"Oi, cave troll! Wake up you big lump."

Dwalin had always woke with a start, had jumped up and drawn his weapons as soon as he sensed an intruder. He did not have to do that any more. He just lay on his narrow cot, listening to the voice in the dim light of the dungeon. It did not matter. He had had no weapons since Mirkwood, and he had had no interest in protecting his life for far longer. Lord Elrond had told him that he was to outlive most everyone around him. Dwalin was glad that the Elf had been wrong. His life was forfeit. Whether he died by the henchman's axe or an assassin's dagger made little difference.

There was a metallic jingling, then an appreciative smack of lips.

"Ya dancer," the intruder muttered. Dwalin finally opened his eyes and was surprised to find that the door was open and a Dwarf stood inside his cell. Not just any Dwarf either.

"Nori?"

"Ah, you miss me then?" his brother in arms asked with his characteristic smirk.

"What are you... why are you here?"

"To spring you out of jail, mate. Thought you might get a bit bored down here."

No. He could not. He could not even think about that. His death had come so close, so easy to achieve now. Dwalin sat up, his heavy chains clanging as they dropped to the ground. Nori shushed him and listened intently for a while.

"Alright," he finally said, when nothing stirred. "Slowly now. Let me have a look at those locks. Need to get you out of here."

Dwalin withdrew his bound hands from Nori's grasp and backed away from him.

"Leave me be," he said. "I'm a prisoner on Dís' orders."

"Yes, and I'm here to free you. Come on, we'll talk later. Your trust flatters me, but I didn't get rid of those guards for the next week. Get a move on."

Dwalin was not moving. He was not going anywhere.

"Where would I even go?" he asked.

"My brother has a pony with supplies and weapons waiting for you. Ride south and go back to Dunland. Join a trade caravan as a guard; find a forge that'll take you on. It's not like anybody would be reluctant to hire you. I'll find you in a few years when the dust here has settled a bit and we'll get you back to Erebor."

That was a lot of information to take in. A whole new life, a life without Thorin and Dís, without Fíli and Kíli. A life without duty, a life without shame. It could not be, he quickly decided. He might have encouraged another in the same situation, but such dreams were not for him. He had a life here, however short it might be, and he would not abandon it. It would cause those he cared for even more hurt. Balin would be even more ashamed to have a fugitive for a brother, and Dís... Dís needed closure. If she yearned for his death, it was all he could do to give it to her. He had to admit he did not mind, but he did not want to explain that to Nori.

"You dragged Ori into this?" he asked instead.

"Ori dragged me into this, man. Was Ori that got himself nearly killed before you got in the way," Nori said. "You saved my brother's life, I'm saving yours. Simple as that."

They had worked on different sides of the law for such a long time that it was strange to see Nori express concern for him.

"I appreciate it," Dwalin said. "But leave me be, it's better that way."

Nori looked at him strangely. It was better that way. He was grateful for an excuse to quietly slip away to Mandos' Halls and to be with Thorin again. He was so tired of the endless fight that was his life.

"You're a cockwomble, Dwalin, you're coming with me."

Dwalin smiled at the half-hearted insult. He knew he was an idiot, had been told so more than often enough and had been shown his intellectual limitations even more frequently. But just this once he was sure that what he was saying and doing was right. He would bear the just punishment for his deeds and meet his maker with his head held high.

"Give Ori my regards, he's a good lad and I'm glad I was able to help him."

Him and no other. He had lost his parents, he had lost his kings, he had lost his princes, and finally he had even lost his princess. He was destined to bring death and to guard their graves. It was the story of his life and he was glad that it had finally come to a close. He would not jeopardise Dís' wellbeing just for a few more decades of this.

"If you refuse, I can always drug you and get you out of here in a wheelbarrow," Nori threatened.

Dwalin growled low in his throat and lunged forwards. Nori quickly danced out of his reach until Dwalin was straining against the chains that did not allow him to stray far from the ring in the wall. There was the glint of a dagger in the torchlight.

"Aye, we both know that you could snap my neck one-handed," Nori said, sounding almost bored, flicking the dagger between high into the air. "And we both know that I could serve you your own fingers for a midnight snack. Let's cut out the games, shall we?"

