I know this has taken a while but since this is a round number chapter, I wanted it to be something more than usual. My writer's block still hits me sometimes and added to that, I developed something akin to an acute hearing loss, my left ear feeling as if I'm in a vacuum. It's hard to stand upright, much less write :(

Miss Elyon: The only way I could read your review is the google translator. I'm glad you like the story, but it will be easier for me if you post reviews in English ;)

Enjoy :)

Disclaimer: I don't own anything of the franchise. I write here only for my own pleasure and that of others who read the story and I don't make any money. Any similarities to song titles or lyrics are absolutely coincidental and unintended. Some dialog is verbatim from different episodes and are there to keep the story going.

Disclaimer2: Using Penny's family members again, created by TerribleWaitress.

"Very good." Leonard nodded impressed, when Penny sunk the ball after her first swing. "I had no idea you were so good at mini golf."

"Well, I have many hidden talents." Penny giggled, making room for Leonard who swung and got the ball close to the hole.

"Damn, I'm good." he chuckled, putting the ball into the hole with his second stroke.

Shaking her head, Penny followed him to the next hole where Leonard began by swinging the club and hitting the ball, only to have that ball smash against the clown nose, forcing him to do it again and then once more. Penny had no such trouble, timing her swing for the ball to get through the obstruction in the first attempt, the ball rolling until it landed two feet away from the hole.

That pattern repeated itself for the rest of the course, Leonard only beating her at only two holes. Afterwards, the couple went to a nearby snack bar, both ordering some food, Leonard getting an extra helping of curly fries since he knew that Penny loved to eat them. Two minutes later, they sat at their table, Penny unpacking her veggie burger and Leonard taking a bite out of his chicken bun.

"So, our wedding will be soon, is there anything we need to do until then?" she asked before taking out a bite of her own burger.

"Is the dress ready?"

"Yes."

"Food."

"Taken care of."

"Venue?"

"Clear."

"Justice of the peace?"

"Bernadette's doing it, since all of us officiated her wedding." Penny smiled.

"Guests?" he asked.

"Unless your family decides to show up, yeah, all guests are set." she nodded, feeling sad for him that his parents didn't even want to come to their son's wedding. "Your siblings wanted to come but they can't make it, your brother is having a court date that day and your sister is in the middle of some experiments."

"Let me guess, my father didn't even write back?"

"No." she sighed. "You could have invited your mother, you know?"

"Dad is probably on some expedition." he shrugged. "And as for my mother, well, lets just say her lack of presence will make the wedding even better."

"Still, it sucks that your side of the isle is filled with your friends from the comic book store." she argued. "My entire family will come."

"Soon, they'll be my family too." he winked. "That leaves only the wedding license, we'll have to get that a week before the wedding."

"Why not earlier?" she wondered.

"In California, you need to get it and then get married within the next ten days." he replied.

"Will it be complicated?"

"Nah, we go there, fill out a document each and hand them in, and unless something is wrong, we get our license."

"I don't see any problems with it." she shrugged and pushed her empty plate away before starting on the fries, making her remember something. "Hey, there's one thing I forgot to ask about last week, but why did you have frosting in your hair?"

"I hoped you had forgotten that." he chuckled. "Sheldon threw a pie into my face."

"What? Why?" she gasped.

"He wants to go to Mars." Leonard shrugged and continued eating his fries.

"Uh..." Penny tried to make sense of that apparent topic change. "I think we skipped several steps in this conversation."

"There's a company out there that plans a Mars colony and they are looking for applicants to be the first up there." Leonard explained. "And to prove that, besides being smart, he also has a sense of humor, he threw a pie into my face."

"What did you say?"

"I said please go to Mars." Leonard told her.

"You know, when I said last year that we could do a Valentine's Day without a fancy restaurant, I never thought you would take it to this level." she remarked, looking around. "Miniature golf and fast food and to add, no presents."

"Ah, so now you agree that it's better if I take you to fancy restaurants and you want presents?" he grinned.

"Yes, standing order from now on is fancy, fancy all the time." she moped. "While this is nice for an evening once in a while, it's really not something for Valentine's Day, considering what I'm used to getting from you."

"Noted." he laughed. "Wanna head back home?"

"Yeah." she nodded and got up, both bringing their used plates to the tray holder.

They headed back to his car and Leonard opened the door to let Penny into the passenger seat. He drove them back to their block, parking the car in his usual spot and locking it up while Penny went inside and emptied her mailbox. Leonard followed her inside and both began walking up the stairs, Leonard still feeling giddy about his golf outing.

"You know, thinking back to earlier, I really must say, I was unstoppable. I mean, I was, I was on fire. It was like my mind and my body were totally connected, like, like athletes must feel when they're in the zone." he gushed about himself.

"Again, it was miniature golf." she reminded him.

"Admit it, you're a little turned on." he grinned at her, making her smile.

"You can't be this proud." she chuckled, slightly confused why he was like that.

"Why not?"

"Because I beat you!" she said loudly.

"Meh, I simply ignore that fact." he chuckled and opened the apartment door, seeing Amy and Sheldon standing at the kitchen island.

"Hi." Penny greeted them, Leonard doing the same. "How did you spend your Valentine's Day?"

"Oh good, you're back." Sheldon stood straight up, ignoring Penny's question.

"We have some exciting news." Amy smiled widely.

"Okay." Leonard nodded, very confused.

"As you know, Amy and I have been together a long time, and a lot of things I never thought possible now seem possible." Sheldon stated.

"After a careful evaluation of our relationship, we decided that the time was right to take a step forward." Amy added.

"Okay." Leonard nodded again, grabbing Penny's hand who squeezed it right back.

"Do you want to say it?" Sheldon asked his girlfriend.

"Let's say it together." Amy smiled at him.

"We're getting a turtle." both said in unison, the breaths Leonard and Penny were holding deflating immediately.

"This is why I've been saying we should keep champagne on ice." Penny said to Leonard, voice filled with sarcasm.

"Sarcasm?" even Sheldon saw it.

"Yes." Amy confirmed.

"Okay. That was tricky, because when it comes to alcohol, she generally means business." Sheldon managed to turn that into another insult to Penny.

"Well, we're very happy for you." Leonard nodded, less sarcastic.

"Thank you." Amy smiled. "Acquiring a joint pet is a big step for us."

"It's true. It means that we care so much about each other, there's enough left over for an eight-ounce reptile."

"Why a turtle?" Leonard asked, sitting down on the couch, Penny sitting down next to him.

"After much deliberation, we've determined that a turtle is the ideal pet. They don't shed fur, they don't make noise." Sheldon counted the advantages.

"For Halloween, we can dress him as a cobblestone." Amy added.

"Yeah. And if he ever goes berserk, I know I can outrun him." Sheldon concluded. "Coincidentally, that's also why I chose you as a roommate."

"Well, congratulations." Leonard shrugged, ignoring that remark. "Who would've thought you two would be the first in our group to start a family?"

"That's what I said." Amy laughed.

"So, when are you going to do it?" Penny wanted to know.

"We're leaving right now." Amy smiled. "We just waited for you to come home so we could tell you."

"So, wait, you're going out now to buy a turtle?" Leonard wanted clarification.

"Yes." Sheldon nodded.

"Where would you put its terrarium?" Leonard looked around. "You can't have it in a box or let it roam in the apartment."

"In my room at first until we can find a space out here." Sheldon told him.

"You're going to have an animal inside your room? With a dirty terrarium?" Leonard smiled, when Sheldon's face began to tick.

"Don't listen to him, we're getting one." Amy stated and dragged Sheldon out of the apartment.

"That was fun." Leonard chuckled. "Wanna bet that they won't come back with any pet?"

"I don't know, Amy seems pretty determined." Penny shrugged and turned to Leonard. "Now, lets get on with the other Valentine's Day tradition."

Grinning, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed her lips to his, his hands moving to her thighs and rubbing over them. The kisses weren't particularly deep but numerous, their lips connecting and disconnecting again and again for minutes on end. After a few more minutes, Leonard pulled away, Penny simply following him to continue kissing him.

"Listen, I have a little confession to make." he said in between two kisses.

"Aw, is this your first time?" she joked.

"No, I got you something for Valentine's Day, and I was too embarrassed to give it to you." he hesitated.

"Why?" she wondered.

"Well, because I got it at the dirty store." he smiled.

"You went to the dirty store without me?" she gasped. "Get it. Get it for me!"

"Okay, uh, well, I hope it's fun. I mean, it, it comes with paints, and, and it's kind of creative and artistic." he explained as he was going to the closet.

"Okay, did you go to the dirty store or Michaels?" she looked at him confused, referring to the craft store.

"No, no." he shook his head, holding out a cylindrical container. "We cover ourselves in body paint, and then, then we get on this big canvas and do our thing."

"Whoa, that's kind of a big step for a guy who only recently agreed to take his socks off." she smirked at him.

"You're making fun of me. Forget it." he waved her off.

"No, come on, I want to do it." she stopped him.

"Really?"

"Yeah, let's you, me, and your very, very pale feet make some art." she grinned and grabbed his hand. "Hey, when you got back to this store, I want to go with you."

"Okay." he agreed.

Still grinning, she dragged him into her apartment and began taking off her clothes to her underwear. While Leonard took off his shirt and opened the lid on the cylinder, Penny spread foil over the bed to avoid paint hitting the sheets. As Leonard pulled the canvas out of the cylinder, Penny wondered where the paint was, since he didn't bring any over. The answer came a second later when he upended the cylinder, seven small cans falling out of it.

"All the seven colors of the rainbow." she giggled, looking at the words imprinted on the cans.

She took off her underwear and began applying the paint, letting Leonard do her back. As she returned the favor to a naked Leonard, she was marveled at how much paint appeared to be in those relatively small cans. When she was done, she turned him around and kissed him, pressing him against the bed where he turned her again, pushing her onto it.

Anticipating her favorite position, she eagerly got onto the bed, awaiting his manhood entering her. She wasn't disappointed, feeling herself get stretched in that familiar and welcome way, making her moan in approval. He didn't wait long to speed up, his hips moving up and down to slam back into her, her teeth clenching more and more as the minutes went by when the orgasmic wave grew until it crashed against her brain, Leonard following her over the cliff and chuckling into her ear.

"Smug bastard." she giggled, dropping a kiss against his cheek. "Get up, so we don't get your spillage onto our masterpiece."

"Yes, dear." he grinned and climbed off of her, entering the bathroom before her, Penny right behind him.

He handed her a washcloth and took one himself, cleaning his member while Penny did the same with her lower area, getting his spill out of her before donning her robe, ignoring the paint on her body for a moment and vowing to wash the robe the next day. She returned to the bedroom to look at their result, her face scrunching in confusion as Leonard joined her.

"So, what do you think?" she asked him.

"Huh." he hummed and looked at the canvas, seeing barely any paint on it. "I thought it'd be a little... more."

"I'm not even sure why we were out of breath." she added, moving to the side of the bed ."Did we move at all?"

"Pretty much only along the z-axis, but x and y are looking pretty sad." he nodded.

"Okay, come on. We are not old boring people. We can do better than this." she argued. "Now, come on. We are gonna do this better."

"Yeah." he agreed. "You get the paint, I'll rest for thirty to forty minutes, and then we do this."

"Right, you have to reload." she stopped in her track. "By the way, we're going to make sure that the next time will be long enough to get this canvas full of paint."

"How?" he asked.

"Get the rubber band." she gave him a wicked grin.

"Well, we did it." Leonard panted, wiping a few droplets of sweat off of his brow.

"We sure did." Penny panted as well, grinning all the way.

"I mean, I was on fire. I was in the zone, like an athlete." Leonard chuckled.

"Sweetie, I beat you at this too." she grinned, pointing to the fact that she had been on top over half the time of their last lovemaking.

