Title: The Arrangement

Author: littleotter73

Pairing: Giles/Buffy

Rating: FRT

Setting: Post series, no comics

Summary: Watchers and Slayers lead lonely lives and share a common destiny. Sometimes they share a little more. Upon returning from a grueling assignment in the Amazon, Buffy finds that it isn't enough anymore.

Beta: il_mio_capitano, with my heartfelt thanks.

Disclaimer: I own nothing in the Buffyverse and make no profit playing with Joss' toys.

A/N: Written for Summer of Giles 2014

The Arrangement

Rising from the fog of sleep, Buffy let out a small sound of contentment as she nuzzled into her lover's chest, taking in the tangled scent of his cologne, her perfume, the fresh linen, and sex. His breathing was relaxed and even, indicating he was still asleep, but he instinctually tightened his arms around her, drawing her closer. Their morning routine would invade the sanctuary of the bedroom soon enough and she closed her eyes for a few more moments of bliss in the comfort of his embrace.

When she awoke again, she was alone and she rolled over to face the middle of the bed, circling his pillow in her arms to make up for his absence. As was his custom, he'd laid out his robe for her on his side of the bed, and her clothes from the previous evening, which had been strewn along the way from his foyer to his bedroom were now all neatly folded up and sitting on the chair in the corner of his room. His thoughtfulness made her feel all tingly and warm and she took in a deep breath, smiling at the smell of eggs and bacon wafting through the air. Definitely time to start the day.

Donning the robe, she wandered down the hall and joined him in the kitchen. "Good morning," she greeted as she hugged him from behind. He was solidly built and strong and she enjoyed the warmth of him. He smelled of sandalwood and his spicy cologne and was dressed casually in faded jeans and soft green henley.

"Morning. Did you sleep well?"

"Mmm. The best."

"I'm glad," he said warmly. "Why don't you pour yourself a coffee and I'll finish getting breakfast for us."

He must've heard her stirring in the bedroom because the press was ready for her. She forced down the plunger and poured herself a cup, doctoring it with milk and a little sugar.

He joined her at the table with their plates of eggs, bacon and toast and gave her a shy smile, "Sorry there are no sausages. I forgot to go to the butcher's."

"That's okay. We probably don't need the additional fat and cholesterol anyway, although I'm sure we worked the equivalent off last night," Buffy teased, running her foot up his leg.

He blushed from his collar to his hairline and she loved that about him. "Yes, well, I can't have you wasting away on me, can I?" he asked, his green eyes twinkling as he tucked into his eggs.

"Hardly," she laughed. "Last night you insisted on a four course Italian meal with the pasta carbonara."

"You looked half starved," he countered in playful protest.

"You do remember where I've been for the last several months, right?"

"All the more reason to celebrate your return," he answered with a wide grin before shoving a fork full of eggs into his mouth.

Buffy had been on assignment in the Brazilian rain forest for three months leading a team of Watchers and Slayers to track down a particularly evil sect of demons who were preying on the local tribes. It had been one hell of an assignment, taking months to find them. Their guides had been helpful to a point, but they needed the cooperation of the indigenous peoples, who, for the most part, did not welcome strangers of any kind, preferring to handle matters on their own, and it was quite the struggle to even find them, much less communicate successfully to get a lead on the demons.

Roughing it had never been one of Buffy's favorite activities and while getting covered in demon goo was gross, it was a part of her job she had come to accept. Coming to terms with the Amazonian heat and its bug life were entirely new additions to the skill set she wasn't willing to add to her CV, and she swore she would delegate the next jungle expedition to one of the other senior Slayers in the organization. Maybe she'd skip out the next several expeditions regardless of destination.

"What would you say to me not taking on any more special assignments?" Buffy asked, giving voice to her thoughts.

"As your Watcher, the Head of Field Operations, or as your friend?" Giles replied, setting down his knife and fork to give her his full attention.

Buffy looked down at her breakfast, suddenly not hungry anymore and set down her own fork. She knew the terms of their arrangement. In fact, she had been the one to talk him into it and dictate those terms. They were coworkers and friends who occasionally came together to release tension and ease the loneliness of their lives. It didn't mean anything. Only things had changed for her. Somewhere deep in the heart of the Amazon river basin, she'd come to understand the depth of her feelings for him. She'd yearned for him, missed him desperately, needing his comfort during the bleak times and his warm smile to celebrate the hard fought wins. It had been quite the revelation and totally unexpected, but she had fallen in love.

