Jackie Chan Adventures

"So, what's today's mission," sighed Jackie Chan, archeologist and part time 'researcher' for the secret law keeping organization Section Thirteen. "Stop a magical ritual to explode a volcano? Break a curse fueled plague that's turning people into frogs? Uncover the Lost City of Atlantis? Rescue a princess from a dragon?" His head was slumped on his hand, the very picture of dejection in his blue sweater, and khakis.

"I'm sorry Jackie," replied Agent Agustus Black, the head agent of Section 13 as he sat down next to his friend. Big, brawny, and bald, with the start of a dignified goatee, Captain Black wore his usual red shirt and black jacket, a heavy pistol hanging from the belt on his slacks. "I really am," he continued, waving his hands helplessly. "I had no idea that when I hired you as a researcher all that time ago, that things would end up like this! I didn't even know magic was real then!"

Jackie sighed again and rubbed his face, leaning back into his cushy airplane seat. "I know, Augustus, I know. But this secret agent nonsense is beginning to interfere with my real job. I haven't attended a dig in months!"

"I understand, Jackie, really. We're already training several agents to take on your role, but they're not ready yet, and frankly you're the only I'd trust with a mission like this; Daolon Wong is back."

"What?!" Jackie shouted, leaping to his feet. "I thought he was caught in the past because of the Deja Vu stone!"

"Of course not," snapped Uncle as he burst through the curtain separating first class from the entrance. " Daolon Wong is verrrry powerful dark chi wizard! Deja Vu stone cannot hold him for long, powerless or not! Uncle told you we should not relax guard!" The proud Cantonese wizard waved his skinny arms about himself, permanently disgruntled in his blue slacks and orange vest, with a pair of wire-rimmed spectacles perched before his irate eyes.

"But Uncle...!" (thwack!). "OW!" cried Jackie as he rubbed the spot where Uncle had hit him, two fingers straight to the top of his head.

"No buts! Now we must hunt down Daolon Wong, and prevent him from getting his hands on more dark magic!" The ancient chi wizard, and proprietor of the antique shop Uncle's Rare finds, plopped down onto his own seat with a sigh. "One more thing!" he cried. "Uncle is very thirsty, so someone must make tea!"

"Do we even know what Daolon Wong is after?" demanded Jackie Chan in exasperation, returning to his own seat with a groan.

"We believe he is looking for the Portal of Lost Magic," answered Tohru as he entered the plane, bent nearly double in the confined space. A mountain of a man, dressed in a white shirt with black overalls, Uncle's shop assistant and former Chi wizard apprentice was forced to tiptoe sideways through the aisle ways, before dropping into his seat, which buckled in a piteous way.

"Sounds nifty. So what's it do?"

Jackie fought not to flinch as the cheerful voice of his irrepressible and adventurous niece appeared over his shoulder, her face popping up from behind his seat. Captain Black, on the other hand, leaped entirely out of his seat in surprise, making Jade laugh.

"What the...how the...!" sputtered Captain Black, eyes wide. "I locked you in the basement! With guards! How are you here?!"

"The stairs, duh," snickered Jade, tumbling over the chair-back to land in Agustus's abandoned seat. She was, as always, dressed in her orange hoodie and blue jeans, with a wide smirk that crinkled her amber eyes at the corners. "You know," she said as she strapped herself in, ignoring Captain Black's sputters of protest, "popping in was a lot more fun when you'd at least act surprised."

Jackie silently thanked Uncle for putting him through three years of drama school, before saying, "Jade, it was surprising the first thirty times, and annoying the next sixty times; now, it is more worrying if you don't appear, because then I can't keep an eye on you." He threw his niece a fond smile to keep the sting from his words, and Jade gave him a grin in return, her eyes bright. The two of them had slowly been reaching an equilibrium of sorts, Jackie loosening the leash a bit, and Jade doing her best to at least consider his instructions; not to mention the immense improvement in her schoolwork, a result of Captain Blacks lecture about the requirements of being an agent. Apparently, Secret Agents actually needed to know things like math and history.