"Yeah, you're right about this." he had to agree. "But hell, we may not have broken our record but it was really long."

"It was." she giggled, looking at the canvas that had barely any white left.

"So, where do we want to hang it?" he asked suddenly.

"What? Are you kidding? We're not hanging it." Penny turned to him aghast.

"But it's an expression of our love." he argued.

"And our butts." she pointed out. "Not hanging it."

"Seems a shame to throw it away." he mused.

"Yeah." she had to agree before getting an idea. "We could give it to Sheldon, and tell him William Shatner painted it."

"God, I love you. I love you so much." he said after a few seconds and gave her a kiss. "But we should use your hair dryer on it for a while to dry it, otherwise, Sheldon will know it can't be from Shatner."

"That shouldn't be a problem." she grinned. "It's late anyway, so Sheldon is probably in bed already."

"Wow, I'm beat." he groaned. "Where do you want to hang the canvas to dry?"

"Lets hang it over my closet door." she told him. "I don't want to have the smell of paint in my living room and it won't dry in the bathroom after we showered."

"I hope this paint washes off well, otherwise, we might have to scrub ourselves raw." he said.

"Well, here's hoping." she chuckled and helped him push the canvas over her closet door. "Hopefully the paint washes out of our robes as well."

"We might be in luck if the paint had dried enough before we put them on." he shrugged and took off his, turning it inside out and seeing several splotches of paint. "Well, I'm not."

"Me neither." she nodded as she looked into hers. "Lets get clean."

They both stepped into the bathtub and Penny used the shower to wet them down while Leonard grabbed her loofah and drowned it in soap. He used it on her back, seeing the paint wash off easily and handed her the cloth so she could do it with him while he soaped a second loofah. Once Penny was done, both scrubbed the paint off their bodies, Penny for once glad she had the accident that had cost her her long hair, since it meant that her hair wasn't colored now.

"Damn, I got color in my eyes." Leonard whined after rubbing the loofah over his face.

"How did that happen?" she giggled, seeing him struggle.

"I should have worn safety goggles." he grumbled.

"Yeah, that would have looked so sexy." she said sarcastically, finishing her cleaning. "Well, I feel like a human again."

"I feel so sexy now." he laughed.

"What?" she wondered, stepping out of the tub to dry herself off.

"I just had sex, I really needed a shower." he said in a high-pitched voice.

"Stop it." she laughed.

After finishing up in the bathroom, they went to bed.

The following week went by quickly. In Penny's eyes, Sheldon and Amy seemed to have an issue during that time but neither talked about it for days until Penny got some alcohol into her, after which she went on a tirade about the insensitivity of Sheldon who apparently had never told her about his application for the Mars colony only to gush over him again when she revealed that Sheldon had invited her along for a joint application.

Before long, another weekend was along, Penny standing in Leonard's bathroom to put the finishing touch on her makeup. To her surprise, Leonard had asked her on a date and told her to wear something nice if not overly fancy. She had chosen a short, dark red dress and donned a black jacket over it to fight the evening chill.

"What's with him?" she asked her sweetie after coming out of the bathroom, pointing to Sheldon who was sitting at his desk and fiddling with something.

"Who knows." he shrugged and led her into the living room proper. "Okay, we're headed out, see you later."

"Before you leave, could you test these noise-canceling headphones?" Sheldon asked them, showing them the item in his hands.

"Yeah, sure." Leonard shrugged.

"Okay." Sheldon smiled and put on the headphones. "Go ahead."

"Hello, can you hear me?" Leonard asked loudly, receiving no reaction. "Sheldon, I haven't changed the filter in the water pitcher in two years." he added his first secret, making Penny almost laugh out loud with images of Sheldon's reaction to that.

"Uh, Bernadette's nickname for you is the virgin pina colada." she gave one of hers.

"Your George Lucas autograph is really a me autograph." Leonard said his second one.

"Yeah, once I was too lazy to walk across the hall, so I used your toothbrush." Penny gave another of hers, another one that would make Sheldon jump out of his skin.

"Ooh, and one time when you were asleep, Amy totally took off her..." Leonard began the juiciest one but in that moment, Sheldon took the headphones off. "...and that's why you're the best roommate ever."

"Aw, now I'm sad I didn't hear it." Sheldon smiled sadly.

"So what do you need the headphones for?" Penny wanted to know.

"Well, I've been struggling for months to come up with a theory of dark matter that doesn't make protons decay. I'm hoping to finally tackle it by optimizing my work environment. See, I've got, uh, my tea is at the perfect sipping temperature. Uh, I have fleece-lined boxer shorts to keep my tushie toasty. And then, oh, last but not least, this inspirational cat poster improved with the reassuring face of physics renegade Richard Feynman." he explained the items on his desk.

"Is that why you had to take him to Office Depot last night?" Penny turned to Leonard.

"I don't want to talk about it." Leonard shuddered. "There, the place is all yours."

´"Yeah, have fun." Penny added.

"Oh, I will, nothing more fun than a paradigm-shifting evening of science." Sheldon smiled.

"And you thought it was soaping me up in the shower." Penny smirked at Leonard who just grinned.

"Soaping you up is always nice." Leonard winked.

"So, where are we going?" she asked.

"You'll see." he grinned and led her down to his car, opening the passenger door for her.

He started driving and Penny tried to discern the destination from their direction but all she learned was that they were driving into the part of town that housed several higher class restaurants. Her eyes went wide when he slowed the car close to one of the most fancy and expensive restaurants in the city but Leonard kept driving past it only to stop at Bistro 45, one of the more upscale restaurants in Pasadena.

"For a moment, I thought we were eating back there." she pointed into the direction of the really expensive restaurant.

"I think we'd be a little too underdressed for that." he chuckled and led her inside.

"What's the occasion?" she wondered.

"Think of it as a redo of Valentine's Day, since you demanded fancy all the time." he grinned and turned to the usher. "Hofstadter."

"Ah, follow me." the usher nodded, leading them to a table for two.

He poured them their complementary water and placed a bowl of bread sticks on the table as well as giving them two menus for them to choose from. Penny's mouth watered at the selection and the smell of the food around them and she was trying to decide if she should violate her vegetarianism again or decide on a fish dish.

"Would you like an appetizer?" the waiter asked them after a few minutes.

"I'll have an organic greens." Penny nodded.

"I take the arugula salad." Leonard added.

"And have you decided on your main dish yet?" the waiter inquired.

"Yes, I take the Scottish salmon." Leonard gave him his order.

"I don't..." Penny began but then decided to screw her vegetarianism for tonight. "A screw it, I'll take the Omaha hanger steak."

"A very fine choice." the waiter smiled and left them alone.

"Wow, getting a taste from home?" Leonard grinned.

"What can I say." she shrugged. "Love steak."

"Hey, did Amy talk to Sheldon yet about us living together after the wedding?" Leonard asked her while they were waiting for the food.

"I don't think so." she shook her head. "I keep wondering if she wants him to be shocked, so he wouldn't look for another roommate and choose her to live with him, because he still needs someone to drive him."

"Did you know that Amy taught him to drive?"

"What?" Penny shrieked quietly. "Why doesn't he drive himself then?"

"He says it's scary." Leonard sighed. "And, in his usual fashion, added that it would take away my purpose in life."

"That man is seriously damaged in some way." she shook her head in exasperation.

"Did you think about where we'll live?"

"I still want to stay in our block, would save us a lot of hassle changing the address for every online store you and I use." she shrugged. "But I fear my apartment may be too small for the both of us."

"You mean your storage space for shoes and clothes." he chuckled.

"Yeah." she admitted. "Your living room has a large closet, would be perfect."

"You know there's a lot of stuff in there already, right?"

"And how much of that is Sheldon's?"

"More than half." he admitted.

"See, plenty of room for my stuff." she grinned.

"By the way, I see a slight problem with our subterfuge regarding our honeymoon destination." he said.

"What?"

"What if Sheldon accompanies us to the airport to see us off?" Leonard asked. "He'll see that we'll get on a different plane than we're supposed to."

"I don't see a problem." she grinned. "Remember, we had to push up the time of lift-off by a day due to the time difference. And I haven't told anyone yet, have you?"

"No." he shook his head. "So we more or less have to sneak out without Sheldon noticing."

"I think that won't be an issue, I know from Amy that she's taking Sheldon on the Saturday after our wedding to some train exhibit." she smiled.

"He'll be suspicious when he comes back and we're gone."

"I have an idea about that." she winked. "You still have those fake travel information in your drawers?"

"Yeah, the ones Sheldon already looked at." he nodded.

"Change them. Before our wedding, change the date to the day before and before we leave, when the two are gone, you simply exchange the ones you already have with the new ones." she grinned at her smartness. "And when he looks to see why we're gone and checks the information, he'll see the new date and assume that he misread it before."

"He might be a bit confused but I think that might work." Leonard nodded and saw the waiter come closer, carrying two plates with salad. "Our appetizers are coming."

"Good, I'm starving." she grinned and thanked the man after he had put them down. "Why did you take this salad?" she asked him after a minute of eating.

"It's the only one without dairy." he shrugged.

They ate their salads while doing idle chatting, both enjoying the green food that was supposed to make them hungry for more. For Penny at least, it worked splendidly, her stomach demanding the steak as soon as she had finished the salad. Leonard pushed his plate away two minutes after her, the waiter appearing thirty seconds after that to take the empty plates away.

It took another twenty minutes but when the waiter appeared again, he was carrying a large tray with several plates on it. Penny's mouth watered when the large piece of meat was placed in front of her, a bowl with extra sauce next to it and the wedges that came with it. Leonard also put his fork into his salmon with gusto, brown rice and an assortment of vegetables accompanying it.

"Oh my god, this is so good." Penny hummed, eating her first piece of meat after dunking it in gravy.

"The fish isn't bad either." Leonard nodded, eating his food faster than usual.

Despite her attempt to take her sweet time, the plate was empty almost surprisingly, Penny swallowing the last piece of meat and fighting the urge to take the gravy boat and drink it empty. She couldn't prevent a belch escaping her throat, her hand covering her mouth just in time for it to be quiet enough not to be heard at neighboring tables. Their waiter, in his proven efficiency, appeared to take the plates away and leave a dessert menu on their table.

"I don't even know if I want a dessert." Penny hummed, one hand on her full stomach and leafed through the pages and seeing a particular dessert. "Never mind."

"What?" he asked as she handed him the menu.

"Found an amazing looking dessert." she grinned.

"Me too." Leonard chuckled, finding one on the second page.

"Have you decided on a dessert?" their reappearing waiter asked.

"Yes, I'll have the San Marino cheesecake crepe." Penny smiled at him.

"The berry trifle for me." Leonard added and handed him the dessert menu.

"A fine choice." the waiter nodded and left again to process their order.

"Looking at these people serving food to others, doesn't that give you those soothing memories when you did it at the Cheesecake Factory?" Leonard grinned.

"No." she stated resolutely. "Making money with the profession I always wanted to do gives me a much more satisfying feeling."

"Was just kidding." he winked.

"Speaking of money, I have an idea regarding the bill for the wedding." she said.

"You know that..."

"No, let me finish." she interrupted him. "Since I presumably have a lot more money on hand than you, how about I pay for the wedding?"

"How about we both pay for it?" he suggested.

"Wouldn't that be a bit complicated?"

"No, I mean you pay it from your account and I pay you back half of it." he clarified.

"That works." she nodded and smiled at him as their waiter came back with their desserts.

"Bon appetite." the man wished them and left them alone.

"Jesus Christ!" Penny hummed in appreciation after taking the first bite. "How do they make this so soft and tasty? You have to try this!"

"I can't, it's dairy." he waved her off as she was holding her spoon in front of him.

