AN: This story deals with certain canon events with a post-Whatever You Need twist, i.e., Red and Liz are already in a romantic relationship and Tom is out of the picture. I'm going to be following canon as closely as possible with those differences in mind. (For example, you don't have to worry about Red going off to kill Sam behind Liz's back, but he will still die, etc.) Most of the Sam section is already written, so hopefully it won't take terribly long between chapters until I reach the next section.

Sam Milhoan - Prologue

Liz leaned back against building with her head in her hand and struggled desperately to resist the urge to smash her phone on the sidewalk and grind it to dust under her feet. Every little thing bothered her—the way the fabric of her jacket caught on the concrete as she moved, the glare of the sunlight reflecting off the hospital windows, even the buzzing of her cell phone triggered a mixture of anger and dread so severe her heart rate sped up every time it went off.

No good could come from a phone call right now. It was either the hospital with test results—or worse—or the FBI trying not-so-subtly to guilt her into returning to DC as soon as possible.

Now that her father had fallen ill, keeping her relationship with Red a secret had become quite a juggling act; in only a couple weeks, they'd settled into a comfortable routine, but she was finding it difficult to keep all the balls in the air here at the hospital. She agreed to let Red fly her to Nebraska without so much as a second thought because she knew if she didn't, she'd get caught up in the hunt for Nathaniel Wolfe and wouldn't be able to get away.

Cooper was none too pleased with Liz's disappearing act; she had been fielding calls from him and Ressler whenever she left her father's bedside long enough to turn her phone on. Neither of them outright accused her of going with Red, but the window of opportunity she would have had to get on a commercial flight before they were grounded was so small, she couldn't imagine they didn't at least suspect it.

She wondered if they were angling around to asking her, or if they hoped she would let it slip by accident the longer they kept her on the phone. She had half a mind to ask Red for a burner phone so the hospital could contact her and she could just keep her own cell switched off and avoid all this until she was back in DC, consequences be damned.

"Ressler, listen to me. You don't need me to stop Ludd. If anything, in the state I'm in right now, I'll only slow you down. If Cooper wants to suspend me over this, I really couldn't care less. Besides," she said, her frustration making her flippant, "how much help could I possibly be? You don't put any stock in profiling and I'm not really ready to be a field agent, remember?"

Ressler gave an exasperated sigh. "Where the hell is Reddington in all this?"

Liz's jaw clenched; she counted to ten in her head and took a few slow, deep breaths through her nose to force herself to relax, otherwise she might have snapped at him and told him it was none of his damn business where Red was. It wouldn't be wise to hurt Ressler's ego or raise his hackles more than necessary when all she wanted was to be left alone.

"I don't have a clue where he is," she said. It wasn't exactly a lie. He left their hotel an hour ago citing unfinished business he had to attend to while they were in the area and she was too caught up with worry about her father to pry. "Does it really matter? He'll only talk to me anyway. He said he already gave you everything you need."

"Everything we need, my ass. He's bullshitting, biding his time."

"For what?"

"I haven't figured that out yet."

Liz rolled her eyes, grateful Ressler couldn't see her. You just keep thinkin', Butch. That's what you're good at.

She shook her head to clear the image of Red at nine years old trying to charm his way into his twelfth showing of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid after he spent all his pocket money and his mother refused to pay for him to see it again. She wondered if she was perhaps spending too much of her down time with him, watching old movies on Netflix and listening to him wax poetic about his experiences with them; it was bleeding over into her thought processes and she hoped it wasn't obvious to anyone else.

"Look, Ressler… all we're doing at this point is arguing in circles. You're not going to change my mind, Cooper's not going to change my mind; I'm here and I'm staying for the foreseeable future. For once, Reddington isn't pushing me to drop everything to be at his beck and call and I'm gonna take the time whether you like it or not."

"Fine. Take care of your dad, then. But the second Reddington decides to live up to his goddamn agreement, we're expecting to hear from you." The line went dead.

Liz shoved her phone into her pocket and blinked back frustrated tears. She wished she could take care of her dad, but it was easier said than done, especially when it seemed like he had every intention of going off like a wounded animal to die alone.

The doctors told her the only reason he perked up at all was because she was there. He put on a brave face for her, brushed off the pain, but she could see in his eyes how much he was fading. His oncologist gave him six weeks. She'd be surprised if he even lasted one.

She hated herself for thinking like that. One of them had to have hope he would make it and it certainly wasn't going to be him.

Unfortunately, it wasn't going to be Red, either. He wasn't being distant, per se, but she didn't know how to explain him to her dad and he didn't volunteer to come with her to the hospital regardless. More and more often since she got the phone call from Sam, she caught Red watching her when he didn't think she was looking, with a strange sadness in his eyes, his whole demeanor. It didn't feel like empathy. It felt like he was losing something, too.