Vicissitude

Definition

1.

a. A change or variation.

b. The quality of being changeable; mutability.

2. One of the sudden or unexpected changes or shifts often encountered in one's life, activities, or surroundings. Often used in the plural.

Open up wide, swallow down deep

No spoon full of sugar could make it sweet

The cancer inside, stealing my sleep

Night after night, it keeps haunting me

The secrets I keep are tearing me up inside

I try to hide and then I wonder why

I wonder why I'm still running

When I know there's no escaping

Come undone, surrender is stronger

I don't need to be the hero tonight

We all want love, we all want honor

Nobody wants to pay the asking price

Fall on my knees, fall on my pride

I'm tripping over all the times I've lied

I'm asking please but I can see in your eyes

You don't need tears for alibis

It's true what they say, love must be blind

It's why You're still standing by this sinner's side

You're still by my side

When all the things I've done have left You bleeding.

—Undone - FFH

Chapter Eighteen|Convocation

Sakura waited as Sai moved to unlock the door to his room, her hands were stuck in her pockets while she stared at the back of his head. In a lot of ways the alabaster-skinned boy appeared just the same as before; however, in others, she could tell the difference—in more than just the uniform. Like many of the others on board, he was taller. Just as lanky, but you could see where he'd filled out from boyhood and into a man. His body type was more like that of Itachi's or Kakashi's.

She'd been close to Sai. That wasn't to say she hadn't been close with Ino, Kakashi, Tsuande, or any number of others; however, each person was close to her in a different way. She loved them all differently and talked to them all about different aspects of her life.

When she'd went to Kakashi it was usually about those deep things her life he could relate to her about; the morose ones at times. When she'd went to Tsunade it was also about deep things, but more things you might talk to a mother about. With Naruto she'd always talked about the things that bothered her that she needed to hear a simple solution for, or, just when she wanted someone to make her laugh. And with Ino, while it could be shallow at times, she'd always talked about those stupid girl things; at least when the stupid girl things had mattered to her.

With Sai… things were always technical. She didn't have to put it in laymen's terms with him when she'd talked about the hospital; even if he didn't understand, she would explain and he'd get it pretty well. And likewise, she understood his art in much the same manner. He could always expect a well-rounded critique from her once he'd explained how to evaluate art and why. Given that they lived in a village with very few people to appreciate either of their talents aside from the results thereof, it was only natural they'd come together about said talents.

It also helped that Sakura had been a big part of Sai understanding the world better—people. She could even see now that his social dysfunction was mostly just an act he put on to piss people off.

When he opened the door and stepped in, flipping on a light switch, she followed and looked about. The walls, like in his apartment before, were covered in canvas, paper, and whatever worked when he lacked the latter two items. Images were strewn all over, mostly of the sea and shinobi she knew. Some were entirely abstract and harder to figure out. "You've been busy," she said finally, hands on her hips.

"There's not much to do aside from train or go on missions these days," he told her as an excuse, not that he needed one.

"They look great, much better than the ones I saw before."

"Is there one that stands out?"

Her eyes narrowed as she looked around the room, turning slowly. Her viridian hues touched on one picture and then another, going from image to image. One arm wrapped about her waist as it supported her elbow. Fingers touched her chin in contemplation.

And then she stilled on one. Normally, it was Sai's way of capturing emotion in a painting so well that grabbed at her. However, this time, it was more the subject matter. Though, it still captured the emotions of the scene amazingly well. She found herself walking up to the large canvased piece that hung on the wall. Her fingers grazed over it while her eyes took in the dark figure crouched in the center, on the ground and in the rain. There were two bright flowers not far from him, a lotus blooming in the mud and a dandelion with illuminated yellow petals. Behind the figure, who had his fingers intertwined though his hair and his face hidden, was a rapturous full and red moon.

She didn't realize Sai was right next to her until he spoke, "Can you tell me what it means?"

She pulled her gaze away from him and looked at it again. "It's Sasuke," she said, knowing almost instantly.

"And?"

"The flowers…. They represent Naruto and me…"

"And the moon?"

"Itachi."

"Why?"

Sakura wasn't sure, but she had an idea. Still, she'd rather hear it from him. "I think I'd prefer the artists' explanation."

He smiled, but she felt that more than saw it out of the corner of her eye.

"Lotus blossoms bloom in the mud, which is why they are a symbol of Buddhism. They represent rebirth from a trodden life and into a better one. I used it for you because of how you once told me you grew when Sasuke left the first time.

"The dandelion is for Naruto because the flower grows in almost every condition, surviving anywhere regardless of what someone does to get rid of it. Naruto's tenacity and unwavering desire to be seen is why I chose it.