"Right." she remembered and ate it herself. "But let me taste some of yours."

"Okay." he smiled at her and offered her some.

"Oh wow, that's fruity."

Contrary to the meat, she took her time with the dessert, taking only small bites of it to have it last as long as possible. Leonard finished his off with gusto, leaving him to wait for almost half an hour while Penny essentially nibbled on her dessert until the last crumb was consumed. As their waiter picked up the plates, Leonard told him to fetch the bill and Penny went to use the bathroom while Leonard paid the bill.

After her return, he got up, holding her jacket open so she could slip into it. Smiling at him, she followed him out of the restaurant and got into his car when he had unlocked the door. A relatively short drive later, they exited the car again, walking into their building and up the stairs. After Leonard opened the door, they found Sheldon standing at his still empty whiteboard, his head rested against it and the man constantly mumbling the words 'proton decay'.

"Hey, we're home. Any progress?" Leonard asked his roommate, hitting him on the shoulder only to flinch back when Sheldon turned around and screamed in shock.

"How could there be, with these constant interruptions?" Sheldon finally retorted and stormed off into his room.

"I love him, but if he's broken, let's not get a new one." Penny smirked, turning around to go sit on the couch.

"Given the empty whiteboard, my guess is he's stuck." Leonard commented before noticing Penny wincing. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know, my stomach feels queasy." she said, holding her hand over her belly. "Maybe I ate too much."

"I'll make you some tea." Leonard smiled in sympathy and went into the kitchen. "Do you feel nausea or is it more like a pressure from eating too much?"

"More like pressure." she told him. "Why?"

"Fennel is good against stomach cramps, while chamomile has a calming effect on your stomach lining." he explained.

"Look at you, knowing stuff." she giggled. "Why not make peppermint, isn't that an all-rounder?"

"Or that." he shrugged and started boiling the water, picking out a teabag out of the box they had, waiting for the water and pouring it into the cup when it was done. "I added some honey to it."

"Thanks, sweetie." she smiled and took a sip. "Hope you're not disappointed."

"Why?" he wondered.

"Well, if this was our fancy Valentine's Day dinner, I owe you some fancy Valentine's Day sex." she giggled.

"You know that's not true."

"You don't want sex?"

"Of course I do." he laughed. "But if you don't feel well, I would never expect it or demand it from you."

"Love you." she smiled and pursed her lips.

"Love you too." he smiled back and pressed his lips on hers.

After waking up in the morning, without having to vomit during the night, Penny decided on doing some workout after her cup of coffee. She changed into a pair of yoga pants and a sports top, wrapping her music player around her bicep to get some workout music blaring into her ear without disturbing the neighbors.

She began with warming up and stretching before doing the first exercise. After only ten seconds, she realized that she hated these but her innate sense of completion made her continue. To her mind, the fact that she hated these exercises made her do them harder and faster to get them over with. She usually would prefer doing some more fight training but there was only so much she could do alone. After almost an hour of torturing herself, she noticed two feet at her door, making her look up to see Sheldon standing in her apartment, wearing his robe.

"Ugh, what?" she asked him as she pulled her earphones out, panting and with exasperation at his intrusion.

"You sounded in distress. I was worried something unpleasant was happening to you. Like a murder. Or spontaneous coitus with Leonard." Sheldon said, making her wonder about the last part.

"Oh, I'm just doing this awful workout." she explained as she got up. "I hate it."

"Well, if you hate it, then why are you doing it?" he wondered. "Although I could ask the same question about coitus with Leonard."

"I don't know, I guess I like that I hate it. It makes me work harder." she shrugged, getting a bottle of water from the fridge.

"And to clarify?" he looked at her.

"The exercise, Sheldon." she yelled. "Shouldn't you be getting ready for work?"

"I'm not going. Would you like to know why?" he moped.

"Uh, you're sad about not getting anything done last night, so you're gonna sit around and pout about it?" she guessed.

"Boy, I'm not nearly as mysterious as I think I am." Sheldon muttered and left her alone.

Shaking her head, she got back on the floor and continued with the exercises. Thirty minutes later, she finally finished the last sit up, her upper body falling back to the floor with her stomach muscles burning. As she stood under the shower, she wondered why Sheldon would say that she sounded as if she was having unscheduled sex with Leonard. Did she really sound pained when doing it?

After a quick lunch, she left the apartment to do some grocery shopping, getting some stuff to eat and some chips and wine for the next ladies night. Tonight would be dinner with the group, minus Sheldon and Amy, who would be on date night. Another acting class rounded out the day and before she knew it, she was going into the guys' apartment, finding her sweetie sitting on his armchair and Howard and Bernadette on the couch, the former unpacking the dinner bags.

"So, what's for dinner." she asked.

"I got us some fried fish with croquettes and vegetables." Leonard told her.

"Sounds good." she remarked, sitting down.

"It really is good." Bernadette smiled, taking a bite out of hers.

"So, what did everyone do today?" Penny wanted to know.

"Well, Sheldon started doing things to increase his anxiety level so he can be more productive and I invented a game." Howard chuckled.

"Ok, the Sheldon thing first." Penny said.

"He's trying to raise his anxiety level, and we're supposed to help by contradicting him." Leonard explained. "It's a good thing you weren't here last night."

"Why?" she asked.

"He loudly played a plethora of sounds, Godzilla's roar, the Joker laugh from Batman and Darth Vader's breathing." Leonard told her. "He also told me that he played some Taylor Swift but it turns out he loves her music."

"What, really?" Penny laughed. "Okay, what's the game you invented?"

"It's called Emily and Cinnamon." Howard grinned. "I give you actual quotes I heard Raj say and you guess who he said it to, his girlfriend or his dog."

"I can't imagine he likes that." Penny chuckled.

"Well, he didn't during lunch." Leonard nodded.

"Alright, give me one." Penny said.

"I want you to know, the bed feels so lonely when you're not in it." Howard gave them the quote.

"Cinnamon." all three of them said in unison.

"Correct." Howard nodded. "Emily or Cinnamon. Check it out, I got us matching sweaters."

"Wasn't that on his last Christmas card?" Penny wondered. "So, Cinnamon."

"Correct." Howard smiled. "Next one. You're so lucky, you have the shiniest hair."

"That's a tough one." Leonard leaned back. "I know he brushes both of them."

"I'd say Cinnamon." Penny guessed.

"Me too." Bernadette added.

"It was Emily, actually." Howard laughed. "It's just so perfect that we're both Libras."

"Uh." Bernadette looked at him. "Does anyone know Emily's birthday?"

"I don't." Leonard shrugged.

"Me neither." Penny shook her head.

"Then I say Emily." Bernadette said.

"I say Cinnamon." Leonard countered.

"Okay, so it's one vote Emily, one vote Cinnamon." Penny, you're the tiebreaker."

"Wow, this is hard." she huffed and made a decision. "I'm gonna say Cinnamon."

"Oh, come on!" an suddenly entering Raj exclaimed.

"That was the last one, I promise. We won't play any more." Howard promised.

"Thank you." Raj thanked him. "Because if she ever found out, it would hurt her feelings."

"Emily's feelings?" Bernadette grinned.

"Yes, Emily." Raj huffed. "Whatever. Where's Sheldon?"

"Date night." Penny replied.

"That can't be much fun for Amy. You know, at work today, he tried his first Red Bull." Leonard told the group.

"What happened?" Bernadette wanted to know.

"He chased a squirrel around the quad for a while and then threw up in my car." he recounted.

"Don't you think you should make him stop then?" Bernadette wondered

"I don't know, he's not really hurting anybody." Howard shrugged.

"You didn't have to scoop vomit out of your glove compartment." Leonard complained.

"Okay, back to Emily or Cinnamon?" Howard suddenly shouted. "How can such a little girl eat such a big steak?"

"Seriously?" Raj threw up his arms, then leaned back and covered his face with his hand.

"Cinnamon." Penny laughed.

"Yes!" Howard nodded. "How did you know?"

"I've seen him buy a gigantic steak before he even met Emily." Penny explained.

"You know, a man can care deeply about a woman and a pet." Raj tried to defend himself. "It's not strange."

"Ooh, Emily." Leonard pointed to Raj. "I heard him say that to Emily."

"You guys are jerks." Raj huffed.

The group ate their food with idle chat, Howard throwing another Raj quote in for the group to guess, much to the Indian's chagrin. Penny knew that Raj cared deeply for his dog but hearing these quotes made her slightly uncomfortable with just how much he cared. She also remembered seeing the picture of him carrying around the dog in his man purse.

"Wait, it's my phone." Leonard interrupted another round of Howard's quote game, seeing Sheldon's number on the display. "Hey Sheldon, what's up?... What?... Who are you?... What?... Okay, where?... I'll get him, thanks."

"What's going on?" Penny asked.

"Apparently Sheldon had some kind of psychotic break on the bus home after Amy kicked him out." Leonard explained as he got his jacket. "He started talking to another bus passenger and started calling him Armadillo Isaac Newton."

"Armadillo?" Raj wondered. "I wonder what he did to increase his anxiety to a level that caused him to have hallucinations."

"Hm, maybe it's from all the red bull." Penny mused as Leonard left the apartment. "Did he drink more than one?"

"I don't know." Howard shrugged. "Why?"

"Well, remember a few years ago when we made a thousand Penny blossoms in one night?" Penny asked the guys.

"Oh yeah, that was a tough night." Howard chuckled. "What about it?"

"Remember Sheldon drinking coffee the first time? And how he reacted afterwards?" Penny looked at them. "After you had left, he crashed hard."

"What happened?"

"First he changed into his flash costume and ran out to buy more coffee." Penny recounted. "Then he came back with two bags of coffee and then he ran towards his bedroom where the then collapsed."

"Was he okay?" Bernadette asked.

"Imagine someone lying on the floor with his legs flailing as if he's still running." Penny looked at her. "That's what he looked like."

"I can't imagine Sheldon reacting lightly afterwards." Raj mused.

"You have no idea." Penny chuckled. "That morning, Sheldon demanded to be driven to the hospital. He had a headache, his heart was racing and his hands shook so he of course believed that he had a brain tumor."

"What did you do?" Howard asked.

"We got some empty Vivadone bottles and Leonard filled it with water and some mouthwash before giving that to Sheldon." Penny remembered their trip to the drugstore.

"You placebo'd him? Nice." Bernadette commented.

"Wait, it's my phone." Penny interjected when she heard her phone ring, seeing Leonard's name on the screen. "Hey sweetie... okay... yeah, sure, I'll be right there."

"What's going on?" Bernadette asked.

"Leonard's back with Sheldon and he needs help getting him up here." she told them and left the apartment.

She went down the stairs and found Leonard and Sheldon standing in the lobby, the latter muttering to himself and Leonard telling him that a science president is waiting in Sheldon's bedroom. She nodded to her sweetie and walked behind the tall physicist, putting her hands on his hips to push him forward while Leonard led him from the front.

When they entered the apartment, the others looked at them confused. Penny made a motion for them to be quiet while they steered Sheldon past the couch and into the back area until they reached his room.

"Here we are." Leonard said, letting go of Sheldon.

"Hey. What are you trying to pull? The president of science isn't in here." Sheldon slurred.

"You lie down, he'll be here in a minute." Leonard told him.

"Okay." Sheldon nodded, lying down on the bed. "Hey, I thought you were trying to trick me. By the way, Amy gave me that crop top she borrowed from you to give back to you."

"Where is it?"

"In my bag." Sheldon pointed to the item on the floor.

"Now, you just get comfortable." Penny said.

For the next two minutes, they tried to get a fussing Sheldon to go to sleep, the man-child trying to convince Leonard to drive him to some store for another poster. When Sheldon then insisted on not wanting to sleep, Penny thought about a solution and began singing Soft Kitty, Leonard joining in, both finishing the song after which Sheldon was down and out.