"Heh, too bad," chuckled Jade as she watched Captain Black give up and choose another seat. "I was hoping to get another picture for the 'Wall of Uncle Jackie's Expressions of Surprise'." Everyone present briefly considered the possibility of Jade actually having such a thing, and simultaneously gave it even odd either way. "So," she continued, refocusing on the issue at hand. "What's this Portal thingie for anyway?"

"The Portal of Lost Magic is a conduit built by ancient wizards to access things from before even their time," lectured Uncle, equally unconcerned by Jade's appearance. "One more thing. Within it lies the capacity to access all magic that no longer exists on this world. One more thing! It can also bestow knowledge of past spells, rituals, and many other secrets! One more thing! The Portal can only be activated by someone who once possessed magic of their own, but have lost it through some manner."

"So Daolon Wong is going there to regain his powers, hm?" said Captain Black, clipping his seat belt with a grunt.

"Not just that," explained Tohru. "With full access to the Portal, Daolon Wong could easily gain access to ancient arts long lost, Dark and Light alike."

"Then why hasn't he already?" asked Jackie as he fastened his own seatbelt. Up ahead, the pilots began finishing their pre-flight sequence. "Why bother with the Deja Vu stone?"

"The Portal is guarded by great wards and powerful sentinel's, enough to frighten even Daolon Wong, and only now is he desperate enough to risk it. One more thing! Where is Uncle's tea?! Uncle is verrry thirsty!"

"Che, not that it matters. A quick one two punch from the Jackinator, and Daolon Wong will be out of the picture!" bragged Jade.

"Do not be foolish! Even without magic, Daolon Wong is verrrry dangerous Dark Chi Wizard! One more thing! Tohru, go make Uncle's tea!"

"But Sensei, they do not carry tea on board, and there is no kettle for boiling the water."

"You want Uncle to defeat Daolon Wong, yes? Then make Uncle tea, like a good apprentice!"

"But...Sensei, I am no longer your apprentice."

"Ah...yes, that is right," said the old man sadly. "Uncle forgot...you are no longer apprentice..."

(thwack) "Ow!" cried the giant.

"But you are still employee! Now go make Uncle tea!"

"Now wait just a minute," said Captain Black as the plane finally began to ascend into the air. "The basement doesn't have stairs!"

"Wow," whistled Jade as she looked up at the cavernous walls, hands in the pockets of her hoodie. "Talk about Creepsville central."

Her statement was, at best, a mild understatement. While the caves before her lacked the subtle malevolence of other places she had visited (like the demons dimensional prison, Daolon Wong's palace, or the Oni's realm of Shadows) it was still a dark and forbidding place. Jagged spears of rock jutted from floor and ceiling like stony teeth, while ghostly wisps of fog drifted by on wafts of unliving breath. The indecipherable script painted across the cave mouth did little to improve the mood; while no one, not even Jackie or Uncle, knew what they said, or what they were for, their obvious unfriendliness kept all those present as far away from the entrance as practically possible.

Jackie took a long look at their destination, rubbing his head as he said, "Uncle, are you sure the Portal is in...". (Thwack!) "Ow!"

"Of course Uncle is sure! The map says it is here! Never argue with the map!"

"But...it looks so dark." (Thwack!) "Ow!"

"Of course it looks dark! It is powerful magical place with dangerous guardians! Do you think it should look friendly for the tourists? Aiyah! Uncle has a fool for a nephew!"

"Sorry, sorry!" cried Jackie as he fled Uncle's elderly wrath.

"Jackie," called Captain Black as the archeologist passed by. "Are we ready to go in?"

"Yes, we should...wait, what do you mean we? I'm the only one going inside!"

"And me!" shouted Jade from where she perched on a rock near the entrance.

"What?! No Jade, you are going to stay here, where it's..." he caught sight of Jade's expression and slumped. "...I'm just going to save my breath."

"Jackie, I told you that we're trying to train some new agents to take over your job, but we can't do that without getting them some field experience, and I can't command them unless I know what they're going through," Black explained, shrugging his pack onto his shoulders.

"But...this is Daolon Wong! And a dangerous chamber! You can't expect me to drag other people through here!"

