If I Only Knew Then

Chapter 3

Same disclaimers...

Final Chapter. Slightly different narrative style, incorporating flashbacks. I hope you guys like it! I've been overwhelmed at the response so far. Loving all the insightful reviews. Hope to get some more of those for this chapter!

Enjoy!

It was chaos. Utter chaos and all Juliette could do was stand there and watch helplessly.

Her home, once her beautiful oasis of minimalistic elegance, had been transformed into a fairy princess wonderland, with swaths of pink tulle and lace and sparkles everywhere. That's what she gets for putting Emily in charge of party planning, she thought, shaking her head.

There were a massive pile of presents on a table in the corner. Bowls and platters of potato chips and chicken nuggets and popcorn filled the kitchen island. In the dining room, Diane and Scarlett fought with a pink table cloth, while Daphne Conrad stood nearby, patiently holding a basket of expensive party favors that would act as a centerpiece. In the kitchen, Emily was making punch. Maddie was supposed to be helping her, but the teenager had barely looked up from her phone all afternoon. Juliette knew the reason was a boy named Travis, who Maddie had met in study hall and had given her her first kiss during a field trip to the Hermitage a few weeks before. But Juliette wasn't about to spill that information to Rayna. Her label head and Deacon would be there shortly with the cake.

Turning around for one last look, Juliette was satisfied with the progress of the day. She smiled with joy as she read the huge banner that hung over the large windows that led to the terrace. It read "Happy 1st Birthday, Evie!"

The proud mother glanced over at the birthday girl herself, all dark curls, blue eyes and dimples, as she sat on the sofa playing some silly secret game with her Papa. Juliette smiled at the image of the little girl who was her heart and the man she had somehow formed a bond with over the past year and a half. She couldn't help but think back to her first conversations with Ed. How awful they had been. How heartbreaking. In those moments, she'd never have imagined that they would be happily gathered together under one roof.

But someone was missing.

They were back up in ICU within five minutes of Ed's call to Diane. The doctor wanted to talk to them. Juliette had followed Diane into the hospital, but froze at the threshold of Avery's room. She watched silently as Diane immediately moved to her husband's side, while the surgeon stood at the foot of his bed looking over his chart.

"Mr. and Mrs. Barkley, I wanted to talk to both of you. At this point in Avery's recovery, I was hoping to see some improvement. But that hasn't happened. If anything, his vitals are dropping slightly, and they are doing so more and more rapidly." Juliette bit her lip as the doctor continued to talk about possible infections and the brain swelling. None of it was positive. "We've done everything medically that we can do, but I'm going to be honest with you. It doesn't look good. The only thing that can help him now is a miracle."

It was too much. As much as she fought it, her emotions got the better of her and a sob escaped from her lips, garnering the attention of Avery's father.

His face went red as he noticed her in the doorway for the first time. He advanced on her in the blink of an eye and she was frozen in place with nowhere to go. "What are you doing back here?! I thought you had enough sense in your brain to stay the hell away, but I guess you are even more stupid than I thought."

Before she could respond, Diane was between them, nudging him back into the room. With a determined look in her eyes, she shook her head at her husband. "Don't, Ed! She came with me. I told her to. She's family now."

"She's not my family," he huffed, anger in his eyes.

"Yes she is." Diane looked him in the eyes, pleading for his understanding. "I know this is difficult for you, but she is having our son's baby. Our grandchild. She is our family now. And I can't help but think that Avery would ... that this baby might make him fight just a little bit harder. That's why I want her here. To give him something to fight for. To live for."

Ed glared over his wife's shoulder at Juliette. He couldn't resist getting in another jab. "How do we even know that she's telling the truth? Hasn't it been well documented that she's slept around with have of this town? That could be anyone's baby."

"You're wrong, Ed," his wife said, shaking her head. "I can feel it in my heart. That is our grandbaby. You may not want anything to do with it. But I do. I know I can't make you do anything. But I am going to be a part of that child's life." Ed looked at his wife as if he had never seen her like this. Juliette couldn't help but think that he may not have. That being a grandparent somehow changed Diane ... gave her just enough backbone to stand up to her husband, just a bit. "And I want her here. So you can accept that or not. But she's staying."

