Hello everyone. I say that, but it's been so long since I've updated that there might not even be anyone reading this anymore! I'm so sorry guys! I didn't even realise it had been so long since I'd updated but it's completely my bad, I'm sorry! Things just got a bit crazy. I think I've mentioned before that I'm a nursing student and it is very, very hard work, I had a lot to do in December and then there was Christmas and New Year etc etc! It's no excuse but hopefully this chapter is enjoyable. I'll be honest, I don't know how good it is. I've literally just written it in the past hour or so and I don't think it's one of my best chapters but I didn't want to leave it any longer. Hopefully it's not too bad.

Anyway, let me know what you think and apologies again for the length of the wait. Oh and also, Chicago PD tomorrow… Linstead… I'm excited!

It had been a few hours since they had returned home, Voight had dozed on and off on the couch but his dreams had been littered with things that he didn't care to continue seeing. He decided to go check on Erin, part of him feeling slightly guilty for not taking better care to do so last night. If only he had stopped her before she'd snuck out the window, none of this would have happened. Well, Erin wouldn't have shot herself anyway. The rest, this whole mess with Charlie, it was far too late to do anything about that.

He opened the door to her room, shocked to see Halstead lying on top of Erin's bed with her, his arms circling her protectively. Voight was about to wake them up and throw Jay out when he noticed the expression on Erin's face. She actually looked sort of peaceful. More at peace than she had done in a while anyway. He decided that he didn't have it in him to say anything about it for the moment so he turned to leave the room, happy that she was safe.

Just as he turned away, Erin began to stir. She hadn't been in too deep of a sleep and she'd felt the presence of someone else in the room. Panic moved over her face for the smallest of seconds but as soon as she saw it was Hank and felt Jay's arms still around her, she calmed down.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

Erin immediately felt embarrassed when she noticed Voight's eyes shift between her and Jay.

"It's ok. I should probably get up anyway."

"You don't have to. If you're tired, if you need the rest, just sleep."

She was tempted, definitely tempted. She didn't want to get up and have to face reality but she knew she had to; there was no point in putting it off. Voight had kept his side of the bargain by not telling the doctor at the hospital what had really happened, she now owed it to him, and to herself, to sit down and talk.

"No… let's talk. I think… I think I need to."

Her voice wavered slightly at the end of her sentence. She wasn't used to asking for help, even from Voight, who had helped her out so many times in the past already.

Voight smiled gently at her. If he was someone who believed in all the counselling mumbo jumbo, Erin admitting she needed to talk was surely some sort of first step?

"You gonna wake him or…?"

He motioned towards Jay. They'd been talking fairly quietly so as not to wake him up until now.

"I… I just didn't want to be alone. I'm sorry."

Erin thought that he'd be angry at her. It was obvious that nothing had happened, given the circumstances, but he'd still found her lying in bed in her partner's arms.

"Don't apologise. I'll be in the front room when you're ready."

With that, Voight walked out of the bedroom and down the hallway again, deciding to push any thoughts of Jay and Erin to the back of his mind. There were bigger things to worry about at the moment.

Erin lay back and the movement was enough to wake up Jay.

"Were you just talking to yourself?"

The look of confusion on his face was enough to make her laugh, the first laugh she'd had in a while.

"No… Voight. I'm gonna go talk to him."

As she spoke, Jay set sights on the stitches on her forehead and everything came rushing back to him. He didn't think he'd ever be able to shake the image of Erin's blood dripping down the car window.

"I think that's a good idea."

Erin could see now that the little bit of light-heartedness between them had gone and the tension was back.

"You can stay if you want, sleep some more. You look exhausted."

"So do you."

"I guess we both haven't slept much lately, huh?"

Jay smiled sadly at her and then brought his hand up to her head, smoothing down a bit of hair that was sticking up. It was such a natural thing, he hadn't even thought about it but as soon as he'd done it, he moved his hand away quickly, scared of upsetting her.

"I'm sorry… I'm so sorry for everything, Erin."

"Hey, don't. It's not your fault."

"I just need to say this, ok? I'm sorry. You're my partner, my best friend… you're so much more than that and I should have been there, looking out for you. I wish you'd felt like you were able to come to me when Charlie came back into town, I wish I'd been there that day to stop him, I wish I'd been there for you more since… I'm so sorry, I need you to know that."