They both glared at each other for a while. No matter how resigned Dwalin was to his fate, he did not take kindly to being threatened by a former criminal, even though said criminal had now become a dear friend.

"I have to pay for my crimes. You know what I stand accused of," Dwalin said, hoping that the shock of the allegation would dull Nori's sharp mind. Even among criminals there was no sympathy for a rapist, such people were often brutally killed by fellow prisoners who did not deem them worthy of breathing the same air. Dwalin had always found it hard to disagree with that.

"Ah, shut it," Nori drawled. "I don't know how long it's been since you had your prick in a dwarrowdam or a dwarf or whoever else you prefer, but I do know you've never fucked anyone who wasn't willing. I've seen rapists. You can pretend all you want, you're not one of them."

"But Dís..."

"Is letting everyone believe a load of dragon dung because she's a coward."

"How dare you," Dwalin roared. He would not let Nori insult Dís.

"Oh, cut out the big scary warrior pish, I haven't got forever," Nori said dismissively. "Let's make this short. You showed Kíli battlefield mercy and cut his throat. I don't care. Dís is being a rock-brain about it."

He knew. He said he did not care. He knew and he was still here, was still trying to free him. He did not deserve this. Was it mercy? Was it cruelty? Dwalin knew he did not deserve to walk free, and he hoped he did not deserve to live for many long years with the terrible guilt that haunted him.

"How do you know?"

"I saw his injuries. I'm no healer, but looked to me like he would have died without your little cut, just more slowly and in agony. You did well."

"How can you say that?"

He was a murderer and Nori praised him for it, made it sound like it was something to be proud of.

Nori came very close to him, raised himself onto his toes and snarled straight into Dwalin's face.

"I can say that because I have been there."

Dwalin did not believe him.

"You...? What...?"

"You think I was going to let those goblins have their fun with Ori? He would have been dead before they could lay a finger on him," Nori growled. "Though personally, I prefer a dagger between the ribs, less of a mess and even faster if you know how to hit the heart just right," he said and turned on his heel.

Nori? Nori had some questionable notions of right and wrong, but he was not that. He was no kinslayer. The most difficult act of them all is to let those we care for pass. Elrond had let his wife pass. Nori would have let Ori pass. Dwalin had let Kíli pass. Was everyone a kinslayer if it came to it?

"You would have killed your own brother?" Dwalin asked of Nori's back.

"You killed the one who was like a sister-son to you," Nori said, his voice sounding pressed. "It's a cruel world if you don't have the luxury of watching it pass by from your armchair." He turned around again and his glance was hard. "You did the right thing. Let me take you out of here."

Dwalin smiled. He had found such friends, such companionship. It had not all been in vain. Nevertheless, his voice was firm when he replied. He had made up his mind all the way back in Mirkwood. He regretted his deeds but was not ashamed of them. He would serve those who were left to him to the best of his ability, face his punishment and hopefully regain is goodness in the Halls of Mandos.

"Thank you, Nori, but go on without me," he said. "My time has come. My duty is calling and I shall not abandon my post now."

"Oi, Mister Oliphaunt. Make yourself presentable, you got a visitor."

Nori's greeting was as rude as ever as he poked his head through the bars on the door. Dwalin smiled. There was precious little to do down here in the perpetual semi-darkness of the dungeons. Guards brought him food and drink twice a day, but they were well-trained and did not speak to him. A warrior's life consisted of much waiting and idleness, so Dwalin did not complain, but Nori's visits were certainly welcome. But another visitor? He longed to see his brother once more, but Balin had denounced him. He would not come again. Ori had apparently asked to see him, but Nori was unwilling to bring his little brother down here.

A second figure stepped out of the shadows into the light of the solitary torch.

"Dwalin..."

Dís. Dwalin's chest constricted painfully. Dís was here. Her voice sounded small, hesitant, almost insecure. He barely noticed Nori slinking back into the corridor. Dís stood in front of his cell. She looked well, wearing a simple, but beautiful dress of some dark fabric. She displayed no adornment except for Thorin's tarnished old hair clasps on the braids she wore in his memory. She was looking at the floor as she stood there, forlorn in a place she should never have any reason to visit. His Queen.

His chains shifted noisily as he stood and walked towards her. She looked up, her eyes wide.

"They chained you," she said, voice not much more than a breath.