The doctor, who had been trying not to listen in on the family drama, cleared her throat. "It's important that you do whatever you can to push him to fight. No matter who or what it is. If it might work, you should try it. Because right now, Avery is the only one who can decide what happens. The rest of us can just hope that something works. If you'll excuse me, I have another patient I need to check on." As the physician walked past Juliette, she nodded and smiled, and the singer knew that the doctor wasn't about to call a tabloid. Her secret was safe.

Finally Diane spoke up again. "Juliette, why don't you sit with him for a while. Ed, let's go down and get coffee."

"But..." he protested.

Diane was determined. "Please."

He glared at Juliette once more, but did as his wife asked. The two women shared a brief look as Juliette settled in to the chair next to the bed again. She knew she wouldn't be interrupted this time. That Diane would buy her time.

Once again, she sat down next to the bed an gripped Avery's hand. "Please, Avery. I need you ... this baby needs you ... to fight." She stayed there for nearly an hour, begging him to fight. To stay with them. To be a father to this child. Then suddenly the noises coming from the machines that were monitoring his vital signs changed. What happened next was a blur.

Suddenly the door that lead to the garage opened and 100 pink helium balloons attached to two pairs of denim clad legs fought their way into the house. Juliette struggled to keep from laughing as balloons began to fly off in every direction, reaching the high ceiling in seconds. The whole group joined in the laughter as the birthday girl got down from Ed's lap and toddled over to the balloons, frilly pink tutu skirt bouncing as she went.

"Dada! Dada!"

From behind the balloons, Avery poked his head out, much to the delight of his daughter at his feet. She giggled and held her arms up to him. He handed his balloons over the Gunnar behind him and lifted the child up over his head kissing her nose as he brought her back down to earth. "Happy Birthday, sweet girl!"

"It's about time you got back." Juliette said, walking over and getting a kiss of her own. "Didn't want you to miss all the fun." She gestured to the over the top decorations covering the house.

He shrugged, smile on his face, as he bounced the happy child in his arms. "Sorry. Traffic was horrible." He leaned in closer to her, taking her hand. "You know I wouldn't miss this for anything," he said, in a low voice that no one else could hear.

"Hey, I know everyone is busy, but a little help would be nice." Gunnar's muffled voice suddenly arose from behind the wall of balloons. Emily rushed in from the kitchen while Scarlett and Diane ran over from the dining room to grab balloons, which were eventually tied onto every surface that wasn't already covered in pink. Ten minutes later Rayna and Deacon arrived with the cake, a masterpiece from an upscale bakery in Nashville. It was shaped like a princess crown and covered in edible sparkles and candy gemstones. Juliette couldn't help but roll her eyes at her assistant when she looked at the cake. Emily just smiled and shrugged.

From across the room, Juliette's eyes met Avery's as he and his dad worked together to tie the last of the balloons to the terrace wall just outside. It had been a long road, but they had all made it. And she couldn't help but think that despite the agonizing time they all went through, with the attach and the stalker and the subsequent trial, they all came out the other side stronger better people.

It took a while after he started improving, but Avery was finally moved out of the ICU and into a regular room and would get to go home in a matter of days. After Juliette had had such a positive affect on Avery's recovery, Ed Barkley had backed off his attempts to keep her away. They had come to an understanding. He would make himself scarce when she was there and she would make sure that he had time too. Juliette had decided that Avery's father really did care about him. That wasn't the problem. Ed's issue was that he was a proud man, and his only son didn't turn out to be the man that he wanted. He would never approve of the music, and would always see creativity as a weakness. That was something that the two men would have to work on in their own time. But Juliette knew that Ed really did care. She just wondered if he would ever let down his guard enough to admit it.

