Note: I'm sorry for making you wait a little longer for this last chapter. I've been working on my next story, which should be ready to go shortly (I promise you lots more angst and manpain!) :) Thank you to everybody who has followed, favourited and reviewed! You're awesome :D

Chapter Four

Don't break your back on the track
Don't break...don't break

It was later that week when Athos returned late from guard duty. The night was quiet and cold, he was more than happy to get inside the main room of the garrision and close to the fire. However he was not happy to find Porthos there. One of them was always with Aramis, even if they were only standing outside his room.

Porthos leaned close to the fire, his head in his hands, staring intensely… he didn't seem to notice Athos had approached.

"What are you doing here?" Athos asked.

"He doesn't want me there Athos. And I can't…" Porthos took a deep breath and started again. "I know what you say is true - that he's in a dark place right now, that he'll let us in when he's ready - but he knows exactly what to say… he knows exactly how to twist the knife".

"And what was it this time?" Athos didn't take a seat, if Porthos wouldn't go to Aramis then he would have to.

Porthos stared at the fire a little longer before answering. "That leaving is all I know… just as my parents left me, I am bound to leave everyone else… That I am a gutter rat… That I am worthless… can't wield a sword, can't shoot, can barely ride. I'm only good for brawling like a tavern drunkard... and he's tired of watching my back…"

"He knows exactly what to say because he knows us. He says I'm a high born wastrel riding on the coat tails of my good name, and I'm only saving him to bring glory to myself". Athos seemed to growl deep in his throat. He had told Aramis to be angry at him, not Porthos. No matter what condition Aramis was in he was going too far. "Come on, let us speak with him and put an end to this. Letting it continue is doing no good to anyone, least of all him".

Athos was trying not to simmer as he made his way to Aramis' room. The man was ailing and after what he had been through nobody could blame him for being a bit off. But having watched Porthos sit by Aramis' side day and night, suffering alongside him, Athos couldn't help but feel a little angry. Besides, he was not going to get better by lashing out at everyone…

A light knock on the door went unanswered, when a heavier one yielded no reply a spark of worry set alight in Athos' heart and he pushed his way inside.

The bed was empty.

Athos bit back a curse. "Let's split up. He can't have gotten far, not in his condition…"

~oOo~

Porthos near enough ran from the room on finding it empty. That Aramis had got to his feet at all was astounding considering he had barely eaten anything… but wandering the garrison was going to do him no favours. Porthos checked every room he passed, but found nothing until he came out onto the balcony overlooking the courtyard. His warm breath clouded as it hit the frigid air and he drew his cloak a little closer as he made his way across the wooden decking. A trail of footsteps in the snow below caught Porthos' eye… He hurried along and found a single solitary figure hunched against the cold, shuffling towards the archway.

"Aramis!" Porthos' voice echoed around the empty courtyard.

The weak and weary man turned to look up and then made to run a few steps on seeing who it was. His legs gave way and he crashed to his knees in the snow.

Porthos ran down to Aramis as if the hounds of hell were nipping at his heels. On reaching his friend Porthos bundled him up in his arms. Aramis weakly struggled against him.

"What are you doing out here? Are you mad?" Porthos asked in disbelief.

Still Aramis wound this way and that, trying to free himself of Porthos' grip. "Let me go! Get off me!"

"No! You're not fit to be out here, you're not fit to be out of bed!"

Somehow Aramis got an arm free and a wayward fist came out of nowhere and struck Porthos in the face. He fell back momentarily stunned by the fact Aramis had hit him. There was little actual force behind the blow…

Still, it gave Aramis enough room to attempt crawling away. His frantic breath coloured the air with his effort, but he scrabbled only a few feet away before Porthos reached out and grabbed his ankle.

With a hefty pull Aramis ended up flat on his face, all energy having been spent on his ill fated flight. He ended up back in Porthos' arms moments later. Just as he had been cradled in the snow at Savoy. Back then Porthos had been filled with relief at finding his friend alive, relief and worry at his condition… Now Porthos was filled with disbelief, he just couldn't understand, why did Aramis want to be rid of them? What had they done that was so terrible besides leaving?

"Why are you doing this Aramis? Why?" Porthos voice seemed to be on the verge of cracking.

Aramis looked up at him with tear filled eyes, his own voice was a frail broken thing. "Leave me Porthos..."