"You know, he can be a lot of trouble, but when I see him lying here asleep like this, I just think how easy it would be to hold a pillow over his face." Leonard mused.

"Mmmm." she nodded, agreeing with his assessment and then getting the top out of his bag. "Ew, it's got pit stains."

"Lets go back." Leonard chuckled and left the room.

"How is he?" Bernadette asked when they returned to the living room.

"Sleeping." Leonard replied. "We should try to be as quiet as possible, so he won't wake up."

"I think we should head out." Bernadette said. "See you tomorrow."

"Bye." Penny waved and later exited the apartment as well, Leonard right behind her.

"Hey, you ready to go?" Leonard asked Penny when he entered her apartment, seeing her pacing back and forth, muttering under her breath. "Everything okay?"

"No!" she yelled. "Apparently, I'm a trained monkey."

"Eh... what?" he flinched back

"Sorry." she apologized. "Amy and Sheldon have given me tasks to complete in the last few weeks to test my intelligence."

"What are you talking about?" he wondered.

"She's given me scissors to put back together, had me sort coins by size and get a banana out of a puzzle box." she explained. "At the time, I didn't think much of it but now, Sheldon has told me that it was all some sick experiment from Amy."

"Wait, Sheldon gave me a puzzle box too." Leonard looked at her, wide-eyed. "He was testing me too, that is so insulting."

"I know!" Penny agreed vigorously.

"What will happen now?" he asked.

"I don't know." Penny huffed. "I'm tempted to disinvite her from the wedding."

"Don't do that, she's your friend." he counseled. "Who has some weird sense of friendship."

"Did you want something specific?"

"You wanna come with me to the comic book store?" Leonard asked. "Stuart is reopening it today and me and Raj got the food while Howard and Stuart argued."

"Sure." she shrugged and followed him out the apartment. "Why are they arguing?"

"Howard's mom gave Stuart some of her old furniture to put into the store." Leonard explained. "Howard is understandably incensed."

"Why?"

"Because Howard's mom also gave Stuart the money to renovate the store."

"Jeez." Penny chuckled, exiting the building and seeing Raj standing next to Leonard's car. "Hey Raj."

"Hey Penny." Raj nodded to her and got into Leonard's car, going directly into the backseat.

They drove to the comic book store where Leonard parked his car directly in front of it, allowing them to take the food they got into the store without having to walk long distances to and from the car. When Penny put down her folding basket, she noticed Howard looking around, his face betraying his agitation.

"Hey, what's going on?" Penny asked him.

"See this furniture? It's my mom's old one. "

"So?"

"So?" Howard shrieked. "She gave him both the money and the furniture for this store. Who does that?"

"A very good friend?" Penny shrugged. "Or a lover, as payment for services rendered." she added, grinning when Howard began to squirm.

"Hello." Amy greeted into the round when she and Sheldon entered the store.

"So you guys were testing us both? What is the matter with you?" Leonard asked them.

"Eh, what's the matter with them is they think they're so smart they don't care if they hurt other people's feelings." Penny replied for them.

"That's not true." Amy shook her head.

"That sounds like us." Sheldon contradicted her at the same time. "I still don't understand why you're upset. You solved every puzzle faster than all of the chimps."

"Well, except Barnabas, but he was on Adderall." Amy corrected.

"Excuse me for a minute." Howard, whose phone was ringing, interjected.

"How can I make this up to you?" Amy asked Penny.

"The answer's in this puzzle box." Penny replied, holding both her hands up, one hand wrapped around the middle finger of the other. "Let's see if you can open it."

"Hey, you okay?" Leonard asked a returning Howard, who looked quite distressed.

"No." the engineer shook his head.

"What's wrong?"

"My mom died." Howard told the group.

"What?" Bernadette summed up the reaction of the group.

"Uh, that was my aunt. Ma took a nap. She never woke up." Howard explained.

"Oh, my God, Howie." Bernadette hugged her husband in sympathy.

"What can we do?" Raj asked.

"I don't know." Howard sighed.

"May I say something?" Sheldon spoke up.

"Not right now, Sheldon." Leonard shook his head, knowing that Sheldon would probably say something hurtful.

"But I think it would be comforting." Sheldon added.

"Buddy." Leonard tried to get Sheldon to stop talking, Howard sitting down on the armchair in front of them.

"No, it's okay." Howard interrupted. "What is it?"

"When I lost my own father, I didn't have any friends to help me through it. You do." Sheldon said a surprisingly comforting thing.

"I really thought he was gonna say let it go." Penny whispered to Leonard, mirroring everybody else's assumptions.

"What will happen now?" Raj asked.

"I guess, I gotta go to Florida for the bureaucratic stuff." Howard sighed and got up.

"I'm coming with you." Bernadette said, leaving the store with him.

"How are you doing, Stuart?" Leonard asked the comic store owner, who looked as dejected as Howard did.

"I can't believe she's gone." the man sighed. "I mean, that woman took me in. If it wasn't for her, I, I would have been homeless."

"One of us would have taken you in." Amy shrugged.

"Yeah, I don't recall any offers." Stuart accused. "But, you know what, I'm glad it worked out the way it did because I got to know this wonderful person."

"Yeah. Mrs. Wolowitz was pretty special." Raj agreed. "When I first moved to America, Howard was my only friend and she made me feel so welcome in her home. Which says a lot, because, those first few years, she thought I was the gardener."

"Whenever I saw her, she'd say I was too skinny and try and feed me." Penny chuckled.

"She did that to me, too." Amy smiled.

"Don't take this away from me." Penny huffed.

"I didn't care for her yelling." Sheldon noted. "But now that I'm not going to hear it again, I'm sad."

"If you want, I can yell at you later." Leonard suggested.

"It won't be as good." Sheldon didn't get the joke.

"Let's have a toast." Leonard said and handed out glasses with some of the drinks they had brought. "To Mrs. Wolowitz. A loving mother to all of us. We'll miss you."

"Hear hear." Raj nodded and knocked his drink back.

"I don't know about you but I'm no longer in the mood for a party." Penny sighed.

"Yeah." the group agreed.

"Can I keep the food?" Stuart asked, visibly fidgeting.

"Yeah, sure." Raj, who had paid, shrugged.

"Lets go home." Leonard took Penny's hand, leading out of the store.

Time flew by quickly. Penny spent her time with exercise, acting classes, classes at community college and doing some last minute things for the wedding. During that time, Howard had to liquidate his mother's freezer due to a power outage, leading to a dinner invitation from them for the group where they all ate more than probably ever before and Howard learning that his wife sounded a lot like his mother when she was angry.

To her surprise, tonight, after the early dinner, they would do a live podcast with Wil Wheaton, who wanted to talk about the ape movie they did together, even though she found it horrible to even look at. She had no idea why they should expect anyone to call in, given how abysmal that movie was in quality but she imagined that some movies, like The Room, were so terrible that they lured in a cult following.

She looked at her stove, seeing the food still simmer. She was taking care not to burn it again,wanting to prove to Leonard that she could cook when she needed and also, she was pretty hungry after a day of helping Bernadette and Howard clean up the garage of his mother's house, which the couple would move in now.

And now she was waiting for Leonard to return from a lecture he was giving with Sheldon on the paper they both wrote. He had sent her a message telling her that he was almost back home, just a few minutes more and she went back to her stove and checked on the food again, stirring the sauce a bit more to prevent it from burning.

"Hey you." she smiled when her sweetie walked into the apartment, then saw his expression. "What's going on? Was the lecture a bust?"

"The lecture didn't happen." Leonard sighed.

"Why?" she wondered. "What happened?"

"Well, Sheldon convinced me to stop by the Skywalker Ranch..." Leonard began.

"Wait, is this a real place like Graceland or the Neverland Ranch?"

"Yes, it's actually where George Lucas lives." Leonard nodded. "But it's not an amusement park."

"So, what happened then?"

"We got onto the property up to the main gate where a security guard didn't let us in but offered us shirts and other merchandise."

"And then?"

"Then Sheldon ran out of the car and onto the property." Leonard continued. "The guards of course caught him after he got tasered. That at least was fun to watch, how he twitched on the ground, frothing."

"Did you get arrested?"

"Nah, just held." Leonard shook his head. "They released us after a few hours. How did you spend your day?"

"You know, we talked about it last night." she chuckled. "Helped Bernie and Howard with their stuff, though it got a little competitive about the tardis."

"Did he threw it away?"

"Howard wanted to keep it and then we began playing ping-pong for it, first me against Raj and then Raj against Amy." she told him.

"Who won?"

"In the end, Amy took the tardis and installed it as the door into her bedroom to lure Sheldon into it." she grinned.

"I think she might regret that." Leonard hesitated.

"Why?" Penny wanted to know.

"Sheldon may want to play Doctor Who with it and not play with Amy." he shrugged. "Why did you play?"

"I played for Bernadette to get rid of it." she shrugged. "As revenge for you making me watch so many episodes that I even know where it would belong."

"Hey, I'm not forcing you to watch it with me." he defended himself. "And even if I were, it's more than deserved for you making me watch every season of Sex And The City."

"Well... for one, that was a great show." Penny suddenly found herself on the defensive.

"So is Doctor Who." Leonard argued back. "And I reject your claim that Sex And The City was a great show."

"Why are we arguing about this?"

"I don't know." he shrugged and looked into the kitchen. "Lets eat."

"Yeah, lets." she chuckled and took the food from the stove.

She poured the spaghetti into the strainer and let the water drip off while Leonard did some last minute seasoning of the sauce. She used that time to put noodles on two plates, along with some salad and brought both to the window table where Leonard followed her to with the sauce pot in hand, ladling sauce on their plates.

"Hey, can I ask you a favor?" he asked a minute later when they were eating.

"Sure." she nodded.

"When Wil comes over, can I stay here?"

"I don't see why not." she shrugged.

"Great." he smiled happily and slurped down some more noodles.

Looking at her clock, she noticed the time and hurried up with the food, emptying her plate and waiting for Leonard to do the same before taking the plates to the kitchen and cleaning them. She changed into some more comfortable clothing and sat on the couch, waiting for Wil to arrive, who had told her that he'd be there at six-thirty to talk her through the process and set up the equipment. At six-thirty to the point, a knock sounded on her door, her opening it revealing the other actor.

"Hey Wil." she greeted him.

"Hello Penny." Wil nodded a greeting in return before his eyes fell on Leonard. "Hey Leonard."

"Hi." Leonard waved at him.

"Um... a little help?" Wil pointed at all the stuff in his arms.

"Oh, sorry." Leonard apologized and hurried to take some of the things from his friend. "Penny said I could sit in, I promise to be quiet."

"Sure, no problem." Wil agreed and turned to Penny. "Thanks again for agreeing to do this."

"Oh, it's cool, I've never been on a podcast before." Penny smiled as Wil began setting up the equipment.

"Well, you picked a good one to start. Wil's had lots of great guests. Jonathan Frakes, Brent Spiner, Michael Dorn, Gates McFadden." Leonard recounted.

"Those are Star Trek people." Penny guessed.

"Yes." Leonard nodded.

"I only figured that out because I've never heard of any of them." she winked.

"I deserve that." Wil interjected. "I invited you on my show and I drove here."

"Sorry." Penny chuckled.

"Okay, so, this is basically gonna be just like a little talk show. Uh, we're gonna take some calls, we'll talk about what it was like on the set of Serial Ape-ist 2. It should be really fun." Wil told her.

"So, how many people listen?" she wanted to know.

"Most people download it later, but usually a few thousand people listen live." Wil shrugged.

"What?" she gasped. "A few thousand people listen to you talk about nerd stuff?"

