I forgot to mention last chapter that Snow made some more art for this fic! Which idk how I managed to forget since it's my phone background OTL You can find links in the ao3 version of this fic or via my tumblr/twitter, otherwise go to snow124-art on tumblr or forest_snow124 on twitter, titled "I've always chosen him first" :3

I know I posted on tumblr that I was going to post a thing for Sasuke's birthday, and I will post it. I just got smacked with writer's block after making that post, of course. I jinxed myself. It's SasukexCharasuke smut though, and I'll post it in The sun within me - extras. So you know where to keep a look-out ;) And yes it's definitely thanks to all those of you who are horny for some Sasuke on Sasuke action lol. I'll be working on it to make sure it's good enough!

I decided that if I couldn't finish the smut I could at least write this chapter. I feel like I should re-read this whole thing soon (again) just to see how many plotholes I've left behind - it's hard work trying to knit it all together. If there's something you've been wondering about that you think I might have missed, don't hesitate to tell me. I'll take all the help I can get.

Chapter 46: I know it isn't easy

xxx

Sakura took one look at Sasuke – two looks, to be fair, as there was two of them – and decided it was time for an intervention.

"Alright," she said, "you're coming with me."

"Why," they both said simultaneously.

She stared at them. Standing like this, identical sad expressions on their faces, they were scarily alike. At least their clothes were different, with her Sasuke wearing his usual green pants, though he must have borrowed the shirt from the other Sasuke. It was purple, sort of like a plum purple, and less obnoxious than his usual get-up. The other Sasuke was dressed completely in dark blue, and she took a moment to compare them in more detail as she pondered on whether or not to actually answer the question.

"It's kind of funny how different you are when you look a bit closer," she said, grinning at her Sasuke's insulted twist of lips. "Oh, I guess I really should get used to calling you Charasuke now?"

"I will literally kill you," her Sasuke – Charasuke – hissed. "Why can't you just use my name?"

"But where's the fun in that? What about you," she added towards the other Sasuke, "any nicknames?"

"No," he said.

"Unfair," Charasuke pouted. "And we're not coming with you."

Fifteen minutes later she had successfully dragged them to Shikamaru's house, where everyone else had already gathered. It had started out as a simple suggestion of getting together for lunch today, and ended up a full-scale picnic in Shikamaru's garden. Chouji was busy unpacking the food, Ino sat nearby braiding grass into what looked like complicated crowns, Shikamaru slept of course, Neji and Tenten were arguing over where to place the picnic blankets, and Sai was-

Oh shit. Sai was there.

A glance behind her showed Charasuke tensing up, whereas Sasuke merely stood with his hands in his pockets, looking bored.

"Drinks!" Kiba yelled, arriving behind them with heavy bags held up proudly, filled with cans.

"I'm leaving," Charasuke muttered, and was stopped by Sasuke grabbing his arm.

Shino seemed to melt out of the shadows of the house, helping Kiba with the bags. Plastering a wide smile on her face, Sakura put her hands to each Sasuke's back and pushed them forwards, forcing them to sit on one of the blankets. The sun was bright today, and the lack of wind made it feel like late summer rather than the middle of fall.

"Why don't you sit here and don't move, and I'll get us some food," she said, making it more of a threat than a suggestion. "Be right back!"

She headed over to Chouji, trying her best to ignore Sai who sat nearby, sketching something while deep in concentration. Even though he was her teammate, she had always preferred Sasuke's company over his. Even if Sai hadn't known that Menma had a thing with Sasuke, it was difficult not to be angry with him. She paused, glaring down at the packets of onigiri she had pulled towards her on the table. While she was never happy that Sasuke had feelings for Menma, she had thought they were doing okay. She might not have spent a lot of time with the two of them, but she'd noticed the way Menma looked at Sasuke. She'd really thought there was something there…

"Sakura."

Startled, she whipped around and came face to face with Sai.

"Wow, you scared me," she said, chuckling nervously. "What's up, Sai?"

