Kagamine Len and the Case of the Disappearance of Hatsune Miku's Shoujo Manga
Chapter One

Kaito had not been having a good day.

Sighing, the blue-haired Vocaloid lay down on the couch; arms folded, eyes directed upwards. Light from the open window spilled into the room, causing fractal patterns of sun and shadows to dance across the ceiling.

If he squinted, Kaito could just about make out shapes in them. A cat, a leek, a fire hydrant, a popsicle sick.

A microphone.

"Aaah…"

Sighing once more (Kaito wondered if he'd been spending too much time with Len lately), Kaito turned over his side, eyes closed.

Finding shapes in the patterns of light on the ceiling hadn't been such a good idea after all.

"Kaito… Are you alright?"

A woman's voice made Kaito look up, blinking. Before he'd even opened his eyes, he knew who it would be. Nobody else in the Vocaloid household had such a motherly, mature tone.

It was Luka.

Luka was standing there, looming over him (well, not quite 'looming'. That sounded ominous), her light pink hair tied up with a blue scrunchie. She was wearing fairly casual clothes, an apron draped over the top of it.

That could only mean one thing. Luka was going to cook.

That, at least, was enough to lift Kaito's spirits. Luka was, by far, the best cook in the house.

Miku always tried her best, bless her, but… the concoctions she created were better described as 'light grey sludge' than food. And, no matter what ingredients she used, the final meal she made was always the same.

It was remarkable, really, that she was always able to get the same result, no matter what the odds were. A little like always getting a plus minus zero in mahjong…

Len was a decent cook, but his food tended to veer towards the bland side of the spectrum, given he clearly had no real interest in cooking, and only ever did it half-heartedly. Rin, meanwhile, had too much interest in cooking, and always ended up making very strange dishes which often made the tongue feel as though it was in danger of melting. Then, there was Meiko, who had been banned from the kitchen after she tried to douse everything in alcohol…

And the less said about Kaito's cooking, the better (why wasn't ice-cream considered acceptable as a meal, anyway? Everybody liked ice-cream!)

"Ah… I'm alright…"

Squinting through the sunlight, Kaito attempted to offer Luka a small smile. He didn't want her to worry.

"Hm…"

However, it seemed his smile was not as convincing as he had thought.

Luka frowned, lips pursed.

"I thought you were supposed to be at the recording studio still, with Miku? Why did you come back home?"

"Ah, well, you know… There were complications and, um… Some things happened… A-ahaha…"

Kaito laughed awkwardly, his cheeks turning the same shade of pink as Luka's hair.

Why did Luka have to ask about the recording studio, anyway…? Kaito had been trying his hardest not to think about that.

"You've been working on this song for the last two weeks, haven't you?"

"Y-yes… That's true…"

"And you've still been unable to record your part?"

"T-That… T-that is also true…"

"Haven't you made any progress?"

Luka's tone, although clearly concerned, was beginning to make Kaito feel distinctly uncomfortable. Sometimes being fussed over felt nice, but… r-right now, Kaito didn't really want the sympathy. Not from somebody like Luka, who always seemed so smart, so mature, so together.

Luka was such an adult – a real adult. She didn't obsess over ice-cream and accidentally order adult movies online, and she definitely didn't get tongue-tied in the recording studio, to the point where she was unable to sing even a single line.

Not for two weeks running.

"I… I guess not. I've just… been finding it hard."

"Well, we all have our rough days."

When Kaito was feeling particularly self-pitying, sometimes he felt like he'd been having a rough life.

"Where's Miku?"

"Still in the studio, I think. She has a couple more songs to record. I think she said she was going shopping with Rin after, I don't remember."

"Ah. That should give me enough time, then."

"Time…?"

"Yes. I'm planning to make tuna casserole for dinner, but we're running low on ingredients. Do you think you and Len could go to the store for me, to pick them up? I'll give you a list."

"Ah… No problem."

Still lying down, Kaito reached out to accept the shopping list from Luka. Everything was written down very neatly and precisely, with even the exact brands of each item of food specified, the price listed by its side.

Kaito couldn't help but feel in awe at how meticulous a list it was.

Luka… really was a formidable person…

If Kaito had been asked to write a shopping list as comprehensive as this, it would've taken him months.

Luka smiled, adjusting a few strands of hair behind her ear.

"Thank you. I'll just go and call Len, and-"

"There's no need. I'm right here."

Both Kaito and Luka turned their heads. Len was standing in the doorway, his blond hair tied up in its usual stubby ponytail, his hands buried in the pockets of his jacket.

The moment Kaito's eyes met Len's, he felt his face flushing. Hurriedly, he felt himself turning his head away; lashes fluttering, gaze directed at the floor.

Luka seeing him in such an abject state of despair, sprawled across the couch like an old tea towel, was one thing. Luka already knew that Kaito was a loser.

Len seeing him like that, on the other hand, was something different altogether. Even though it was a complete and utter lie, Kaito wanted Len to see him as a cool older brother figure – somebody to be admired and imitated (or, at the very, very least, somebody not be choked with his own scarf and referred to as 'Bakaito', as Meiko sometimes did when she was very, very drunk).

Aaah…

When Len's eyes locked with Kaito's, a strange reaction occurred… one even more potent than mixing hydrochloric acid with calcium carbonate.

H-how embarrassing…

"You want us to go shopping, Luka?" Len asked, his voice calm and casual; heedless of Kaito's flushed face.

"Yes please. I need some ingredients for lunch, and we're running low on some basic supplies. Ever since Miku tried to make that so-called 'leek surprise' of her's…"

Kaito remembered that. The mere mention of that name made his stomach churn unpleasantly.

Why, exactly, Miku had felt the need to use prunes, tomatoes, peaches, coffee beans, eggs and instant pudding in her 'leek surprise' was anybody's guess.

At least it lived up to its name. That leek surprise certainly was surprising.

"That's fine. I have free time. Shall we go, Kaito-nii?"

"Ah, um… O-of course, I- kya…!"

A sound of pain filled the room, followed by a thud.

Kaito, elegant and graceful as ever, somehow managed to get his feet tangled together whilst attempting to stand up – thus resulting in his body being hurled through the air like a paper plane, hitting the floor.

"Kaito-nii, are you alright?!"

Kaito whimpered.

No, he was not alright. So far, nothing had gone right today, and it wasn't even the afternoon yet.

When he and Len went shopping, he was going to stop for ice-cream on the way back. Ice-cream could heal all wounds.

Nothing could go wrong when ice-cream was involved.

Nothing.