Chapter 13: Oxygen

Lilia couldn't be more content to be out of the hospital. Although the staff was kind and Carlisle exceeded her expectations as a vampire, the stay had been an ordeal. Carlisle's orders were that she stay in bed until her muscle spasms subsided. But staying in the small, lumpy hospital bed was suffocating. The blankets were itchy and scratchy, and the IV grew more bothersome with every hour. Even a nurse stated she refused to attend Lilia after she had thrown her blankets onto the ground in frustration. Lilia was used to be on her feet and outdoors. The infinity of sterile white walls surrounding her every second of the day was a torturous experience, and the lack of "familial" visitors didn't help. She felt powerless in a bed and covered in tubes, with the shy beeping of heart monitor reminding her of just how thin her lifeline had become. If her spine was damaged, she would be paralyzed. If she sprained her ankles, she would not walk. Of someone slashed her throat, her blood will not stop pouring. A silent microorganism could kill her, just as much as a flying bullet to the head.

But on early Monday morning, when she saw Embry in the waiting area, her heart jolted and those thoughts vanished. At first, her eyes had to consciously force themselves to maintain contact with him. His brown, earnest eyes were comforting, but Lilia was afraid that her own dull, bloodshot eyes would alarm him. When Embry saw her first, he had stood up from the beige, old seat near the sliding doors. Lilia could see he was nervous too, as he shifted his body weight from one foot to the other. But nonetheless, his mind was at peace seeing his imprint in better health. Cautiously, the two's hands met as he helped her out of her wheelchair.

"Sorry that Emily couldn't come," he apologized to Lilia. "She had a meeting with Sue about something. She didn't tell us what."

"It's fine, Embry," Lilia answered softly. His shoulders loosened and he nodded. The two began to walk slowly through the sliding doors of Fork's hospital, Lilia's legs still sore and taut. Not liking the silence between the two, Lilia continued to speak. "Thanks for bringing me clothes to change into by the way. I hate that hospital gown so much."

Embry chuckled. "Yeah, I bet. My mom works as a nurse here, but in the pediatric area. She says that they're practically giant pieces of paper towels." As Lilia heartily laughed, he felt his chest swell up with joy, his heart threatening to burst it. The healthy, full smile on his imprint was the most relieving sight in the world. Just a couple days ago she was struggling for breath and her face was drained of all life. Now, the color returned to her face, and the steady thudding of her heart that he could hear soothed him.

As the two finally stood outside, Lilia paused and looked around. Thick gray clouds crowded against each other in the sky and Forks was on the verge of heavy rain—as usual. Lilia breathed in the cool air blissfully, closing her eyes and letting her chest rise. Embry watched her keenly, and realized how rewarding fresh air must've been for the girl. A tiny hospital room was no place for a werewolf, especially not one like Lilia. She must've felt like an animal in a cage, and this was her first time stepping out into Fork's abundantly green surroundings. When she opened her eyes finally, she realized how long she'd been breathing deeply, and bashfully looked away from Embry. "Sorry," she mumbled. "I just—"

"You just really needed some fresh air," he finished for her. "I get it."

She looked at him in surprise and her lips twitched into a smile again. As the two began to walk to the parking lot, she moved closer to Embry, and he lightly rested his hand on her back just below her shoulder blades. Usually, she would flinch away from another's touch, but instead she felt a sense of calmness ooze through the insides her veins. She licked her lips and breathed in deeply again.

Embry drove her back to La Push in Quill's old truck that the pack seemed to take turns driving. As they did, Lilia rested her head against the chilly side window and helped Embry choose a place to eat with her. Before entering La Push, together they decided on a small burger joint just outside of the reservation. Inside, dozens of other teenagers and adults from La Push were packed, with barely any booths available. When the Embry and Lilia entered, a sudden wave of noisy chatter hit both of them hard. As everyone glanced over their shoulders to peek at Embry and Lilia, Lilia in particular couldn't help but feel small surrounded by so many ordinary humans. Embry on the other hand was prickled with annoyance after some of them successfully recognized Embry and waved frigidly at him. Lilia blinked in surprise when Embry only ignored them, turning his head away from them. As they both walked to a booth, she noticed that his jaw clenched. Even while sitting across from her in the booth, his eyes had hardened and because of that was only looking down at the table pensively.

"You alright?" she asked him carefully.

At the sound of her voice, he lifted his head back up, his eyes softening immediately when they met hers again. He swallowed and nodded quickly. "Yeah, of course. It's just… I used to go to school with those guys. I graduated with them and all, but… I'm not really allowed to speak to them anymore." He paused and lowered his voice. "Because of the whole werewolf thing."

Lilia nodded stiffly. "I understand."

"And also because they were talking about you. Saying that you're probably the pack's next Emily. Saying they're surprised you don't have scars on your face."

Lilia snorted and rubbed the back of her neck nervously. She wasn't used to hearing so many thoughts from the humans of La Push. "I guess this turtleneck was a good choice on your part then." She tugged on the sleeve of her red, snug sweater, pursing her lips weakly. "Emily's nice though, so being compared to her is a compliment in my eyes."

Embry smiled at her cheesy joke. "I know, it's just… I don't like people talking about you like you're not here. They don't realize I can hear everything they're saying even if they're whispering. They should just mind their business, but they don't." He sighed and looked out the window. "That's what I hate most about La Push and Forks. It's so small, everyone thinks your business is theirs too."