"The full moon represents healing and in some cases secrecy when paired with night. It's red because of what Itachi had to do to save Konoha; the blood represents those who were left behind."

"Have you shown Sasuke this?" she asked softly, a little awed by all the hidden messages.

He shook his head. "He was drunk one night, telling me everything… about you, Naruto, Itachi. There was a hope in his eyes that you'd be reunited… even when he spoke about Itachi. That's why I made those three items the brightest in the painting." He sighed. "I wanted to… but, I didn't want to upset him. I don't think he remembered telling me anything, or, if he does he doesn't want to admit it."

She nodded, still looking at the image. "Maybe when it's over you can."

"The fight?"

"Yeah."

"Maybe."

It was then they both turned towards the intercom system speaker in Sai's room and the static crackled and Kakashi's voice sounded off, "Haruno Sakura and Uchiha Itachi, please report to the bridge. Repeat…" and then he said it again.

The pinkette looked over at Sai. "Well, I guess that's my cue."

"Good luck," he told her as she left the room.

"Thanks."

When Sakura met with the rest of their party for the trip down on the bridge, she discovered Shizune would be coming with them. They quickly went over the details of who would be meeting them and where they would go to see the Mizukage. Everyone was ready and Sakura found herself replacing the hood and face wrapping whilst everyone else donned cloaks to hide their features.

They weren't meeting her in the village and instead in a port town where their ship had docked, but even if they had there still would have been the insistence of concealing their identities. With Danzou on high alert from Naruto's disappearance they couldn't afford to leak their location to spies, or, their final goal.

Sakura stood next to Itachi, walking behind Shizune and Tsunade as they made their way towards the inn where Mei had set up a private room for their talk. All the while the pinkette was on high alert, allowing her sensory abilities to expand out and beyond. There were a number of chakra signatures she could designate as shinobi in the city, but none of them seemed to be converging on their location or following them.

"This way," Shizune told them as she led them to a building with a bold sign stating Yugi's Inn and Restaurant. A man at the door opened it for them, nodding kindly as they passed by and in.

Shizune was the first to go up the counter and address the young woman seated there. "We're here to see Ayame Hitomi. Can you direct us?"

"Room two-forty-two," she told them with a smile. "They said to tell you that lunch has been prepared."

Shizune nodded and thanked her before leading them to an elevator. Moments later they were going up and, exiting, and standing before a door.

Shizune knocked and shortly thereafter someone opened it. He must have recognized her, because he undid the lock and opened it further for them to come in.

"Make yourself comfortable," Mei told them with a brilliant smile as she stood up from a long table in the large suite.

Sakura could see every possible food a person could want prepared and sitting on silver trays. Several plates were set around, enough for them all and the other shinobi already sitting with the Mizukage.

She didn't appear any different than Sakura remembered her to be. Her hair was still in the same style, rusty-red colored locks suiting her features and covering one eye. Though, her clothes did look slightly more civilian; likely to hide the fact she was here and meeting with Tsunade at all.

Sakura drew down her hood as the others did, following Tsunade's cue to do so as they took their seats.

"It's been quite a while," Mei told Tsunade affectionately. "I can't even begin to tell you how much I miss there being another female kage around. A shinobi's life is sometimes the only way a woman can be seen as equal in our world, and it's just made worse when you're the only one sitting at the perch next to men."

At this Tsunade laughed. "Well, it's not as if we all met often."

"True, but it's still a bother when negotiating."

"How are you?" Tsuande asked.

"If you mean I'm happy about the situation with Konoha then I'm not." She frowned as she reached to put a spoonful of something on her plate. Sidetracking, she glanced at the other shinobi in Tsunade's party. "Please, eat. I'm hungry after such a long journey and I know you can't eat too well on the ship." When Sakura, Itachi, and Shizune all began to fill their plates she went on. "Villages are generally dependent on their feudal lords. We all know that. It's how it all started, right? But, we also get things from each other through trade because we allow civilians to reside and run businesses in the village, and, because it's good for alliances to remain strong.

"The problem is we've taken a huge hit to our market because a number of your vendors and shopkeepers have left to go further west. They were either unable to deal with Danzou's new 'requirements', or, didn't want to deal with military régime going on. Products that used to cost much less to get to Mist and even Water Country now cost double because of the distance they have to travel. Some of these things are important—like medicine." She took this moment to lock her gaze on Sakura and motion to her. "Your own apprentice created a number of pharmaceuticals that we can't get anymore; either because they aren't being made or because Danzou has shut the door on selling them to other nations and villages."

