a/n: The title has been taken from The Strokes' song.

Disclaimer: Creative licence and that.

There are only so many times you can glance at someone when you're not supposed to be looking at them. Eventually, they, or someone else, is going to catch you. This happened around the sixteenth time that Rory's eyes darted across the room, seeking a certain pair of eyes. As she was about to look away, back to her mother and Luke – the people she should have been looking at – the brown eyes she had been searching for focussed back at her. Clichéd as it may have been, everything stilled for what felt like minutes. Everything but her heart thrumming like hummingbird wings inside the cage that was her chest, and her gasps of breaths. She felt sick, breaking the contact, feeling her face flush at being caught watching him. And in her mind's eye, there he was, expressionless and stoic. Cold. Had he been cold? Or had he been white hot?

She focussed back on her mother, laughing at something Babette at said to Luke to make him blush so hard. Rory smiled a bit at the picture, but her nervous heart still made her want to leave the reception until she calmed down.

The cool night time air swept the flush from her cheeks as she leant on the railings of the Dragonfly, careful to stay away from any windows to avoid being seen. She sighed, cursing herself for her impulses and reactions. It had been a long time since she'd seen him – that was all. And the last time … God, the last time …

Rory's blue painted nails dug into the wood of the railings as she clutched at it a little too tight at the memory. She reminded herself that it had been a long time ago. What felt like a lifetime ago, actually. Graduation, two jobs, what felt like a thousand 'moves' (although technically there had only been one – to New York from Stars Hollow, but being on the road for two years was certainly a lot of moving not to count), and four years. And despite the time that had passed, the guilt grappling up from her stomach clutched at her throat when she had seen him. Perhaps it was a feeling she ought to just get used to.

"Hi."

Her heart, in that one syllable, stopped altogether, taking a few seconds to stutter and reverberate back into action, six to the dozen. His voice, barely cutting above the noise of the party behind them, spoke one solitary syllable, and it affected her so strongly. She clenched her eyelids shut in annoyance at herself. More seconds passed without Rory offering a reply, but the man standing behind her said nothing more. Monosyllabic such as his teenage self, it seemed. She swallowed, trying to form a hello from somewhere. She felt him move a little closer to her, and peripherally watched him lean the small of his back against the railing to her left. He wasn't looking at her, rather back into the inn, and the party inside.

Taking a breath, she turned to look at him. Her heart beat a little faster, noting he looked good … His grey suit, identical to Luke's, looked great on him, and otherwise, he just looked healthy. Much better than any time Rory had seen him since he'd left Stars Hollow back when they were eighteen. It made her smile a little, despite her fear.

"Hi," she said, just as quietly.

He didn't turn to look at her, but at her reply, he visibly relaxed. She bit her lip in seeing this, the smile slipping from her face. "You look amazing, Rory." He said this, still looking away from her. His words made her heart jump once more. He had never complimented her in such a way before … She couldn't remember a time …

"My Mom made my dress. Of course, on my Grandma's instruction that she made one of her wedding colours blue, so that it went with my eyes. Of course, what Grandma forgot was that it's Mom's eyes, too. So really-"

"You're nervous," he stated over the top of the beginnings of her babble. She stopped talking, looking back out at the dimly lit landscaping of the Dragonfly Inn. He leaned a little towards her, stuffing his hands in his pant pockets, and saying mockingly, "By 'you look amazing', I didn't mean, who picked out the colour of dress you're wearing. I can be frank and tell you what I really meant by it, if you want. If you ask nicely." He leant away again, and she could feel her face heat up once more. He was mocking her, like back when they were kids. She forced herself not to remember why he did this. At her silence, Jess sighed, shifting, uncomfortable again. "Sorry. Trying to ease the weirdness, but that's clearly not going to work."

"Probably not," Rory replied quietly, smiling a little. Jess eased at her side again, watching her avoid eye contact with him.

"How's life then, cuz?" he teased, nudging her with his shoulder to her bare arm. She glared at him and his eyes danced with laughter. "Not going to work either, huh? Geez," he joked. "You've gotten difficult in your advancing age, Gilmore."