"Again, right in the ears, straight to the feelings." Wil pointed to his chest.

"Sorry." she chuckled again.

"Alright, lets begin." Wil announced and held up his finger to quieten the other two. "Welcome to Radio Free Burrito, where we talk about music and movies with people who star in them and who make it. Tonight, we want to talk about the movie Serial Ape-ist Two, a truly horrible low budget movie. For that reason, tonight we'll be joined by Penny, my co-star who played the main ape on the show and who did a terrific job in killing me in a truly brutal fashion. Good evening, Penny."

"Hi." she spoke into the microphone, even waving even though nobody could see her.

"Penny, why don't you start with how you got to play in that movie." Wil prompted her. "And as usual, you, my listeners, can call in. The lines are open."

"Well, when I came to California to make it as an actress, I found, after searching for a long time, a role in a small horror movie called Serial Ape-ist. I played a woman who got killed in the shower by one of the killer apes." Penny described her first experience as an actress.

"Actually, your shower scene is quite widespread on a few websites." Wil smiled.

"Don't remind me." she shot back.

"When did you know that the second movie would be as terrible as the first?" Wil asked.

"I think I started to suspect it was a bad movie when I looked at the script and saw the title, Serial Ape-ist 2: Monkey See, Monkey Kill." Penny joked.

"Uh, spoiler alert, after the monkey sees, it kills." Wil interjected as Leonard handed him a note. "I've just been handed a note. I'm going to read it. 'Wil, do you want more Diet Coke? Also, we have juice'."

"I didn't want to interrupt." Leonard said quietly and somewhat embarrassed.

"Uh, that voice you just heard belongs to Leonard, Penny's fiance." Wil introduced him to the listening audience. "Uh, Leonard, why don't you grab some headphones and join us?"

"Really?" Leonard gasped. "Great."

"So, while Leonard gets set up, let's take a call." Wil said, pressing a button on his equipment. "Hello, caller, you are on with Penny and Wil from Serial Ape-ist Two."

"I don't have a question. I just want to say I'm a big fan of the movie. I've seen it, like, ten times." the female caller gushed into the phone.

"Okay, well, I'll apologize for the first time, but the other nine are on you." Penny chuckled.

"Thanks a lot, caller." Wil joined in the mirth and ended the call. "You know that the movie actually has a little bit of a cult following."

"Really?" Penny looked at him with surprise.

"Yeah. I was at a science-fiction convention, and I saw a woman dressed as your half-ape character." Wil told her.

"Oh, if she was with an Indian guy dressed like a banana, that was just my friends, Howard and Raj." Leonard interjected.

"All right, it's time for a very special guest caller, a friend of mine, who you probably know as the director of such movies as Clerks, or from podcasts and books where he often reminds you that he's the guy who directed Clerks." Wil gave a long-winded introduction. "Hello, Kevin Smith."

"Hey, man, yo, is everything okay, Wil?" the voice of the aforementioned director boomed from the speakers."Because it's been, like, two minutes and you haven't even brought up Stand By Me."

"Hey, Kevin. It's really exciting to talk to you." Penny greeted the man, Leonard agreeing with her sentiment.

"Oh, you guys are very sweet. So, Penny, listen, I saw your movies." Kevin opened up with.

"Oh, wow. I wish the ape movie was better." Penny sighed.

"Oh, don't worry about it. Have you seen some of Kevin's films?" Wil interjected.

"You're cruisin' for a beatin', Wheaton." Kevin snapped. "Anyway, man, I dug the ape movie, Penny. And I thought you were, like, really great in it."

"Aw." Penny found that notion sweet.

"You know, I'm in the movie, too." Wil reminded his friend.

"Yeah, whatever." Kevin waved it off. "Penny, how come you're not in more stuff, man? I'd cast you in a minute."

"Seriously?" Penny gasped.

"Oh, yeah, man. I'm actually in pre-production on a movie right now. Way different than anything I've ever done before. It's called Clerks 3. You should come over and read for a part." Kevin suggested.

"Oh, my, I would love that." Penny said excitedly.

"Remember, we get married soon." Leonard reminded her.

"You are?" Kevin asked. "Congratulations."

"Thanks." Leonard smiled.

"When is the wedding?" Kevin asked.

"In April, then two weeks of honeymoon."

"Oh, that's no problem, the movie shoot wouldn't start until summer." Kevin assuaged Leonard's concern.

"That's so exciting." Penny gushed. "Can I call you for the information?"

"Wil can give you my number, you can give it to your agent so he or she can set it up." Kevin said. "First round of auditions are in two weeks."

"That's still before our wedding, I can do that." Penny almost hopped in her seat in anticipation.

"But don't expect to become rich and famous, win an Oscar, a Golden Globe and live an incredibly wonderful life from doing a Kevin Smith movie." Wil grinned.

"Oh, I'm hanging up now." Kevin announced.

"I'm just kidding, buddy. You're awesome. You're one of the greatest directors of our time." Wil said into the mic.

"I don't have a part for you, Wheaton." Kevin snapped back.

"And that was Kevin Smith." Wil hung up.

"Thanks so much, Kevin." Penny said into her mic in case Kevin Smith was still listening.

"Time for another caller." Wil said and hit a button. "You're on the air, what's your question."

"Hi, my name is Katie, and I just wanted to say, Penny, I loved you in the Spy Detective trilogy." the caller gushed into the phone

"Thanks." Penny smiled.

"I have two questions about it. I saw a picture of you with short hair and during the second movie, you had a scene where your long hair got burned off. I heard rumors on the internet that this actually happened, so is that true?"

"Yes, it's really true." Penny nodded, even though Katie couldn't see her. "We had a little accident on set and one of the explosive charges in the corridor I ran through went off early and my hair caught on fire. Luckily, there was a pool close by I could dive in to."

"Wow." Katie commented. "And as for my second question, who played your husband in those movies. He's not credited and I couldn't find any information. That guy is so cute and you and him have such amazing chemistry together."

"Would you like to talk to him?" Penny grinned, looking at Leonard who also grinned, albeit a bit smugly.

"You can do that?" Katie gasped. "I'd love to."

"Hi Katie." Leonard greeted the woman when Penny motioned for him to do it.

"What the... you're there?" Katie gasped even louder. "Wait, you're her fiance!"

"I am." Leonard chuckled.

"But... how...?" Katie stammered. "Did you get together after the movie? That would be so magical."

"Actually, Leonard has been my boyfriend for the past eight years." Penny cleared it up. "We got engaged over a year ago and we're going to get married next month."

"Is he an actor too?" Katie asked. "Why aren't there any information about him out there?"

"I'm an experimental physicist, working at CalTech." Leonard jumped in. "I visited Penny on the set during the shoot for the first movie and the producers asked me to be in the tag scene at the end. Apparently, they liked it so much that they asked me to do a few short scenes in the other two."

"That is so cool!" Katie whooped. "No wonder you two worked so well on screen."

"Thank you for your call, Katie." Wil jumped in. "Our next caller is Tom from Kansas City."

"Hey Penny, loved your tits in the first Serial Ape-ist." a male voice shouted from the speakers.

"Ah, thanks?" Penny hesitated, unsure how to react to something like that.

"Tom, you should..." Wil started but the man wouldn't let him finish.

"Man, Leonard, you have no idea how lucky you are that you can play with those juicy..."

"Alright, that's enough." Wil stopped that by ending the call.

"I do know how lucky I am." Leonard chuckled quietly, making Penny gently kick him.

They took more calls for the next two hours, talking about both the ape movies and Penny's spy trilogy, a surprising number of people calling in having seen those movies too. To Leonard's surprise, and to Penny's jealous mind, way too many females were gushing about Leonard's parts in the movie, small as they may have been.

Encountering no more perverts, Penny had to admit that she had a fun evening. Talking to fans who were genuinely interested in more than just taking a picture and, with some of them, even talking about what a fourth movie would entail, given the last scene of the third where Charles Dance was revealed to be a character in command of a conspiracy.

"Alright, that was another edition of Radio Free Burrito." Wil announced the end of the show. "I hope you guys had as much fun as we had. Goodbye and good night until the next time."

"Alright, that was fun." Penny grinned, taking off the headphones and handing them to will so he could pack them up.

"Thanks again for doing this." Wil said.

"No problem." Penny smiled at him.

"Hey Wil, one more thing." Leonard interjected. "You want to come to our wedding?"

"Really?" Wil perked up.

"That's a great idea." Penny agreed and got up, getting one of the invitations they had left over. "Here you go."

"Thank you." Wil smiled happily. "I'll bring my wife, so count me plus one."

"Great." Penny clapped her hands together. "I'll rework the seating arrangements, shouldn't be much trouble."

"Will it be a big affair?" Wil asked as he finished packing his stuff.

"No, you, our group of friends, my family, the guys from the comic book store, since Leonard's family can't attend and a handful of others." Penny told him. "Bernadette will conduct the ceremony."

"Why Bernadette?" Wil wanted to know.

"Because we all conducted hers." Leonard shrugged. "We thought it only fair."

"I'm not judging, I think it's a very nice gesture." Wil nodded. "Just so you know, I'm also ordained, so if she's somehow inconvenienced, I can step in."

"Much appreciated." Penny laughed and opened the door for him. "Bye Wil."

"Bye." the man waved and turned around, leaving them alone.

"Well, that was cool." Penny commented. "Never thought it could be so much fun to talk to fans. Except the one that was talking about my breasts."

"Yeah, I also hate those people who only comment on the looks of a person they see on TV and not their work." he agreed. "But I say again, I know how lucky I am."

"Aw." she smiled warmly. "Come on, lets go to bed and you can play with them for a while."

"That's always nice." he chuckled and followed her into the bedroom.

"So, this should be correct." she said, showing him the license application.

"Yeah, I'd say so." he nodded. "If not, I'm sure the clerk will tell us."

"Didn't you tell me that we had to do this ten days before our wedding?" she grinned at him.

"That's what I was sure about." he defended himself. "But hey, now we have ninety days."

"Not that we need them." she giggled.

"I think I confused that with this." he pointed to the disclaimer.

"The person solemnizing the marriage must return the original marriage license to the County Clerk or County Recorder as applicable within ten days of the date of the ceremony." she read from the disclaimer document. "What does that mean?"

"After Bernadette has married us, she has ten days to bring the marriage license back here." he explained.

"Do we get a copy?" she asked.

"Only if we ask and pay for one." he told her. "Do you want a copy?"

"Nah, it's not that important." she waved it off and walked towards the clerks station, waiting a few minutes for the people in front of her to finish up.

"Here you go." Leonard smiled at the woman behind the counter, handing her the two documents and Penny resting her head on his shoulder.

"Alright, seems to be in order." the black woman nodded and started typing at her computer, reading something before her face turned to confusion.

"Something wrong?" Penny asked, lifting her head.

"You two do realize that you don't need another marriage license if you want to renew your vows, right?" the woman asked them.

"Uh... what?" Leonard summed up their confusion after several seconds of silence.

"What are you talking about." Penny interjected. "We're not married yet."

"According to this, you are." she pointed to her computer screen.

"When did our supposed marriage happen?" Leonard wanted to know, after several more seconds of stunned silence.

"Your very real marriage happened in 2009, at the Graceland chapel in Las Vegas." the clerk read from her screen.

"What the..." Penny gasped. "Are you saying that we have been married for six years?"

"Yes, you have." the clerk nodded.

"Uh... I... my mind is blank." Leonard shook his head, unable to grasp the situation.

"I need a drink." Penny huffed and stomped off.

"We might be back later." Leonard said to the clerk who just shrugged and moved on to the next couple in line.

He hurried after Penny and saw her walking to a nearby bar where the owner had just opened up. She entered the establishment and sat down at the bar, ordering a stiff drink and knocking it back in one swig. She noticed Leonard joining her, who refused a drink due to the fact that he still had to drive them back home. She ordered a second one, knocking that back too and had the bartender refill her glass once more.