"Not to worry, Jackie, not to worry," responded Captain Black placatingly as he strapped on some sort of body armor underneath his coat. "They might not be your equal, but these are all highly experienced agents, with training in martial arts, gymnastics, and the basics of archeology and sorcery. And I myself am a soldier of no small skill. We might not be much help in there, but I don't think we'll slow you down either."

"Hmph. Says you," growled one of the agents in question, a short man with dark skin and a black buzzcut, clad in a black bodysuit. He strapped on his own suit of armor, buckling on a pair of pistols as he sneered, "Seems like we should be more worried about the treasure hunter...oops, I mean arch-ee-olo-gist slowing us down."

"Hey, do you have problem with my uncle?" demanded Jade from directly behind the man, making the agents jump. Captain Black in particular kept looking at Jade, then back at her previous location, a hundred yards away.

"What the...how did you...never mind," grumbled the Agent as he dismissed the young girls sudden appearance. "But yes, I have a problem with the untrained and unlicensed unprofessional lout who lets his six year old niece tag along on his mad cap adventures...!"

"Hey! I'm thirteen years old, you jerk! And I'll have you know that Jackie is the bestest, most awesome agent ev..."

"Agent Loki, Jackie has my full and complete confidence," interjected Captain Black, with a hard look at his subordinate, "a fact I have stated several times."

"Whatever," grunted Agent Loki, shrugging on his backpack and trudging away...or, rather, trying to do so, and instead finding himself sliding backwards across the ground as Captain Black pulled him back by the straps.

"No, not whatever," growled Black as he bodily lifted the shorter man off the ground, flipping him around to glare at his face. "You are a subordinate agent under my authority, and I am telling you to regard Jackie as your superior officer! You will listen to him, and respect him, or by my badge I will toss you out of here on your arse." He hauled the agent closer, looking him directly in the eyes as he idly continued, "Now I understand, I really do; it's hard to believe in something you regard as nonsense, and you haven't shared our opportunity to rearrange your worldview. However, in spite of my protests, the folk upstairs have decided to send you here for whatever reason; and I am telling you, here and now, that you don't have to believe in the supernatural, you don't have to believe in Jackie, and you don't have to believe the stories. But understand this, I do believe, I believe all of it, and I know that Jackie is the best person to see us through intact. Now, are we clear?...I said, ARE WE CLEAR!"

"Sir, yes sir!" shouted Agent Loki, petrified beyond reasoning.

"Good man," replied Captain Black as he dropped him, then turned to go finish packing.

Agent Loki looked at the Captain with an expression of astonishment, before he spotted Jade from the corner of his eye, the girl sticking her tongue out at him. "I understand, Captain Black," he called after his superior, "but my protest stands. This is no place for a child, and I must insist that Chan's niece stay behind!"

"Wait, what?" said Jade, startled.

"Tell you what," shouted Black without turning around, "If you think you can keep her out of it, you are more than welcome to try."

"Thank you sir," growled Agent Loki, glaring darkly at Jade Chan.

"If you think you can just kick me out of this," snarled Jade as she crouched into a fighting stance, "you have got another think coming!"

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"You can't do this!" protested Jade as she tugged on the handcuffs, which were looped around one of the ceiling handles. "This is cruel and unusual punishment! I am a vital...! Hey! Are you listening?! You cannot just leave me here like this...!" Such was the volume of her shouts, even from within the car, that Jackie could hear every word distinctly from far inside the cave.

"I dunno, this seems a bit cruel," said one of the agents as she looked back at the cave mouth, rubbing her head sheepishly. "Sure, I can see keeping her safe, but locking her in the car like that?"

"Agents Brill and Paris will watch over her," sneered Agent Loki smugly. "And best of all, she'll be out of danger, where it's safe, isn't that right Mister Chan?"

"I will admit, you seem to have it all figured out," conceded Jackie cheerfully from the lead of the procession.

"That's right, I do."

Back at the car, Jade watched the Agents left behind begin to patrol the entrance, and smirked when they lost sight of her. "Thank you Viper," she murmured cheerfully as she pulled out the set of handcuff keys she had picked from Loki's pocket. "Adventure, here I come."