And now, here she sat, the morning after a wonderfully blissful evening in his company, and it wasn't supposed to mean anything. He'd picked her up from the airport and whisked her away to a very posh restaurant, treating her like a queen, and then capped it off with an unbelievably hot and steamy night, where she had lost herself in him and loved him with her entire being. It had been amazing. But, greeted by a new day, reality had set in. They weren't anything more to each other than friends, best friends perhaps, but she really couldn't expect anything more from him. Watcher, Head of Field Operations, friends - apparently those were the only roles Giles saw in her life.

She hated it.

"I just want to know what you think," she answered a little more forcefully than she had expected.

Giles pulled off his glasses to clean them on the edge of his shirt, looking a little uncomfortable.

Buffy stood up. "Nevermind, I'm going to go shower." She left him sitting at the table to finish his eggs and bacon.

With the water raining down, it was easy to let go of the tears, she just needed to hold back the sobs. It was best not to upset the status quo. She certainly didn't want to lose him entirely. They had a deal, but the terms were too harsh now, too constraining and left her feeling alone despite his company. After getting dressed, she stepped back into the bedroom and started packing her things.

"I thought you were staying here for a few days." She heard him say as she stuffed her dirty clothes into her duffle bag.

She didn't lift her head for fear she'd start crying all over again, but she could see him in her peripheral vision leaning against the doorframe, his hands stuffed into the pockets of his jeans.

"Yeah, well, I'm exhausted and likely to be bad company."

"Buffy, let me-"

"Giles, please," she begged. "I'm… I can't do this right now. Forget I said anything. It's been a long, tiring three months and I just need to sleep for a week. Please… just… just call for a taxi. We can talk on Tuesday when I come into the office."

Dropping his head in resignation, he left her to finish collecting her things.

She sat in his room trying to hold herself together. When the doorbell rang, she took a deep breath and picked up her duffle bag before heading out. The driver stood outside the car as she approached the front door.

"May I take your bag, miss?" he asked, calling up to her.

"No, it's fine, I've got it thanks." Turning to Giles, she said, "I'll call you this weekend after I've gotten some sleep and settled in."

He nodded and went to kiss her cheek, but she carefully avoided his advance and hurried out the door without looking back. From the back seat of the taxi, she could see him standing on the steps looking very confused and profoundly unhappy. She almost felt sorry for him.

Almost.

—

Buffy didn't call him. And she didn't show up for work on Tuesday, deciding instead to stay at home and mope. She had never told the others of the arrangement she had with Giles and it wouldn't be good to bring it up now and have to explain her actions when she was an emotional wreck, but she wished she had someone like Tara to confide in these days.

Opening up her laptop, she found an email from Giles and grimaced at the notion of opening it, not wanting to face him or reality just yet. Still, they worked together and it could be details to a new assignment. Knowing Giles as she did, though, she doubted it. She'd left his place in too much of a state for him not to notice there was something wrong, and now she was noticeably absent from work. Sighing, she clicked the icon and read the message.

Buffy,

I've tried phoning, but it goes straight to your voicemail. I take it you've changed your mind about coming in to the office today. We need to talk. I'll be at The White Stag at 2pm. Please come.

Giles

She looked at the clock, it was noon and she was still in her pajamas. In fact, she'd been in the same pajamas since she had come home from Giles'. God, she hated herself, sitting there pining over a man, wasting the long weekend, while her body and soul craved his touch and his very presence. Why did she have to go and ruin the illusion that morning? Why couldn't she just be happy with the status quo? It was her own damned fault she yearned for him like a brooding teen. And goddammit, why did her tummy have to rumble at the thought of great pub fare at The White Stag?

—

A block away from the pub she steeled her resolve and sped up her pace. She was forty-five minutes late so with any luck, he'd have given up on her fifteen minutes ago and headed back to the office… or home.

The White Stag was a beautiful traditional pub. Dark wood and brass, tables with either chairs or benches that created a very cosy atmosphere. The place was deserted, but she found Giles sitting in the back corner with a pint of porter. He looked up and caught her eye as she made her way over to the table. Ever the gentleman, he stood when she approached.