"Penny, stop." Leonard put his hand on her arm.

"Leonard, we have been married for six years." she huffed. "And I don't remember how that happened. And who knows what kind of legal trouble we might be in. Why aren't you more upset?"

"Well, first, I don't regret being married to you already." he shrugged. "And I doubt we'll get into any legal trouble. It's not like we stiffed the IRS when we filed separate returns."

"Can you remember a wedding?" she looked at him.

"I have no idea." he chuckled sadly. "Especially when it comes to the Graceland... oh my god!"

"What?"

"The Graceland chapel?" he prompted. "Remember when we went to Vegas with Howard and Raj to cheer him up because Leslie Winkle had him dumped?"

"Yeah, we gambled and drank those buckets... oh crap!" she remembered suddenly. "That Elvis impersonator."

"Exactly." he nodded.

"And that makes me remember something else." she realized. "When you guys were at the North Pole, some morons set fire to the mail boxes in our building and when I removed the burnt paper from yours, I found a letter with a Las Vegas return address on it, from our hotel, I think. And in it were the remains of a document and a picture."

"Wait, so you think the hotel staff found a picture or more of our wedding in our room and sent them to us?" he wondered.

"What else could it be." she shrugged. "I remember wondering why they would send us something and I thought it was maybe a copy of our bill or something. Since there weren't any follow-up calls or more letters, I never really thought about it again."

"So, what do we do now?" he asked her.

"I have no idea." she sighed. "Do we cancel the wedding, since we don't need to get married anymore?"

"No." he said resolutely, standing up and throwing a ten-dollar bill on the counter for her drinks. "We're going to have the wedding we wanted. Come on."

"Where are we going?" she wanted to know, not drinking her third shot.

They walked back to the registrars office and got in line for the same clerk they had before, even though another was closer. Penny had no idea what Leonard intended to do and the last thing she wanted to do is ask him now when other people could hear them even if they whispered. It took another twenty minutes before they were back at the counter, the woman behind it looking at them expectantly.

"Yes?" she asked.

"We have kind of a strange request." Leonard opened up.

"Honey, I had a guy in here who wanted to marry his horse, I doubt anything you say will shock me." the woman laughed.

"We really want to avoid the embarrassment of telling our friends and family about this." Leonard started. "So, I wanted to ask if you could issue us a fake license that only you and us know as being fake."

"Excuse me?"

"Well, as you see on our applications, the officiant will be Bernadette Marianne Rostenkowski-Wollowitz. She's a close friend of ours. After our wedding, she has to bring the license back here for filing, right?"

"That is correct, yes." the woman nodded.

"So, could you somehow mark the license so that when our friend brings it here, you know that you could simply throw it away?"

"Here's a crazy idea." the woman huffed. "Tell your friend about this, then let her do the ceremony and tell her to throw the license away afterwards."

"Oh, we can't do that." Penny gasped. "Bernie can't keep a secret of that magnitude."

"Fine." the woman huffed and put a small mark on the back of the license before grabbing an empty envelope, writing her name on it. "Just tell your friend to put the license into this envelope before she hands it in, then I'll get it directly and I will know."

"Thank you very much." Penny smiled gratefully, then both left the building.

"Something wrong?" Leonard asked, sensing her mood.

"Six years, Leonard!" she said exasperatedly. "We have been married for six years. Why are you so calm about this?"

"Because it's something I can't change." he shrugged. "Don't misunderstand me, I'm not completely blase about it but I don't see what complaining is supposed to do about it."

"I guess you're right." she sighed, envying his apparent ability to keep calm about this. "Still, this sucks. I wanted my wedding to be something memorable and real and not be just a renewing of vows I don't even remember giving."

"Then lets just do that." he said. "Lets not think about it as renewing of vows but as our real wedding. We can clue in the others in due time."

"What's due time?" she giggled.

"How about four years when I announce that I'll take you out on a fancy date to celebrate our ten-year anniversary."

"That sounds fun." she laughed, taking his hand as they walked towards his car. "Nine more days, Leonard."

"I know, I can't wait." he smiled happily. "And then off to the Hobbit home."

"Mark my words, our first vacation will be at that resort we use as a cover." she looked pointedly at him.

"Okay." he agreed. "It will be worth it just to see you in a bikini."

"Even though you know every inch of my naked body." she chuckled.

"It's more like saying to other guys, 'hey look, this is my wife. Eat your heart out'."

"Ha, I knew it." she laughed. "As much as you don't like other guys looking at me, you want them to look at me."

"Only to see that they can't have you." he winked and grabbed her ass. "Because you're mine."

"Oh, I like this side of yours." she giggled and leaned into his ear. "Take me home. Right now!"

"Oh, hell yeah!" he nodded eagerly. "But first, we have to get the food for the group from the deli."

"Then hurry." she ordered him and he drove off.

A quick stop at the deli later, Penny was holding the bags with the food cartons on her lap while Leonard drove home. After arriving at their block, he quickly parked the car and got out of the car, opening her door and taking the bags from her lap so she could get out. She walked in front of him into the building and up the stairs and, after checking that he was directly behind her, lifted up the back of her skirt, revealing her thong to him.

"Move!" he growled and pushed her forward.

When they arrived on their floor, she took out her keys with deliberate slowness to torture him a bit more. She was rewarded with him pressing himself against her back, his erection inside his pants poking her in the thigh. She quickly unlocked the door and he pushed her inside, slamming the door shut and dropping the food on the floor.

She was about to walk into the bedroom but Leonard simply grabbed her and pressed her against the side of the couch. His hand on her back, he pushed her upper body forward, his other hand running over her ass and folds. He pulled the thong down and opened his pants, taking out his straining erection before quickly pushing it into her.

Her wetness welcoming him eagerly, he didn't have to let her get used to him and began pummeling her hard. Penny began yelling almost immediately, the angle very good for providing her pleasure. Leonard allowed himself a smile, glad that he knew the angles of how to make her feel very good. To increase the force of his thrusts, he put his feet on the armrest, using the weight of his upper body.

"Oh god yes!" Penny yelled her first coherent words after several minutes. "Fuck that tight pussy!"

If he could, Leonard would shake his head but his entire mind was busy thinking about things to distract him from the amazing feeling he was experiencing. Penny talking dirty, like she was often inclined to do ever since meeting Sam, didn't help in his efforts to prolong the intercourse yet somehow, he managed to do it.

His legs were already burning, his precarious perch on the armrest on the couch taking on a lot of his concentration and just by thinking about it, he couldn't ignore the pain building up in his thighs. Penny's howls became louder and as she climaxed, she squeezed his manhood hard, causing his own dam to break and he quickly pulled out of her and shot his load into his hand while he tried not to collapse.

"Why didn't you come inside me?" she asked, still not getting up.

"Because it usually takes a few minutes for it to come out and we're expected for dinner with our friends."

"Right." she sighed in content and closed her eyes while Leonard went into the bathroom to get washed up.

"Not up yet?" Leonard chuckled after his return, seeing Penny still in the position she was when he went in there.

"Hey, I just had three orgasms, let me bask for a bit more." she poked out her tongue.

"Three?" he felt very smug.

"Yeah, two smaller ones and one I'd classify in the upper medium range." she giggled. "Nothing in the realm of earth shattering that has me shaking for minutes afterwards."

"Huh, maybe I should try to do a better job next time." he chuckled and got on his knees behind her.

"I think, right now you're reloading your... ooooh!" she moaned when she felt his mouth and tongue move against her folds. "What are you doing?"

"Isn't it obvious?"

"You said our friends waited for us for dinner." she argued, without much force behind it given what he was doing.

"I'm getting an appetizer." he said and ran his tongue slowly up and down her folds. "Want me to stop?"

"No." she moaned, grabbing her pillow.

"Are you two done in there, we want to eat!" a high-pitched voice, along with banging on the door, interrupted them.

"Dammit Bernie, I'm getting my pussy sucked." Penny groaned in exasperation.

"And we're hungry, so either give us the food or continue this later." came the equally exasperated retort.

"Crap, she wasn't supposed to hear that." Penny mumbled, blushing, and got up, shooing Leonard away and putting her thong back up. "I'm gonna change into something more modest."

"Okay." Leonard nodded, waiting for a minute while Penny changed from skirt into a pair of pants.

"Finally." Raj said when they arrived at the guys' apartment. "Were there problems at the registrars office?"

"Other than a long waiting time, no." Leonard shook his head, glad that the rest of the group apparently didn't know about their quickie.

"Bernie, here's the license." Penny handed Bernadette the document and the special envelope they got from the clerk. "Once you married us, you need to return it within ten days. Just put it into this envelope, and mail it in, then it gets to the clerk who issued it."

"Okay, saves me the trip to go there." Bernie nodded.

Penny just hoped that Leonard wouldn't slip up and tell the others that they had been married for years already. They could do that later. Much later.

"Daddy!" Penny hugged her father, as he came into the apartment.

"What about me?" Meryl chuckled.

"Mom!" Penny hugged her mother as well, then saw her sister. "Bridget!"

"Hey, little sis." Bridget smiled and returned Penny's hug.

"Did you bring Josh with you?" Penny wondered.

"Yes, he's getting our luggage." Bridget nodded. "We also brought someone else with us." she added, pointing behind her.

"Scott!" Penny shrieked at the sight of her brother, enveloping him in another hug. "How are you?"

"Well, not as great as I wanted to be." Scott shrugged, returning the hug.

"You're on special leave or are you out of therapy?" Penny asked pointedly.

"I'm out." Scott nodded.

"Are you living with mom and dad?"

"No, actually, I have an apartment." Scott told her. "Small, somewhat rundown, but mine. Well, it belongs to my landlord, but you know what I mean."

"Yeah." she chuckled. "Glad you could make it."

"Seeing my little sis get married?" Scott raised an eyebrow. "Wouldn't miss it for the world."

"You haven't met Leonard yet, have you?" she wondered.

"No, but given what Bridget, mom and dad have told me about him, I'll probably hate him less than all your other earlier boyfriends." Scott smiled.

"Why would you hate him at all?" Penny moped.

"He's doing my little sister, it's my job as big brother to hate him." Scott laughed.

"Where is Leonard, by the way?" Meryl asked.

"He's out with his friends for the Bachelor party." Penny replied.

"Isn't it a bit early?" Wyatt wondered.

"Have you met Leonard?" Penny looked at her father with a raised eyebrow. "They're not going to strip clubs, they're meeting in a restaurant for a big steak dinner and maybe a single drink, at least most of them. And they'll be back way before midnight."

"Don't they know how to live a little?" Scott chuckled. "Where are they?"

"They are at Cafe Chimichurri on Glenarm Street." Penny told him and watched Scott briskly walk out. "If I have to bail anyone out of jail, I will disown you as a brother." she called after him.

"I'll go with him to make sure that he doesn't do anything stupid." Wyatt grinned.

"You just want to eat meat." Penny accused jokingly.

"Guilty as charged!" Wyatt singsonged and hurried after his son.

"Why is Leonard having his bachelor party two days before the wedding and not a day before like everyone else?" Bridget asked.

"He said that he thinks that this tradition is stupid." Penny chuckled. "He wondered why anyone would have a giant party the day before you get married and risk waking up with a hangover or an upset stomach."

"That man of yours truly is a genius." Meryl grinned proudly. "Finally a smart one in the family."

"Hey!" Bridget and Penny gasped at the same time.

"You know what I mean." Meryl stood her ground. "The only one before Leonard was your uncle Theo really. And look what Leonard and his smarts have done for us."

"That I agree with." Bridget nodded. "Also, he's capable of making Penny howl at the moon when they have sex."