Erin breathed in deeply, unsure of just what to say to his words. She knew he meant them, every last one.

"This isn't your fault, Jay. I know we're partners so we're taught that we should always have each other's backs but you didn't do this. This isn't on you. It's on me for being stubborn like always and not asking for help when I should have but most of all it's on him, on Charlie. He did this and I'm the one who has to fix it, no one else can do that for me."

Just as Jay was about to speak again, Erin put her hand up in front of him.

"I'm the one who has to fix it but that doesn't mean I want to do it alone. I need Voight. I need the unit. I need you. I see that now. I can't do this on my own. So I know it's a lot to ask but I need your help. I'm asking, please, for you to stick by me through this and I promise never to do anything stupid like last night again."

She was rambling and it was now Jay's turn to stop her.

"Hey… Erin. You've got me. I'm not going anywhere."

Ten minutes later

Erin was in the bathroom, getting ready to take a shower before she spoke to Voight. As she caught sight of herself in the mirror, her mind pushed her back to the last time she'd been in here, the night of the rape. She looked at her body and she could see that her lack of appetite was already starting to take a toll on her. She could see her ribs and her hip bones were protruding more. The marks on her wrists and thighs were starting to fade, really only visible to her because she knew they were there. Worst of all though, was the mark trailed by stitches on her forehead. She traced her finger along the line, so angry at herself for letting it get this far. She was thinking a lot more clearly now than she had been last night and she could see now that her killing herself would only mean that Charlie had won. There was no way that was going to happen.

She forced herself to look away and got into the shower, desperate to wash off the previous night's events.

After around half an hour, Erin emerged from the bathroom, changed into a new set of clothes and her hair still slightly wet. She towel dried it for a few minutes but then decided that she'd put off the inevitable enough, she had to go and talk to Voight. She wanted to, she was just nervous.

Through in the front room, Voight was just as nervous as Erin. He couldn't help but think back to when she'd first come to live with him, when she had been such a mess that he had no idea what she was going to say or do from one minute to the next.

"Hey."

She walked in and sat at the other end of the couch, interrupting him from his thoughts.

"You ok?"

She nodded but she didn't really believe it.

"I made you a coffee."

Erin grabbed the cup and took a large sip, grateful for it as she realised just how tired she still was. She'd really only had about four hours sleep.

"Halstead still here?"

"He's just getting a bit more sleep. He's not really in a fit state to drive right now."

Voight nodded, knowing there was probably a lot more to it than that but remembering his thoughts from earlier to leave it alone.

Erin pulled her legs up under her and looked at Voight, a little bit of fear in her eyes.

"I'm sorry, Hank. I'm so sorry. I don't know what came over me, I don't know why I did it, I didn't plan it, I promise you that. I just… I don't know."

"You really scared me, kid. I thought I'd lost you for good."

"I know and I'm so sorry. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you so I can only imagine that you'd feel somewhat the same. Everything in that moment just seemed too big, too much to deal with and the gun was in my hand, I didn't even really think."

"So you went there to what? Kill him?"

Erin looked down at the floor, embarrassed. It sounded so stupid.

"I guess so. I know that's so stupid but I wasn't thinking clearly last night, I was just so caught up on how he wasn't being punished for what he's done and when the thought came into my head, I couldn't shake it."

Voight nodded, knowing that he'd certainly felt the same before. He couldn't condemn Erin for wanting to kill the man who'd raped her, not when he'd literally had to be dragged off him just a week or so before.

"You're thinking more clearly now?"

"I think so. It still doesn't sit right with me that he'll only be in prison for a year but I know that I can't do anything about that now. It's too late."

Voight looked at her, sadness in his eyes. He wanted her to get the justice she deserved but he couldn't give her it. It broke his heart.

"How did this all even happen, Erin? Why didn't you come to me when Charlie came back into town?"

Her hands began to shake slightly, knowing that they were headed into dangerous territory. Could she really do this? Could she talk about what had actually happened with Charlie? One look at Voight told her that she had to, she couldn't keep him out forever.