The day after Avery was moved out of ICU, Officer Carrington showed up at the hospital to tell them all that the stalker, the man who's fingerprints were found both on the letters and at the scene of Avery's attack had been captured in a nearby apartment. The bedroom of the apartment was filled floor to ceiling with images of Juliette, some publicity photos or paparazzi shots. Others were photos that this man obviously took himself, and were found on a computer hard drive. The officer told them that some of the images were extremely personal ... that he had apparently been hidden outside her home on multiple occasions, peering into her window to get them. Juliette felt sick and violated when she was told that there were pictures of her and Avery together, and that this man had Photoshopped his own face into some of the more intimate images.

She had been reassured that the District Attorney would be pressing the strongest possible charges and that the man was looking at a minimum of 30 years in prison without the possibility of parole, likely much more, due to the violent nature of his attack on Avery. Juliette knew that meant she would have to testify in court and that much of her private life would be put on display. But none of that mattered. All that mattered was keeping this nutjob locked up and as far away from her baby, Avery and her friends and herself as possible. She would do whatever she had to do to make that happen.

Avery had been sleeping most of the time, which the doctor said was normal. He was still in a lot of pain and on a morphine drip, so sleep really was best. They had all taken shifts to make sure there was always someone there every time he woke up. Deacon, Scarlett, Gunnar and Zoey had helped out too. She was almost grateful that he had slept through all of her shifts. She still wasn't even sure where they stood. But she did know that she had to try to repair what they were. It wasn't just about them anymore. It had been decided that until he was completely ready, no one would mention the baby. Juliette would do it when the time was right.

It was the third night he had been in a private room. She was sitting in the chair, staring out the window watching the sun set behind the hills west of Nashville, when she sensed movement on the bed. She glanced over to see his blue eyes watching her.

"Hey," she whispered, standing and moving closer to him.

He shifted a bit, watching her. "Hi."

She knew the whole situation was awkward, but the responsibility ... and love ... she felt toward him overpowered that feeling. "How are you feeling? Are you in any pain?"

"It's not too bad," he responded weakly.

"I can get the nurse."

He shook his head. "I'm okay for now." She nodded, not knowing what to say. He closed his eyes and Juliette thought he was going to go back to sleep. But she was surprised to hear his raspy voice continue. "I was worried about you. After it happened." She looked up startled, seeing his eyes open again. "When I was lying there. All I could think about was you."

"Avery-" she said, not wanting him to upset himself by reliving that horror.

But the words continued. "He was yelling. Telling me to stay away from you. Over and over again, he told me to stay away." She couldn't fight the tears that welled in her eyes as he relived those painful moments. "Then it all just stopped and it was silent and all I could see was the pavement of the parking lot. And the blood. My only thought was that he might come after you."

She placed a hand on his shoulder. "They caught him. Your mother told you that, remember? You're safe. I'm safe. We're ... all ... safe. He's not going to bother us anymore."

"When I was lying there, knowing that it was over, my one regret was you." He looked up at her and for the first time since she left the studio that night, their eyes met. "That I didn't try harder to understand. That I was so angry I couldn't see that I was partially to blame. That I didn't see how much you were hurting."

She moved to sit on the edge of his bed, feet dangling over the side, her back barely touching his hip. She looked down at him and took his hand. "Avery, don't say that. It ... all of this was my fault."

He rubbed the palm of her hand with his thumb, and took a deep breath. "That's not true, Juliette. I just gave up on us. I didn't even try."

"Yeah, well," she responded, fighting a wry chuckle in her own voice, "we can just call it even, because I gave up on myself too."

He shook his head and looked at her in a way that she had been certain she would never see from him again. A look of compassion, that she felt completely undeserving of. "I don't want you to ever do that. You are so much stronger than that."

This was her moment and she knew it. He was lucid and no one was around. "I kind of can't give up on myself any more." Her voice shook as she eased herself into telling him the truth. "Not now."

"What do you mean?" He was clearly confused.

She took a deep breath and blurted out the word that had gone unspoken for far too long. "I ... I'm pregnant."