"Bridget!" Penny gasped, her face turning beet red.

"What's the road map for your wedding, given that we're here a day early?" Meryl asked. "I mean, where do we sleep, it's not like your apartment is big enough for all of us."

"Your hotel rooms are booked for two nights." Penny told her. "Everyone else attending lives here, so they don't need them. Most of the guests already stated that they'll go home after the party."

"Bridget, didn't you say that Josh was getting your luggage, where is he?" Meryl interjected.

"Uh, you're right." Bridget realized that her fiance wasn't there yet, making her take out her phone and call him.

"I'll head to the bathroom for a minute." Meryl announced and left the living room.

"Hey Josh, where are you?" Bridget asked into her phone. "Aha... why am I not surprised?... and where's our luggage?... So I have to get it to our hotel by myself now?... Pff, you better train your tongue for tonight mister and don't dare come there drunk... Yeah, yeah, love you too... Bye."

"Train his tongue?" Penny looked at her sister.

"Remember that advice you gave me, that I should sit on his face when I want him to lick me longer?" Bridget winked. "I followed that and turns out, he kinda likes that side of me."

"Yeah, us girls seem to taste great." Penny laughed.

"What's so funny?" a returning Meryl asked.

"Nothing, just joking about her threat to Josh." Penny obfuscated. "By the way, where is Josh?"

"Dad and Scott grabbed him and took him with them to that steakhouse that Leonard's at." Bridget said and got up, going to the door and opening it, revealing several pieces of luggage. "And he left our luggage in the hallway."

"By the way, when will your wedding be?" Penny asked her sister, helping her with the bags.

"Oh, we don't feel the need to hurry." Bridget shrugged. "You waited almost two years for yours, so who are you to judge?"

"I'm not judging, I'm just curious." Penny said.

"Don't worry, you will be invited." Bridget winked.

"Gee, thanks." Penny smirked and sat down with her family to go over some more details.

"Where's Leonard's family?" Bridget asked, looking at the seating arrangements.

"Not coming." Penny sighed, feeling sad for her love.

"That's so sad." Meryl voiced their feelings.

"Where are they?" Bridget wanted to know.

"Well, apparently his brother is trying a case in court, his sister has experiments she can't get away from, his dad is on an expedition and he didn't invite his mother." Penny explained.

"Why not?"

"If you meet her some day, you'll know." Penny chuckled sadly.

"So, I count twenty-four guests." Bridget commented after another look at the seating chart. "Small affair."

"Which is fine." Penny grinned. "Saves money. So, apart from me and Leonard, it's you guys plus Josh, Sheldon, Amy, Howard, Bernadette, Raj, his girlfriend Emily, Stuart, Frank, Alice and their son Thomas, Bert and Barry Kripke, two colleagues of Leonard, three other guys from the comic book store, Wil Wheaton plus his wife and Sam and Marcia.

"Who's Marcia?" Bridget asked, looking closer at the arrangement.

"Oh, she's a friend of mine. She played the tech girl on my team in my movies." Penny told her. "We hit it off and I asked her if she would come too."

"Really?" Bridget nodded. "Cool. And who's Sam?"

"She's a colleague of Leonard's who I met in Aberdeen when I visited Leonard during his expedition there. She's... one hell of a woman." Penny tried to describe her without the spicy bits.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Bridget asked.

"You'll see when you meet her." Penny laughed.

"Do I have to keep Josh away from her?" Bridget worried.

"More likely, Josh will have to keep you away from her." Penny winked.

"Oh, she's gay?" Meryl looked surprised.

"Actually, she likes both women and men." Penny clarified.

"Did she come on to you?" Bridget grinned.

"She made some remarks but also realized that it wouldn't happen." Penny said. "I love Leonard too much."

"Aw, that's so sweet, it's almost sickening." Bridget cooed.

"Yeah, it's... hey!" Penny realized what her sister had said.

"Relax, I'm just kidding you." Bridget grinned. "Damn, my little sister is finally getting married."

"Yeah, getting." Penny whispered.

"What was that?" her mother asked, having heard that.

"Okay, I need to tell you something but you absolutely cannot tell anyone." Penny said, unable to hold the secret in.

"Oooh, what is it?" Bridget giggled. "Are you pregnant already and you don't want dad to know?"

"Not that drastic." Penny smirked. "Six years ago, I went with Leonard and two of his friends to Vegas."

"Ha, I think I know where this is going." Bridget laughed.

"Yeah well." Penny huffed. "We got stinking drunk and painted the town red and the next morning, we had no recollection of what happened. But apparently, we visited one of those chapels with Elvis impersonators."

"What are you saying, Penny?" her mom asked.

"Long story short, Leonard and I got married in Vegas six years ago. But since we were kinda out of it, we didn't take the documentation with us." she told them. "The chapel sent us the documents later when Leonard was at the North Pole but the envelope was in the mailbox when that got set on fire by some juvenile idiots. So we never really found out until we were at the registrars office last week."

"So, what now?" Bridget wanted to know.

"We decided not to tell anyone and have the ceremony anyway." Penny answered. "But instead of us getting married, it will be more of a renewing of vows we haven't spoken yet and the clerk at the registrars office will simply shred our marriage license when Bernie mails it in."

"And that's legal?" Bridget was doubtful.

"Renewing your vows is done all the time." Meryl said. "Also, it's not as if they cheated the IRS by filing their returns separately. Only if they did it the other way around would they get in trouble."

"Still, isn't it weird?" Bridget looked at her.

"Of course it is." Penny huffed. "Imagine we had broken up during those six years and been with others. We would have committed adultery."

"Well, it's not like it's a crime." Bridget shrugged.

"Bridget, don't." Meryl shook her head at her oldest daughter, knowing what Penny had done in a moment of weakness during Leonard's North Pole expedition.

"I don't see what the big deal is, that's all I'm saying." Bridget said, oblivious to Penny's indiscretion with her former friends during Leonard's North Pole absence.

"Well, this is all very interesting but I think we should head to our hotel now." Meryl announced. "We have a full day tomorrow to get ready for the wedding."

"Come on, it won't be that bad." Penny argued.

"Sis, a day for beauty always takes a while." Bridget slapped her on the back and gave her a hug. "Help me get the luggage down the stairs while mom calls a cab."

"If you promise to drive safely, I can loan you mine." Penny suggested.

"I'll drive." Meryl assured her.

Penny took three of the bags, Bridget carrying another three and Meryl taking the ones that belonged to her and Wyatt. Penny kept wondering what her sister had brought with her, given that it was only for two nights, so apart from two changes of clothes, her dress for the wedding and Josh's suit, she didn't really have to bring anything.

Penny unlocked her car and put everything into the trunk, then handed the keys to her mother, hugging both her relatives before watching them leave. In less than forty-eight hours, she would be misses Hofstadter.

She couldn't wait.

"Marcia." Penny greeted her friend and co-star when the blond woman came through the door, giving her a hug.

"Penny." the other woman hugged her back. "I thought it was customary for the groom to greet the guests, dressed in his tux."

"Yeah, we decided to throw all of that out the window." Penny giggled. "We still have two hours, so plenty of time for me to get ready and Leonard is entertaining his friends who are already here."

"Who's the giant?" Marcia pointed behind Penny, where Frank was laughing with his booming laugh. "Uh, even more important, who's the gorgeous woman next to him?"

"The man mountain is Frank, a colleague of Leonard and the gorgeous woman, as you call her, is his wife Alice." Penny smiled at another indication that her co-star was really as lesbian in life as she was in the movie.

"Penny!" a female voice suddenly boomed and Penny grinned when she saw a familiar face entering the building.

"If you think Alice is a bombshell, then you should turn around now." Penny whispered to Marcia who did just that.

"Holy crap." Marcia hissed at the sight of Samantha Wilcox, dressed in tight, formfitting jeans and an equally tight top that showed off her breasts in a most pleasant manner.

"Sam." Penny smiled warmly at the women, hugging her and almost getting crushed by her British friend. "Marcia, this is Sam, a friend of ours and colleague of Leonard. Sam, this is Marcia, my co-star in my last two movies."

"Nice to meet you." Marcia smiled.

"Likewise." Sam nodded, shaking the brunettes hand and Penny was sure that she saw a sparkling in Sam's eyes. "Penny, why are you still down here and why is Leonard not greeting us?"

"Leonard is entertaining the other guests and I have two more hours to get ready." Penny giggled. "You two were the last ones, lets get mingling."

They headed into the back area where their ceremony would be held and Penny introduced the two women to the group. She had to suppress a loud laugh when she saw some of Leonard's comic book store friends almost faint when Sam held out her hand to them, none of them probably having seen a woman like her in real life that looked almost like a character in a Japanese erotic comic.

As they talked, Penny excused herself to get ready, her mother and sister accompanying her while Leonard opened the finger food buffet to those who were hungry, Frank almost jumping to the table in his hurry to get some food into his gargantuan body. Since her hair had already been done before, all she had to do was makeup and getting into her wedding dress, a knee-length white dress that reached just above her breasts and an additional see-through dress that was held by her shoulders and reached her knees as well.

"You look beautiful." Meryl gushed when Penny stood ready.

"Are you nervous?" Bridget asked.

"Surprisingly enough, I'm not in the slightest." Penny shrugged. "I actually want to get this over with, I wanna be Leonard's wife already."

"Want me to get your friend in here to take your I do's right here?" Wyatt joked, waiting for his cue to lead her down the aisle.

"Nah, lets get this show on the road!" she proclaimed.

"Alright, we'll head to our seats, give us two more minutes." Meryl said and ushered Bridget out of the room.

"Are you happy, slugger?" Wyatt asked when they were alone.

"Very." Penny nodded. "Shall we?"

"Alright, lets get going." Wyatt said and led her out of the room and down the stairs, and waiting outside the guests view for their musical cue.

When the wedding march finally sounded, Wyatt offered Penny his elbow and Penny put her hand through it, letting her dad lead her towards Leonard, who had been unable to stop smiling from the moment he saw Penny. Bernadette also smiled happily from her spot, waiting for Penny to arrive so she could do the ceremony.

"Be good to her." Wyatt whispered to Leonard after bringing Penny to him.

"I intend to." Leonard nodded and went quiet.

"And don't lend your new brother-in-law any money." he added before leaving.

"I heard that." Scott called from his seat, his mother hitting his leg to be quiet.

"Welcome, family, friends and loved ones." Bernadette started when everyone was quiet. "We gather here today to celebrate the wedding of our friends Leonard and Penny. We all have come here to share in this formal commitment they make to one another, to offer your love and support to this union, and to allow Leonard and Penny to start their married life together surrounded by the people dearest and most important to them."

"That's so touching." Penny gushed.

"Marriage is perhaps the greatest and most challenging adventure we set ourselves on." Bernadette continued, giving Penny a look of reproach at her interruption. "No ceremony can create your marriage, only you can do that through love and patience, dedication and perseverance, through talking and listening, helping and supporting and believing in each other, through tenderness and laughter, through learning to forgive, learning to appreciate your differences, and by learning to make the important things matter, and to let go of the rest. What this ceremony can do is to witness and affirm the choice you make to stand together as spouses and partners."

"She's really good." Leonard whispered to Penny.

"Lets get to the vows." Bernadette gave Leonard a look this time, quickly shutting him up. "Penny?"

"Leonard, with this ring, you are my family, and I want to be there for you in all things." Penny said tearfully and put the ring on Leonard's finger. "I am so excited to be your wife and share in every moment, not only the good times, but the learning experiences too. I vow to take from every moment the opportunity to love, to nurture, to grow and to never forget how lucky I am. It is clear to me now that everything in my life has led me to you. I think back on all my choices and consider even the bad ones blessed, because if I had done even one thing differently, I might never have met you and become your wife."

