Here's another little AU that's been rattling around in my google docs for a while. I'm not sure where it came from and it meanders a bit, but it was a fun little character exploration to write. Sweet, inexperienced Nine/Rose is pretty adorable.

"So, any progress yet?" Ianto whispered, reclining back further against Jack and shifting slightly. Both of them were pretending to watch a film on Jack's laptop but were actually looking over at Jack's dorm-mate, John.

"Nothing," Jack answered quietly, adjusting his grip on Ianto slightly and shaking his head. "I don't get it. Those two generate enough sexual chemistry to power an entire season of True Blood but...nothing. He won't make a move. He's never made a move."

"She's completely into him!" Ianto said, eyeing the lithe form of the other young man across the room where he was lounging on his bed, reading some massive textbook. Every few moments, the mobile on the bed next to him chirped and he immediately responded each time, occasionally with a little heart-stopping grin or an indignant scowl. "Not that I blame her."

"Hey!" Jack laughed, pressing his hips forward into Ianto's back slightly. "No ogling my best friend."

"You do it all the time," his boyfriend laughed.

"True. You should have seen him the other day when he came back from the hall shower. He'd forgotten his jumper and oh, actually...that gives me an idea," Jack answered, his face lighting up, leaning in to whisper closely.

"What?" Ianto asked, curious despite himself, smiling warily. Usually Jack's plans involved a large amount of public nudity and being chased by university security.

"Oi! Are you two actually watching any of that film tonight or are you just going to natter on all evening?" John's voice finally called out, making Jack snap his head up like a guilty child. John stood up and stretched, moving around his side of the room.

"Busy whispering sweet nothings over here," Jack quipped quickly. "You're welcome to join us."

"Never gonna happen, fly boy," John answered, rolling his eyes but grinning. He collected his shower accessories and began rooting around for a (semi) clean towel.

"And how is the lovely Rose Tyler this evening?" Ianto asked, gesturing toward the mobile John was staring at while he walked.

"Dunno," John lied, swinging his towel over his shoulder and padding barefoot out of the room, although his slightly pinked-ears argued against that statement.

"Ridiculous. He does too," Ianto snorted as the blushing man retreated out the door. "So, what's this big plan of yours?" he inquired, shifting up so he was sitting face-to-face with Jack, who lit up again.

"Well, we already know it's going to take a huge push to get those two knuckleheads together," Jack began.

"Obviously," Ianto echoed. "But we've been trying for months. And, according to you, you've been trying since primary school."

"Ah, yes, the great juice box debacle of sixth year. Donna and I worked so hard on that," he said with a whimsical sigh. "This one's fool-proof, though. As you know, John's a bit of a prude."

"Sure," Ianto answered, remembering the first time John had walked in on he and Jack making out. The poor man had nearly died from embarrassment. Ianto still wondered how the two boys had ever ended up as best mates.

"Well, he always goes to the shower fully clothed and comes back fully clothed. But in between there…" Jack trailed off, waggling his eyebrows at Ianto.

"Jack, if you try to sneak a peek at John Noble's bits, you're going to end up with a black eye and restraining order," Ianto warned.

"Wouldn't be the first time. But no, that's not my goal. Although," he trailed off again, looking dreamy and Ianto elbowed him with a snort. "Anyway, my point is, his clothes have to be sitting in there some place while he showers. Even John can't shower clothed."

"And you're suggesting we go nick them," Ianto finished.

"Got it!" Jack answered, his grin widening.

"Good prank, even though I think John will kill us later. But what's that got to do with Rose?" Ianto asked.

"Stealing his clothes is just step one, Yan. Then, we're going to put a sock on the door and fake the most outrageous, loud, hard-core sex we possibly can. Or, you know, not fake it," he leered, his hand moving down across Ianto's stomach and back up to his chest again.

"So he'll be too embarrassed to come in here," Ianto answered, nodding. "How do you know he won't just stay in the loo until we're 'done'? And that he won't kill us anyway?"

"Well, for one thing, we are going to take our time," Jack grinned, letting his hand drift down again. "And for another, I'm willing to bet that he's already made plans to meet up with Rose this evening. He usually goes up to her room about now. And he won't want to keep her waiting. Well, any more than he already has," he laughed. "And, lastly, once he and Rose finally shag, he's going to be so far up on cloud nine, he won't bother coming back down to kill us. Probably."

"Still sounds dangerous to me. But I'm in," Ianto said, standing up and shaking Jack's hand off him. "Quit that for now or we'll never make it out the door."

Jack shot him a wicked glance and stood up to follow him out to steal their soon-to-be-furious friend's clothes. The two of them snuck down to the hall's loo and opened the door, quietly. They exchanged a smirk and a silent giggle as they heard John singing softly to himself.

Well, I woke up today
And the world was a restless place
It could have been that way for me

There, sitting on the counter opposite his stall was their prize, a bundle of John's clothes with his mobile sitting on the top. Jack waited until the large, bare feet visible under door turned to face the wall and darted over to steal the whole lot, just barely keeping in his triumphant whoop. He and Ianto ran back to the room, laughing with glee.

"Well, Ianto Jones. Step one, complete. On to step two?" Jack asked, dumping the clothes onto John's bed and sauntering over to Ianto, who was messing about with John's mobile.

