Author's Note: Yes, I updated! Quiver in fear, foolish mortals.
I could be nice to Lloyd if I really wanted to, but what would be the fun in that?
IWA, any free chance to put Lloyd through as many gory deaths as possible is good enough for me. Sign me up.
STRIKER GETS LOST AGE TODAY! *waves the cartridge he's gonna get as soon as Babbage's calls in front of Steel's face, just to be evil* Don't you tackle me again.
Chapter 12
(Servi: Yeah. The group, minus Rose who seems to have mysteriously disappeared, is still wandering around the wilderness in the middle of Soa- knows-where, and... oh hell. Screw it. Elaborating further is not worth what I'm getting paid for this job. I need a smoke. *lights a cigarette*)
Lavitz: Dad, have you been dipping into my stash again?
Servi: Shut up. You're grounded.
Lavitz: ...Damn.
Servi: I love doing that. Anyway, a loud rumbling sound is heard.
Lloyd: It's an earthquake! WE'RE GONNA DIE!
Rayen: O_o Haven't you died enough to stop being afraid of it?
Lloyd: *huddled on the ground sucking his thumb*
Dart: Wimp.
Rayen: Remember when you ran away because Striker told you that I spoke to your ghost in the future?
Dart: THat waS TOtAlLY DIfFeREnT! *kicks keyboard* Stupid Caps Lock key!
Albert: I am quite doubtful that striking the keyboard with your foot would in any way result in its repair. Indeed, it is actually quite the opposite, for it is actually more likely to damage it further.
Dart: How many times do I have to light your cape on fire before you learn to shut up?
Greham: Obviously at least one more than you already have.
Dart: Good. Otherwise I'd lose one of my favorite targets.
Haschel: Anybody else smell something burning?
Lloyd: *stops his disgusting blubbering long enough to notice that his hair is on fire* O_O My hair! *runs in circles, which happens to place him in the path of the rumbling sound, which happens to be a herd of stampeding rhinos* *squashed*
Shana: *magically appears in front the stampede as well, simply because the unwritten laws of Striker humor fanfiction dictate that when any animal is stampeding, rabid, or under any condition where it would harm a character, Shana must be at least one of the recipients of said harm*
Dart: O_o Since when did the action bubbles start talking in Albert-speak?
Albert: *ignores Dart* Odd, the rhinoceroses should not be migrating during this period of the year...
Striker: *wanders back to the group, hiding the cattle prod behind his back* Did I miss anything?
Kongol: Wingly and animal lady get gooshed.
Striker: O_o He really doesn't get it, does he?
Greham: Nope.
Lavitz: Get away from me!
Meru: Froggie Stick!
Striker: Enough of this. *revives Lloyd, then smacks everyone* Listen up, morons! We're going to find Doel.
Albert: I resent being called a moron.
Striker: Yeah, yeah, we all know you're a genius. The 'morons' was added for dramatic effect.
Dart: *eye twitch* WhaT WouLd YoU kNOw *gives up and kicks the keyboard again* about dramatic effect? Your button was BLUE!
Striker: Give it a rest, Dart.
(Servi: Yeah, later, whatever. *lights up again*)
Lavitz: DAD!
Greham: Get over it.
Lavitz: Hey, look who's talking, Mr. I Kill My Best Friend Just Because I'm Jealous Because He's Better Than Me And Because Some Emperor Feeds Me A Totally Bogus Story.
Greham: Oh sure, you had to bring THAT up.
Striker: Lloyd! Stop lagging behind! *shocks the Wingly with the cattle prod* Hey, this IS fun... speed up, loser! *shocks him again*
Lloyd: I'm at the front of the goddamn line.
Striker: Er... Lloyd! Shut up! *shocks*
Lloyd: Damn it!
All: *gasps*
Lloyd: Oh no...
Meru: FROGGIE STICK!
Haschel: How come the Caps Lock works for her?
Greham: Because she talks so loud that she doesn't need the key.
Haschel: Oh.
Lavitz: HA! I'm off the hook.
Miranda: Lucky @#$%#^&...
Meru: *smacks Lloyd with the Froggie Stick*
Lloyd: *froggified* .- Ribbit.
Striker: Heeeeeey... frogs explode when they're shocked...
Lloyd: O_O
(Servi: Insert gooey explosion that will not be described in detail because this fic is in script format here.)
Striker: *revives Lloyd again* Right. Onward, into the mysterious, dark, and scary-looking forest that the mooing sound conveniently came from.
Greham: Wait a second... this could be a trap!
Dart: Perceptive little bugger, isn't he?
