~

Kai turned around.

"Stop following me."

DAMMIT that was fast.

"W-wait, we can explain!" Kourin blurted out in self-defence.

"Bw-a...A... A..."

...

Aichi?

"...Aichi, are you okay?"

NO HE WAS NOT

"a...a..."

Oh. Oh dear.

Kourin realised with a dim sense of awareness that Sendou Aichi had just fainted.

This was not good.

"Can we bring him over to your place? There's something we need to tell you, too. It's important!" Kourin pleaded in desperation.

"No." Kai's answer was blunt and to the point.

Aichi unconsciously shivered.

"Don't you remember him from 4 years ago?!"

"..."

Again with the ellipses and dramatic silence.

"A...ah... Mhm, I'm fine now. Kai-kun, um, can we talk somewhere else? It's, ah, important." Aichi echoed Kourin's words. "Relating to Vanguard. Do you still play it? I-Ineverforgotyou! I mean, I chased after you for 4 years, Kai-kun!"

"..."

"AICHI THIS IS NOT A SHOUJO MANGA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING"

"..."

"Say something?" "P-please."

Kai turned away and completely ignored them, walking past the magical girl(?)s.

Onto Plan B, then. "Aichi, grab him."

"Wha—"

"From behind!"

"I'M SORRY KAI-KUN"

Toshiki Kai blacked out.

"If there's anything that you have to learn in your entire lifetime, Aichi, it's that kidnapping is okay as long as Takuto takes responsibility for it." said Kourin, dusting her hands off her skirt.

And that, as they say, was that.

Kai woke up to a world of darkness. Not literally, because that would be in a different series called Yu-Gi-Oh, and contrary to popular belief Toshiki Kai's life did not revolve around playing children's card games.

Only half of it did. He liked to think he had this thing called "a life".

SHADOWREALMSHADOWREALMSHADOWREALMDARKNESSDARKNESS—

Kai shook his head furiously. Must...resist...emo urges... He promised Miwa he'd cut down on the number of ellipses!

He should think the opposite. Does that mean believing in the heart of the cards, then?

Yeah, right.

Unfortunately, in this universe believing in the heart of the cards does not save you. Sucks to be Kai. He grunted and tried to move.

Called it. Ropes bound his entire figure. He considered calling the police if he ever got out of this situation.

This is what happens when you allow somebody to stalk you out of pity and this somebody makes a friend, Kai berated himself.

The sound of footsteps. Said stalker emerged.

"We-we're undergoing some technical difficulties right now, so please be patient! I-I'll be back... Oh, please don't call the police! We'll let you out as soon as possible, I swear!"

Ducking down his head politely, the bluenet disappeared to goodness-knows-where.

Definitely calling the police.

Oh boy oh boy oh boy

STILL WAITING

You ever have your body completely lose all feeling? Well, that's exactly what happened to Kai.

Wow they were taking a long time.

Now that he thought about it, did Miwa have some kind of crush on him or what?

Miwa never returned the clothes he lent him...

Kai realized what Miwa's actions totaled to.

Nononononononononono.

He should do this more often. Not the getting-kidnapped-by-your-stalker part, but the contemplating-about-life part. It was surprisingly an enlightening experience for Kai.

Hahahahahhahahahahahahaaaaah.

Ha.

"Aichi, hurry up!" an irritated voice suddenly pierced through the almost-maddening silence of the room.

Hallelujah. Kai silently thanked whatever god smiled upon him that day.

Kai heard the click of a switch turning on. In seconds, glorious, glorious light filled the room.

THANK YOU IN THE NAME OF PLANET CRAY

Of course, Kai never said any of these things out loud. He's not stupid, afterall. Seriously, what kind of person does that?

Kai heard a high-pitched sneeze. Probably a coincidence.

Yep. Nothing wrong here. Absolutely.

Kai heard more rustling, a thump, and—

What was that...?

Oh.

Toshiki Kai could have sworn that he heard something burning.

...

...

...waitaminute...

HOLY SHIT HE NEEDS TO GET OUT OF HERE

"AICHIIIIIIIIII!" the idol girl's shriek echoed throughout the empty room.

Thankfully before he could properly react to this newfound information, the two partners-in-crime stormed in and took him by the arm.

That's some impressive strength they got.

He's still tied up.

This was quite possibly the worst day of Kai's life, tragic pasts and fujoshi fangirls excluded. He'd prefer to forget about the latter.

It was quite possibly a site to behold, an idol and almost-trap carrying a guy with gravity-defying hair in the opposite direction of an ominous burning building. But for some inexplicable reason, nobody even spared them a second glance. Very shady.

Kai often wondered if things like "common sense" existed in this world. Or maybe "logic". Oh, and this thing called "explaining", too. Ahh, the wonders of sanity. Goodness knows everyone else didn't possess it. Except Miwa, maybe. And perhaps Ren now that he thought about it. Come to think of it, his kidnappers seemed pretty sane compared to the rest of the world. Or maybe Stockholm Syndrome was kicking in. He didn't know, he's a teenage boy who plays card games with a tragic past to boot, for christsakes.