"Advancing age, huh?" Rory replied archly. Jess just smirked. "Life is fine."

"Just fine?"

His question jarred her, and she looked at him again. "Life is good," she corrected, a little unsure.

He nodded vaguely – a little disbelievingly, perhaps, saying, "Okay." Rory was glaring again, and he smirked once more. "So, why are you out here?"

"Just needed a little air," Rory answered quickly. Jess nodded again, looking at his feet. "Why are you out here?"

"I followed you." His frank answer was not what Rory was expecting.

She blurted, "Why?" He smiled, stuffing his hands further into his pockets, shrugging. Rory rolled her eyes. "Nice to see you haven't changed, Jess." His eyes turned on her in surprise, but he offered nothing in response. They fell into silence, but Rory didn't regret her words. He was being intentionally inflammatory to get a rise out of her. His endgame, Rory did not know, but she knew she wouldn't – no, couldn't – play to his tune. His behaviour as a teenager was just the same, and that hadn't won either of them any trophies. And she knew what his game had been then. The teasing and the banter … it had all been flirting. Probably flirting wasn't the best idea for them.

It is what it is. You … me …

Her breath stuttered as she remembered his words in Philadelphia. Unfortunately, Jess noticed this reaction. "Sorry," he said simply. Rory could feel the weight of this word coming from Jess' lips, different from the same expression only moments before. Despite not knowing what she had just been thinking, Jess seemed to guess that it was caused by something to do with him. The noticing was not new – Jess had always been able to read Rory as easily as the countless books they both loved. The apology was, though. Without the sarcastic tone, it sounded wrong on his tongue.

"Just remembering," she offered pointlessly.

"I know," he said, and he did know. The pain in his eyes told her as much.

"I should …" she said, motioning behind her vaguely, meaning she should go back to the Wedding. His fingers closed gently around her wrist for a second, though. He immediately let go when her eyes found his.

"I … can we talk later?" he asked, but looked like he was internally chastising himself. "It's just … It's weird, isn't it? Us not having spoken for so long? I want to talk. Properly."

Rory nodded, silently, in answer to his request. Before turning back towards the door of the inn. Before closing the door behind her, she softly said, "I've missed you too, Dodger."

-break-

"Sweetie, you look sad," her Mom said, looking at her daughter worriedly, plunking down beside her at the head table where Rory had stayed since she returned from outside several hours later, resolutely staying away from the dance floor.

Rory shook her head, forcing a smile, looking up at her mother. "Nope. I'm not sad."

"Rory," she said in a knowing tone. Rory shook her head again, but the fake smile did slip a little.

"Sorry, Mom. I don't want to ruin your day."

"He phoned Luke yesterday," she said, watching him dance with Liz across the room. His Mom was laughing, and he was smiling a little at her. "And Luke passed me the phone. He was concerned about coming."

Rory looked at her Mom, surprised. "He agreed to be Best Man months ago."

Lorelai nodded, "Yeah, he did. I guess the closer the Wedding came, the more he was thinking about the fallout. He was worried that you might hate him. We had a very long chat about that, actually. The reasons why you should." Rory groaned, leaning her head on the table in front of her. "Mostly, though, he wanted to know whether he should have dragged one of his friends' girlfriend's and pretend he was in a long-term relationship with her."

Rory looked up at her Mom's smirking face. "He didn't actually say that, did he?"

"Not in so many words." Rory rolled her eyes. "He did ask if you were still with Logan, though. Or, how did he put it?"

"'The blonde dick with a Porshe'?"

"I think his version was a little more colourful. But yeah, along those lines," Lorelai smirked, slipping her shoes off with a sigh. "I told him to ask you, anyway. Has the little punk dared speak to you, yet?"

Rory nodded, "Yeah. Outside. Barely. It's been so long, Mom, but it's still Jess. How is he still the same?"

"Is he?" her Mom asked, leading. "Maybe you should dance with him."