"We know very well the results of Danzou's rule," Tsunade replied. "I personally believe it has affected all us at this point, not just Konoha—as you say."

Mei nodded. "I'm not the only kage who thinks so."

"Yes, but they're reluctant to act, are they not?" This came from Itachi.

Mei nodded again. "I know Gaara has been more than willing to help you. It was his action to send you missing nin that got the other villages, including myself, on board to help in some way.

"We all want to see Danzou gone, but we are unwilling to act if we don't all act. Despite how far we've come in negotiating peace after the 4th War… it's still very difficult."

"I understand," Tsuande replied. "But, this is why I called you here, Mei. I want to gather the kages for another summit and I need your help in getting this message to them. They may have heard of my return, but if you ask them to do it they'll be less inclined to think of it as some kind of ruse."

"It certainly helps that you've gotten Naruto back. That news spread like wildfire and works in your favor. With the boy no longer in Danzou's custody the other villages have much less to fear in terms of power from the Hokage."

"You'll do it then?"

She nodded with a smile. "I assumed you already knew, coming in this room, that I'd help you. I owe you after all for that amazing bottle of sake."

The blond laughed. "I hardly think one bottle of top shelf, very expensive and very rare sake entitles me to your assistance in getting my seat back."

"No, but it helps."

After some laughter, good food, and a few drinks, they were on their way back to the ship. Nightfall had begun to set in, reminding Sakura of dinner. But, she wasn't hungry, having eaten enough to keep her well until at least lunch tomorrow. If she'd had much more she'd have probably exploded.

At least Tsunade hadn't gotten drunk. That was something.

"We did it," she whispered to Itachi. "It's not much, but it's something."

He nodded next to her as they walked behind the two older women with a few feet between in pace. "Three days."

She nodded.

"You think they'll come?"

"I know they will, if Mei's words are any indication," Sakura replied. "I knew it was bad, but I didn't know it was affecting the other villages in terms of resources. I guess I never realized how much we depended on each other during times of peace."

"We have to when the feudal lord cuts funding from time to time."

"Yeah…" She looked over at him. "Are you worried?"

"About?"

"Surviving this."

"Living through this war, you mean?"

She nodded. "It can't be easy… This will be the third one you've been a part of in some way. It's the same for Kakashi."

"I was only a part of the Fourth Great War before it really got started. But, yes, it will be. And yes, I'm worried."

"Me too." She looked down.

He stopped as they came to the ship and Sakura turned to look at him, briefly glancing to make sure the two women got on board. His dark eyes were locked on hers as if he had something important to say, but was still thinking of how to say it.

Sakura remained watching him quietly as she sensed the mood. She listened as the water slapped against the docks, the side of the vessel, while she held his gaze. A breeze cast a chill on her cheeks, but the feeling was an afterthought as she waited for him to speak finally.

"I don't want to lose you," he told her after the pause. "All my life I've lived for other people. For once, I want to be selfish."

Under the mask Sakura felt a warmth tinting her cheeks. She wasn't embarrassed, but rather taken off guard—touched. Itachi had said many things to her, many unguarded and open things, but none had ever been so… direct.

"I love you," he said in one breath, exhaling as he did so; as if saying those words had cost him a lot of courage and strength—something she never would have pegged he lacked or needed more of.

Her heart stopped, constricting in a way it never had before. It was like she was outside her body and watching it all happen before her. She wasn't scared or upset by the admission. She wasn't even sure she could say she was shocked. No, she knew. Part of her had always known he'd loved her; she'd just kept it somewhere else, letting it come out through touch and affection only when they were quietly alone together.

"I want you to be selfish," she found herself whispering the tangle of words as the fell out of her mouth, pain in her voice, not sure what else to say. The words were there, she wanted to say them. She wanted to tell him, but that same fear that stopped her after they rescued Tsunade… when they'd been connected with the Tsukuyomi in bed together… that fear stopped her.

"It's ok."

Her eyes shut like a vice and she hugged him tightly, letting her body tell him what she couldn't manage with words.

AN :: As per usual, I suck at updates—event when I have chapters written ahead. I'm primarily this far behind in updating simply because I got depressed and overworked last year between my original work and my schoolwork; both require heavy writing sometimes and it wears me the eff out. Even so, I will not give up on my current fics; that would just be wrong and I really do hate it when a fic is left to die. (I told myself never again after that NaruSasu story x,X.) Plus, all of these stories mean a lot to me and I want to finish telling them to you—sharing them.

I'm going to do my best to keep updating once a month from here on out. Wish me luck!

—Blade