"I made a drawing of you," he answered, flipping through his sketch book and showing her. It wasn't terrible, but she wasn't entirely sure anyone would recognize it as her. "Do you want it?"

She pursed her lips, searching his face. As always his face seemed completely blank. While Sai was usually brutally honest, he didn't appreciate the same honesty back when it came to his art.

"Um, sure," she said, accepting the piece of paper and folding it into a pocket.

"I made one of Sasuke, but I think he's been avoiding me."

Sighing, she took pity on her teammate. He was watching the two Sasukes sitting on the blanket, one of them staring into nothing, the other picking at the hem of his sleeve. Making a decision, she grabbed Sai by the arm and dragged him around the corner of the house, ignoring his mild protests.

"Look," she said, crossing her arms and scowling at him. "Sasuke's upset with you, and I think it's better you leave him be for now."

"I see." Sai didn't seem like he did see, his fingers clenching around the sketch book. "I said something insensitive again. Don't I need to apologize?"

The thing with Sai was that he never seemed sorry for what he did or said. She figured he was sorry, somewhere deep inside, and it just never showed. Over the years, she and Sasuke had learnt to maneuver his personality, and not take things to heart. A few good punches had at least made Sai realize what was off limit.

"It won't help. Menma is the one who needs to apologize."

She bit her lip, knowing she'd accidentally said too much. She wasn't really made to keep secrets, and the words burned on the tip of her tongue.

"I don't know why you did it, but seriously, don't sleep with Menma if he asks again. Not unless you want to permanently damage your friendship with Sasuke."

Sai stared at her, dark eyes widening just a bit.

"The Hokage already informed us of that. Why do you feel the need to remind me? Did Sasuke sleep with Menma?"

"Well, that's-"

"Sasuke sleeps with anyone who asks, not me. Now tell me why he's upset with me so I can apologize, it's irritating when your teammates ignore you."

Gaping at him, she rubbed at her eyes and shook her head, trying to make sense of things. Sai seemed as genuine as ever, but why would Menma lie? Though, it was less likely that Sai was lying. He didn't have anything to lose by admitting it to her, right?

"Wait, just to be clear, you haven't slept with Menma?"

"I wouldn't sleep with him even if he was the last person in the world. He thinks my art is ugly."

"Huh." Next time she saw Menma, she was definitely going to punch him into next year. "That explains a lot and also nothing at all."

"No it doesn't."

She ignored him, twinning a strand of hair between her fingers. She needed to tell Sasuke, but she didn't want to remind him of Menma. Peering around the corner, she found him lying on his back on the blanket, arms stretched out wide while the other Sasuke talked to him about something. Maybe it was better to just tell him, and be done with it. He'd definitely get mad at her if she didn't.

"Don't worry about Sasuke avoiding you, he'll stop soon. No need for apologies."

Leaving Sai with a confused wrinkle between his eyebrows, she quickly grabbed the food she'd abandoned and headed back to the two Sasukes.

"Well," she said, dropping an armful of onigiri all over Charasuke who sat up in mild alarm, "turns out Menma never slept with Sai after all."

Charasuke had frozen in the middle of catching their food, mouth dropping open like a fish. She sat down, grabbed a seaweed-filled onigiri, and decided eating was much safer than continuing to speak.

"What," Charasuke breathed, still frozen as Sasuke took pity on him and plucked the packages out of his lap and arms, depositing them in a neat pile beside them.

She shrugged, chewing around a much too large amount of rice.

"Sakura! You can't just drop that on me and not explain!"

"Sai told me," she managed to force out around the food in her mouth. "Ask him if you don't believe me."

"I don't want to ask him."

"Mkay."

"So why the hell did you ask him?!"

Helpless, she shrugged again. Charasuke muttered something that made Sasuke give him a look, and they all silently agreed to drop the subject.

"So." She cleared her throat, trying to shrug off the awkward atmosphere. "Have you visited Gaara yet?"

It earned her another glare from Charasuke, but she met it with an innocent smile.

"No, not yet. Why?"