"It's nothing," Dwalin said. He was in no state to stand before her, but he would make good use of this precious moment nonetheless. "How are you, Dís?"

Her eyes held so much hurt.

"Erebor is slowly regaining some of its beauty," she replied. "More houses are restored every day and our defences are sound. I'm hopeful that we will have catalogued all of the treasure by the end of the summer. We are exploring the mines though no actual work is taking place there so far, structural integrity needs to be tested first..."

Dwalin just listened to her voice. Life was returning to Erebor, it seemed, but more importantly, life was returning to Dís. She had found a purpose again and was passionate about the restoration.

With a remark about the dreadful state of the main aqueduct, Dís concluded her report. She chewed her lower lip, a nervous habit he remembered from their youth.

"I'm glad Erebor is being rebuilt," he said and he meant it. It was good to see some part of Thorin's dream come true. "But how are you, Dís?"

She shrugged and was silent. Dwalin would have liked to reach out to provide her some comfort, but the chains kept him several feet away from the door for the safety of the guards and any visitors. It was better that way.

"Thank you for coming to see me," he said. She was showing him such mercy. He drank in the sight of her. His last thought would be of her, his last hope the one that she might one day find some level of comfort again, that his death would provide her much-needed closure.

"I'm sorry," she said, the words bursting out of her.

"I'm sorry too, for what I have done to you," he said. He was sorry. He had come to the conclusion that what he had done for Kíli had been right, an act of love and mercy. It had taken him many lonely days in the darkness to accept that. He would never be willing to accept what he had done to Dís.

"No!" Dís interrupted him sharply. "You haven't. I mean... I want to... I'm going to pardon you, you are free, you can go." She looked at him almost pleadingly. "I don't want you to die."

Oh sweet Dís.

He shook his head and smiled.

"No Dís," he said gently and strained against his bonds, wishing he could be closer to her. "I need to bear the punishment for my crime."

"You never hurt me," she said fervently although they both knew it was a lie. "You would never rape me, you are not that kind of Dwarf. I'll tell them that I lied and they'll release you!"

"They would question what had happened and search for an explanation. There has to be punishment and I am happy to face it."

"I can explain what really happened, I can pardon you."

"No, Dís," Dwalin said firmly. "They would never accept a murderer back into society, and rightly so. Let Balin at least believe that I atoned for my sins. It will give him some comfort. Most importantly, I would not have you go through the pain of retelling it all. I regret that I have burdened you with that knowledge. That weight was mine alone to bear. Grieve in peace, Dís, without dragging up those horrible images again, without having to listen to our people gossip about Kíli's end."

He would not have her suffer needlessly. He would not expose her to the renewed mental torment, nor the mutters and the pity of the inhabitants of Erebor.

"I have lived long enough with a lie, with the pretence of being an honourable warrior, time has come for me to stand up for what I have done," he explained.

"But they'll kill you!" Dís shouted, prompting an angry hiss from Nori who was keeping an eye on the guardroom.

Dwalin nodded and smiled. "And rightly so."

He was tired of this life, this constant fight and torture. His duty here was almost done, and he was eager to receive his next posting to the Halls of Mandos. Thorin was waiting for him there and he yearned for his company.

For several minutes they stood in silence. For once, Nori did not rush him. Dwalin did not want to know what he had done to make this visit possible.

"Did he really ask you to...?"

"Aye, though if it was his true desire or merely the pain speaking, I cannot rightly say," Dwalin admitted. "I did what I judged was best, but I cannot be sure. None but Mahal should grant such a wish."

"He might have died anyways..." Dís said. She was now clutching the iron bars for support, the torture of talking about her son's death clearly taking its toll.

"Or he might have lived. It is beyond any Dwarf to make such decisions."

"But you acted in good faith!"

"I love Kíli and wanted to spare him any more pain."

"I... I understand your decision," Dís said. "I cannot forget or forgive what you have done, but I think I can accept it."

Dwalin was touched by this. She tried so hard to make sense of what was beyond anyone's comprehension. She tried so hard to see the good in even the vilest decision.

"Do not torture yourself, I do not ask your forgiveness, Dís," he said. "There is no excuse for what I have done."

"But he told you to... and he was your prince."

