Chapter 16

After Afterall

Hisao stared at the picture.

His eyes flickered across the corners of the frame, taking in what the small square held. The smiling face of a young shinobi whose eyes would never open again. Gone forever, in just a moment. Hikaru knew the risks – putting on the headband was an honor and dying for the village was even greater but what comes after. There are no words. It was the life of the ninja, everyone knew how it could end but no one thought it would happen to them.

The last time he wore all black was for the Third Hokage. How the skies had been dark and grey, seeming to match the emotion of every single person in Konoha perfectly. Poignant and despondent. The time before that was much more often. During the Third Shinobi War, burying comrades was interminable. However, this was different. Hikaru was his pupil. He felt ill abruptly, his stomach was in knots and his hands clammy. Hisao swallowed a lump in his throat.

The sun was shining; not a cloud in sight. It was too warm for the time of year. The wind swept through his emerald-green hair. The trees were in the midst of turning, several red-breasted birds sang sweetly in the late morning.

It should have been beautiful. But it wasn't. Nothing about today was.

Nothing.

His team, his students...were torn apart. He felt his eyes sting. Some teacher he was. Some mentor. He should have been the one to go after them. Maybe he would've made it there sooner, maybe he could've stopped and then maybe all three of them would be here. Safe within the walls of the village and under his watchful eye.

Takashi was the only one within his sight. Carefully looked after in the hospital for the time being. He still was in a coma – he quickly slipped into the sleep shortly before revealing…what, Hisao wasn't sure but he knew that it had something to do with Sada. When it was time, he'd wake up, that's all he kept telling himself and that was over a week ago.

Hisao barely recognized him, the dark bruises that covered him, half of his body wrapped in bandages. When Lady Tsunade had looked him over, she was surprised he was alive. The amount of blood he'd lost, damaged organs, internal bleeding and broken bones. But thanks to what Hinata had done, she prolonged his life just enough to get him the medical attention he needed. When he did finally wake up, she told Hisao he wouldn't be the same. Yes, the wounds would heal with time but the trauma would leave a scar.

And that was nothing any medical-nin could fix.

A shudder broke through Hisao's chest when he heard a snivel a few feet in front of him. Just for the smallest of seconds he had forgotten where he was. Ahead of him, he saw a small boy with the same unruly russet hair. He watched the boy rub his eyes with the back of his hand while he sniffed and cried quietly. He stood a ways away, his head lowered and shivered.

It was Hikaru's younger brother. He quickly remembered his name. Eito.

He was the spitting image of his brother. Short and muscular for his age, he was following in Hikaru's footsteps. Eito was only ten but he exceeded greatly in the medical field already. The breeze pulled at his black tunic as he tried to keep his tears in. He was trying to keep a placid face but his red rimmed eyes told a different story. Hisao noticed his attempt to try to keep his sobs hushed but it was to no avail. He commended him for his effort even though it didn't last for very long.

A shinobi must never show their tears. A shinobi must never show any weakness. He was still a child; he had much to learn.

A woman slowly approached Eito and placed a hand protectively on his slumped shoulders and pulled him gently to her side. Nami Rin, he recognized her immediately. She was one of Takashi's nurses. Her face was pale; all the color had faded from her cheeks. She had an empty look in her eyes as she stared ahead. She was only inches taller than Eito as he rested his head against the side of her chest.

Hisao could only imagine what she was feeling. Burying her eldest son, watching solemnly without a word. There wouldn't be any comforting gestures to be done or comforting words to be said that could make any of this better. A surge of guilt swept through him. He should be standing next to them though he wasn't sure what good that would do. Little sympathy would help, it wouldn't fix anything.

Still… Hisao took a breath and started to move forward in the crowd. Most of the mass consisted of medical ninjas. People Hikaru mentored and studied with at the hospital.

He felt a hand intertwine with his, gently locking their fingers together. Hisao was tugged back slightly to his spot. He knew who it was without looking. He heard her steady breathing and could feel her pupil-less, almond colored eyes on him. Anko Mitarashi stared up at him with an uneasy look on her face. She gave Hisao a quick reassuring smile as she squeezed his hand.

"I wouldn't," she told him quietly as if reading his mind. "I'd let them be, at least for awhile."

Hisao regarded her for a moment. What little strength she tried to pass onto him vanished quickly. He wouldn't be able to tell her. Not even the woman he loved could know. The circumstances surrounding Hikaru's death was a lie. Yes, it was said Takashi and he went after their fugitive teammate and he was killed but it was only half the truth. Only Takashi knows what happened and Hisao had a feeling he wouldn't find out anytime soon.