"Well, it's just that I passed by him at the end of my shift this morning. He seemed a bit lonely."

"He's still in the hospital?" Sasuke asked, and she nodded.

"They're keeping him for observation. So? Are you going to visit him?"

"I don't know…" Charasuke looked uncomfortable, while Sasuke peeled open another onigiri with intense focus.

"You did kind of save his life."

"I'm helping Iruka later," Sasuke told her, in clear dismissal. "But Charasuke should go."

"Stop calling me that," Charasuke sighed, with no real heat behind the words. "Do I have to?"

Sakura pinned him with an insistent look. At first he tried to ignore her, then he sighed again and rolled his eyes.

"Fine. I'll go. Happy now?"

"Sure," she smiled. "He could use a friend."

"And you're sure it's just not because you want to get in his sister's pants?"

She threw a half-eaten onigiri at him, satisfied when he got rice all over his face.

"You're awful and I hope they make you marry him," she said, and if Sasuke gave them weird looks as it turned into an all-out brawl, she happily ignored them.

xxx

"I don't know if I like this job," Deidara said, pouting as he adjusted his ponytail for the umpteenth time. "Konoha is always giving us weird-ass things to do, yeah."

"You're just mad they don't want you to blow up the portals," Kisame muttered, rolling his eyes.

"It makes sense to blow them up, yeah!" he yelled back, and Itachi winced at the volume.

He was running on too little sleep and too much anxiety, and Deidara's complaints weren't helping. The others had left already, while he and Kisame had been forced to wait for Deidara to get ready. While he knew it was important to reach the remaining jinchuuriki and, if possible, prevent them from being taken through the portals, he hated the thought of being away from his family. Which was ironic, considering he'd spent most of his time the past few years avoiding the village. Shisui's words gnawed at him, leaving irrational thoughts spinning through his head.

If they were heading towards an inevitable confrontation that might kill them all, he wanted to spend his precious few moments left with Shisui and his family. But if he could, somehow, turn things in their favor by locating the jinchuuriki and keeping them in their own dimension, then of course he had to do it.

He sighed, tuning out the other two who kept bickering. There was nothing left for him to prepare, and he'd already waited an hour for Deidara, who didn't seem to be much in a hurry. They were meant to locate Utakata, the carrier of the rokubi. Itachi had never seen the six-tailed slug in action, but had heard of all its dangerous techniques. If they found Utakata already possessed by whoever was trying to capture the bijuu, the battle would certainly be difficult.

"Oi," Kisame said, nudging his arm. "What's with the glum look? We've finally got an exciting mission!"

Sending him a look, Itachi longed for the early days, before they were better known as a skilled mercenary group than as a support group for gay ninjas. They only took missions together to raise funds – and look where they ended up. Now, the villages seemed to treat them as if it was their idea all along to organize a neutral group of ninjas to take on those missions where coordination between villages was essential, and neutrality difficult to come by.

If he did become Hokage, kami forbid, he had quite a few things on the agenda to fix.

"It is what it is," he muttered, mostly to himself. Then, louder, "Deidara, we're leaving in five minutes, with or without you."

"Whatever!"

He could feel a headache incoming. He spent the five minutes considering what he would say to Shisui when this was all over, if they survived, and then carefully shut all thoughts out that weren't related to the mission.

Contemplating his life would need to come second.

xxx

Gaara felt heavy. Sluggish. As if the sand in his gourd had infiltrated his body, weighing it down. He wasn't sure where his gourd even was.

The hospital bed was narrow, and just uncomfortable enough to be a constant reminder of where he was. Everyone seemed to speak in hushed voices outside his room before entering, then immediately resuming their whispered conversation after visiting. He wished his siblings had joined them on the trip. His father meant well, but…

Heaving a sigh, he tilted his head and stared at what he could see of the sky through a window. He'd been here a couple of days, and even though he wasn't hurt they insisted on keeping him for observation. If someone would care to tell him what had happened he would very much appreciate it. As it was, he figured something had happened with the monster taking up space inside him. He didn't notice it often, deeply sealed as it was. Unlike Menma he couldn't properly access its powers – all he got was an unreasonably strong control of sand and insomnia.