All: *charge into the trees, only to find...*
Lloyd: What the hell?
Doel: OK, first one to get me out of here gets exemption from me hurting them.
(Servi: Doel is tied to a crossbar that's being rotated over a roasting pit, surrounded by a bunch of mooing guys in masks that are waving spears in front of a gigantic cow statue.)
Dart: A tribe of African cow-worshipping cannibals. Wow. You've really outdone yourself this time.
Striker: I know. Quite proud of it, too. Now then. *starts talking in gibberish that I won't type out because I'm lazy and I don't feel like it right now* (Translation: The one with the silver hair and red eyes is very good when roasted slowly over a very hot fire and is low in LDL cholesterol. That's the bad kind.)
Cannibal Chief: Grab them!
Dart: What, they can talk in English?
Striker: You mean to tell me that I spent 3 days learning obscure African tribal dialect for nothing? *growls*
Cannibals: *slice Doel free and grab Lloyd and Meru*
Striker: Oops, I didn't specify which one. Hold on. Just the stupid one, not the belly dancer, she's got too much sugar to be healthy.
Cannibals: *toss Meru back towards the group*
Striker: Yeah, thanks.
Cannibal Chief: Why do we eat people?
Cannibals: Because the cow tells us to!
Cow Statue: *is silent*
Striker: Right. O_o
Doel: Morons.
Lloyd: I hate you all.
Striker: Tell it to somebody who cares. Right, time to go.
Lloyd: You can't just leave me here!
Striker: O_o Watch me.
Lloyd: I'll get my revenge, just wait.
Striker: Yeah, right. Like you can do anything to me.
Dart: What now?
Striker: We wander north. Since we're somewhere in Africa, Poland's to the north, and that's where we find kielbasa.
Dart: Can I start a brush fire?
Striker: *sigh* A small one.
Dart: What are tomorrow's winning lottery numbers?
Striker: 5, 37, 12... hey, wait a second.
Dart: Damn.
Meru: FROGGIE STICK!
Dart: Oh hell. At least let me start the brush fire first.
Lavitz: O_o Hey... whatever happened to Rose?
Striker: Well, we could switch to wherever she is just to find out, but I don't feel like it right now, so you'll have to wait until next chapter.
Author's Note: Breaking news update... STRIKER STILL GETS LOST AGE BEFORE STEEL! Mwahahahaha.
I could be nice to Lloyd if I really wanted to, but what would be the fun in that?
IWA, any free chance to put Lloyd through as many gory deaths as possible is good enough for me. Sign me up.
STRIKER GETS LOST AGE TODAY! *waves the cartridge he's gonna get as soon as Babbage's calls in front of Steel's face, just to be evil* Don't you tackle me again.
Chapter 12
(Servi: Yeah. The group, minus Rose who seems to have mysteriously disappeared, is still wandering around the wilderness in the middle of Soa- knows-where, and... oh hell. Screw it. Elaborating further is not worth what I'm getting paid for this job. I need a smoke. *lights a cigarette*)
Lavitz: Dad, have you been dipping into my stash again?
Servi: Shut up. You're grounded.
Lavitz: ...Damn.
Servi: I love doing that. Anyway, a loud rumbling sound is heard.
Lloyd: It's an earthquake! WE'RE GONNA DIE!
Rayen: O_o Haven't you died enough to stop being afraid of it?
Lloyd: *huddled on the ground sucking his thumb*
Dart: Wimp.
Rayen: Remember when you ran away because Striker told you that I spoke to your ghost in the future?
Dart: THat waS TOtAlLY DIfFeREnT! *kicks keyboard* Stupid Caps Lock key!
Albert: I am quite doubtful that striking the keyboard with your foot would in any way result in its repair. Indeed, it is actually quite the opposite, for it is actually more likely to damage it further.
Dart: How many times do I have to light your cape on fire before you learn to shut up?
Greham: Obviously at least one more than you already have.
Dart: Good. Otherwise I'd lose one of my favorite targets.
Haschel: Anybody else smell something burning?
Lloyd: *stops his disgusting blubbering long enough to notice that his hair is on fire* O_O My hair! *runs in circles, which happens to place him in the path of the rumbling sound, which happens to be a herd of stampeding rhinos* *squashed*
Shana: *magically appears in front the stampede as well, simply because the unwritten laws of Striker humor fanfiction dictate that when any animal is stampeding, rabid, or under any condition where it would harm a character, Shana must be at least one of the recipients of said harm*
Dart: O_o Since when did the action bubbles start talking in Albert-speak?
Albert: *ignores Dart* Odd, the rhinoceroses should not be migrating during this period of the year...
