Truly Whovian (She's not on fanfiction, but that's similar to my name, she's my twin, seemed to fit.) and I text each other and do weird stuff while texting. This is one of our conversations. If you like it, let me know and I'll continue in a second chapter. Also, I post some of our other texts on my blog. You can find a link on my profile.

(This takes place with the Eleventh Doctor and Clara.)

Sherlock: She is clearly lying. She took his baby.

Clara: Doctor?

Sherlock: Who in the hell are you? I think you want John.

Clara: Ooh, is that his name, then? Who are you?

Sherlock: Sherlock Holmes, Consultant Detective. And his name is John Watson. How do you not know your own doctor's name?

Clara: He won't tell me, just says to call him The Doctor. Nice meeting you, Sherlock Holmes. Thought you were a myth? And how did you get a phone in 1895?

Sherlock: Are you on drugs? This is 2014.

Clara: Oh, did the Doctor move you?

Sherlock: No, John did not, and COULD not move me. Now if you're sick, CALL JOHN.

Clara: I'm not sick, besides, YOU TEXTED ME.

Sherlock: I was texting John. I don't know who the hell you are.

Clara: Clara Oswald. The Doctor hasn't told you about me.

Sherlock: John tells me about all his girlfriends. You, he has not. Therefore…

Clara: ?

Sherlock: *Sigh* What do you want from me?

Clara: I don't want anything! I never knew Sherlock Holmes was so paranoid!

Sherlock: I. Am. Not. Paranoid. Why do you keep referring to John as "the doctor?"

Clara: That's what he asked me to call him. You sound upset. I promise I'm not with him. He's all yours. ;-)

Sherlock: Love is a weakness. And you have nothing to do with him. At all. He's married.

Clara: Oh, you mean to that River woman, right? He told me about her when we were visiting Egypt.

Sherlock: You must be high. I'm guessing pot. Where did you get it?

Clara: I don't do drugs. You've time traveled. You've seen the Tardis.

Sherlock: Tardis? What the hell are you talking about? Time travel is theoretically impossible.

Clara: Well, Sherlock Holmes is a story in the Strand Magazine. I'm used to the impossible. Like a sentient sun.

Sherlock: This must've been good stuff. Who gave it to you?

Clara: The Doctor just walked in. Said his name isn't John. Liar.

Sherlock: Give him the phone. Now.

Doctor: HELLO!

Sherlock: JOHN. What the hell were you doing in Egypt? We have a CASE. Get. OVER. Here. Moron.

Doctor: Just out of curiosity, did River or Torchwood bring you to the present?

Sherlock: What ARE you talking about? Is Mycroft with you?

Doctor: Oh, Mycroft! Is he moved too?

Sherlock: WHAT'S GOING ON.

Doctor: Can you get on Skype? Skype is modern now isn't it? Or is that Jaaglon 4000? I think it's Skype. Clara says it is. Anyway, can you get on? I think it'd be easier to explain in speaking terms. I think I understand the confusion. See, I'm the Doctor. Not your Doctor, John Watson. Not sure how you're real though… Alternate universe?

Sherlock: Wrong person. No point in talking. Time wasting. Good-bye.

Doctor: BYE!

A few minutes later:

John: Find anything out about that case, Sherlock?

Sherlock: You would not believe the morons I was talking to. WHERE is Mrs. Hudson?

John: She went out. Who were you talking to?

Sherlock: A doctor and his girlfriend. Both druggies, obviously. Why did Mrs. Hudson go out?

John: The Doctor took her to Egypt. You met him, right?

[No response}

John: Sherlock?