"I believed him to be my king at the time, not knowing that Thorin yet lived," Dwalin said. "But nay, Dís, it was no order that Kíli spoke and I did not take it as such. I acted of my own free will. And of my own free I now decide to face a trial. It does not matter what the indictment is. Leave it at rape, it makes no difference to me. You and I both know the truth; that is all that matters. Let them believe it was rape, that is easier now, and the punishment remains the same."

"It doesn't."

Both Dís and Dwalin were flabbergasted at Nori's words.

"Rape and murder both carry the death penalty," Dwalin said.

Nori stepped out of the shadows with none of his usual swagger, his voice calm and serious.

"You did not murder Kíli, you showed him battlefield mercy."

"It makes no difference."

"It does. Ori researched the matter —"

"Ori? How does he...?"

"Because he's a smart lad and won't watch you throw your life away either."

"It's mine to throw away if I wish. I'm tired of everybody making decisions for me."

"Listen to him, Dwalin," Dís interjected.

"Fair enough," Nori said. "But hear me out. Ori went back through the court records. There's cases throughout history, not as many as you might think, but Ori reckons that's because they were rarely reported. Fact is, mercy killings have always been part of warfare; Dwarves have stood accused of killing their wounded comrades for centuries. Not a single one has ever been executed for it."

"But it is murder. How...?"

"The judges do not see it that way," Nori said and produced a piece of parchment from one of his many pockets. He stepped closer to the torch to be able to read it.

"From a ruling by Thráin I 'in such circumstances, every righteous Dwarf would have felt compelled to end the misery', a general's report from Óin's time 'Every day that he can live will be a howling torture... we ought to put him out of his misery', and Náin II judged 'every warrior, every Dwarf unfortunate enough to find himself in such a position should be commended, not punished, for his bravery, his willingness to put a comrade's release from suffering above the peace of his own soul'..."

Dwalin was listening, but he could not believe it. He heard the words, but they did not seem to reach his brain. There were others like him, others who had made that decision and faced the consequences. And they had not been condemned. Nobody had seen it fit to grant them release from their suffering.

"And one last one, about the deed of another soldier who was released 'If that were me or if that Dwarf were my friend, an old and dear friend, Mahal knows this is what I would want to happen', that one was by Thorin I," Nori concluded.[1]

Thorin. Thorin saying he would want this to happen. Not his Thorin of course, Thorin I had been dead for more than 600 years, but from so far beyond the grave he still seemed to be endorsing Dwalin's deeds.

"There is a chance," Dís said and he heard the tears in her voice. "You can face your punishment and live, Dwalin."

He was leaning forward as far as he could now, his shoulders painfully pulled back by the sturdy chains. The chance, as Dís called it, was a heavy weight. He had clung onto his life for so many years now, through battles and hardship, through injury and illness, and all just to witness so much death as those he loved went to the halls of their forefathers. He had come to terms with his own death, indeed he had welcomed it. For a brief moment, with Estel, he had seen a light, a purpose in his life, but he had to acknowledge that the lad would live and die the same without his interference.

"Please Dwalin," Dís whispered. When he looked up he could see her holding out her hand to him. "I do not want to lose you. Let me tell them the truth."

Whatever shrivelled remnant of a heart he still had seemed to shatter at her words. Despite all of it, she wanted him to live. She did not understand that there was no mercy in it for him. He shook his head slowly.

"I do not want you to go through that pain."

"It would be much greater pain to see you die. I have no family left, Dwalin. Do not take my friend from me. There is no guarantee that you will be acquitted, but please do not die for my lie. Will you allow me to tell the truth?"

In the end he nodded his head. He owed her a life. It might as well be his own. His duty here had not ended yet, not while one still remained who needed him, one whose cheeks were tear-stained as she reached through the metal bars.

"Nori," Dwalin said. "Could you open the door, please?

Nori flashed her a toothy grin, then beckoned Dís towards the opposite wall.

"Some privacy, milady. Trade secrets, you see," he said. Dís looked astonished, but Dwalin nodded at her. Nori was a craftsman like any other, and he did not appreciate onlookers when he went about his business.