"You look lovely," he greeted, leaning in to kiss her cheek. She'd worn the flouncy skirt with the peasant top she knew he liked.

"Sorry I'm late," Buffy apologized as she took off her jacket.

"No matter, it's a rather quiet day in the office."

"Yeah, about that. Sorry I didn't make it in."

"Buffy-" Giles began.

"I'm hungry, you hungry? I can't remember when I ate last."

She could tell he was slightly irritated by her interruption and subsequent babble, but he let out a soft sigh and relented. "What would you like?"

Taking a quick look at the menu, she said, "Umm, just a ham and cheese sarnie and coffee."

He then excused himself to go place the order at the bar. Upon his return he found her fidgeting with one of the rings on her right hand. He placed the hot beverage down in front of her and took his seat, looking her in the eye.

"How have you been, Buffy?"

The truth? The truth was she was more exhausted now than upon her return. The combination of jet lag and trying to sort out what to do about him had caused for lots of tears and sleepless nights. Though she had done her best to hide all that underneath her makeup, Giles always had a way of seeing through the mask.

She tried to look away, to keep herself hidden, but the intensity in his green eyes held her captive, and she opted for a half truth. "Evidently not adjusting well to the time difference, but otherwise okay. Yourself?"

"Admittedly, I've been worried about you." He was cutting right to the chase, and she'd ordered food, making it difficult for her to cut the visit short if she needed. Could she have been more stupid? Taking a moment to add milk and sugar to her coffee, she slowly stirred the liquid until it turned a rich ochre in color, giving herself time to think of a response.

"I'm sorry about the other morning. I just hit a brick wall. I slept well, but apparently not enough and I just needed to crash out and recharge for a few days."

"You said you'd phone."

Her hands circled the cup for warmth and she looked down at them, keeping herself hidden from his gaze. "I know. I'm sorry."

He leaned back into his chair as the bartender approached and placed her sandwich in front of her. "You're not eating?" He shook his head and she suddenly felt very self-conscious. Pushing her plate to the side, she asked, "What did you want to talk about?"

Taking off his glasses, Giles set them down on the table next to his half empty pint glass. "There's more to it than you being tired, Buffy, this all started when you asked me my thoughts about you taking on a role with less travel."

"Look, think nothing of it. I've just come off a very demanding assignment. It was hell and the demons were only a small part of that. I promise you'll have a full report in your inbox by the end of the week. Most of it is already written, I only have a few things more to add. I just need a few days to decompress, but I'll be fine. In fact, just this morning I read about the increased vamp activity in Kazakhstan and I've already got a team formed in my mind. The only thing left is to hand out the assignments and we'll take off first thing Sunday morning."

"I won't authorize it," he answered with a strong hint of finality. She opened her mouth to protest, but he raised his hand to stop her. "You said yourself you need to decompress, and right now, you are coiled up tighter than a spring."

"Giles-"

"I won't."

"Okay, you win. I'll stay put for a week or two," she agreed half heartedly. Lowering her eyes, she swallowed the lump in her throat and gathered every ounce of courage. "But we need to stop seeing each other. This… thing we have… it's gone on long enough."

He was quiet and she was desperately trying to keep it together. Finally he whispered, "Why?"

"I'm sorry I can't… I can't do this anymore. It's just too hard."

"Hard? Buffy, this is the most uncomplicated piece of our lives."

"I need… uh… I… I've just done a lot of thinking lately and with all the travel and the demands on my time, I just can't keep seeing you… like that. I'm sorry, Giles."

"Have I… done something?" he asked quietly, his voice hitching in the middle.

She heard the disquiet in his voice, the anguish that it might be his fault. And she needed to reassure him. Lifting her red rimmed eyes, she saw the turmoil of emotions play across his face and she wanted to reach across the table and kiss his fears away.

"Giles, no! I've just had a lot of time to reflect and… we can't keep doing this. It's me. I've changed and I need… more." Her eyes went wide as she realized what she might have revealed, and a tear spilled down her cheek. "Excuse me."