"Don't you dare say that to me! You have cursed me all this time for leaving, I'll not leave you again!"

"It's my turn... I'm leaving… you can't stop me". Aramis shivered as he spoke.

"I just did, and I won't let you go Aramis".

From the corner of his eye Porthos noticed Athos above on the balcony. He made his way down and stood by quietly, giving them room.

"I have to go… can't stay here, I don't want to be here". A stray tear escaped unbidden as Aramis bitterly spoke of the garrison.

"Why not? It's your home… we're your family". Porthos couldn't keep the disbelief from his voice.

"I don't belong here… it's not home, not any more. I'm no musketeer. Let me go Porthos… please". Aramis begged with his eyes as much as his voice.

"I can't… I won't. You're one of us Aramis. We're brothers, until the end".

"And that's the problem…" Aramis pressed on at seeing Porthos' confused expression. "The end will come, and I can't bear it. Not the thought of you and Athos… Twenty died, and it breaks me apart every time I close my eyes and see their faces, but if you two had been there… I was helpless… If I had lost you…" Aramis swallowed heavily and tried to carry on despite his wavering voice. "But I will lose you eventually, unless I am lost first… and I cannot be here for that. I cannot be a musketeer any longer".

Aramis closed his eyes and took in a deep breath.

At that moment Athos took a step forwards. "So you tried to drive us away, and then when that didn't work you tried to leave… It was a good attempt, but you should have known better than that. We will not abandon you, nor will we let you abandon us".

"I'm sorry… I didn't mean any of it…"

"It is forgotten Aramis". Porthos was quick to anger, but just as quick to forgive and forget. "And it is not your fault, not any of it. We watch each other's backs. Athos and I will protect you just as you protect us. You are a musketeer and you do belong here. Let us make a pact here and now - all for one and one for all".

Porthos raised a hand and Aramis rested his own shaking palm on top of it. Athos knelt down to place his hand over Aramis' and together they spoke: "All for one and one for all".

A quiet moment passed between them until Porthos bowed his head closer to Aramis, his voice little more than a whisper. "You're all I've got, you and Athos. I came from nothing, and without you I have nothing. You're my family... I need you".

"I'm sorry…" Came Aramis' reply, whispered in return.

"Let's get you back inside before you freeze to death". Athos cut in and made to help them up.

When they were on their feet Porthos appraised Aramis with a critical eye. "I'll carry you in, you're weak as a kitten".

But Aramis raised a weary hand before Porthos managed to pick him up.

"I want to walk".

"Let us help. Your legs can barely take your weight…" Porthos implored.

"No… let me walk". Aramis huffed out between chattering teeth.

So Athos and Porthos each offered a shoulder to hang on to and the three musketeers slowly made their way back inside. The road to recovery had at last been set upon.

~oOo~

Present day...

Porthos paced the small room, still angry, though his anger was beginning to drain away with every word.

"All for one and one for all Aramis! Do you remember that? Do you still wish yourself in the ground with the rest of them? Do you want us buried alongside you?"

"Of course I remember it… and I have never wanted that for you". Aramis spoke quietly.

"And for you?"

The silence from Aramis was telling.

Porthos came to sit beside him on the bed, his manner now more gentle than wrathful.

"Do you also remember what I told you? You're all I've got Aramis, I need you... you're my only family. You and Athos mean the world to me. I have lived so much of this life with nothing, I don't think you really know what it is to have nothing… What is nothing really? You would probably tell me that nothing is nothing, it is an absence… but no, there is a hunger that burns, a loneliness that breaks you apart… nothing is something terrible to have, and you took it away. I need you, and I'm sure Athos does too, though he would never admit it".

Athos gave the ghost of smile from where he stood leaning against the wall. "Of course, I have come to enjoy the trouble you bring… I would quite miss it".

"What he means to say is that you're family to him too". Porthos frowned.

The smile fell from Athos' lips quite abruptly. "Indeed… I have no family, not any more. But I have found a family here that brings me more happiness than a wife ever could. I have found brothers I can protect, and brothers who will protect me in turn…"

"Aramis… will you let us help you?"

He looked up then, and met their eyes uncertainly. Aramis seemed to battle with the idea of opening up, once that door was open and the horrors let out there would be no closing it.

Porthos spoke gently. "You're safe here, with us".

And so Aramis took a deep breath.

"It starts when the snow comes… It starts when I walk on powdered ground…"