Disclaimer: I do not own any part of The 100, and I'm grateful to those who do for creating this universe and story. Reading bellarke fanfics has been helping me get through a difficult time in my life, and I hope that my fanfic will bring some enjoyment to people's lives. :)

...

Finn carried Raven into the dropship and carefully laid her down, pressing on her wound to stem the flow of blood. Clarke soon followed him inside with Bellamy close behind. Bellamy and Clarke were still arguing about whether they should stay and fight or heed Lincoln and run.

As they walked up to where Raven lay, Clarke held up her hand, wordlessly letting Bellamy know that this was not the time to continue their argument.

"I'm of no use here, my time is best spent outside, preparing." Bellamy asserted. Clarke suspected he meant "preparing to fight the grounders", but was grateful that he left that unsaid.

As Bellamy made to leave, Raven reached out and took his hand.

"Stay," she pleaded, and the way she looked at him as she gripped his hand spoke volumes. Clarke glanced at Finn, noticing that he was obviously angry but at the same time holding it in.

Clarke was shocked at the feelings that flooded her. I'm jealous. She never thought of Bellamy that way, not consciously, but seeing him now with Raven brought all those unacknowledged feelings crushing down on her. Hard. She stood there, frozen.

"Clarke?" Finn's voice snapped her out of it, and she knew she must push whatever feelings she had aside in order to tend to Raven's wound, but as Clarke was disinfecting her hands, she couldn't help but look at Bellamy, surprised to find him looking back at her, his eyes full of something that looked like pain. He must really care for Raven. The hurt and longing she felt at that realization was almost too much and she was surprised and proud that she could push those emotions down deep enough to be able to do her job and help Raven.

Raven's wound did not prove to be serious, though she would need rest to heal. Clarke told her as much, all the while avoiding looking at Bellamy and the way he held Raven's hand. While she worked on Raven's wound, her feelings had progressed in such a way that by the end of it she wanted absolutely nothing to do with Bellamy. He is dead to me. Clarke knew she couldn't truly ignore Bellamy, as she needed to interact with him for the sake of the others, but as far as anything beyond that was concerned she simply wanted none of it.

"I am going to go pack," Clarke said, and walked out without giving any of them much of a chance to respond.

She was on the second level of the drop ship, gathering supplies and making note of the hole Murphy blew in the side of the ship when Bellamy climbed up and joined her.

"Clarke?" It seemed to Clarke that his voice was full of regret, but that made no sense to her.

"Look Bellamy, I don't want to continue arguing about whether we should stay or leave. We've said all we were going to say on the matter. I would only ask you not to split up the group." There was a brief silence after which Clarke added, somewhat begrudgingly, that they would need Bellamy and those loyal to him on their journey.

"Clarke…" Bellamy's voice was deep, and full of emotion.

"I think you should leave now and let me finishing packing." Clarke sounded cold and distant. It was, after all, how she felt.

Bellamy didn't leave. He walked up to to her. Too close. Clarke backed away from him, but he kept advancing until she was backed against the wall of the ship and he was so close to her that she could feel the heat radiating from his body. Clarke began to step sideways, away from him, but he put both of his arms on either side of her, trapping her there with him.

"Bellamy, what are you doing?" She grabbed his arm and tried to move it aside, but he was stronger than her and intent on keeping her there.

"Bellamy, if you don't let me go I'll scream." Clarke said, though she knew it was an empty threat. Their very survival was on the line, and the last thing the others needed was to see their leaders like this.

Bellamy remained silent, although his breathing was heavy and ragged and his eyes full of sadness and something that looked like longing. He moved still closer to her, securing her in place with his body and gently ran the fingers of his free hand down the side of Clarke's face and neck. She trembled at his touch, afraid of what he was doing, afraid of how he was making her feel.

"Are you going to rape me?" Clarke asked, not really thinking that he would. "Because you know, Raven will be functional in no time." Clarke said with an edge of bitterness to her voice. His silence and her jealousy were getting to her.

"Rape you? God, no… Clarke… I'm sorry." Bellamy took a step back, his body no longer against hers. "I just feel that if I let you go now, I will lose you."

"Lose me?"

"I felt like I've been losing you ever since Raven took my hand down there." Clarke still had her hand on his arm, and she felt him shaking.

"Bellamy, you're not making any sense." Clarke said, knowing all the while that everything he was saying was true.

"Please, Clarke, we don't have time for this, we might not even be alive tomorrow." That seemed to soften her. Maybe she owed it to him to at least be honest.

"Okay, seeing you hold Raven's hand affected me. You slept together, haven't you? Do you have feelings for her?" Her voice shook at the last question.

"We did sleep together, but it was just sex. We didn't know you and Finn were captured. She thought you and Finn were together. She wanted to forget Finn." Bellamy looked into her eyes. "I wanted to forget you."

"You wanted to forget me?"

"Yes. Thinking you were with Finn, it hurt. I felt that something was growing between us, maybe it was one sided, but I wanted you and needed you and I thought that maybe you felt it too. When I thought you were with Finn, I just... What Raven and I had was sex, nothing more. And it was a mistake. It only made me more keenly aware that I was not with you, and it didn't do her any good either."

Clarke was completely stunned by what Bellamy was saying, so much so that she did not tease him about why having sex with him didn't do Raven any good. Clarke found that she no longer minded his proximity, and enjoyed the feel of his arm beneath her hand, even if he was still trapping her.

Suddenly Bellamy pressed her hard against the wall with his body, simultaneously grabbing her wrists with his hands and pinning them to either side of her. Then he kissed her, his kiss was urgent, desperate. Clarke couldn't decide if she should fight him, and then suddenly the kiss was over and Bellamy stepped away from her, giving her space.

They were silent for some time.

"It was not one sided, Bellamy" she said tenderly, as she looked up into his eyes, her gaze full of warmth. "I just didn't realize it until I saw your exchange with Raven, and when I did I just couldn't bear to see you with another, so I wanted to withdraw, to forget you existed." She put her hands on his hips and pulled him against her as she leaned back against the wall of the ship.

"I don't want to die without having been with you." She whispered.

Wordless, Bellamy tenderly caressed her cheek and leaned in to kiss her, softly this time, full of emotion. Clarke pulled him hard against her, and as she did he began to kiss her more urgently, forcefully thrusting up against her as he did so...

…