For a moment silence engulfed the room. She could see the wheels in his head spinning, trying to comprehend the implications of her confession. His face cycled through looks of terror, joy, fear and resignation ... all of the things she had been struggling with for weeks. Then, with only a slight hesitation Avery let go of her hand and moved his over her still slim belly. She closed her eyes at his touch. "It's ours?" he finally asked, in barely more than a whisper, almost as if he was afraid of the answer.

She nodded. "I was already pregnant when ..." There was no reason to continue the statement. The blanks were already filled in. "I think it was just after I got back from LA."

He was thinking back to that time, before everything took such an ugly turn, realizing that this baby wasn't conceived at some dimly lit industry party by a man they couldn't stand. This child was made of love. The loved they'd had ... that maybe they'd have again one day. It would take work, they both knew as they sat there in the silence of that hospital room. Avery took a deep breath and nodded. "We're having a baby, then."

"Yeah."

Nearly sixty people filled the house for little Evelyn's first birthday party, including a who's who of music industry power players and their kids. Kids of all ages ran through the house laughing and screaming. Moms and Dads gathered in various out of the way places to keep an eye on the action and catch up on each other's lives. There were games outside on the terrace, which Emily had put Deacon, Gunnar and Scarlett in charge of. Rayna, Diane and Ed kept an eye on the food, claiming that they had raised their kids already. When it came time for Evie to open presents she sat in Juliette's lap with Avery next to them as Ed handed over the presents one by one. The cake was cut and a large piece was put in front of the birthday girl, who promptly grabbed some of the icing and smashed it in her own hair. Juliette was glad she had thought to hire one of her photographer friends to capture the precious memories.

Finally, after hours of cleaning after the guests went home, there was a sudden quiet stillness. Ed, Diane and Rayna and Deacon had just said their goodbyes and all Juliette wanted to do was sleep for three days. She was exhausted. After a long hot shower, she threw on some comfy shorts and a tshirt and returned to the kitchen for some coffee. She curled up on the sofa and watched the two people she loved more than anything else in the world sitting together at the piano.

Evie sat in Avery's lap, clad in yellow pjs with feet that looked like ducks. Her hair was still damp from the bath Diane had given her before they had left. And her big blue eyes were glued to her daddy's fingers on the keys as he played the chorus to "Somewhere Over The Rainbow." It had recently become a favorite song of the little girl's, and occasionally she would join in, both in tune and in rhythm ... just lacking the actual words to the song.

Juliette smiled, thinking back to one year earlier.

Big bright blue eyes looked up at them with curiosity. Only three hours old and already this little girl had stolen her parents' hearts. Juliette looked down at the precious bundle in her arms, still amazed that she had a part in making something so perfect.

Beside her, Avery looked so happy. "She is ... amazing."

She smiled up at him. "I think we did a pretty good job."

They fell into a comfortable silence. In the past seven months they'd had some serious discussions about their relationship and how they would raise their daughter. Neither one wanted to rush back into anything, though they both knew that they still loved each other. They weren't a couple again, but they were working to get back to that place. A relationship built on trust and friendship and honesty. They knew they couldn't rush it. That if it was meant to happen, it would happen naturally.

Avery gently took the child from her mother's arms and walked over to the window where the bright lights of Nashville were glowing against the dark night sky. A thin layer of snow had fallen in the hours before and a few flurries were still cascading down from the sky. "This is your home. Nashville. This is where I met your mama. One day, I'll show you the exact spot where we bumped into each other." Juliette grinned thinking about that moment at the Opry. It really was the turning point for her life, even though it had seemed so insignificant at the time.

A knock on the door grabbed both of their attention, as Avery's parents walked in, having just gotten to town. Ed hung back in the doorway, but Diane was immediately by her son's side to get a first glimpse of her granddaughter. The woman had tears in her eyes as she looked at the child in his arms. "Oh, honey, she is beautiful."

"Isn't she?" Avery said proudly. "Want to hold her?"

Diane looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "What do you think? Let me wash my hands first. Then you can hand her over." Diane disappeared into the bathroom and Avery met his father's stare.