Lady Hokage made the announcement, saying Hikaru was a victim of a rouge ninja ambush with Takashi being the only survivor. He went against the Hokage's orders yet he died a hero, in the line of battle, trying to bring his teammate back to face justice and confronting an enemy of Konoha.

It was a fitting story to tell his family, her son dying to protect the village and a morale boost for all the shinobi. It was all too perfect. And yet, that's how Hisao wanted it to be. He found himself believing it. Wanting it to be true. Wishing it was true.

He glanced to the mother and her son. Their silent tears did nothing but turn and twist the anguish within him. It wasn't fair, none of this was. He clenched his jaw. Hisao tightened his grip, pulling Anko closer to him. He kissed the top of her head, taking in her scent. Sweat and sweet lavender. He could feel her smile.

This needed to happen. He didn't want to admit it. He hated himself for it. Not only for the village but for Sada…for Anko.

He only hoped that soon, so soon it would be over.

…

The clock ticked away on the wall. With each passing minute, the feeling of dread grew within her. Her head was in her hands, blonde hair falling in her face as she stared down at her desk. In front of others she was the same; barking orders, sipping tea and assigning missions but once the doors were closed she was started to fall apart. Her paperwork for the day lay untouched, letting it pile higher than normal.

A blank piece of parchment was spread out in front of her. She knew what needed to be written but she couldn't seem to move her hand. It was now, there was no later. After the report Shikamaru gave, she didn't know where to begin or what to even think. Tsunade had sent out several messenger birds expecting something from her source but received no reply. Within days, hope evaded her and she slunk deeper into her chair.

Soon the other Kage would want an update. And what was she to tell them? That she lost her one link connecting the mole to her? Tsunade could only imagine how well that would go over. She knew they would be waiting for a message. Impatiently.

Orochimaru was a threat to all shinobi nations not just Konoha. If he could be taken out, a dark veil would finally be lifted. Not to mention the people whose lives he afflicted, how greatly they would convalesce from it.

Was she wrong?

Was all of this wrong? Should she have risked Sada's life on such a slim chance? And in the process, endangering the lives of many and taking the life of one of the top medical ninjas of the village. And for what? For the off-chance that possibly, once and for all that Orochimaru, the Snake Sanin…be finally…destroyed?

That was the only thing united the five nations together. Just a small, fraying string. Only a combined effort of a handful of proficient and competent shinobi would carry out the task. A small chance. There wasn't a guarantee. And if it didn't work, it would all come down on her.

She thought back to what Sakura had said.

If the mission did pull through and Sada did manage to bring Sasuke back to Konoha, would he stay? Sakura had her doubts as she should but she more concerned with Naruto. She thought of Sasuke as a lost cause. Being gone for eight years, Tsunade's student had given up on him. But Naruto was a different story. He never gave up, his faith was unwavering.

Despite what Tsunade declared, the Uchiha was still a member of the village. His rank never changed, however she couldn't stop his classification in the Bingo Book. Many wouldn't like to see Sasuke return, he was a deserter in their eyes and nothing would change that. Danzō was quite adamant about it, voicing his opinion often and loudly at times.

That wouldn't change Naruto's mind. He still saw him as a friend. His comrade. Acting as though nothing had ever changed. And that is where Sakura's worry lay. Not in the mission but what came after. She feared for Naruto's safety. Sakura knew Naruto could handle himself in any skirmish he got himself into but it went beyond that. She didn't know how much more he'd be able to take before he would break.

Tsunade understood everything the pink-haired kunoichi had said. Someone can only bend so far before they…shatter.

All of these things that could come to pass were riding on the shoulders of one person: Sada. She was the tie that connected everything together. And now, Lady Tsunade wasn't sure anymore. It was all slowly deteriorating around her. She had complete trust in her but she knew Sada could only be pushed to a certain point especially from what she was facing.

But if Sada faltered, could she truly be blamed?

Tsunade put this on her because she knew she'd never refuse. The chance of taking down a long lasting nightmare was too tempting. She knew Sada wouldn't sit idly by and let someone else's life be jeopardized by jumping into a constant tug-of-war they knew nothing about.

Maybe that was where she went wrong. Tsunade took advantage of that and now she might pay the price.

She didn't have a good grasp of the situation anymore. Anyone could see that. Everything that had happened up to now was her fault and she had a sinking notion that it wasn't over.