In a heartbeat the lock clicked, Nori stepped back, slid his tools back into his sleeves, and opened the door for Dís with a low bow. She stepped into the cell, but stood just out of reach, no matter how much Dwalin strained. Eventually, she stretched out her hand and he was able to touch her fingers. It was not much of a connection, but it was enough.

"I'm tired, Dwalin," she said. "I'm tired and I'm scared. I keep going on, every day I keep going, but I cannot see where this path leads me and I cannot find it in myself to care."

"Give yourself time," he said. "Give yourself the space to grieve."

"I can't," she said through gritted teeth. "I'm Queen under the Mountain. I have a duty to fulfil, a duty to my people, and most importantly to my sons. I need to make sure their legacy lives on!"

"You were always their queen, you needed no crown or jewels for that. Nobody doubts your ability, Dís. Fíli and Kíli loved you for who you are, and they always will. They would want you to be content and to take care of yourself."

Dwalin was the last one to exit the courtroom. Dís watched him flex his arms and rub his wrists, finally free of the shackles he had worn for so long. He seemed barely aware of his surroundings; he flinched slightly when he noticed her waiting for him. She smiled at him and he at her, but his eyes remained sad and so did hers.

"They released me," Dwalin said. Dís was not sure if she heard regret in his tone or bewilderment. Maybe it was just tiredness. They were both so tired.

"I know," she said.

"They... it was almost like they... like they understood."

"How could they not," Dís said. She put a hand on his shoulder very gently, but could still feel him tense. "You are a good Dwarf, Dwalin. Everybody can see that you acted out of loyalty and love. They might not condone your deeds, but they all understand."

"But I murd—"

"None of that now. You were cleared of that accusation, don't let a harsher judge sit in your heart."

The look he gave her spoke of disbelief. As far as Dwalin was concerned, this judge would forever be a part of him.

"I forgive you," she said. Back when they had spoken in the dungeons she had not been sure she would ever be able to say these words and mean them, but she did not hesitate now. He had acted out of love and loyalty. She forgave him.

Dwalin shielded his eyes with his hand and for several minutes only his heavy breathing could be heard in the deserted corridor as he struggled to master his emotions. Dís' hand was still on his shoulder, slowly rubbing circles and gently squeezing. She did not speak.

"I am barred from all military activity for life," Dwalin finally said with a sigh.

"Do you regret that?"

"Nay," he said. He hesitated for a moment, biting his lower lip. "It's just... I don't know what else to do now. All my life I've... ever since Azanulbizar I've been nothing but..." He waved his hand dismissively. "Dwalin the warrior, the guard, the weapons master, the captain, the brute, the killer..."

"Shhh," Dís interrupted. "Not that."

"I'm tired of it. I'm tired of fighting," Dwalin said. It was such a momentous admission for one of his standing. He was skilled; he was admired and feared, his renown resting on his strength, on his talent with various weapons, on his loyalty and ability as a soldier.

"Don't fight. Just be with me."

"Nay, Dís... We spoke about that... I... I care for you, but I can't... not like that, Dís, I'm sorry."

She shuddered when she remembered how she had confronted him in Bree and then later in Rivendell. She had been selfish and blind.

"Not like that," she said. She swallowed heavily before continuing. "I resigned my right to the crown this morning."

If he was surprised, he did not show it. He merely rested a hand on her shoulder. Somehow that simple gesture gave her strength.

"I had lost myself," she said. "In my grief I thought that I had to make it worth it somehow, to make sure that I held on to Erebor for them... so it wasn't all in vain. But no child is ever going to replace Fíli and Kíli. I know that now. Nothing is ever going to make up for their loss and I need to learn to live with that." In her head she had practiced these words so often, but she still had to choke back tears now. "I will continue to do my best for Erebor and her people, but I... I decided to leave the burden of the kingship to Dáin."

"I'm glad of it," Dwalin said. He did not accuse her, did not point out how cruel she had been, how little power seemed to suit her, how she had succumbed to a version of her brother's madness. Dís was glad of it. She too had a magistrate sitting in her own heart. "Dáin is a good Dwarf. He's not Thorin, but with you as his advisor, he'll make a fine king."

"I'm glad he's not Thorin," Dís admitted. Dwalin had always been loyal to Thorin, much more so than she had, but he had also seen him at his lowest and Dís knew that he would understand. "Dáin is not influenced by the gold and he does not hold the same strong grudges Thorin did. He is a wise ruler and a strong leader. Young Thorin is the one who worries me."