Grabbing her pocket book, Buffy quickly made her way to the ladies room and turned on the water, folding her arms around herself and letting the tears fall again. It was better this way. It would hurt even more to wait and do it later. She would just need to keep taking those special assignments so that she would minimize the amount of time she had to spend around him. And that thought caused an even greater outpouring of grief, one that she'd been trying to keep at bay for several days.

After a while, she heard a knock at the door. "Buffy, are you alright? It's been ten minutes."

Pulling a paper towel from the dispenser to wipe her eyes, she called back, "I'll… I'll just be a few moments longer."

"May I come in?"

"This is the ladies room, Giles."

"And you're the only lady in there." Buffy didn't answer and the silence between them lingered until he finally asked, "Do you… do you want me to have Willow come over?"

"NO!" she protested quickly. "No."

"Then please, Buffy, let me in. You're upset and I can't fix this unless I know what the problem is." His voice held an air of desperation.

She leaned against the wall, squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath. "There's nothing to fix, Giles. Just go, please. We both promised that if one person wanted to break things off, the other would honor it."

"And I will, but saying things have changed doesn't tell me anything. Tell me what you need," he reasoned. "Please talk to me. If there is nothing I can do to dissuade you from ending that aspect of our relationship, then I will be on my way, I promise. I… I just want to understand."

Buffy looked in the mirror and wiped her face. She looked awful. Her eyes and nose were red and puffy, her face flushed and tear stained, and she didn't have time to really touch up her makeup. Turning off the water, she took a deep breath to compose herself as best she could before opening the door.

"Oh, Buffy," he whispered upon seeing her so distressed and reached for her as the door closed behind him.

Against her better judgement, she walked into his embrace and took solace in his strong chest as his arms wrapped around her, immediately providing her with his support.

"Nothing you could tell me is worth this misery," Giles said, pulling back to look at her and cupping her cheek with his left hand.

"I can't do this anymore," she repeated, avoiding his eyes.

"So you've said." Giles moved his hand to her chin and gently lifted her head. "Tell me why. Have you met someone?"

"No," she answered, shaking her head.

"Have I hurt you?"

"What? No! You're a god among men, Giles." He didn't look relieved at that, the concern never left his face. "This past year has been wonderful, but…" Buffy let go of him and put some distance between them, leaning up against the sink and letting the thought die. Her repetitiveness was beginning to annoy even her.

"What's changed, Buffy?"

She averted her gaze and took a deep breath before finding his eyes and offering him the truth, "My feelings for you." Giles didn't say anything or offer any sort of reaction. He just kept his gaze trained upon her, so she continued, "And it's not fair to either of us. I'll expect more from you, things I don't have a right to, and you'll get frustrated with my moodiness because of the inequality in the relationship, and then things will go south really quickly. Neither of us wants that. Sleeping with you… it's just not enough anymore, Giles, I'm sorry."

A single tear escaped her eye and she turned away, unable to look at him any longer. Panic spread through her waiting for his answer, and she tried to calm herself.

"That… does change things," he finally agreed.

"I know. Just don't tell me you're flattered or any of that crap. I… I… can't take that." Buffy's body shuddered and she started to cry again when she felt him come up behind her and pull her close, enveloping her in his arms. "I didn't expect it to hurt so much."

"Shhh. It's alright," Giles whispered and she turned in his embrace.

"I'm so sorry," she repeated over and over again into his chest.

The door opened and a woman walked in, her eyes going wide at the presence of a man in the ladies restroom. "Uh… you can't be here," she said to Giles.

He nodded in acknowledgement before gently taking Buffy's head in his hands and bending his knees to face her on her level. "I'll be at the bar, take your time to freshen up and we'll go some place where we won't be interrupted to finish our conversation, alright?" She nodded and gave him a sad, watery half smile.

When he left the woman asked, "You okay?"

"No, but I will be… someday," Buffy responded as she turned towards the sink to wash her face and reapply her makeup.

A few minutes later, the stranger joined her at the sink as she applied blush to her cheeks and sniffled miserably. "Sorry to interrupt, I just couldn't hold it."

"No, you had every right… and I shouldn't have come to meet him here in the first place."

"You want me to cause a distraction? You could run out the back."

Buffy chuckled. "No, he's really a great guy. He just doesn't love me."

"You've got to be joking!" the lady exclaimed, her eyes wide with incredulity as she grabbed a towel.