Enough of that, he needs to think up of a way to escape these guys, preferably RIGHT NOW, he doesn't have all day!

Maybe listening into their conversation would help. Maybe, he, you know, should have thought of this brilliant idea earlier, just saying!?

Never shall it be said that Toshiki Kai did not have moments of stupidity.

AAH

How could this happen to me, I made my mistakes, I've got nowhere to ru—

"Kai-kun, Kai-kun!?" thankfully before things could progress any further than...that, Aichi brought him back to his senses, grabbing him by the shoulders and leaning far too close for comfort. "Are you okay?"

"Do I look okay!?" Kai gritted out. Well, now that Aichi thought about it...

The position they're in right now...

"Sorry, am I interrupting something? I, uh, can give you two a moment..." Kourin awkwardly piped in from the side.

Ding dong! The sounds of a doorbell ringing in Aichi's head signified his dawning horror of the situation he was in.

"NO! I-I-eh, sorry, Kai-kun, we-we ki-kidnapped...you...do'rrest..." he began to babble in barely-coherent words.

And with that, Kourin knew What Must Be Done.

She knocked Aichi out with the back of her hand. Kai stared at her blankly, and once again the idol found herself defending herself. "I-I did what had to be done! It-'s not to give him peace of mind or anything!"

"...are you a tsundere?"

"N- Abso- AAAAH!" Kourin pulled at her hair in annoyance.

"Now that we're all here, I think I can listen to your explanations now."

"You only say this now!? This would have been a lot easier if you had cooperated with us from the beginning!"

"Says the people who kidnapped me. I can still call the police as soon as I get out of here."

"Why did you tell me that? You just lowered your chances of escaping from here."

Oh, Kai. So much for common sense.

And just for good measure Kourin had tied him onto a bench, too.

~1 hour of exposition later~

Miraculously, Aichi was still passed out even after Kourin had finished explaining things.

"So I ask you, do you want to become a magical girl?"

"No."

"Great! I don't care, you're still becoming one."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

OHSHI—

"Welcome to the team, then~!" Kourin cheered. Damn you, reverse psychology!

"...and so, from now on, Kai is joining the team!" Kourin finishes up her explanation for Aichi, his eyes glittering in admiration. So shiny... She wants to see them all the time, on her—

Getting a little bit too creepy there, Kourin berated herself. It didn't help that Aichi was magically at least half a head shorter than everybody else in the year. Yes, even herself, you know, the person 4 months younger than him. (Takuto gave her a detailed profile of Aichi before hightailing away from her again last night. She did not need to know about his adventures following "Kai-kun" from afar, not that she didn't know about most of the already)

"Um, Kourin?"

"What?"

"We may have a little problem here— just a little!"

"And? What's the problem?"

"Look behind you?"

Would Aichi just te—oh.

Mermaid idols. Yes, this is happening. Mermaid Idols: Waifu Wars, coming to a cinema near you. You'd think that they'd be able to communicate with mermaid idols... You'd also think that Vanguard would be more popular thanks to these so-called attractive women basically making up half of the cards in the entire game. Fanbases, she'd never understand them.

How does Bermuda Triangle(that was their name, right?) even get their clothes? Do they have different outfits?

Never mind that, she'd ask Takuto later! What to do, what to do... Kourin frantically searched for her deck in her...uhh...where did she put it now?

Oh riiighttt, she left it at home due to lack of sleep.

...

SHE LEFT IT AT HOME DUE TO LACK OF SLEEP?

~Meanwhile, with Aichi~

Aichi was one hundred percent calm, because, because Kai-kun was here(well, tied to that bench, a good ways away) and he was just so happy!

"Mermaid idols, Kai-kun~! You'd think Emi would like something like this? Maybe I should introduce her to Vanguard~?" singsonged the creepily-cheerful Aichi.

Kai was having none of this. "Aichi, isn't there something you have to take care of?"

"Ehh? What~?"

It was at that moment that the opposing force remembered that people die when they are killed, so it would be a good idea to start doing that yes.

One of the idols that Kai recognised as Pacifica noticed the unaware Aichi. Kai should probably do something now. Sure, this guy may be a stalker, but Kai was pretty sure Miwa was a bigger one(seriously, how did he always know where he was?).

"Aichi! Move away!" "Eh?" Aaaannnd she's going for him.

Then Kai blinked.

SCHWING!

When he opened his eyes, Aichi was no longer there. But somewhere up in the sky...

It's a bird! It's a plane! Well no, both of those are pretty impossible unless some guy managed to paint them purple. The purple uhh, thing, landed on a nearby streetlight, carrying Aichi bridal-style.

Hey, wasn't that the clerk of Card Capital?

Next time, on Heartcatch! Cardcure:

"In the name of the moon, I will punish you!"

BUT THE SUN IS STILL OUT

Don't miss it!

A/N: I am a terrible person

Can you catch all of the references this chapter? I wanted to make things a little more shoujo-esque, but y'know, shoujo.

Next chapter will be a little late unfortunately, need time to plan also I have like 20 anime to follow that too

What are pairings got any more suggestions guys

Read and Review okay it doesn't have to be anything long just show me that you're reading this thanks

See you sometime after 20 days!