It could be worse, he supposed. But maybe it was worse, now. Every time he slept, someone seemed to whisper words to him. Their meaning alluded him, but he could feel them tug at his mind, telling him to follow. It was irritating. Since no one wanted to tell him what was going on, he didn't tell them about the whispers, either. What were they going to do, anyway? Put him under more surveillance?

Things had been going so well, too. Not that he truly believed that Sasuke would abandon Menma for him, but it was nice to pretend for a while. He liked Sasuke. And he was pretty. A lot softer than most people in Suna. Gaara had always felt too soft, too unassuming, compared to the hardened faces of those around him. Too much like his mother.

There was a knock at the door, and the lack of hushed conversation made him guess it was a lone visitor.

"Come in," he called, and drew in a surprised breath at the sight of Sasuke in the doorway.

"Hey," he said, weighing on his feet before coming inside. "You're not busy?"

Gaara frowned at the words, then noticed the amused quirk of Sasuke's lips.

"I'm busy being bored," he attempted to joke, though it seemed to fall flat as Sasuke merely nodded.

"Sorry I didn't visit sooner."

Sasuke stopped by his side, and even the hospital lights couldn't make his face less handsome. While he didn't expect anything, it didn't hurt to look. He would remember the long eyelashes, the unblemished skin, the velvety darkness of his eyes later tonight as he tried to sleep. Maybe the sight of him would chase the whispers away.

"Thank you for coming," he said rather than accept the apology.

It would feel strange to acknowledge it, as he was sure Sasuke only visited out of duty.

"How much do you remember?"

Frowning at the question, he wondered why Sasuke, of all people, would need to know that.

"Nothing," he replied honestly. "And no one has told me what happened."

"…oh."

Something complicated flickered over Sasuke's face, and he averted his eyes to the side. He looked tense, and the silence stretched between them.

"It makes me wonder if I'm dying and everyone is too polite to tell me."

Sasuke's head turned sharply towards him, his lips parted in shock. Gaara made sure to meet his gaze evenly, despite the way his heart started hammering in his chest. He wished Sasuke would put him out of his misery and simply tell him.

"I can't believe no one told you," Sasuke said eventually, letting out a slow breath, shoulders sagging with it. "It's going to sound pretty weird coming from me."

"What do you mean?"

Again Sasuke sighed, before sitting down on the edge of his bed, fingers pressing into his cheek in thought. He looked tired up close, paler than usual. It made him want to reach out, offer him some sort of comfort. He was sure it wouldn't be welcome, but the urge stayed with him.

"Okay, so you can't tell anyone I told you this," Sasuke started, voice low and words tumbling over each other. "It's definitely classified and definitely concerns you. And I'm sure all it'll do is make you feel bad, so I'm not sure I should tell you, but-"

He hesitated, and they shared a look. Sasuke was definitely frustrated by something, his eyes roaming over Gaara's face and the room. For a few seconds he listened intently, cocking his head and closing his eyes.

"I'd like to know," Gaara told him quietly. "Not knowing is worse."

Sasuke opened his eyes again, then opened his mouth and closed it again with a choked noise.

"Yeah," he said. "I know."

To his surprise, Sasuke reached for his hand, taking it in his and giving it a light squeeze. Maybe to reassure him, certainly not because he wanted to hold Gaara's hand in particular, but it felt nice all the same.

"Someone is targeting the tailed beasts."

Gaara nodded, because he'd figured as much for himself. Why else would he be in a hospital bed?

"But it's more than that," Sasuke continued, worrying his lower lip between his teeth. "Your mind was taken over, that's probably why you can't remember anything. Whoever it is, is trying to force all jinchuuriki to enter some kind of portal. You know how Naruto and the other me is from a different dimension? Menma was targeted first, and he ended up in their dimension."

"That… doesn't make much sense."

Sasuke huffed, a small smile gracing his features.