Rory shook her head, glaring at her Mom. "Why would you even suggest that? You hate Jess."

"Of course I don't. I hated Logan. Jess was just an irritation. Like Dermatitis. Scabies. But anyway, he's my nephew now. Families forgive and forget – and itch like hell."

"Oh, ew," Rory exclaimed, screwing up her nose distastefully.

"The reason I suggested it is because he's coming over," Lorelai said, standing from her seat and winking to someone behind her, before skipping off, bare feet and all, back to Luke who was now dancing with Liz. Rory stilled as someone came to a stop behind her.

"Your Mom just winked at me. That was disturbing." A nervous bubble of laughter rose up Rory's throat, and she turned to face him as he sat in the adjacent seat. "Wow, that was an interesting laugh," he told her, smirking. "Do I make you that uncomfortable?"

"Just taken by surprise."

He let that slide, but his face was disbelieving. "What was your Mom saying?"

She shrugged. "When does anyone ever know what my Mom says?"

"You always do. You're the same person," he said seriously. Rory shrugged, struggling. Jess sighed. "Liz told me to come over. Said you looked lonely."

"I wasn't alone," she suggested.

He rolled his eyes at her. "Yeah, I know. I think they've been talking about us. Sisters-in-law now, you know. Luke better watch out." Jess had been playing with a candle the entire time, tipping it so that the wax tipped over the edge, running down the side, and pooling on the holder. "Conspiring this early on is probably a bad sign." Rory stared at him, confused. Conspiring? Her Mom always hated the thought of her and Jess … was that even the conspiracy Jess was talking about? He was as difficult to read as she remembered.

He was silent for a moment, then continued, "So, what have you been reading lately?" he asked innocently, still playing with the candle, avoiding eye contact. Rory blushed, and he looked up in surprise, obviously having noticed her increased discomfort, not expecting that sort of reaction at all. "What?" he asked. "If it's Twilight or … 50 Shades of Grey or something, I think I'd rather not know." Rory shook her head, smiling a little at his retort. "Good. So why the blushing?"

Rory still remained quiet, staring at the table.

"Rory?" he asked, half-laughing.

"I might be re-reading yours."

"Mine?" he asked, his eyebrows disappearing into his hairline – almost as wild as it was when they were teens, once again. He was silent for a moment, staring at her, before he burst into laughter.

"Why are you laughing?" Rory asked, confused.

"Because that's really embarrassing for you," he said when he'd calmed down a little, grinning. "Mine, huh? I'm surprised you're reading it a second time."

It was Rory's turn to laugh. "You think I've only read it twice? I could write a doctorate on The Subsect from memory, Jess." She felt awkward saying this, and she expected Jess to feel awkward too. Instead, he laughed again.

"I would suggest you didn't do that, though. Your doctorate would be worth nothing, and that's an awful lot of work to do for no gain." He smirked, that self-same smirk from so many years ago, and Rory, once again, felt like she was falling through space, with the foreboding feeling that, some second, or another, or the next, she was going to hit, and it was going to hurt.

She shook herself internally, rolling her eyes at him. "You take compliments just about as well as you did at seventeen." His smirk disappeared slowly. "I love your book, Jess. It's one of my favourites. And that's not just because I know you. It's because it's genuinely beautiful writing. It's you on every page."

He shook his head, a sort of bitter smile on his face. "No, it's not me on every page, Ror'." His eyes met hers, protracted. He didn't tell her what he meant, but she could guess. It was the same look he'd given her as she'd left Truncheon. She felt sick all of a sudden. How could the same feelings be heating up her skin, after all of this time? Surely he was feeling this too? But watching him beside her, staring at his hands, he just looked unaffected. But Jess was always unaffected until he was mad. Then he couldn't hide the fire. He spoke again as Rory was thinking. "You probably shouldn't waste your time on it, is what I'm saying. Of course, if you like it that much, I have the best present ever for you. I was going to give you it anyway, so that turned out well."

"Give me what?"

"It's in my bag. I'll give you it before I leave," he told her, nodding a little, still not looking at her.