"D'you know his passcode?" Ianto asked, distracted. "I want to see if he actually did make plans with Rose or if we're going to have to drag a traumatized, fuming John out of the loo in a few hours."

"Yeah, it's 'T-A-R-D-I-S-9', all caps," Jack answered, wrapping his arms around Ianto from behind. "Dunno what it means. It's some joke between him and Rose."

Sure enough, the last few (very flirtatious) texts were about plans with Rose this evening, who was making popcorn and 'couldn't wait to see him'. "I think we might have ourselves a winner," he laughed, tossing the mobile onto John's bed and turning around in Jack's embrace. "Do you think it'll work?"

"A half-naked, wet, gorgeous John shows up at Rose's door and asks to come in for the evening? I think the smut writes itself," Jack answered. "Now shut up and kiss me. We're going to have to get loud."

"Yes, sir," Ianto answered.

-

John moved to his usual shower stall, putting his clothes on the counter and hanging his towel on the hook right outside. Their dormitory was practically empty this weekend; most of the students had gone home for the extended holiday break and the rest were all out enjoying their Friday evening. Jack had opted to stay for break since Ianto was staying and Rose was here since her mum was on holiday in France with her boyfriend, so John had, of course, opted to stay here with her (just as friends, of course).

Rose had been texting him all evening (as per usual) and he was meeting her to watch a film in an hour. Just as friends, of course. Her dorm-mate was out of town for the holiday and so she'd said she was lonely and bored upstairs. Not that he needed the excuse to spend time with her, of course. He was up there nearly every night anyway.

The two of them had been best friends since they were in diapers (his mum and Jackie had shared a hospital room when they'd gone into labour and then discovered that they lived two doors down from one another). Sylvia and Jackie became the best of friends (when they weren't busy being best enemies) and he and Rose had quickly become inseparable although, he was five and a half hours older than Rose and he never let her forget it.

John stepped into the shower and soaped up, thinking about Rose and singing softly to himself. He longed for something more with her and sometimes he thought she did too, but he wasn't certain and he couldn't risk what they had for something more if it wasn't going to work. Rose was the other half to his whole. She understood him better than he understood himself, sometimes, and he needed her. He couldn't imagine not having her in his life and he was certain that if he tried anything more, he'd screw it up and lose her forever. She'd been there through all the good and bad times of his life and he felt like she was as necessary to him as oxygen.

Of course, that fear didn't stop him from having the occasional fantasy about her. Or, all right, the far-more-than-occasional fantasy about her. His best friend had grown up into a gorgeous, curvy blonde with legs that never quit and the two of them had never really had a concept of personal space around one another. Puberty had been kinder to her than him, he thought. His mother had always said he'd grow into his ears but that didn't seem to be ever going to happen.

In fact, times like this, when he was alone in the room, almost alone on the entire floor, actually, tended to be perfect times to think about her. He felt the warm surge of arousal washing through his body and shook off his lingering guilt and shame. If he did this now, it would take the edge off being around her that evening and the proof of his lack of self-control would wash away on its own. With Jack and Ianto around almost constantly nowadays (Ianto's roommate was a class-A homophobic arse), he had very little privacy in their room.

John let his hand drift over his stomach, massaging lightly as he let his mind wander. It settled on the trip their group had taken to Brighton before term had started. It had taken some convincing to get Jackie to agree to let Rose come, but Donna had promised to be the responsible mother hen and keep an eye on everyone. They had all spent the holiday splashing about in the waves and running all over the town, enjoying their last bit of time together before everyone split off for different universities. It had been an adventure to remember. But now, Donna was at Oxford, being brilliant, no doubt, Rory and Amy had both been accepted to St. Andrews, Sarah Jane was off in the Peace Corps and he, Jack and Rose had come here.

The whole time on the beach, Rose had worn this frankly fantastic little red bikini that had kept him glowering off suitors the entire trip while filing away every single detail of it for himself. The way the fabric clung to her breasts, especially when it was damp, molding to every curve. The tiny little strings that held the bottoms up and the way he'd have liked to untie them. The tantalizing bit of pale skin that was revealed when she shifted the right way, a startling contrast against the bronze tan she'd acquired over the week.

Thoughts of Rose in that bikini did to him now exactly what they'd done to him every night that trip and many nights afterward. His cock rose to full hardness near his wandering hand, begging for attention. The low thrum of arousal in his abdomen spread, pulsing through his body. He let his hand drift down, finally, running his fingers lightly over the head. It only took a few light strokes for wetness to begin seeping out, adding more slickness to his hand. He circled his fist tighter and began a faster pace, thinking back to some of the videos he had watched a few nights ago when Jack and Ianto had spent the night out for reference. He had no real sexual experience, having been pining after Rose his whole life and if he'd gravitated to videos featuring curvy blondes, well that was his business, wasn't it? It only took a few more hard strokes and a vision of Rose doing some of those things from the videos and he was coming, hard, his shout silenced into his other fist.

Caught somewhere between feeling shamed and exuberant, John shut off the water to his shower and reached outside the curtain for his towel. Drying off, he felt himself starting to relive the fantasy again (sometimes he did, twice in the shower) but he shook it off this time and quickly filed away this evening in the box of 'things to never admit to Rose' and then wrapped the towel around his waist to step out and grab his clothes off the counter.

Clothes which were no longer there.

Oh, he was going to kill Jack.