"Not the way I want him to, anyway," Buffy clarified, putting her makeup back in her purse. She still looked a wreck, but it would do. No doubt she'd mess it up again before the day was done. "Thanks for the support."

She took a cleansing breath and joined Giles out in the pub. He stood waiting for her at the bar with her jacket and her lunch packed up in a bag. "Better?" he asked and she nodded. "Let's go, then," he said, gathering their things and escorting her out of the pub to a waiting taxi. "Yours or mine?" he asked opening the car door.

"Yours. Mine's a disaster at the moment."

"And I have tea," he joked, giving her a small smile as she moved past him and got into the cab.

"I also have tea," she countered as he climbed in, taking comfort in their normal playful banter.

Giles looked mortified. "The wrong sort of tea."

"I picked up the wrong brand the last time, but it's still the same kind."

"And do you like bargain brand Oreos?" he asked, with a satisfied smile.

She conceded the match. "Point taken."

Buffy sighed and rested her head against the frame of the window, closing her eyes to the bustle of the city. Her heart hurt and her head pounded from all the emotional upheaval and the lack of consistent sleep she'd experienced over the last several days - and the trauma wasn't over yet. God, how did she let things come to this?

The time and distance from Sunnydale had allowed them to come together and heal, and she loved how effortless her relationship with Giles had become. They'd been able to talk about everything and anything without fear of losing the other. He was her best friend and she loved him. Their arrangement had always been built on open communication, mutual respect, and affection; and he never pushed or asked for more, letting her take the lead. But this, this was different. How can you remain friends when one person wants more? And that thought of losing him, well, that was more than she could bear.

—

Buffy made her way to the couch in the lounge while Giles turned on the kettle in the kitchen and set about making tea. They hadn't said a word to each other since leaving the pub and she stole a peak into the kitchen where she saw him leaning against the counter, arms crossed across his chest, deep in thought right before the kettle boiled. He startled at the sound of the click as the kettle turned itself off before moving to the cupboards and out of sight.

She hoped they could get past this, but she knew she would need some time away, to not see him every day and have her heart break all over again. Maybe she would go visit her sister in New York City for a while. That city was always in need of some demonic clean up and she could work out of the Council offices in Manhattan.

Giles walked into the lounge and handed her a mug of tea and she quietly thanked him. Apparently he was too wigged out to prepare a proper tray and serve the little biscuits she liked so much. Sitting down next to her, he crossed his legs and took a sip from his own mug. Then, leaning forward, he placed it down on the coffee table, his forehead wrinkled in thought.

"Buffy, as the Head of Field Operations, I think you not taking anymore assignments would be a huge loss for the organization," he started.

"I was just burnt out, Giles, forget I said anything."

"Hear me out, Buffy, please," he entreated, and she nodded miserably, looking down at her hands trying to quell the emotions that were rising within her again. "As your Watcher, and mind you, I haven't really acted in that capacity in a long time, but as your Watcher, I agree, you are burnt out, and you need to take some time away."

She raised her eyes and looked at him. "I was thinking of visiting Dawn for a few months and I can patrol and fly a desk job while I am there, helping train or whatever."

Giles took a deep breath. "It's a thought, certainly, but I also wanted to say that as your friend, I think you need time away from the Council, a sabbatical and, as your Watcher and my role within the organization, I would approve it immediately."

Buffy stared at him in disbelief. She had admitted she was in love with him not half an hour or so ago and he was talking about vacations. It seemed as though he couldn't get rid of her fast enough. Indignation replaced her grief, accompanied by a rising tide of anger.

Placing her mug down on the table before her, she stood and said icily, "I'll… um… make the flight reservations. I'll be out of your hair by the end of next week." She picked up her purse and turned to storm out.

"Buffy," he called, his tone lower and with a quiver of fear behind it. She stopped but didn't turn around and she heard his intake of breath before he began again, "As your lover, I am asking you to spend your sabbatical with me. We'll go anywhere you like. Just us. Away from the chaos, the slaying."

