Disclaimer: I do not own OUaT or any part of it or any of its characters. Also! Severe trigger warning for self-harm! Please be careful when reading this story, it is somewhat graphic and I don't want it to cause any triggers.

Chapter 1

You've been here enough times to know that this isn't where you want to be, not anymore. You don't even want to think about what will happen when [she] finds out. It won't be good and [she] will find out. You sit in the bathtub; knees curled up into your chest, the scalding hot water beating down on your back. You deserve the pain and every awful thought that comes with it. Your lover has walked out on you like everybody else in your life. Even your parents had given up on you before they ever got a chance to know you.

You hold the cool metal in your hand, losing yourself in the smooth surface. You know what comes next. With hateful passion you slash at your arm; "Stupid, good for nothing, piece of trash!" Every word accompanied by a new slash. The water surrounding you begins to turn pink, and before long you're sitting in a sea of red. You're lost in a state of numbness.

You're unable to register what's going on around you, which is why you don't hear the front door open and the click clack of a woman's heels. It's not until you hear your name being called that you come out of your trance. Fear and panic cross your features; you know whose voice that is. You close your eyes, and calm your nerves, and with every ounce of strength you have left:

"Yeah?" You could kick yourself for the unsteadiness that you hear in your own voice. Your gaze falls to the door knob, 'good thing I had sense enough to lock it' you think to yourself- 'at least you can get that much right.'

"Baby, open up, I want to talk." her voice is like honey, sweet as it ever was.

You quickly look at your arm, noticing the blood oozing down and dripping from the tips of your fingers. "Shit!"

"Emma Nicola Swan, what's wrong?!" You roll your eyes at the use of your full name as you reach for your clothes.

"Nothing! Just give me a minute to get dressed."

"Baby, it's nothing I haven't seen before," she purrs. She tries to open the door again, jiggling the knob harder this time.

"I said hold on, Regina!" You call out.

You grab the gauze out of the medicine cabinet and wrap as many wounds as you can. The blood is already seeping through the bandages as you put on the rest of your clothes, hoping that the makeshift tourniquet would hold until this, whatever this was, is over. You drape a towel over your bandaged arm, hoping to cover it until you can get to a sweater. You fling the door open, and at the sight of her lose your breath for a moment. Everything around you starts to spin and you tighten your grip on the door frame. How is it possible for someone to have that effect on you even after all the pain they've caused? 'She's perfect', you think to yourself, that's how. Regina wraps her arms around your waist trying to steady you and at the contact you flinch. It isn't from the pain in your arm but from the pain in your chest; the pain Regina caused when she walked out. Regina ignores the discomfort on your face and leads you to your bed. You sit down and swat her hands away.

"What is it?" You ask. Not bothering to hide the evident exhaustion in your voice.

"Let me take that," she says reaching out for the only thing between her eyes, and your secret.

You flinch again. "No" you say through gritted teeth, tightening your grip on the towel.

"Ok," she says, holding her hands up in surrender.

"You said you wanted to talk," you remind her.

"Right," she stutters. "I w-wanted to um...apologize for the other day."

"Why? You were just being honest," you say, glancing down at your arm. Reminding yourself just how right she was.

.

"No, I was speaking out of anger. Nothing I said held any truth" she pleads as you just sit there listening, devoid of emotion. Regina shifts her position, so that she is facing you on the bed. You realize she's making a pass to get close to you; so you bring your knees up to your chest, squeezing them as close to your body as possible, resting your chin upon them ignoring the searing pain as it shoots down your arm. Regina brings her hand up and cups your cheek, lifting your head slightly so she can look into your eyes.

"Emma, listen to me, please. I didn't mean anything I said. I-I let my anger get the better of me. Baby, please, you have to believe me." You look up at her through glassy eyes, choking back a sob.

"Why did you leave then? Why did you-" you pause for a moment trying to regain your composure. "-Why did you say I was a mistake?" and as the last word leaves your lips, you begin to sob; losing every semblance of control you thought you had the moment you heard Regina's voice. Regina crawls up next to you then, wrapping her arms around you in a tight embrace. She feels you try to pull away and only tightens her hold.

"I'm not letting you go babe," she whispers into your ear.

"But you don't want me!" You scream, and with that Regina takes your hand and guides it to rest over her heart. "Do you feel that, Emma" There she goes, using your given name again, driving her point home. "It didn't do anything before I met you. You changed that. You changed me," the last words came out as a whisper but you heard them all the same. You fall into her as unrelenting sobs tear out of you.

"I love you, Emma." At her words you look up into hazel eyes; eyes that are so remorseful and warm. You can't do anything but respond, "I love you too."

You look down at the little ball of emotion in your arms and can't help but feel the pain you've caused. You're baffled by the mere thought that such harsh and unrelenting words could fall from your lips. Let alone the fact that they were pointed, razor sharp, at the woman you love. Emma believed you, believed every word, and believed you when you said she had been a mistake. You thought it was what you wanted, but seeing first-hand the damage you've caused makes you realize just how wrong you were