Striker: *wanders back to the group, hiding the cattle prod behind his back* Did I miss anything?
Kongol: Wingly and animal lady get gooshed.
Striker: O_o He really doesn't get it, does he?
Greham: Nope.
Lavitz: Get away from me!
Meru: Froggie Stick!
Striker: Enough of this. *revives Lloyd, then smacks everyone* Listen up, morons! We're going to find Doel.
Albert: I resent being called a moron.
Striker: Yeah, yeah, we all know you're a genius. The 'morons' was added for dramatic effect.
Dart: *eye twitch* WhaT WouLd YoU kNOw *gives up and kicks the keyboard again* about dramatic effect? Your button was BLUE!
Striker: Give it a rest, Dart.
(Servi: Yeah, later, whatever. *lights up again*)
Lavitz: DAD!
Greham: Get over it.
Lavitz: Hey, look who's talking, Mr. I Kill My Best Friend Just Because I'm Jealous Because He's Better Than Me And Because Some Emperor Feeds Me A Totally Bogus Story.
Greham: Oh sure, you had to bring THAT up.
Striker: Lloyd! Stop lagging behind! *shocks the Wingly with the cattle prod* Hey, this IS fun... speed up, loser! *shocks him again*
Lloyd: I'm at the front of the goddamn line.
Striker: Er... Lloyd! Shut up! *shocks*
Lloyd: Damn it!
All: *gasps*
Lloyd: Oh no...
Meru: FROGGIE STICK!
Haschel: How come the Caps Lock works for her?
Greham: Because she talks so loud that she doesn't need the key.
Haschel: Oh.
Lavitz: HA! I'm off the hook.
Miranda: Lucky @#$%#^&...
Meru: *smacks Lloyd with the Froggie Stick*
Lloyd: *froggified* .- Ribbit.
Striker: Heeeeeey... frogs explode when they're shocked...
Lloyd: O_O
(Servi: Insert gooey explosion that will not be described in detail because this fic is in script format here.)
Striker: *revives Lloyd again* Right. Onward, into the mysterious, dark, and scary-looking forest that the mooing sound conveniently came from.
Greham: Wait a second... this could be a trap!
Dart: Perceptive little bugger, isn't he?
All: *charge into the trees, only to find...*
Lloyd: What the hell?
Doel: OK, first one to get me out of here gets exemption from me hurting them.
(Servi: Doel is tied to a crossbar that's being rotated over a roasting pit, surrounded by a bunch of mooing guys in masks that are waving spears in front of a gigantic cow statue.)
Dart: A tribe of African cow-worshipping cannibals. Wow. You've really outdone yourself this time.
Striker: I know. Quite proud of it, too. Now then. *starts talking in gibberish that I won't type out because I'm lazy and I don't feel like it right now* (Translation: The one with the silver hair and red eyes is very good when roasted slowly over a very hot fire and is low in LDL cholesterol. That's the bad kind.)
Cannibal Chief: Grab them!
Dart: What, they can talk in English?
Striker: You mean to tell me that I spent 3 days learning obscure African tribal dialect for nothing? *growls*
Cannibals: *slice Doel free and grab Lloyd and Meru*
Striker: Oops, I didn't specify which one. Hold on. Just the stupid one, not the belly dancer, she's got too much sugar to be healthy.
Cannibals: *toss Meru back towards the group*
Striker: Yeah, thanks.
Cannibal Chief: Why do we eat people?
Cannibals: Because the cow tells us to!
Cow Statue: *is silent*
Striker: Right. O_o
Doel: Morons.
Lloyd: I hate you all.
Striker: Tell it to somebody who cares. Right, time to go.
Lloyd: You can't just leave me here!
Striker: O_o Watch me.
Lloyd: I'll get my revenge, just wait.
Striker: Yeah, right. Like you can do anything to me.
Dart: What now?
Striker: We wander north. Since we're somewhere in Africa, Poland's to the north, and that's where we find kielbasa.
Dart: Can I start a brush fire?
Striker: *sigh* A small one.
Dart: What are tomorrow's winning lottery numbers?
Striker: 5, 37, 12... hey, wait a second.
Dart: Damn.
Meru: FROGGIE STICK!
Dart: Oh hell. At least let me start the brush fire first.
Lavitz: O_o Hey... whatever happened to Rose?
Striker: Well, we could switch to wherever she is just to find out, but I don't feel like it right now, so you'll have to wait until next chapter.
Author's Note: Breaking news update... STRIKER STILL GETS LOST AGE BEFORE STEEL! Mwahahahaha.