She moved to face him. He was standing now. "I thought I made it clear to you. We're not lovers, Giles. We're friends who love each other and come together for sex and companionship. And the sex, it was… the best I've ever experienced and I get why you don't want to give that up, but I… I want more than that… with you. Don't you see? Jeez, we haven't even told our friends or family about us the entire year we've been sleeping together. I get that that was one of the terms of the arrangement, but I can't even talk to Willow about any of this…

"I spent three months in the Amazon jungle facing some of the most extreme and dangerous conditions I have ever faced outside of an apocalypse," she continued. "Leading a small team and wondering at times if we would get out alive, and all I could think about was you. Coming home to you. And I realized that I wanted more from our relationship, that somewhere along the line I fell in love with you. You were my beacon. All I wanted was to feel your arms around me, and when I saw you standing there at the airport waiting for me with the bouquet of flowers, it was easy to believe that we were something more. And it didn't end there, you wined and dined me and we came back here and, my god, what a night! It wasn't just sex, Giles, not for me. I made love… with my heart and my soul, worshipping you, wanting to claim you as mine. And then the sun rose and we're back to eggs and bacon with a heaping side of… of… harsh reality."

Staring at her with wide green eyes, Giles stood rooted in his spot, his hands stuffed in his pockets.

Sighing, she concluded, "We're just friends, Giles. Granted, best friends, and I hope we survive this, but we're not lovers. And this is why I have to end this… arrangement. My heart broke the other day and it's not your fault, it's mine, but I can't keep this up and have my heart shatter into even tinier pieces whenever a new morning dawns after one of our nights and the illusion fades." Her voice broke and the tears started to fall. "I won't survive it."

Giles drew a hand through his hair, his expression sympathetic and heavy with emotion. "Buffy, I've… I've spent the last year defining and compartmentalizing our relationship. Repressing any sort of feeling I might have towards you that would signify an end to our time together. No strings, just sex, just like we agreed. We could see whomever we wanted, but if it became serious, we'd let the other know and it would be the end of our encounters. I haven't seen anyone since because I have found no one else that I want to be with. And yes, the sex is mind blowing, and I'd be out of my skull to want to give that up, but it's the quiet times with you that I find the most satisfying. The ones where we lie in each other's arms and pretend the world doesn't exist.

"You know the worst part of all this?" he asked and she shook her head. "The worst part is dinners with the family. Willow has her new lover and Xander is finally seeing a nice girl with whom he is happy, and even Dawn brought home that young man from university for spring break. Watching them be affectionate with their significant others while maintaining a distance from you was almost unbearable. I wasn't just envious of their freedom and their happiness. I wanted to show them that we were also happy together, even if only for those stolen moments.

"And I realized today, as I sorted through my feelings that I am happiest when I am with you and I don't want you to go, but I don't want this arrangement anymore either, Buffy."

Her breathing shallow, she asked, "What are you saying, Giles?"

As he removed his hands from his pockets, he answered, "Simply, that I am completely and utterly in love with you, Buffy Summers."

For the first time in days, a genuine smile graced her face and she wiped the tears from her cheeks as she crossed the room and into his awaiting arms. They clung to each other desperately as they both rode out the surge of emotions.

"Don't ever do that to me again," she muttered from his soggy chest.

"Do what, love?"

"If you ever have something to say, just cut to the chase and say it. You don't have to impress me by being word guy anymore."

Giles chuckled and pulled away to look at her tear streaked face. "I don't think words are necessary right now," he answered, bowing his head, his lips lingering a hair's breadth before hers as he whispered, "Do you?"

"No," she breathed the instant before he claimed her lips.

And for Buffy, it might as well have been their first kiss because for the first time, she felt him give her his love. He didn't hold back and she opened up to him letting him deepen the kiss. His tongue found hers as his right hand threaded through her hair to hold her firmly to him as he pulled her body flush against his.

When it ended, his forehead touched hers and he stared into her dark green eyes. "Yes," he murmured, "That's a start."

Leading her back to the sofa, they both sat down and he gently pulled her into an embrace. They both were emotionally spent and Buffy, while extremely happy with the turn of events, was riding a wave of extreme exhaustion.

Yawning, she snuggled up against him, "Maybe after a short nap we can discuss a different arrangement."

"What are you proposing?"

"Nap first, but it involves us coming out to our friends."

"I like this arrangement better already," he replied with a contented sigh.

"I do too," she answered with a dreamy smile before dropping off to sleep.