Juliette watched with interest from the bed. Avery's relationship with his father was only slightly less strained than it was before the attack. They were at least on speaking terms, but it was limited to "How are things?" and "What's the weather like where you are?" She was hoping the baby would garner Ed's interest, but so far, Diane was the only one who really wanted anything to do with her. But still. The fact that he even made the trip was progress.

"Do you ... want to see her?" the new father asked, hesitantly. Ed nodded and Avery approached carefully cradling the tiny girl.

The older man looked down, clearly fighting his emotions. For what seemed like hours, but was really only seconds, the room was silent as he took in the sight of his beautiful granddaughter for the first time. "She looks a lot like you, when you were born. The blue eyes ... and all that dark hair." Ed looked away and began clearing his throat. "Excuse me," he said as he stepped back out of the room and into the hallway.

Avery looked over at his mother who had watched the whole scene from the bathroom doorway. She was just as affected as he was, both with tears in their eyes. Diane broke the silence, holding her hands out, reaching for the child. "Let me hold her." Avery handed her over to her grandmother and then walked back over to the bed where Juliette was watching the moments transpire. He sat on the edge of the mattress, still fighting his emotions as his mother started singing a soft lullaby to the baby. Without thinking he reached over and grabbed Juliette's hand.

The sound of tiny hands pounding on the keys interrupted the beautiful melody the child's father had been playing, but it was the sweetest sound Juliette could imagine. Avery just laughed at her enthusiasm, and Juliette knew that Evie was bound to be talented. She took after her father in so many ways. Juliette thanked God every day for that.

"Sunny! Sunny!" the girl chirped with delight when Avery ended the song.

"You want me to sing the sunshine song?" He asked. Juliette's favorite thing was to sit and watch them interact. Nothing was more special or more perfect to her. Their daughter looked up at him, grinned and nodded, causing the curls on her head to bounce up and down.

As he launched into the song, she was once again taken back in time.

Juliette awakened to the words of "You Are My Sunshine" resounding from the baby monitor from the nursery down the hall from her bed room. For a moment she just lay there listening, thinking back to when he used to sing to her at night, when neither of them could sleep. Now he was singing to the little girl they both loved more than anyone on earth. But for a moment, in the dark of night, she could just imagine that the soft lullaby was for her too.

Eventually, she got up, pulled on a white satin robe and padded down the hallway to the nursery. Leaning against the doorframe she smiled at the scene in front of her. Avery was seated in the cozy rocking chair and three-month-old Evelyn was curled up into her daddy's chest as he rocked back and forth, still singing. His voice faded as he glanced up at Juliette, who pushed back the tears that threatened to spill.

"Hey. Did I wake you?" Juliette shook her head as he pressed a soft hand to the baby's skin. "I think her fever's gone down. She's not as fussy as she was earlier."

"Good. You didn't have to stay this long," she said, looking at the clock on the wall. "You should have come and gotten me."

Avery smiled at her. "You needed to sleep. I had it under control. We went through just about every song I know, and I think I've figured something out. She loves Sinatra, Willie Nelson and Ray Charles, but I tried to sing 'Mandy' to her ... it didn't go well."

"Awe. So the Fanilow gene is not hereditary. So sorry." She joked, faking a frown at him, and moved further into the room. "Thank you. For staying to help."

"No where else I'd rather be." He glanced down and saw that the baby was finally asleep and he stood to place her in the nearby crib. Juliette joined him beside the crib and they just stared at her ... this amazing tiny person who somehow made all the chaos from the past year worth it. "I still can't believe we did that." He turned and looked at the child's mother in a way that he hadn't looked at her in months. Since before he found out about Jeff.

Juliette struggled not to read too much into it, not to wish that he would just lean in and kiss her like she'd been dreaming about, so she just smiled. "Me either." Flipping on the night light and double checking the baby monitor, they left the room quietly, leaving the door slightly cracked behind them.

"My dad called today," Avery said as they stood out in the hallway. "He's going to be coming though town next week for work and wants to have dinner with me. I wanted to bring Evie too, if that's okay with you."