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"Are you sure we're going the right way?" whined Agent Loki while Jackie and Uncle worked together to decipher some hieroglyphics scrawled around a crossroads; the third crossroads, in fact. The cave had turned out to be just as dark and unpleasant as it seemed, with dark winding tunnels, and a claustrophobically low ceiling that left everyone except Uncle and Agent Loki bent over.

"Yes, yes, there are several mentions of the Portal in here," replied Jackie, only mild annoyance audible in his voice.

"Do we even know if this Doo lon Won is..." (Thwack!) "Ow!"

"Of course we do, do not be foolish! Do you see hundreds of deadly traps, all raving to kill our bodies and eat our spirits? No? That is because Daolon Wong is already here, and has cleared most of the traps out of the way."

"So he's ahead of us then?" snapped Agent Loki. "Then what are waiting for," he growled as he began striding forward. "We need to catch...whoa!" he shouted as Tohru dragged him back. "What are you doing, you..."

[Whumph.]. The block of stone which landed precisely where Loki would have been was surprisingly quiet for a half ton lump of bludgeoning death; the strongest sign of its arrival was the blast of displaced air that billowed out from it under it.

"Uncle said that Daolon Wong has beaten most of the traps, not all of the traps," snapped the Chi wizard. "You should pay attention to Uncle! One more thing! The writings say the Portal is this way," he murmured as he walked off in exactly the opposite direction Loki had chosen.

"Whuh-Whuh..." stammered Agent Loki, while Jackie, Captain Black, and the female agent led the way down the chosen path.

"Wow, bet you feel silly," said Jade.

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"What was that?" demanded the female agent as she crept along beside Jackie, listening to the cries of pain as they faded away.

"I'd say that was my niece appearing behind Agent Loki, startling him into banging his head into the ceiling," commented Jackie with a hint of smugness.

"Oh? I thought she was handcuffed to the car."

"We've learned to stop questioning it," admitted Captain Black. "Remind me to tell you about the time she escaped Section 13 from under guard, and somehow traveled halfway across the world to save Jackie from a giant fire breathing Demon Sorceror."

If there are expressions that can say a thousand words, thought Jackie, then there must certainly be expressions that show pure speechlessness, like the one plastered across the female agents face. Hurriedly changing the subject, Jackie said, "So, I do not believe I ever caught your name."

"Oh. Uh, I'm Agent Levi. And that brute we left with the others is Agent Dredge."

"Ah. Are those...your names, or your code names?"

"Yes." Then Agent Levi sped up, and Jackie unexpectedly found himself struggling to keep up with her, while poor Captain Black was soon left behind. Not that either of them minded over much, since they got a wonderful view from back there. (Well, Jackie got a wonderful view; Captain Black got a nice glimpse instead.) Agent Levi was an impeccable example of womanhood, lithe and strong, but with wonderful curves to hold and caress, especially where they flexed beautifully under her jeans. If she had possessed long red hair to stream behind herself, the image would have been perfect, though the bounce of her chin-length curls was still very cute.

Jackie found himself admiring the way her pale neck would flash through her hair as he said, "So wait, does that...oh, I understand." The knowing look enough that flashed across his face was enough to make Jade wince, even from a hundred feet away. "It's a secret, isn't it?" he said with a wink "One of those 'if I tell you I'd have to kill you' things."

"What?! No, no, Mr. Chan..."

"Please," he interrupted, blushing, "call me Jackie."

"Mr...(sigh) Jackie, you're already so deep into things that the only person with higher clearance is Captain Black. So no, it's not a secret per se...but Mr, sorry, Jackie," she said quickly, cutting of his protests, "being a secret agent is a very secretive, very private affair. It is not the sort of profession where you, for example, tell your real name to someone you just met."

"Oh. Well then, I guess we'll just have to get to know each other better." It was an amazing comeback, all things considered, and Agent Levi couldn't help but listen with horrified admiration as Jackie continued, "Listen, I know you're busy right now, what with the whole secret agenting thing, and stuff, but maybe after all this is done...we could go get coffee?"