"Yeah, it's a bit crazy. Naruto and the other Sasuke managed to knock you out and destroy the portal."

"I see." He mulled this over for a couple minutes, staring down at their joined hands. "I'm guessing this person is going to try again?"

Nodding, Sasuke's expression turned sad. He turned their hands over, back and forth. Gaara wasn't precisely happy at the thought of having his mind messed with, but some of the knots in his stomach had loosened at finally knowing the truth.

"Menma was okay last we heard, but… We don't know what's going on."

"Thanks for telling me."

"It's the least I could do," Sasuke mumbled, ducking his head. Drawing in a deep breath, he raised his head again and offered Gaara a reassuring smile. "I'm sure you'll be okay, too."

Gaara didn't share his belief, but decided not to contradict him.

"Stay with me for a while?" he asked, trying to ignore the fluttering in his chest as Sasuke agreed.

Though, if whoever it was wanted him dead, he supposed it was pointless to worry about any future heartbreak.

xxx

One of Naruto's clones dispelled, and he immediately teleported to Menma's hospital room. It was about time he woke up, he thought, as he positioned himself by the foot end of the bed. He tried to push down the anticipation rising in his throat, the tightening of his chest. Menma was blinking slowly, and for a moment Naruto worried he was still under the influence of whoever.

"Dammit," Menma mumbled, shifting with a pained grimace.

"Rise and shine," Naruto told him, crossing his arms. "I think you better start talking."

It took a few minutes for Menma to appear coherent enough to reply. He swore some more, and eased himself into a half-sitting position.

"Did I go back or did you come here?" he asked, finally, voice gravelly with sleep.

"I came here," Naruto said. "You kind of snapped the moment Sakura-chan and Obito left."

"And I'm guessing you defeated me and saved everyone."

The bitter again was implied. Naruto stared at him, the dark circles under his eyes, the paleness of his cheeks. He looked like shit, to be honest.

"How about you tell me what's going on and then I can save everyone."

Menma wouldn't meet his eyes, head falling to one side as if holding it up was too much effort. Naruto hated seeing him like this, hated thinking this is me. Hated thinking of what his own Sasuke would feel if he died, and based on that guessing what Charasuke would feel if Menma did.

"I would if I knew," Menma sighed, glancing at him before closing his eyes. "Can't you just let me go? I'm sick and tired of waking up in hospitals like this."

Opening his mouth, Naruto paused. The words brought him up short – forced him to reconsider several assumptions he'd made about Menma.

"Wait, what do you mean? Shouldn't you be fighting not to go?"

"You say that like you think I could."

When Menma rolled his head back, eyes meeting Naruto's, there was something hard in them.

"There's nothing I can do," he continued, his tone of voice rising with every word. "I just want it to be over with. Stop looking at me like I'm wrong and leave me."

Breath catching in his throat, Naruto walked around the bed and sat down next to Menma, grabbing the front of his shirt. His heart was pounding in his ears, fist trembling against Menma's chest.

"I'm not giving up, and I won't let you give up either. You hear me? I don't like you much but there's someone back in your dimension who does, someone who wants you back alive. And that's not even counting your parents, too!"

"Don't talk to me about Sasuke."

"I'll talk to you about whatever the hell I want!" Naruto sucked in a sharp breath, flattening his palm over Menma's sternum and pushing at it. "He wants you back alive and I'm going to make sure it happens."

When Menma's hand came up to grip his wrist, Naruto almost reeled back from the anger on his face.

"Don't," he gritted from between clenched teeth. "You don't know anything."

"Then tell me!"

They glared at each other, breathing hard. The grip of Menma's fingers turned painful, but Naruto ignored it. If Menma could feel anger, he couldn't have given up completely.

"Do you honestly believe that giving up will save Sasuke?"

Guilt. Naruto had him now, didn't he? They were alike enough that Sasuke was a weak point for both of them.

"Do you think whatever's going on won't hurt him? That if you come willingly, whoever is trying to manipulate you will be nice and leave him alone? Because that's not how the world works, you know."