"That was so touching." Bernadette had to wipe away a tear. "Leonard?"

"If I ever had any doubt about marrying you, they would have been wiped away the moment you walked down the isle." Leonard sniffed and put the ring on Penny's finger. "The simple words I do reflect a contract I have with you. To do whatever and anything it takes to make you happy, to take action in our marriage and not just give lip service to those actions, but most of all that I love you, and always will. I promise to be there for you, in cold winter mornings, to warm you, on soft spring days to watch our love grow, in our summer afternoons to play in the light of the sun, and in our autumn evenings to kiss your fingers and say, every moment of our love have all been worth it. I vow never to stop loving you as I do today. To carry the warmth of our love over years through difficult times, up hills and over oceans. To be the standard bearer of our love and yell to the wide open spaces filling them with the words 'This is my wife and I love her!'."

"May I present to you, Mister and Misses Leonard Hofstadter!" Bernadette said loudly, wiping away more tears as the guests began to applaud. "You may now kiss the bride."

Like a dog unleashed, Penny threw herself at Leonard and pressed her lips on his. Leonard wrapped his arms around his wife and answered the kiss with equal passion but both had enough presence of mind to not let it become too steamy in front of their friends and family. When they separated and turned to face the guests, the assembled people got up and applauded ferociously, all of them coming forward to shake their hands and hug.

They moved the festivities inside, where the hotel employees had set the tables and brought out the cakes, marking each with notes to show which ones were regular and which ones were made without lactose. Penny had made sure that the wedding cake was lactose free as well, a three-leveled cake where every level was a different cake.

The top was a strawberry cream cake with a sweet frosting that Penny had sampled and immediately fallen in love with. The middle was a mango cream cake with a different but still tasty frosting and the bottom level was a regular chocolate cake made out of a rich kind of chocolate that felt as if one was having a mouth orgasm every time a bite was taken.

"I am not one for big speeches." Leonard opened once every guest had sat down on their designated seats, creating laughter among the group given the romantic vow he just had given. "I wanted to thank you for coming to spend this day with us. And without further ado, I declare this buffet open."

"Hear, hear!" Frank boomed and attempted to get up, only to be stopped by his wife.

"Come on, I know you're not following tradition with this wedding but at least cut your wedding cake before you let the big guy eat all the others." Alice said.

"Hey!" Frank moped.

"Frank, leave some room, we have suckling pig and turkey later." Leonard winked at the big man as he and Penny got up, Penny taking the large cake knife.

"Only one pig?" Frank asked, causing everyone to laugh. "Why is everyone laughing?"

"Alright!" Wyatt whooped when the couple had taken a large piece out of the top level.

"Now lets eat and be merry, for tomorrow we may die." Bert proclaimed in his raspy and monotone voice.

"Hear, hear!" Frank repeated his earlier reaction and headed for cakes for real this time.

For the next hour, all that could be heard was chatter from small talk and the clinking of cutlery hitting porcelain. Penny had to admit that the hotel they had chosen had a great pastry chef, every cake tasting great as they had advertised but she and Leonard both decided not to eat too many pieces, since they still had to do a few dances.

After that hour, Wyatt proclaimed that it was time for these dances, Penny and Leonard going to the large open space and slowly dancing to the music they had chosen, her decision to wear a short wedding dress proving wise now, since she didn't have to worry about the veil or anything else sweeping the floor.

Once they were done, Wyatt demanded his father-daughter dance, whispering to Penny how glad he was that he didn't have to worry about her water breaking. At the same time, Meryl danced with Leonard, followed by Bridget doing the same, giving Scott the chance to dance with his sister.

After these dances, the floor was opened to the others and others joined them, even Sheldon and Amy. Leonard's nerd friends mostly stayed in their seats, not having brought any dates but Sam an Marcia humored them at some points, dancing with each of them, even though these guys continued to sweat bullets every time Sam came near them.

At one point, Sam and Marcia flew over the dance floor in a kind of steamy dance that had the assembled guests hooting appreciatively at the two women. Penny was pretty sure that if there hadn't been other people present, these two would be busy frolicking on the floor without clothes and inhibitions while trying to get each other to scream in pleasure.

After an hour of dancing, the hotel's wedding planer came into the room, signaling to Leonard that the pig was ready to be served. Leonard called the guests to their table, letting the hotel employees set the buffet table. One of the cooks who prepared the pig came into the room, standing behind the table where he began carving the turkey meat into slices.

"Leonard, could you declare the buffet open?" Alice asked. "I have trouble keeping Frank from jumping at the pig to sink his teeth into it."

"I resent that!" Frank moped, to the laughter of the group.

"Lets eat!" Leonard shouted and everyone got up to get plates.

Frank almost jumped up, grabbing three plates and heading out to the cook who had was cutting the pig. He returned, two plates filled with regular portions of meat and one, his own, holding the largest cut of meat Penny had ever seen someone take who wasn't a competitive eater. He wasn't satisfied with just the meat and Penny grinned when he filled the remaining space on the plate with all the side dishes that were laid out.

Penny tried to stay true to her vegetarianism but when Leonard sat down next to her with a piece of pork, she just had to taste it and once that piece was in her mouth, she found herself walking to the cook with the pig and receiving her own large piece. Grinning at her new husband, she put her fork into the piece and began eating, trying not to eat too fast.

With all the amount of food, it was hard to do. Everything Penny ate tasted heavenly and after the assembled guests had finished eating, everyone was leaning backwards and fumbling at their pants as if the guys were about to open their pants buttons to relieve the pressure on their stomachs. When nobody got up again to get more food, Leonard mentioned for the hotel employees to take it away, the workers knowing that they should keep the remaining pig and turkey for the next morning to carve apart so the guests who wanted to could take it home.

When they were able to move again, Penny ordered the booze to be brought out. Everyone who didn't have to drive partook in the drinking, everyone, even the nerds who didn't dare to dance before now joyously hopping along with the music. One even managed to ask Sam to dance before being twirled around the dance floor by the long-haired woman.

When the clock reached midnight, the festivities became more subdued, the amount of food and the time of day tiring out everyone and they sat down outside, enjoying the cooler night air, sipping whiskey or beer or juice or water. Penny was happy to see that Scott wasn't drinking alcohol while her sister and dad were taking the offerings gladly.

Sheldon and Amy excused themselves, Sheldon citing his bedtime and how he was long overdue. She hugged Amy and said her goodbyes, forgiving her for the testing Amy had done to her. Even Sheldon gave a heartfelt congratulations and before leaving, he once again asked if Leonard had packed enough sunscreen, still buying the cover story.

"Did you print out the new travel information?" she asked after they had left.

"Yeah, they're in your bedroom." he nodded. "When we're home, Amy and Sheldon should have already left for that train exhibit, so we just have to replace them before leaving."

"Okay." she giggled and together, they rejoined their friends.

For the next three hours, Penny reveled in her new martial status. She had trouble not to look at the ring, except when her dad asked her for more dances but even the most fun night had to end sometimes and at three in the morning, the group began thinning out as if someone had told them to leave.

The two hotel waitresses who were assigned to them sighed in relief as well as they began clearing the tables of empty glasses and everything else that the wedding party left there. Leonard and Penny said goodbye to every guest who wasn't staying at the hotel and when everyone had left, they too retreated to their room.

"You look like you're about to keel over." Penny joked as she stood in front of the bed, wearing only the thong she had worn under her wedding dress and seeing Leonard sitting on the bed, wearing his shorts.

"Because I am." he nodded. "Would you be really mad if I said that I don't really feel the urge to have sex right now?"

"Oh, thank god!" Penny breathed and fell forward on the bed.

"Not quite the reaction I expected." he chuckled.

"Yeah, sorry." she grinned. "But I'm so tired right now from all the food and drink and the dancing and the late hour."

"Then lets get some sleep." he said, caressing her back. "We need to leave the hotel at eleven and be at the airport at one."

"Good thing we packed our bags already." she sighed in content and closed her eyes while Leonard shut off the lights.

"Did you hear that?" he asked after a few minutes in darkness.

"Yeah." she nodded and sat up before putting her ear against the wall. "It seems Sam got herself someone for the night."

"Sam is in the next room?" he wondered and put his ear on the wall as well.

Penny was hoping for some dirty talk from Sam to indicate who she was with but all they could hear was the grunting that accompanied two people having a serious intimate encounter. The thick walls that were a fixture of this hotel's honeymoon suite didn't help matters, so Penny ultimately shrugged her shoulders and joined Leonard under the covers, her husband wrapping his arm around her chest and kissing her shoulders before falling asleep.

They were woken by his phone alarm at nine, Penny, with her eyes still closed, waving her arm over the nightstand in an effort to find the offending object and throw it against the wall but Leonard preempted her, shutting off the alarm and getting up to use the toilet. Penny pulled the comforter over her head to get darkness hitting her eyes but once she heard the flushing of the toilet, her own bladder became active with force, making her scramble to relieve herself.

"How are you feeling?" he asked while brushing his teeth.

"Tired." she mumbled. "But exceedingly happy." she added and pressed a kiss to his toothpaste filled lips.

"Breakfast is set for eight-thirty, so there might already be some of our guests down there." he told her.

"You think they came back?" she asked, referring to the ones who went home to sleep since they lived close by.

"We'll see how many of them want the free breakfast and the remains from the pig and turkey last night." he chuckled. "I think Stuart will be here a hundred percent."

"I was kinda surprised we had pig left after Frank was through." she laughed and put toothpaste on her brush once he was done.

"Yeah, that was a sight to behold." he laughed with her and then hugged her from behind. "Good morning, my lovely wife."

"Good morning, my lovely husband." she sighed in content and then rinsed out her mouth. "Wanna head down now or pack first?"

"We should at least look if someone's there." he shrugged.

They got dressed and despite Leonard's suggestion, Penny began collecting their things, carefully packing up the wedding dress and putting it back into one of her suitcases. Leonard helped her along, packing up their toiletries from the bathroom and then his own tuxedo, also carefully folding it together and packing it up. As they left the room, the door to the neighboring one opened, a smiling Sam coming out of it.

"Good morning, you two." Sam smiled, hugging them both.

"You seem happy." Penny commented. "Got a good one last night?"

"Oh yeah." Sam grinned. "I may have even met my match."

"Oh, now I'm intrigued." Penny winked before her eyes went wide once Sam's night conquest exited her room.

"Hey, good morning, Penny." Marcia squealed and hugged her. "How's married life?"

"It's been a night." Penny pointed out, still somewhat flabbergasted. "You seem happy too."

"Why wouldn't I?" Marcia almost jumped. "I was in heaven last night. And now I'm hungry."

"Wow." Leonard chuckled once Marcia had left.

"Penny?" Sam whispered, putting one arm over Penny's shoulder. "I recorded my night with her. You wanna see it? Send me another one of yours."

"What did she want?" Leonard asked after Sam had sauntered away to the breakfast room.

"She told me that she had recorded last night and if I want to see it, I need to send her one of mine." Penny told him.

"Do you even have more of us to send?"

"I don't know." she shrugged.

"Well, then we should make another one when we're on our honeymoon." he winked and took her hand, leading her towards the breakfast room as well.

"Wait, you're suggesting making that video so I can send it to Sam?" she asked surprised.

"I might want to see her video too." he shrugged nonchalantly and smiled.

Shaking her head and wondering when she had ruined him in that regard, she followed him to the breakfast room, getting a surprise when she saw every single wedding guest present already, even those who had gone home for the night. With applause greeting them, they sat down at the middle table and basked in their new married status before enjoying a leisurely breakfast.

Well, there it was. The long awaited wedding. I probably have disappointed some people with how short it was but then again, when the bar is set so high, it's barely reachable anyway ^^

Review please :)