Her only hope now was Sada. Wherever she was.

…

"Konohagakure is our ally," the Kazekage said firmly.

It was a statement really. Something most Suna-nin would agree with. And Kankurō didn't like it. At all. Gaara watched his brother frown and clench his jaw, keeping his mouth shut. It was a smart move considering what he just said. Accusing the Hokage of betraying him. The thought turned his center in knots.

He shifted in his seat. The only thing that came to his mind was war. An imminent and appalling idea that Gaara could always see happening, no matter what course of action he took. So many innocent lives would be in his hands. He could already see their bloodied face and hear their screams.

Retaliation was what he feared. All the Kage were riding on this. If Sada Kobayashi were to fail, it wouldn't be just Konoha that would suffer consequences, all the great nations would. Gaara remembered Orochimaru's attack on the Hidden Leaf Village. The casualties were great but the damage was greater. One could only rebuild so much before it all turned to sand.

If there was foul play involved – Lady Tsunade had no part of it, Gaara was certain.

The Kazekage felt Kankurō's gaze hot on him. They'd been encased in silence, it was gnawing at him and he could tell the conversation was far from over even though all he wanted was quiet. But he never got that anymore. Nao had seen to that. A bitter taste grew in his mouth. He shouldn't have let him live. And yet, he was still breathing and taking up space in a cell.

Even with extensive interrogation, nothing new had been discovered. He refused to eat and hadn't spoken a word since he had been dragged out of Gaara's office. No matter what they do to him, he wouldn't bend. Baki, his uncle was cleared of any accusations which the Kazekage knew he would be. He knew Baki had nothing to do with his nephew's deceit and he quickly took his seat back on the council.

"Am I allowed to speak now?" Kankurō asked, a hint of disdain rolling off his tongue.

Gaara quickly cut his gaze to his brother. "Yes," he replied curtly.

He was treading on thin ice. He knew as much and he remained quiet for a few seconds longer before he began, "don't you think it's odd?" He furrowed his brow, frown lines growing across his forehead. "We still haven't received word from Konoha. Lady Tsunade assured us that we'd get an update and she hasn't. We have our team ready to be deployed at a moment's notice. Suna has kept their part of the agreement. The attempt on your life -,"

"What are you implying?" He asked guardedly.

"You know exactly what I'm saying, Gaara."

The Kazekage regarded him for a moment before looking away. Why was his brother so obstinate about this? Anything was possible but… "No," he said. "No. What would they gain from my death?"

"I don't know," Kankurō told him with a shrug. "Land. Resources. One-Tail."

That caught his attention immediately. Gaara gave him a sidelong glance. "Nao said he had a master…you think…" He didn't finish. The idea was impossible. Ridiculous even. His would-be assassin hired by Konoha? He shook his head but the man in front of him nodded. "You think his master, whoever they may be is in the Leaf Village?"

Kankurō folded his large arms across his broad chest. "Yes, it's likely."

"Who else thinks this?" He glowered at him.

"Me," he said coolly. "Only me."

"If word got out about this," Gaara told him evenly. "It wouldn't just be an ally nation we could lose."

"I know how much your friendship with Naruto means to you but he isn't anyone of importance. He wouldn't be able to do anything. He isn't the Hokage." His voice was harsh and rough. Something he'd never heard from him before.

"Why the mission then? It quite an elaborate scheme, don't you think? What about the others?"

"I don't give a damn about anyone else, Gaara!" His voice rumbled around the office. He paused suddenly remembering who he was speaking to. Kankurō averted his eyes and stared at the floor. He let his arms go to his sides and made a fist. "You're my little brother; I don't want to see you get hurt. Temari and you… your safety is the only thing that matters."

Gaara's eyes widened. The same unease, the same panic he had seen that day had suddenly appeared on Kankurō's face again. It shook something inside of him. It was the same feeling he had when Matsuri held his hand. He could feel the ache in his chest and it slowly spread throughout his body. It was worse when he was alone - with only his thoughts.

Kankurō. Sweat slide down the side of his face. Temari. His hands became clammy.

Matsuri. His heart started racing.

What was happening?

He held his head in his hands as a cry slipped from his mouth and slumped back into his chair, resting his chin against loose robes. His breath was caught in his throat, dark spots filled his vision. Everything throbbed and he couldn't stop himself from shaking. Gaara heard his name being yelled but it sounded so far away. The last thing he saw was Kankurō running to him and then he tumbled into the void.

…

Hinata twisted a lock of her hair around a pale finger.