Lilia heart sunk at what he said. They don't realize I can hear everything they're saying. Lilia bit her lips hard and furrowed her brows in sorrow. She glanced back towards the clique of Embry's old classmates and realized… she couldn't hear them talking about her. She heard their loud voices overlapping over each other, wrestling for dominance in every conversation. And she heard their youthful, irrepressible laughter, but not the words or sentences that their voices were meant to carry. As she struggled to try to catch a few words, her hands clutched tightly onto the tattered red cushion she sat on top of. She ran her nails along the rough, peeling skin of the booth's seat before pulling at the loose faux leather without a thought. She looked around the whole restaurant and her heart began to quicken. She couldn't hear anything. She couldn't smell the scents of the woodland animals outside. She couldn't hear the heartbeats of the chefs from behind the kitchen walls. She couldn't smell the grease frying in the corner of the kitchen. Nor could she hear what the brunette with the scornful eyes in the corner whispered in her friend's ear.

She felt lost.

"Lilia, look at me," Embry said to her, breaking her out of her trance. His eyes were full of worry. "You're okay. Do you want to order the food to-go? We can eat it at Emily's place if you feel better there. I'll just tell the waiter to put the food into some packages, okay?"

Lilia nodded hastily and rubbed her eyes. She tried to remember the tips Carlisle had taught her one late night at the hospital. Breathe in, let your stomach fill up like a balloon. Then breathe out, and let your stomach shrink back towards your spine. Good. She remembered Carlisle saying to her. At night at the hospital, she'd wake up covered in cold sweat, her body feeling as though it were in flames. But the loss of control of her breath was what terrified her most. She felt as though her very breath was fleeing from her lungs forever, and she was grasping and begging for it to stay. Her legs and feet would tingle, and her eyes would water with stinging tears. But the breathing helped her. Her eyes would still be damp and burning, but her chest no longer heaved violently, and she felt as though her body was in one piece once again.

Embry escorted Lilia back to the car once the waiter came back with the bags of food. She was quiet and sniffling back the tears that begged to spill out. Once inside the truck, with the food in the backseat and the key in the ignition, Embry turned to look at Lilia in the front seat, his own heart twinging at the sight of his distraught imprint. He called her name softly. "Lilia." She looked up at him, her eyesight blurred by rogue tears.

"I'm sorry," he said gently. "I shouldn't have been talking about werewolf stuff after…"

Without letting him finish, Lilia threw herself at him wrapped her arms around his neck. She buried her face into his warm chest and let the feeble cries escape from her throat. In shock, Embry hugged her back, wrapping his arms around her small form. Soothingly, he ran a hand up and down her back and then through her hair, her shaky cries thundering against his chest. She grabbed a fistful of his jacket and clutched onto it. Feeling helpless himself, Embry murmured comforting words into her ear, unknowingly sending chills down her spine. When he looked down at her, he realized how much pain she was in. Since Friday, she had been mourning the death of her own wolf.

Soon her cries began to calm. Lilia still clung onto him, however, and Embry still ran his hands gently through her hair. He let her rest her cheek against his shoulder now, and craned his neck down to glance at her. She sighed tiredly and wiped her red eyes. Carefully, he brushed the loose waves from her face. When she turned her head up to look at him, he placed his warm hands on either of her face, their eyes interlocked. Her eyes were full of sorrow, but softened as they linked with his. Instinctively, the two imprints rested their foreheads against each other and breathed in deeply. Embry kept one hand on her cheek and stroked it softly.

"You're going to be safe, Lilia. You're more than a wolf," he whispered to her. "You're so much more than just a wolf."

She nodded, trying to absorb every word he was saying to her.

"You're not alone in this world. You're still apart of this pack, of Uley's pack. You have me, you have Sam and Emily, you have Paul, you even have that little bugger Seth."

Lilia broke out a laugh, the corner of her lips curling into a smile. Embry's smile mirrored that of his imprint.

"You're right," she murmured back and looked down at her own hands. "I just don't know if I am ready to be more than a wolf." She bit her bottom lip nervously. "But it seems my body thinks I am with all these muscle spasms."

Embry held lifted her chin up with a finger. "You really don't deserve to have so much pain, Lilia. And it hurts that I can't help you in any way with that. And to think that this is all because I imprinted on you when you woke up on the couch that one day. I never imagined then that it would bring you to this state. In the hospital of all places."

Lilia watched him, and she could tell he was mad at himself. She placed a hand on his shoulder. She whispered to him, "Hey." She couldn't watch him blame himself for all of this. "It's not your fault, Embry. You didn't choose this. This is just some weird werewolf biology."

It was his turn to chuckle.

"And you know what, I'm the one who should be sorry about the imprint. I treated you so coldly those first days. All because I was scared and still holding onto my previous pack. You were so understanding while the jerks in your pack were calling me a prude," she said sourly.

He widened his eyes and he pulled away slightly. "How'd you—?"

"I had good hearing for a few days, you know."

He blushed. "Oh. Yeah. Of course."

She laughed and rolled her eyes. "My point is that… you've been a good friend and a good imprint to me, Embry. Even from the beginning." And she meant it. All Jared and Quill and Jacob did was ask her if she could still read or if she remembered how to tie shoelaces. But Embry saw the person that she was and light hidden inside her. He could see that behind the hardened trauma surrounding her was a girl whose smile lit up whichever room they were in, and who's heartbeat made him want to embrace her and listen to it for eternity.

Feeling his heart flutter against his chest, he laid his hands back on her warm cheeks now. He brought her head closer and placed a tender, chaste kiss on Lilia's forehead. She was surprised, but didn't pull away. Tingles sparked through her body and a shiver ran down her arm. With a smile still on her face, she rubbed her eyes drowsily as if his touch had placed her in a daze, making him laugh. Satisfied and eyes dry now, she plopped back on her seat and leaned her head back against it.

"You still craving burgers?" Embry teased her, starting the car.

"Yup."

"You sure?"

Lilia nodded. "I got sick of that hospital food the moment I laid eyes on it. I'm dying for a burger right now."

Embry laughed and beamed at her as he drove on the road back to Uley's. "Good."