"Shut up."

"No, I don't think I will. I think you're a coward. You're trying to avoid feeling responsible for-"

Menma's other hand shot up to press against his mouth, fingers digging into Naruto's jaw. He wrenched the hand away, holding it down against the mattress.

"I'm right, aren't I?"

There was no reply, but he could feel the tension radiating off Menma, see the fear in his eyes.

"Let me help. Come on, Menma. It'll be like talking to yourself."

"No." Menma closed his eyes again, frowning. "Go have fun with your Sasuke, and kill me when you have to."

Frustration boiled over inside him, and he barely restrained himself from hitting Menma square in the face.

"I can't go back to him, you asshole! I'm stuck here! We're both stuck here, so if you could stop acting like nothing you do matters and tell me what's going on, we could maybe fix this!"

For a long moment it seemed like Menma would continue to ignore him. He lay completely still, expression stuck on that mask of anger, fingers still tight around Naruto's wrist. Then, gradually, the tension seeped out of him, relaxing his shoulders and face before ending in a quiet sigh.

"I don't know who is doing this, if that's what you think," he whispered. "If you're looking for some easy explanation to solve all this, then I don't fucking have it."

Naruto swallowed the thick lump in his throat, sitting back and running a tired hand through his hair. Well, so much for trying.

"But I dream sometimes," Menma added, dropping Naruto's wrist to place his hand over his eyes. "Maybe they're only dreams. I've had them since before the memory losses started."

"Dreams?" Naruto repeated, heart beating furiously in his chest once again.

"They're different from my other dreams. You know, normal dreams. Dreams that don't wake you up feeling like the universe has been ripped apart."

"Okay," Naruto said, licking his dry lips. "Okay. And what's in the dreams?"

"There's… a woman, sometimes. Pale, with blank eyes. She would sing to me, as if she knew me. I never remember the words."

Do you think… Kurama trailed off as Menma spoke again.

"Sometimes there's a tree, blocking out the sky. It doesn't look like any tree I've ever seen or heard of. I'm always looking up, trying to see the top. It's a fruit tree, but I've never even seen the branches."

Naruto nodded, holding his breath.

"And sometimes, I'm in this vast space, and I can see time moving, and then it… it rips apart."

He shuddered, paling even more. Putting a hand on Menma's arm, Naruto squeezed it gently.

"It's like waking up and feeling like your body is falling apart," he whispered, voice catching at the end.

"And you never told anyone?"

Menma shook his head, the heel of his hand pressing into one eye.

Well, Kurama said, I think it's safe to guess that he's been dreaming about the God Tree.

So it's Kaguya after all?

Kurama hummed, and Naruto felt something sink heavily in his chest.

Doesn't have to be her. This is a different world after all, where she never turned evil. Either way, whoever it is isn't very successful with gathering up the bijuu.

Not yet, you mean.

"Hey," Naruto said to Menma, trying not to sound as shaken as he was. "That explained a lot more than you might think. You didn't dream about anything else?"

"No," Menma sighed, lowering his hand. When their eyes met, his seemed dull, tired. "I just want it to be over with."

"I'll fix it," Naruto promised, forcing himself to believe it. "I don't know how yet, but I will."

There was no reassurance or agreement in Menma's expression, merely resignation. Still, Naruto knew that failing wasn't an option. Not for Menma's sake, or even Charasuke's sake. He simply couldn't stand the thought of Sasuke losing his family a second time.

"You'll see," he added.

"Don't count on it," was all Menma said in return.

xxx

Naruto let out a frustrated groan, grabbing his pillow and throwing it to the other side of the room. It made a quiet poof against the wall. He rubbed at his face, feeling a headache coming on. Sometimes organizing a meeting inside his head with all the bijuu left him with an awful pressure between his ears, as if his head had needed to stretch out to fit them all.

"Well that didn't help," he muttered, staring after his poor pillow and hoping it wasn't damaged.

Nothing we didn't already guess, Kurama answered. Guess you shouldn't have listened to Kaguya and brought Sasuke here anyway.