She ambled somberly down the stone path of the park. It was barely the afternoon and she felt tired. She was still dressed in black; she wanted to change but couldn't bring herself to go home. She didn't want to see anyone. Shino offered to walk with her and Kiba asked her to spar with him, insisting it would "help clear her mind." She had quietly declined them both. For the time being, she wanted to be left alone. Preferred it actually.

After the mission something hadn't sat right with her. She couldn't explain it because she didn't understand it herself.

All she could think about was Takashi. How he was laying cold on the snowy plain. Blood, just so much blood. The metallic smell, it still filled her nose and she could taste it on her tongue. Hinata remembered the look in his eyes when he came to. He looked defeated like he had failed the world. She had never seen a person look so ashamed to be alive before. It was heart wrenching. It was as if he would have rather be dead.

That thought…that was what caused her to be so uneasy.

Hinata stopped mid stride, her lavender eyes down cast. She didn't know what had happened – still and somehow she doubted she would ever know until Takashi woke up. If he ever did. She was hopeful but his wounds were great. She'd heard he was making a fast recovery but showed no signs of improvement of his psyche.

She turned her head and glanced out over the lake, the sun's rays reflecting onto the dancing water. The wind picked up then taking with it the loose turning leaves. She tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear as they flew into her face. Hinata smiled to herself. It was beautiful, only for an instant and then it was gone. The breeze died quickly and clouds started to swiftly cover the once clear sky.

She let out a breath. Coming from Hikaru's wake, a sudden feeling of sadness coursed through her. Hinata wrung her hands and felt her eyes begin to sting. She tried to hold back the tears but they spilled over anyway. A faint sob escaped her lips and all she heard was the sound of her silent break.

She didn't know why she was crying. It didn't make any sense. All of these abrupt feelings. Maybe it was because of the uncertainly of not knowing. She was a shinobi and death was inevitable. It happened more than she would have liked to realize. Just how quickly life could end and there was nothing anyone could do. That scared her more than anything.

"Hinata?"

She lifted her head, dark strands of hair falling across her face to stare at the man before her. Naruto looked at her with wide bright blue eyes, surprised to find her like this. She swallowed and wiped the wetness from her cheeks, attempting to calm herself.

"Are you okay?" He asked carefully, taking a tentative step forward.

She glanced at him for a moment and wondered how long he had been standing there watching her. She didn't like to cry and she rarely did. Her father had told her the Hyūga show no weakness and anything of the latter would bring dishonor to the clan's name.

It took her a second to realize he was dressed in black as well. She hadn't seen him at the funeral or perhaps he was wearing it out of respect. She wasn't sure.

"Yes," she replied meekly and looked away from his worried gaze. She was a bad liar and she knew it. She wasn't fooling anyone, least of all Naruto. "I'm okay."

He raised a brow in question and eyed her once more. He ran a hand through his unruly blond hair and came closer. Hinata knew her cheeks were flushed. She felt a hand lightly grasp her chin and gently turn her head forward. She met Naruto's pure blue gaze as his eyes searched hers. "Talk to me," he said gingerly. "Why were you crying?"

Traitor tears.

She couldn't stop them from rushing down her face. Hinata instinctively drew back out of Naruto's reach. She quickly turned away from him and started to walk away. She didn't want anyone to see her like that especially Naruto. Not the person she admired the most.

"No, wait!" Naruto called out.

She heard the swift shuffle of feet and a firm grip on her wrist. She was pulled back; her legs tangled and fell into him. Hinata wouldn't raise her head; she stared down at the ground. The realization of close they were hit her and she could feel the blood rise to her cheeks. The weight on her arm disappeared and she could hear her heart beating rapidly in her chest.

Naruto placed his hands on her slumped shoulders to steady her. She quivered under his touch and suddenly felt liked a child again. Weak and vulnerable. Turning out to be everything like her father had said she would.

"Don't do this," he told her gently, taking her away from her thoughts. "Don't run from what you're feeling. You can't bottle up everything." She could feel him smile. "Trust me, I've tried and it doesn't work. It only makes you angry. And alone."

Alone. She didn't want…

Hinata leaned her head against his chest, clinging to him and wrapping her arms around his lean back. A faint gasp came from him and he went stiff for a moment before he pulled her near. He pressed his lips to the top of her head. "Don't worry, I've got you."

Hello again. I hope you like this latest chapter. It was a major bitch to write. I had so many ideas, so many directions it could go. Enjoy. .