"I thought I could handle it, that's the honest truth. I didn't think things would get so out of hand… and when they did, in that moment, in his apartment, when I knew… when everything clicked into place in my head, it was too late… he was already on top of me, he was already…"

She stopped herself as soon as she saw the look on Voight's face. He looked horrified.

"Sorry, that was too much."

Immediately Voight shook his head. He supposed she was right, it was too much, but if she had to have it happen to her, if she had to have the thoughts plaguing her and if it would help her to tell him then he was just going to have to deal with it.

"No… it's ok. I asked you to talk to me. I won't lie, it's not nice to hear but I want to help. What did you mean, when everything clicked into place in your head?"

Erin looked at Voight once more, wondering how far she could really go. He nodded at her and she knew this was her opportunity to tell him everything.

"I… I don't think this is the first time that Charlie has… I, I don't know."

"What?"

"Back when we were kids, he…"

"You were a kid, Erin. He wasn't."

"I don't know for sure really because things were such a mess then, you know that. But… things used to get out of control a lot."

Voight closed his eyes, desperately trying to make sense of what Erin was saying to him.

"Are you telling me that he's done this to you before?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

"Erin?"

"Last week, in his apartment, when things got… ugly… other things started to flash into my mind. Other times, other things that happened from all those years ago but I… I don't think I ever really saw it as anything back then. Does that make sense?"

A tear made its way down Voight's cheek, he could hardly believe what he was hearing.

"When?"

"I'm not sure, Hank. I don't know. I just, there's bits and pieces of things in my head, things that make more sense now."

"Like what?"

"Like… the first time I took heroin. He… Charlie set it all up for me, I don't know how much it was but I know that I passed out, I was in and out of consciousness and I remember waking up at one point and Charlie, he was… it was the same as last week, he was on top of me… I…"

Erin finally let herself give into the sobs that she had been trying to subdue since they started talking. She'd never spoken about this with anyone before, never really told anyone the details of any of this. It was much harder than she imagined it would be. Similarly, it seemed to be much harder for Voight to hear than he ever imagined either. He stood up and started pacing the room, so full of anger.

"So… he drugged you and then he raped you?"

Erin shook her head, unable to let it all quite sink in yet.

"No, I don't know, Hank. Like I said, I was in and out of consciousness, I could just have imagined it, it could have been to do with the drugs, I don't know."

Voight threw his own cup of coffee across the room, angry at the fact that she was still defending Charlie. Erin jumped although the cup had been thrown nowhere near her.

"Stop defending him, Erin! Listen to what you've just told me!"

Down the hallway, the sudden shouting and smashing of the cup grabbed Jay's attention and he ran into the front room. He made his way straight over to Erin, sitting beside her and circling his arms round her like he had done earlier.

"What the hell is going on? You ok, Erin?"

Voight saw the fear in her eyes and realised that he'd gone too far. His anger was at Charlie, not at Erin. He knelt down in front of her and took her hand, taking great care to be gentle.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you, I'm sorry… I just… I don't understand why you've never told me this before? Why would you not have come to me the next day and told me what had happened? You know I would have helped you."

Erin moved her head away from Jay's chest and looked up into his eyes. He nodded at her encouragingly, knowing that she and Voight needed to have this conversation. She switched her sight over to her father figure and took a breath before speaking.

"I was embarrassed. I wasn't sure of what had happened and I didn't want you to know about the drugs. I was ashamed. I guess I just pushed it to the back of my mind. Told myself it didn't happen, that I was wrong. I managed to convince myself that nothing had happened. It wasn't until the other day in Charlie's apartment that it all came back to me and then it was too late…"

Erin felt Jay give her a reassuring squeeze when she stopped talking. Voight held both her hands tightly and just tried to let everything sink in. He'd always known she was strong after the things that she'd been through but he'd never imagined that she was hiding a secret like that. He'd had his fears that Charlie had been physically abusive to Erin in the past but he'd never allowed himself to think that he'd gone that far.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

He didn't know what else to say.

"It's ok. I'm ok. I just… I just need a bit of time and some support and I'll get through this, I'm determined to. I don't like feeling weak and that's how I felt in that car last night. If I have you guys on my side, I can get past this, I know I can."