"Of course it is." Juliette looked at him with both concern and admiration. "Are you ready for that?"

He nodded. "It's been better, lately. We talk sometimes, especially about Evie. He is always checking in about her."

"I think babies have a way of making people want to mend fences. It's like a second chance..." Her voice faded off as they both realized that her words could just as easily be about the two of them as it was about Avery and his father. Juliette cleared her throat, in an effort to break the silence. "Dinner will be good for you. Both of you."

His eyes met hers and for a moment neither of them were sure what to say. "We never even would have gotten to this point if it weren't for you and Evie. Thank you."

"You ... don't have to thank me."

"I know." He looked around the dark house and sighed. "I should head home."

"Avery, wait." He looked back up at her, and for a moment, she could have sworn she saw hope in his eyes. The same look she had been wearing since he was released from the hospital. "It's late. You ... should stay." The quiver in her voice gave her away, she knew. She wanted him to stay, to finally be okay with them moving forward. She had never stopped loving him and knew she never would. Especially now that Evie was in their lives. They were bonded forever, and she wanted more. But she wouldn't push him. Not this time. It had to be his call after everything she put him through before. "I mean, I have like four guest rooms. There's no need for you to leave at 2am."

He looked down at the keys in his hands, debating on what to do. Finally after battling with himself for more than a minute, he put the keys back on the table and moved to stand just inches in front of her. The air around them was electric and Juliette looked up into his eyes. They were filled with emotions she hadn't seen in what seemed like forever. Time stopped. "I'll stay. But I don't want to stay in the guestroom." Within miliseconds, his lips were on hers and all of the emotion and passion of the past came flooding back to them.

It was suddenly like no time had passed. That Jeff had never happened. That they hadn't spent the past year apart. This was right and it was real. And Juliette knew that this was her forever. Finally.

"Mama! Mama!"

Juliette was pulled from her memories by her daughter's voice and a tiny hand tapping on her knee. She looked down to find Evie standing there with a present wrapped in white and pink paper in her hands. Juliette giggled and lifted the child into her lap. "What's this?" she asked as she kissed the dark curls that stuck to Evie's forehead. She glanced up to look at Avery, who had turned around from the piano to watch. "Did we miss a present?"

He shrugged. "I guess so. Better open it."

Juliette pulled a little bit of the paper, as they had done with all of the presents earlier in the day, and the birthday girl finished the rest. It took no time, as she had quickly figured out that a toy was usually underneath the paper. But that wasn't the case with this present. It was just a brown box. Evie instead decided to play with the silver bow that had been on top of the package. It was now sitting on her head.

As the box was unwrapped, Juliette saw that a note was taped to the top. She read it to herself. "This gift is for Evelyn's amazing, beautiful, wonderful mother."

She looked across the room at Avery, immediately recognizing his handwriting. Confusion marred her face as he just smiled and waited patiently for her to pull the lid off the box. As she did, she couldn't help the gasp that fell from her lips. The inside was filled with white satin, and in the center, a small black velvet box, opened to reveal a stunning diamond ring. For a moment all she could do is stare at the ring. Then she moved her eyes back to him. He stood and slowly walked over to the couch and sat down beside her.

"Think it's time. We're already a family, but I think it's time we make it official. I love you. I love our daughter. I love what the three of us have and I don't want anyone to question that. So ... will you marry me?"

Juliette was speechless as she fought the tears in her eyes. She took a deep breath and as she was gathering her strength to answer, Evie's voice rang out loudly. "Yes!"

They both laughed and hugged their daughter. Juliette leaned in and kissed him. "I guess that's your answer."

So that's the end of this story. It is actually the second last chapter I wrote for this. The first one I wrote on a day where I was in a mood and it turned out to be far too heartbreaking. In that version, Avery didn't survive ... yeah, I know. It was rough. Needless to say, I like this one better. Plus I have a thing for men and babies, so I wanted to incorporate that. :) Thanks for reading and let me know what you think!