"When is that?"

Jess looked over to Liz, who was now dancing with Doula, Jess' little sister, looking very much like her Mom. "Tomorrow." Rory followed his eye-line.

"Something to get back for?" Rory asked, silently adding the question 'Someone?'; curious, trying to make conversation, trying to steer the conversation further from the uncomfortable territory it had been edging towards moments before. Jess shook his head, looking up at her. His eyes were telling her something, but she couldn't work out what it was.

"Nah. I just … " he struggled, looking away from her, shifting. "I don't belong here. I never have."

Rory frowned, looking over at Liz and Doula, with her dad TJ, and Luke and her Mom, dancing together again. "All your family is here, Jess," she tried carefully.

"Are you counting yourself in that collective? Because technically ..." he joked, smirking. Rory elbowed him gently.

"Am I the only one who finds that sick?" Rory grumbled, not missing that he had glossed over the previous subject entirely. Another long-lived habit.

He half-smiled, half-smirked. Laughingly said, "Sick how?"

"That, technically, we're related now?"

"Huh," he said, smirking. "Why would that be sick, Rory?" He was being suggestive, and it made heat rise in her neck again.

Rory struggled, before saying, "Shut up."

He laughed, his eyes scintillating. "You're so eloquent when you're embarrassed," he added sarcastically.

Rory moved on swiftly, earning her a knowing look, but said, "So, is this us 'talking later', then?"

Jess' smirk widened. "No, we'll talk later still. As I said, I was told to come and talk to you. Liz can be very insistent. After all, how else could I have ended up on a bus headed here at seventeen?" Rory was silent for a moment, silently questioning how her life would be if Liz hadn't been so insistent. Less current stress, perhaps. But maybe she would still be with Dean … and would have never taken one risk in her entire life. The thought made her stomach drop. "So … dancing?" he asked again,nodding towards the dance floor.

She didn't follow his train of thought, still lost in her own. "What?"

Jess rolled his eyes and stood up, holding his hand out to her expectantly. "Come on. I know you had at least one fantasy about dancing with me when we were kids. That was the whole point of me going to that stupid Dance Marathon – that and messing with Lurch."

He said that so innocently, without smirking, that Rory didn't understand what he said for a second, staring up at him from her still-seated position. "Uh?" she said unintelligently.

"Are you really just going to deny me openly like this in front of our entire family, cousin?"

"Stop calling me that."

"I will if you dance with me."

"You can dance?" she asked, her brain finally catching up with her mouth.

"No, I thought I'd just stand still in the middle of the dance floor and stare at you while you danced around me. Do you think people will notice?" he replied sardonically. "Of course I can. Why would I ask if I couldn't?"

"I don't know. Liz can be insistent," she said tartly. He smirked a little more at her reply. "You've never danced with me before. I can hardly be blamed for my disbelief at the request."

"If I'm honest, I'm a little disappointed that you're so unreceptive to new experiences with me. If you're going to be like that with every activity, there's a lot we haven't done, Ror'. Have an open mind."

There was an undertone of suggestion again, but he said it so lightly that she couldn't pull him up for it – not that she would have anyway. He was acting just the same as they had when they both lived in Stars Hollow. And Rory felt the same as when they had, too.

Truth be told, Rory hadn't had a proper boyfriend since Logan – of course, she'd dated, but travelling so much, it was hard to be in a committed relationship. Not for Rory, of course. She could have, easily. Long-distance, hard though it was, was old hat to her. But she couldn't ask someone else to go through that difficulty for her. Especially since anyone she'd dated since her last year of Yale, she didn't actually want. Not that they weren't nice … They just weren't what she was looking for. Of course, if you asked her what she was looking for, she wouldn't be able to tell you, either. So understandably, feeling like she had when she and Jess had dated was confusing her. Because maybe that's what she wanted.

"Rory?" Her hand found his before she knew that she decided she was going to dance with him. But at his slow, genuine smile, she immediately forgot her shock, and smiled back.

-break-