A Lone Thread
Everyone's connected by a red string of fate that can't be cut, they would say. But if she would be the one, I would cut mine for her to be free.
They belong together. From the very beginning, the Fates have chosen to connect their red threads. And he was just a lone thread.
He stared at the endless night sky hovering above him. The atmosphere felt serene and the occasional blow of the chilly wind was perfect. Stars seem to shine brighter during dusk and he would always go at this time and sit at the highest platform of the castle– these were one of the moments he cherished most.
It was calming. Somehow reminding him that he shouldn't be worrying about such things– that he should appreciate whatever he has right now. He brought his hand to his heart, feeling its steady rhythm. Yes, this was already enough.
But it just wasn't.
He tightly clutched his chest. He could feel the bitterness pulsing in his core. It was aimed at nobody but himself. His perpetual heartbeat was already quickening. Gazing at the stars above him, he silently prayed for his heart to calm down.
A smile crept up to his face. His chest was starting to slow down its pace, allowing him to relax. It's been so long since he felt at ease. A lot of things changed ever since he came to the castle. Being here in Wisteria changed him. Was it really the place? Was it really the atmosphere that changed him?
He looked up again. The stars were still there– bright against the darkness of the sky. Then he realized it wasn't just the place and the atmosphere it held. It was the people he's with that changed him.
The people he wanted to protect. They're his everything now. And then it finally crossed his mind.
His master and the little miss would get their happy ending. He will make sure of it.
And there it was again– the frantic heartbeats and the pain in his chest.
He knew the longer he stays with them, the stronger the pain in his chest becomes. The longer he continues cowering behind his smile– no matter how genuine he claimed it to be– the harder it would be to cope up with the hollowness in his heart.
He loved her more than he loved his master but he couldn't hurt him– he wouldn't.
For once in his life he just wanted to feel sincerely loved. Of course he had felt it but it wasn't the love he was looking for. He was accepted by Zen and Shirayuki, not to mention Mitsuhide and Kiki but it wasn't the love he defined. He loves her quite differently. He loves her in a way that would ruin everything he cherished.
It wasn't about her reciprocating his twisted feelings. He was fully aware of the fact that she's in love with Zen. And as much as it hurts him, he regarded it wholeheartedly. He just wanted her to know that he actually loves her– that his heart belongs to her. Just like Zen, he was willing to put his life on the line for her.
And he knew it was impossible but he smiled anyway.
One.
He tried to kill her. The very first time he was captivated by such unique hair and he was ordered to assassinate her. He had shot her with an arrow, barely missing her head.
Two.
She forgave him. His master accepted him. Not only that, he had trusted him with his life. And by his life, he meant Shirayuki's safety. Zen made him Shirayuki's guard. To think he would allow him to get close to the little miss after trying to kill her.
Three.
There came a moment when his heart almost stopped beating.
He remembered it perfectly. That one time she saved him from a falling snow-covered rock. He could've dodged it so easily and he knew the little miss was aware of that. He barely need any help from her. The rock could have hit her and she could have died. When she looked up at him, her face filled with worry, he couldn't help but be surprised of her gesture. All he wanted to do was hug her and tell her what he felt for her because to him, the moment was perfect even though the circumstances screamed differently.
But no.
He fought the urge to so. Everything he was given was more than enough. He would certainly not abuse his master's kindness. Being close to Shirayuki is already too much. He knew he didn't deserve this.
"My heart was about to stop." A small smile ghosted his lips despite the condition they're in.
"Next time I'll do better," she beamed, "Although next time it'll probably be me who's in trouble…"
He was surprised, so to say. He looked at her knowingly, taking in her appearance. He was greatly taken aback by her gentle smile for some unknown reason. How typical of Shirayuki.
"It hasn't stopped."
"Eh?"
He looked away and gave a tight smile. "My heart…"