"...Jackie, are you flirting with- Watch out!" she cried, pointing dead ahead.

"Whuh- whoa!" cried Jackie as he jumped straight up, trying to dodge the wild boar that had burst out the darkness. Reflexes honed by adventure and battle proved their worth, letting him summersault up and over the animals back, rolling off to land on a passing boulder. Quickly spinning in place, he fell into a fighting stance, only to see no sign of his attacker. "Huh?"

"Mr Chan!" The cry of warning spun him back around, and he gaped as he saw Agent Levi's attackers.

"You have got be joking," he groaned as he moved to rescue her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Mr Chan!" Captain Black lifted his head up, pausing his panting to take in the sound. He had long since dropped back to join the slower group, utterly winded by the crushing pace of the two martial artists.

"Was that...?" he gasped, bald crown shining with sweat.

"Jackie's in trouble!" cried Jade as she rushed off to the rescue.

"Jade, wait!" shouted Tohru as he charged after her.

The other agents moved to follow them, but were stopped by a cry of, "Noooooo! You will wait with Uncle! Uncle is very old, and very tired, and will need help over rocky ground. Captain Black, you will go!"

"What! But...!". He caught sight of Uncle's raised hand, and abruptly changed his mind, fleeing off after the others.

"Good!" said Uncle. "Now, who wants some of Uncle's garlic. Is very good for you!"

Jade, despite her shortness, was almost as fast and agile as Jackie was, due to months spent keeping up with the martial artist. Only the sheer length of Tohru's legs allowed him to catch up to her; Captain Black had a much easier time of it, with a history of track and field, though he was already puffing like a steam engine. In any case, Jade turned the corner less than a minute after Jackie had, only to freeze mid step as she saw what lay beyond. "No way," she breathed as Tohru tried desperately not to trample her.

The youngest watched as Jackie Chan jumped, hopped, skipped, crawled, rolled, and twirled over, around, and through the oddest menagerie seen this side of eternity. A gorilla tried to smash him, an elephant tried to stomp him, and a lion tried to pounce him, all while a parakeet, sparrow, and hummingbird buzzed his head. A seal, a duck, a moose, a spider the size of a cat, a cat the size of a badger, a reindeer, and a unicorn...

"Aiyah!" cried Uncle as he finally caught up with his pseudo-niece, readjusting his spectacles. "This must be the legendary parade of a thousand beasts, a magical creation containing every animal in all of China!"

"Uh, Uncle?" Jade commented, still staring at the spectacle. "Since when are penguins Chinese?"

"...Jade has good point. Must be a local variant. One more thing! To defeat Parade we must find Animus Loci, anchor point for spell. It will be an animal, but unlike the others, with a dramatic difference to show it as distinct..."

"Like a blue porcupine wearing an angry hat?" Jade pointed, and the others saw that there was indeed a blue porcupine, and it was truly wearing an angry hat, though none of them could have said just how they could perceive its mood, though the flames were something of a big hint.

"Ah, yes! Well spotted Jade. Now we must remove the hat. Tohru!"

"Yes Sensei?"

"Go fetch angry hat!"

Tohru blanched as looked at the heaving throng of flesh, blood and teeth...especially teeth. He had never seen a crocodile before, and he was having troubling imagining all that biting power in one place. "But Sensei..!"

"No buts! You want to rescue Jackie? You want Uncle to save the day? Then fetch Uncle the hat!"

Jade trotted to Tohru's side, patting him on the knee. "No worries Big T, I'll back you up!"

"Jade will stay here!" Uncle disagreed. "Too dangerous!"

"Aw man!"

"But Sensei...!"

"Uncle has spoken! Go fetch hat!"

*Sigh*. "Yes Sensei," agreed Tohru as he stomped off into the melee of fur and claws.

"Shouldn't we be, uh, helping?" murmured Agent Dredge as he watched the Japanese giant try to fight off a maddened kangaroo.

"Do you really want to get mixed up in all of that?" demanded Agent Loki. "...Didn't think so. Besides, I want to see just how great this Archeologist is anyway."