"He is not a bad lad. With a bit of guidance..."

"I was thinking about teaching him," Dís said. Realizing that her sons were irreplaceable did not mean that she had given up on ensuring that Erebor was in safe hands.

"You think it counts as military activity if I knock him around the training yard a bit?"

She looked up at him and saw a real smile on his face, the first one she had seen in as long as she could remember.

"You would join me?"

"I have always liked the young ones," he said with a shrug. It was no secret that Dwalin loved children. He had been like another uncle to her sons and sometimes Dís wondered about what could have been, about the Dwarf Dwalin could have been if he had been granted the blessing of fatherhood. "I would not want to see another boy suffer because of his heritage."

Suffer like Thorin and Frerin, like Fíli and Kíli. Dís was crying again. So many had given their lives for this mountain, for their heritage. For what? Dís had no answer. What had happened today felt right. She had taken the weight of the crown off of her own head; Dwalin had stood up for his deeds and beliefs and received a just sentence. But would it ever be enough? Would she ever be worthy of her sons' sacrifice? How was she to go on in this broken world?

She held out her palm to Dwalin. On it was the small wooden dog Kíli had made so many years ago. Dwalin stared at it in astonishment, then carefully reached for it, brushing his large thumb over the back of the little figurine.

"I thought I had lost it," he said, voice heavy.

They had taken it off him in Mirkwood, had taken everything off him. Dís had not seen how it had happened, but she had seen what Hrungnir had done to him before and doubted that it had been a pleasant process. He had held on to a broken toy for all of these weeks, just like he had held on to her.

Dwalin continued to very gently stroke the little dog's back. It was no longer in two pieces, but there was still a visible line where the wood had split.

"It'll never be the same," he said.

"It won't be the same," she confirmed. "But there is healing."

He closed his hand around the dog and her fingers.

"Lives are not that easily glued back together."

"Nay, not lives... but maybe we can try with Erebor... Dáin will rebuild the mountain, but maybe we can do something for the people. Just... something... like they would have..." Dís said, well aware that her voice was wavering.

"Kíli would have made them smile, and Fíli would have taken care of them," Dwalin said, voice so tender that nobody would have guessed that he had spent all of his days as a fearsome warrior.

"We have to make Erebor a just and welcoming place, to make sure that the high price they paid for its reclamation was not entirely in vain."

"No, Dís," Dwalin said, leaning his forehead against hers. "You do not need to do anything to be worthy of Fíli and Kíli. Their deaths were no sacrifice."

A/N: And thus we reach the end of 'No Sacrifice'. As promised, there was a happy end... of sorts. A big 'Thank you' to everyone who has read it all! It has taken me eleven months to the day to get through these 21 chapters. This is the first fanfic I ever wrote and it has expanded slightly beyond the one shot it was initially supposed to be. Thank you for your support, your encouragement and your critique. I'm naught but a bumbling beginner in the fanfic world, and every review is much appreciated.

This project is very dear to me for two reasons. 1. It has provided me with a constant source of joy in a turbulent year full of changes, including a new country, a new job, a new house, and other less enjoyable challenges. 2. It has also given me a chance to write about some topics that are important to me and not commonly present in (fan)fiction. Friends have teasingly called this fic 'Pericula's ethics essay', but I hope I managed to make it somewhat entertaining and enjoyable as well.

It's not all over after 'No Sacrifice'. In fact, I currently have notes and partially written scenes for no less than five fics, as well as some more 'Dwarfling Love' chapters. With a bit of distance, I'm also going to thoroughly edit 'No Sacrifice' as I noticed that my dyslexia has left the one or the other trace, and I also generally improved as a writer. Once I have played around a bit with shorter stories, it's on to bigger and better things, namely a coming-of-age epic set during the fell winter. Hope to read you again soon. Even if you happen to be reading this long after publication, please send me a few lines!

[1] All quotes are adapted from actual military sources and represent, almost verbatim, the views of real people who have faced such decisions. Mercy killings in the military have been rarely reported (certainly much less than suicide), but there is evidence that they occurred throughout history and as part of my research for this fic, I have read accounts of battlefield mercy killings in most modern wars.