Worrying his lower lip between his teeth, Naruto tried to ignore the nauseated feeling swirling in his stomach. If they were facing someone – whether that person was Kaguya or just someone attempting to gain her powers – he kind of needed Sasuke with him to seal that person. Though, it's not like they were the ones to actually seal Kaguya in the fight. That had been the Sage.

"Are we screwed?" he asked, flopping down on his bed and wondering if Menma's words were making him doubt himself after all. "Maybe they've already started with that whole cocoon business in some other part of the world and we haven't even noticed."

I think we'd notice.

"Not if it's in the other dimension."

He didn't want to think about it. If Sasuke was already fighting, if the fight was over, even. If he'd lost him and couldn't even tell.

It's not like you to be this depressing, kid.

"Oh yeah, I was all sunshine last time Sasuke left."

That's not what I meant. At least then you believed you could bring him back. Where's that fighting spirit of yours?

Naruto heaved a sigh, spreading his fingers and pressing them into the mattress. He felt drained of energy, with no idea how to move forward. When Sasuke had been with Orochimaru, Naruto had felt lonely, sure. But he hadn't felt this hollow, like half of him was missing.

"When I get him back," he said, slowly, "I'm not gonna let him out of my sight for even a second. Tough luck, Sas, we're keeping the bathroom door open and everything."

Please don't.

"Too late. You're just going to have to live with it. That's what you get for laughing at me before I figured things out."

I'm going to complain every time.

"I said I'd keep the door open, not that I'm gonna watch him! You're so gross, Kurama."

I think it's pretty obvious which one of us is the gross one. And I'm sure Sasuke will agree with me.

"As if."

Just stop talking. Actually, stop thinking, too. Maybe then I'll finally have some peace and quiet.

Naruto huffed. He was offended, really. Well, he would have been if he wasn't so sure that Kurama totally loved him.

I do not.

Smiling, Naruto went to retrieve his pillow. Maybe if he stopped thinking, things would solve themselves while he wasn't looking.

Yeah, don't count on it.

If you're feeling like Menma's dreams came out of the blue, you can check chapter 39 :3 It is highly likely that a lot of things will be revealed next chapter... I'm excited! Well, we'll see if my chapter plan holds. Honestly, every single scene in this chapter surprised me as I wrote it. That's kind of the best part of writing, just starting to type the words and then going "ooooh i did NOT see that coming!" My second favorite thing about writing is making inside jokes for myself that I can laugh at when I re-read the story lol.

Also, before I forget, I think it's really funny to write RTN Gaara pining for Sasuke since I'm pretty certain canon Gaara is pining for Naruto. I'm all about parallels, you know.

I got a comment here on FF (sorry that I haven't replied yet!) about the subtle homophobia Naruto is facing in Konoha, and how his friends are reacting to finding out he and Sasuke are together. It's definitely something I'm writing from personal experience. There are a lot of little things that straight people do when someone comes out to them that I don't think they realize they're doing. And more than that, lots of little things they do that make you not want to come out to them. I had a pretty abrupt wake-up call when I switched from junior high to high school (well, the Swedish equivalent of it, where in high school I was 16-19 years of age). My JH friends were really open and relaxed about stuff like kissing girls, and I figured out by the end of it that I was bi. Then I get to HS, sit down at an early bday dinner with my new friends and jokingly mention I've kissed girls. Cue awkward silence and me being in the closet for the rest of HS. It's the little things that do it. I've definitely been asked "Since when?!111" or gotten comments like "I never would have guessed!" but I've also got lots of friends and colleagues who were perfectly chill. I don't look very gay I suppose. I need to start wearing more flannel and Hawaii shirts or sth. And find myself a girlfriend to flaunt lol. For Naruto, it's definitely made more complicated by the fact that it's not just some random guy, it's the guy who tried to kill him multiple times lol. But I wanted Iruka and Kakashi to be great about it because my parents always have been.

Well, that's it for today's little heart-to-heart, hope you enjoyed the chapter!